A Thanksgiving Tale

By Atonia and Stacey

(Two gals, just having a bit of fun: Atonia writing in blue, Stacey in red)

It's Thanksgiving and Sid Turkey has no concept of the danger he's in. All the characters are either foul, erm, fowl or veggie.

The pumpkin they’d murdered for Halloween was dumped in the compost pile and as he lay there with his gaping death smile his friends gathered around to pay their last respects.

“I didn’t think they were that kind of People,” Max Melon commented sadly.

“Well, mate, ya can never tell about People. He wasn’t one of us, ya know.” Terry Tomato laid a leafy palm on Max’s rounded head.

“No, he wasn’t from our patch, but still, it’s sad.”

The Crowe Himself flew down and landed on the back end of the wooden enclosure.

“I hope I’m not too late!” Jack Corn came running up, his golden silks blowing in the breeze.

“No, not too late for the last rites, mate. We were too late to save him, though,” Terry Tomato said.

The Crowe Himself raised his head and looked out over the garden. “Looks like they’re all coming. We’ll wait a bit, give them time to get here.”

Cal Cucumber and Ben Bean made their way over to the compost pile and were met by Richie Radish and Jimmy Potato. They joined Maximus Eggplant, Ed Squash, Colin Carrot and John Beet.

“I don’t see Jeffrey Pumpkin. Is he not coming?” The Crowe Himself asked.

“He said he couldn’t bear it; one of his own kind, you know,” Maximus Eggplant replied.

Bud Onion was the last to arrive with Jeff Apple.

The Crowe Himself fluffed out his feathers and raised his head. He was expected to say something although he hadn’t personally known the deceased pumpkin, but he began, “He was a nicely shaped pumpkin, a credit to his kind. As we all are destined one day for the compost pile, ahem... you are…not me, of course... um, it’s important to have a good life. I’m sure this fellow here, whom we don’t really know, must have graced his patch for a long time and given much pleasure to his mates.”

“Here, here!” Jack Corn said.

They all nodded and left the compost pile for the liquid refreshment -  fertilizer mixed with water from the hose that lay constantly dripping by the garden. The Crowe Himself took his refreshment from the leaking hose and then flew up on the window sill to hear a bit of gossip if any was forthcoming from the People in the house. Alas, there was only the Female Person at the table, scratching with a pencil on a piece of paper. He tilted his head as she took the scrap of paper and attached it to the door of the fridge, sticking a magnet on it. He waited until she’d left the room and flew in to have a look. His eyes widened…Thanksgiving Menu and at the top of the list was Turkey.  “Oh, no!” he cried aloud. “I must warn Sid Turkey.” The list was long and he studied it until it was memorized then flew out of the window.

“I hate to tell you but there’s another holiday coming up,” The Crowe Himself called as he flew back to the garden.

Robin Redbreast lifted his head and lost his appetite for the worm he was trying to extract from a mound of dirt. “Another holiday? Is it spring?”

“No, you birdbrain, spring is not a holiday, it’s a season. Like this is autumn. The holiday is called Thanksgiving, but I don’t know how thankful our friends here in the garden are going to be. There’s a menu attached to the Female Person’s cold box.” He lowered his voice, adding, “Turkey is the main course.”

“Oh, oh!”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought - Sid Turkey is in for it…unless we can devise a plan to save our friends.”

Sid Turkey had been out by the hen house all morning, where he'd been showing off for all the young chickadees. He fancied himself above all the lesser farm-dwellers, only fraternizing with them out of sheer boredom. They were simple, always getting themselves into a jam (or getting turned into "jam", he grinned to himself, thinking of last autumn when that half-wit, Biebe Blueberry bought it and ended up in jar), but, they had purpose: his amusement.

On this particular sunny autumn day, as Sid Turkey came strutting across the yard, his head held high and his beautiful, shiny plumage of feathers gleaming in the sunlight, whistling a happy tune, he merely cocked an eyebrow as he passed the crowd that had no doubt gathered to pay him homage.

"Morning, Crowe, and... others," Sid Turkey said to them, scanning the motley group with a bit of distaste, then casually began to check one of his perfectly manicured talons. "Heard another one bit the dust this morning. Pity. But then, you lot should be used to such demise. Could have been worse, he could have been...consumed." Sid Turkey leered at them.

A shudder went through the pumpkin mourners. “How can he say such a word?” John Beet began shaking.

“Now, now, that’s just his way. Don’t let him upset you. Come on, pull yourself together, Beet.” Cal Cucumber draped a viney arm around his friend.

 Jeff Apple was rolling up and down with worry, leaving an ever-deepening rut in his wake. "Listen, mates, this sounds serious.  I know I'm only a fruit and all, but even I can see that we need to make plans to protect ourselves."  He rolled closer to Terry, always feeling safe when he was close.  He wondered to himself if he was safer than the vegetables.

 The Crowe Himself looked over his wing and raised a Crowe feather over his eye. “It doesn’t look good…for any of you, including Sid Turkey. I saw the menu posted.”

“You mean the butcher’s roll?” Jack Corn said, pacing back and forth, trying to tie back his golden tassels. 

“Will you tell us what it said? Who’s in danger here?” Terry Tomato asked.

The Crowe Himself took a breath. “Steady yourselves, mates. First off is Roast Turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, corn pudding, squash casserole, waldorf salad with apples and nuts and celery, pumpkin pie and a pecan pie. And should any of you think you’re out of it…there’s to be a vegetable tray with dip.” He put a little emphasis on the P in dip.

There was much muttering. “Nuts?”

“The trees over by the fence, lotsa nuts over there, heh, heh,” Ed Squash chuckled.

“Casserole…,” Max Melon reminded him.

“Oh, yeah…,” Ed Squash frowned and hung his head.

Sid Turkey listened while they prattled on, cleaning his feathers and patting his fat belly, which, one might note, had become much fatter in the recent days - something the others took note of. "Sounds like quite the feast," he yawned. "Which reminds me, I'm due back at the barn for my mid-morning snack. That rather rotund female person has really taken a shine to me lately - not that I blame her, I am quite wonderful, you know. She's been leaving extra helpings of feed for me each day, much to the other turkeys' dismay, of course." He winked at them, as he began to strut away.

"She's fattening you up for dinner, she is!" Crowe Himself yelled to him. "Stuffing the turkey so they can stuff themselves."

"Heh... stuffing the turkey, eh?" Sid Turkey turned with a grin. "Nothing wrong with that."

"Not until you end up on a tray surrounded by all of us, sliced, diced, minced and mashed!" Terry tomato told him.

"Mashed? I don't wish to be mashed, Mate!" Arthur Asparagus wailed.

"No worries, lad, they'd never mash you," Jack Corn assured him.

"Nope, they'd most likely steam you or boil you even, drizzle a bit of butter all over you before serving you up," Sid Turkey told him, a sly grin on his face.

“Might I remind you, our rotund feathered friend, the menu said ROAST TURKEY. Most likely they’ll be plucking out your feathers for that,” Jack Corn said. “As for myself, I do not intend to end up as a pudding.” He ran his long shuckly fingers through his tassels.

“How can you avoid it? The menu’s written?” commented Cal Cucumber.

“I ain’t gonna be no bean casserole,” Ben Bean said.

“No, I don’t fancy that myself,” Ed Squash interjected.

“Nobody is gonna mash me!” Jimmy Potato said, rolling his eyes.

“Perhaps a substitution? You know, I have heard that bean curd can be made to look like most anything,” John Beet suggested.

“Bean curd? What you talking about?” Ben Bean asked, swelling up his pod.

“It’s made out of old dried up beans,” Jeffrey Pumpkin offered.

“You talkin’ about my mama?” Ben puffed up even larger.

“Oh, Ben, calm down! He’s talking about soybeans. We don’t have any soy friends.”

"So what am I then, chopped-liver?" Steve Soybean scoffed as he kicked at the dirt.

"Not yet, but I'm certain that could be arranged," said Ben Bean, lowering his eyes at him.

"Now calm down, mates," Crowe Himself told them. "We're all in this together, whether we like it or not."

"Yes," Maximus Eggplant chimed in, "if we stick together, we survive."

"Well, I for one am not going to worry," Sid Turkey said, looking down his beak at the others. "There's plenty of lesser turkeys in the yard for the Female Person to cook up. I doubt she'd stoop so low as to sacrifice her prized gobbler to feed her brood."

"Tell that to Hando Hog," Terry Tomato sneered. The others nodded in unison. "Fattened him up good, just before the eve of that fateful day which will forever be known as Bloody Christmas."

“I will never understand People. They give us good soil, lots of food and water, keep the bloody insects off our persons and then come after us with a knife. What did we ever do to them?” Max Mellon asked.

“That’s right, Max Mellon, we’re all innocent here. Well, most of us,” Richie Radish looked sideways at Sid Turkey.

“They only like the best, pick the best for their menus,” The Crowe Himself said, scratching a bit of dirt beneath him.

“We always prided ourselves in being the best, cream of the crop, and look where it’s gotten us,” Jack Corn said. “We’ve fought off wind, rain and hail, all manner of insects and wriggly things that destroy us. Why can’t we fight off People?”

“Fight?” said Jimmy Potato. “Count me in.”

"If it's a fight they want, it's a fight we'll give 'em," Colin Carrot chimed in. The thought of being sliced, diced or stewed was not something he would willingly give in to.

"We shall give them something they've never seen before," Maximus Eggplant agreed, regally. The others cheered in unison. None would go down this Thanksgiving without a fight.

The Crowe Himself nodded his feathered head. "Good, then it's settled. When the sun goes down and the People are asleep, we shall all gather together behind the haystack and hatch out a plan. Until then," he turned to Sid Turkey, who, though he still wasn't convinced his number was up, had been quietly listening in to their battle plans, "watch your neck."

As the sun began to fade, they began to quietly, in ones and twos, make their way to the haystack. It was now well past the Crowe Himself’s bedtime, but he was committed to help out anyway he could. He perched himself near the top of the haystack and waited, with half-lidded eyes, for them all to arrive.

Maximus Eggplant was one of the first to arrive. He watched the moon come up and shine - its pale light on his dark, elegant skin.

“Do you really think you have a chance, Maximus Eggplant?” The Crowe Himself asked quietly.

“Yes, if we work together and if we have a plan.”

“What’s this about a plan?” Terry Tomato asked, walking up with Bud Onion.

“That’s what we’re about tonight,” Maximus Eggplant answered.

Jack Corn walked over to Maximus Eggplant, his pale tassels gleaming in the moonlight. “They’re going to be looking for a leader. I yield to you as you outrank me.”

Max Melon arrived. “Word’s out and some of the nuts are coming, pecan pie not being popular over by the fence.”

“Do you think that shit-bird, Sid Turkey, will come?” Bud Onion asked. 

“I have no idea. It’s roosting time for him,” Jeffrey Pumpkin answered.

“It’s roosting time for me, too. If it’s worth my time, it’s worth his,” said the Crowe Himself, moving up to the top of the haystack and craning his neck, looking toward the Poultry Yard.

Just then, Sid Turkey came strutting up. "All right, all right," he yawned, rather bored-like, "let's get this show on the road. I've got a hot date behind the hen-house in an hour. I don't wish to be late."

"Good, now that we're all here, we may get started ," Maximus Eggplant began.

"Who died and made you leader?" Sid Turkey snorted haughtily.

There were quiet gasps all around him, and Colin Carrot leaned in to whisper, "Mate, you don't remember? Last Spring... when Marcus Lettuce was turned into Cesar Salad for the Family Reunion picnic." A shudder went through Colin Carrot just then at the horrid memory of that fateful day.

Maximus Eggplant cleared his throat. "Marcus Lettuce had a dream that was farm life, and this is not it... this is not it!"

"So what are we going to do about it, then?" Jeffrey Pumpkin asked, his leaves still quite droopy from mourning his fellow gourd.

"Full-out war," Jack Corn stated, his silk flowing freely in the night wind. "For farm and for family! This is our home and they shall not destroy what is ours."

"Yeah, yeah," Sid Turkey yawned, "but how are we going to go about this war? Any of you vegetable brains got a plan or are you all just gonna stand here squawking until you end up in the compost heap with that fiendish-looking pumpkin?"

"If we're rotten, they can't want to eat us," Arthur Asparagus offered up, shyly.

"Well now, that kinda defeats the purpose now, don't it?" Ben Bean replied, getting more than a bit miffed at all this talk and no action.

"So, what do you propose then?" Terry Tomato asked.

“We could all just…leave. If we’re not found, we ain’t gonna end up in the oven,” Cort Celery suggested.

“Leave?! This is our bit of land, our home!” Max Mellon answered.

The Crowe Himself stretched out a wing and shifted his position on the haystack. “If you’re going to declare war against the People, somebody is going to lose. If you lose then you’re dinner. What happens if they lose? What is it you want to happen here?”

“They leave, we drive them from the land. It’s conquer or be conquered, Crowe Himself,” Maximus replied. “We can expand our plot, have access to water when we need it, all manner of foodstuffs in the garden shed would be ours.”

“There are other things in the garden shed as well,” Jack Corn tossed his silks. “Weapons.”

“Weapons?” Colin Carrot widened his eyes. “What sort of weapons are you talking about?”

“He means the garden tools,” Terry Tomato said.

“That’s right, rakes, shovels, hatchets, knives,” Bud Onion smiled.

“Now yer talkin’ a language I understand.” Ben Bean hitched up his pod.

“Yes, well, one thing you garden grunts have forgotten,” Sid Turkey fluffed out a wing and drew it back in making sure his feathers lay perfectly against his rotund body. “The garden shed is locked. I myself have seen the People with a large ring of keys, making sure all your goodies are locked up each night.” He smirked. “I’m not sure I want to declare war. After all, who would bring my meals and they have been awfully tasty lately.”

“That’s because they are getting ready for ROAST TURKEY, shit-bird!” Bud Onion shook his round head. Dumb bird.

Sid Turkey just rolled his eyes at the angry little onion.

"Listen, Sid Turkey," Ben Bean began, leaning in menacingly and giving Sid's wattle a little flick, "if you know where those keys are, you've gotta fill us in."

The others all surrounded him, mumbling their agreement.

"Oh, all right," Sid Turkey sighed, "if it means getting this meeting over with so I can go about my business in peace, then fine." He brushed an imaginary piece of lint from his wattle. "But it won't do you any good in knowing as there is no way you lot will be able to get them."

"Oh, I think you might be surprised at how ingenious we can be, knowing that our necks... and yours...are on the line," Maximus Eggplant stated.

"Oh, I doubt that, but still...," Sid Turkey grinned slyly. "What the hell, since you say you're all looking out for me, too, I guess I might as well tell you. I saw the Male Person take the large shiny ring of keys after he locked the shed up tight for the night, and hang them high on a nail...," he lowered his lids and leaned in close, "in... the... kitchen."

"Not in there!" gasped Arthur Asparagus, shaking.

"Yes, well, I warned you," Sid Turkey leered. "So you see, unless you decide to be a pawn and die for the cause..." he made a quick movement across his neck with one of his feathered wings.

"If...say, a window were to be left open," the Crowe Himself said, thinking out loud, "perhaps I could then fly in... lift the keys..."

Robin Redbreast who had been quiet up till now  hopped up on the haystack with the Crowe Himself. “I could fly over and check that out for you. I’d help you but the keys are a little heavy for me to carry. I will be your look-out.”

“I accept that offer but wait a minute. What are you going to do with the farm tools once you have them? You can’t just go running up to the house.”

“He’s right, of course,” Maximus Eggplant said. “A mad rush will accomplish nothing. We have to organize and consider our strengths.”

“And weaknesses.” Terry Tomato looked carefully over the assembled fruits and vegetables. “And nuts,” he added, watching the few nuts that had come over and appeared to be telling jokes amongst themselves.

“Belay that!” Jack Corn admonished the nuts. “Do you want to end up in a pie?”

The nuts hung their shells, a little shamefaced. “No, sir,” answered Andy Almond.

Robin Redbreast returned to the haystack. “The window is closed tonight. I suspect that is the case each night. It will have to be a daylight heist.”

“Hmm, we may need a diversion, something to take their attention away from the dreaded kitchen.” The Crowe Himself rubbed his beak with a feathered wing.

Everyone looked up at Sid Turkey. "Me? You wish ME to sacrifice myself in order for you to hatch your little plan?"

"Well, I guess we could have one of the other turkeys do it for us...," Jack Corn commented.

"Might even do a better job of it, at that," Bud Onion added, grinning slightly.

"Imagine the honor and glory we shall shower on him that day," Maximus Eggplant chimed in, nodding thoughtfully. "Surely his name will be forever remembered and revered by our descendants."

"The stuff legends are made of," Jimmy Potato agreed.

"Seems to me that, logically speaking, of course, that only the best and the bravest among all the turkeys is the one to get this job done," Terry Tomato said, his eyes meeting Sid Turkey's.

"Yes, well, I guess I would naturally be the most logical choice in this matter," he boasted, holding his head high and puffing out his chest. He thought for a moment, then nodded, "All right then, I'll do it."

"Good, then that's settled," the Crowe Himself said, flapping his wings. "Tomorrow morning, when the Female Person heads out to give you your morning feed, you will create such a diversion that will allow me to swoop into the kitchen, lift the keys and fly out again before anyone knows they are gone."

Maximus Eggplant and Jack Corn were conferring to the side. Maximus Eggplant spoke, “We meet here again tomorrow night. Under the cover of darkness we may empty the garden shed of the weapons we shall need without being detected by the house People.”

The Crowe Himself smiled a little, and cocked his head at Robin Redbreast. “Guess you’re gonna miss that early worm with these late nights.”

“Aye, but hopefully the time will come when we may all sleep in peace, free from tyranny and taxation. When we all shall be equal, no longer ruled by the rich.”

The Crowe Himself cocked a crowe brow and shook his head. Taxation?

The group melted away in the moonlight, each seeking their own bit of row to spread their leaves and vines until the morrow.

Sid Turkey strutted back to the Poultry Yard making sure all the other lesser turkeys knew he had been out of the pen. He stopped by the Hen House and fanned out his tail feathers and gave them a wink, creating a stir, “Don’t worry ladies,” he smiled, “I’ll be seeing you soon.” He regally walked over to his own special perch, made larger now to accommodate his girth.

The Crow Himself flew over to the row of trees behind the garden, looking forward to a rest in his nest with his significant other.

The next day, as the sun rose up over the morning sky and the rooster came out to sound his morning call, the motley group began to wake and gather 'round the garden. Sid Turkey let out a yawn, fluffed out his feathers and waddled across the yard, waiting for the Female Person to come and give him his morning ration of feed. While he sat on his perch, primping and preening, the hens all stood by, swooning over him and arguing over who he liked best amongst them.

"No worries, my little chickies," Sid Turkey told them, grinning, "there's enough of me to go around."

"Thanks to that Female Person fattening you up!" the Crowe Himself told him, as he flew down and landed on the fence next to Sid Turkey. "Here she comes now with your feed. Get going with your distracting."

A broad smile stretched across Sid Turkey's face as he eyed the 2 large buckets of feed that the Female Person was carrying towards him. "Watch and learn, Crowe," he whispered to his feathered friend, then quickly hopped down off his perch and began to gobble as loudly as he could.

As was her routine, the Female Person began scattering the feed around from the first bucket in the turkey pen for all the lesser turkeys to eat, then, once they were fed, she emptied the entire contents of the second bucket in a special holding pen reserved for Sid Turkey, where he'd sit and gorge himself until completely and utterly stuffed. On this particular morning, however, she was completely taken aback when Sid Turkey (though not without much inner turmoil), turned his beak up at the Female Person's feed.

"What's gotten into you, Turkey? You... you ain't sick, are ya?" she asked nervously, setting her buckets of feed aside.

Sid Turkey, well, being a turkey, could not answer in a way she would understand, so instead he began to wobble (quite over-dramatically, one might add) around on the ground, swaying here and there until finally he flopped himself backwards and lay unmoving at her feet.

The Female Person screamed and the Male Person came running out of the house to the Poultry Yard.

All the Turkey Hens began clucking and keening, pushing themselves against the pen that separated them from Sid Turkey.

The Crowe Himself chuckled and flew off to the kitchen window. Robin Redbreast was quite impressed with Sid Turkey’s act as he perched on the edge of the roof. He chirruped an all clear and the Crowe Himself was soon flying out of the Kitchen window with the ring of keys, which he hid in the haystack.

Along the rows in the garden all the inhabitants were on tiptoe watching the show in the Poultry Yard.

Robin Redbreast flew back to the top of the Hen House to watch the show. However as he listened to the People discussing the condition of Sid Turkey he became alarmed.

“We can put him in the freezer, got plenty of room.” The Male Person rubbed his chin.

“I did so want a FRESH Turkey for our table!” the Female Person wrung her hands.

“I’ll go get the hatchet,” the Male Person said.

Robin Redbreast, putting his own life in peril, hopped down to the ground by the prostrate Sid Turkey and gave him a peck on the head. “You better come alive quick. He’s gone for the hatchet.”

“ACK!” Sid Turkey’s eyes came open. “Gobble, Ack, Gobble!” He tried his best to get up but being so rotund he couldn’t seem to find his feet.

"We've got to do something quickly," Terry Tomato told the others as they watched in fear. 

"Yes, my feathered friend," Maximus Eggplant agreed, "or all our efforts to save our friend will have been for naught."

"Leave it to me," the Crowe Himself told them as he flew quickly towards the House Persons.

With every ounce of energy he had, the Crowe Himself flew circles around the heads of the Male and Female Persons, squawking and pecking at them. 

"Shoo! Get away, you crazy crow!" the Female Person yelled, waving her arms madly about in an attempt to rid herself of him.

The Male Person joined in, attempting to scare the large bird away, but it was no use. He was too wily for them, as he swooped down and circled them both, pecking here and there.

Sid Turkey lay on the ground like a slug for a moment or two, then lazily rolled himself over onto his plump belly and heaved himself up onto his feet again. Once he was back up onto his perch, the Crowe Himself winked at him and flew away, leaving the House Persons more than a bit dazed and confused about what had just happened.

"Gobble, gobble, gobble!" Sid Turkey gobbled at them, a sly grin on his face. When they turned to look at him, surprised by his sudden recovery, he blinked, then jumped down onto the ground again and began eating away at all of the yummy feed the Female Person had scattered there for him.

 “Well I never…!” The Male Person exclaimed, settling his straw hat back on his head.

“Whatcha reckon?” the Female Person said, placing her big plump hands on her plump hips.

The Male Person narrowed his eyes at the rotund Turkey strutting about his feed. “I dunno. Maybe he was just overcome when he saw all the food you’ve put out. He bears watchin’, Missus.” Now that the excitement was over they went back into the house to watch Farm Weekly on the TV.

“That was a close call,” Jack Corn said, wiping his damp brow and tossing his silks back.

“Leave it to Sid Turkey, will ya,” Terry Tomato grumped, adjusting his vines.

The Crowe Himself settled on top of the haystack to catch his breath. Robin Redbreast flew over to join him. “That was a close one. Ol' Sid Turkey almost brought the hatchet out.”

“Yes, it was, especially since the hatchet is locked up in the garden shed and I have the keys.” The Crowe Himself spread a wing to inspect his feathers.

The garden inhabitants began gathering around the haystack. “Who is to unlock the garden shed?” asked Colin Carrot.

Maximus Eggplant surveyed the gathered garden army. “Cal Cucumber seems to have a lot of vines about himself and so does Ed Squash. If they work together they could form a sort of ladder to the lock on the door. I suggest Terry Tomato climb the ladder and unlock the lock.”

“Yes sir,” Terry Tomato stepped up. “I’d like a partner, back-up, ya know, just in case I drop the keys or something.”

Zack Zucchini moved up, not having a line prior to this. “I volunteer.”

“Ah, yes, well, there is not a moment to lose,” Jack Corn said and began marching toward the garden shed.

“Hey, Robin Redbreast, you’ll want to keep a look-out for the People. That Farm Show don’t last forever, ya know,” the Crowe Himself reminded his feathered friend.

"It will be an honor to serve," Robin Redbreast replied, then slurped down the last of the fat worm he'd been munching on and flew off to perch outside the House Persons' living room window to keep watch.

Meanwhile, Cal Cucumber, along with partners, Zack Zucchini and Ed Squash, had positioned themselves outside the garden shed and began to twine their vines together in order to form a make-shift ladder for Terry Tomato to climb. With their plan swiftly underway, the others gathered around to watch and listen for Robin's signal.

Once the vines were in place, the ladder up and secure, Jack Corn stepped forward to give it a once over before Terry Tomato began his treacherous climb upwards with the shiny ring of keys. Placing a shuckly hand on the vines, he gave them a tug. "She'll hold fast. I'm quite certain of it," he said, a satisfied grin on his face.

"Al lright then, mate, up you go!" the Crowe Himself told Terry Tomato, handing him the ring of keys he'd retrieved from the haystack where he'd hidden them earlier.

"Wish me luck," Terry Tomato nodded, taking the keys and twining his twisty vines around them as he made his way up the ladder.

"Oh, I can't look!" Arthur Asparagus wailed, hiding behind Jimmy Potato and Richie Raddish. "Let me know when it's done."

Once he'd reached the top of the ladder, Terry Tomato lifted the keys to the keyhole. The weight of them was too much to bear and he began to wobble to and fro, unable to get the key into the hole.

"Hold her steady there!" Jack Corn called out, motioning for Colin Carrot and Bud Onion to grab hold of the viney ladder.

Once they'd gotten hold of it, Terry Tomato was able to gather control and valiantly plunged the key into the keyhole. With his viney arms tightly wrapped around it, he pulled hard, turning the key until he heard a loud click. "Got it!" he yelled down to the others, then made his descent back down the ladder to the dirt below.

"Band together, lads," Maximus Eggplant instructed them as they quickly pulled at the shed door with all their might.

The door came open with a thud, banging against the side of the garden shed. The Crowe Himself flew up to the roof of the shed, keeping an eye toward the back door.

The garden army quickly scrambled inside. Alas, all the garden tools were hung neatly on a rack upon the wall. Those with vines began to attach and climb,loosening the tools handing them down to their fellow soldiers on the shed floor. 

Richie Radish and Colin Carrot ,with the help of Jimmy Potato, hoisted a garden rake and made their way out of the shed to the haystack.

Max Melon and Jeffrey Pumpkin had a shovel over their shoulders and headed toward the door.

Maximus Eggplant selected a blade as did Jack Corn, swishing them though the air.

“I have seen the House People hack open a melon with this blade.” He examined the long, sharp knife.

Jack Corn’s blade was narrower but sharp. “I, too, have witnessed such butchery in our garden.”

Terry Tomato, with the help of Jeff Apple, wrestled a hoe out the door.

“What are you doing? Get out of there! We’ve no time for that!” Alex Cabbage admonished Ed Squash, who had found a fertilizer bag open.

“Just a little snack, need my energy boost,” Ed Squash replied, climbing down from the large bag of fertilizer.

The hand tools were rifled next, going out over the shoulders of the garden army.

Robin Redbreast sounded the alarm and the Crowe Himself flew off the garden shed and circled around.

“Quickly now!” Maximus Eggplant called his troops and they gathered to push the shed door closed.

Meanwhile the other troops were about, concealing the tools in the haystack.

"That's right, stuff them in here," Maximus Eggplant instructed as the garden army passed the tools hand over vine and hid them within the haystack. "We'll regroup at sundown and organize our attack in the cover of night."

Just then, Sid Turkey waddled up, his enormous belly now full of feed. "Let me know how it goes," he yawned, then let out a loud belch. "I shall be over in the hen house if you need me." He turned, his eyes half-lidded, and added, "Don't... need me," and gave a little wink, then waddled away.

"That Sid Turkey," Colin Carrot commented, puffing away as he handed off a garden spade to Jeff Apple, "you'd think he'd be a bit more inclined to help out, seeing how it's his neck we're saving, along with our own."

"He's all right. Did create quite the diversion for us earlier with the People and all," Jeff Apple replied, shoving the spade deep into the hay stack.

"You got that right, mate," chuckled Andy Acorn. "Thought he was a gonner for sure, floppin' his big fat belly all around on the ground like that! Talk about over-acting!"

"Quiet, troops!" Maximus Eggplant called out to them. "More work, less talk. Don't want the Male person to catch us now, do you?" He came up behind Colin Carrot and Andy Acorn, waggling an eyebrow at them. "Might decide to pluck you up right here and now, have you for their lunch."

"Sorry! Too right," Andy Acorn gasped, then quickly got back to work.

Once the job was complete, the troops fled for the cover of their garden, resting up and refueling until nightfall.

Just as the sun was about to set there was a movement in the air, a low droning sound and Jack Corn looked up and nudged Ed Squash. “What in blazes is that?”

Above the garden a rather strange squadron approached, dragging an odd-looking object.

“Oh, heh, heh,” Ed Squash chuckled, “secret weapon. I ran into Lachlan Dragonfly at the hose drip this morning. You know they usually hang out in the flower garden. He’s gonna loan us a sprinkler. Says you hook it up to the hose drip and turn the water on full force…does the job, according to him.”

“Hiya, Ed,” Lachlan Dragonfly greeted as he landed in the garden. “Got my mates to hook it up for ya. All ya gotta do is turn the water on high.”

Maximus Eggplant wandered over to the strange-looking object and Lachlan Dragonfly explained how it worked.

“Very good, Lachlan Dragonfly. Your favor will be returned.” Maximus held his leaf up in farewell as the squadron returned to their flower garden.

A quiet muttering down the rows and then all was quiet. A few fireflies had heard about the impending battle and flew over to offer their lanterns if needed. The Crowe Himself had settled on top of the haystack to guard the implements of war. He stretched out his wings and flapped them around a few times and straightened  his head. He was rather impressed with his garden friends.

Maximus Eggplant, his Captain Jack Corn and Lieutenants Terry Tomato, Ben Bean and Richie Radish, walked quietly along the rows, giving out instructions, offering suggestions.

“Remember the object is to get the House People out of the House and then we shall attack and they will flee. What we do here tonight may well echo in eternity.” He placed his hand over his heart. “Strength and Honor,”

“Strength and Honor,” repeated his army.

As the People nestled in to their nightly routine of watching a bit of the Home Gardening Network before turning in to bed, the garden troops began to line in wait just outside their house.

"First surveillance reports just in, sir," Terry Tomato told Maximus Eggplant. 

"Good, what's the news? Are the People in place?" Maximus Eggplant asked.

"Yes, that they are, sir," Terry Tomato replied, though clearly he was keeping something to himself.

Maximus Eggplant picked up on this. "There is more you wish to tell me?" he asked, placing a viney arm around his Tomato friend.

Terry Tomato gritted his teeth. His downcast eyes cut over to Jack Corn then back to his commander. "It's...um...not good, sir," he began, fighting back his emotion. "Robin Redbreast reported that the Female Person was spotted walking out of the kitchen with a huge bowl in her hand... the contents of which she then shared with the Male Person. The two of them are now, in fact, sitting together on the couch... bowl in hand...consuming the contents as they stare at the picture box together."

Maximus Eggplant closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. "Tell me... what was in that bowl the Female Person carried?"

"Oh, hell, Maximus Eggplant," Terry Tomato said, "it was...," his eyes cut to Jack Corn once more, tears filling them, "popped corn."

There was a gasp amongst the garden army and Jack Corn let out a quiet sob.

"We go in now; we go in fighting!" Maximus Eggplant announced to the garden troops. "Nuts, you hold the front line. You know what to do, so let us begin. At my signal, unleash hell!"

The nuts began running like crazy but there was method to their apparent madness. Gaining speed as they approached the house, they hurled themselves at the windows. Only the hardest shelled nuts attempted this feat, Walnuts and Almonds. The Pecans bounced up to the windows and tapped and tapped again.

Robin Redbreast flew down the line. “They’re getting off the sofa and going to the windows.”

“Steady now…steady,” Maximus Eggplant cautioned. “Hold the line.”

The fireflies gathered round Maximus Eggplant, waiting for him to say the word.

The house People were checking all the windows. “Birds, you reckon?” The Female Person wondered.

“At this time of night?” The Male Person pressed his face against the dining room window and jumped back quickly when what appeared to be a nut of some sort crashed into the spot where his very nose was pressed. “It’s nuts!” he shrieked.

“You’re right! It is! Why would birds be pecking on the windows this time of night?”

Being the Male Person he grabbed a broom and opened the back door.

The Female Person looked around for something to swat birds with and came upon a fly swatter. “That should test their pesky little beaks!” she sneered and followed the Male Person out of the back door.

The fireflies went up in an arc and  spread out over the garden. Maximus Eggplant had sent his message.

As soon as the back door opened, the entire yard lit up, revealing the garden army - their weapons at the ready.

"Funny, I could have sworn I put those tools away in the shed," the Female Person commented, gripping her swatter tightly.

"Appears we have vandals," the Male Person said, squinting into the bright light.

Just then, a garden hoe came flying forward, hitting him square in the right shin. He screamed out in pain, grabbing at his leg.

Out in the garden, Jack corn smiled broadly. "That was for my rellies!" he yelled proudly, his mass of golden silks flying about his head wildly.

“YEEOOOWWW!!” The Male Person yelled.

“What’s wrong with you?" The female person asked just as her fly swatter was caught in a garden rake.

A hatchet wielded by Bud Onion came down on the broom handle, breaking it in half.

“What tha….”  the Male Person uttered.

The Crowe Himself circled above, dove down and gave a peck or two where needed, sending the Female Person  out into the yard, shielding her head with her hands, the fly swatter forgotten.

The Male Person, finding himself with only the stub of a broom handle, began to move it about menacingly. Maximus Eggplant cut it a little shorter and the Male person threw it outwardly toward the advancing garden but it landed in the Poultry Yard.

Sid was not pleased to be awakened at this time of night by a piece of broom handle landing a little too close to his perch and he jumped down and wandered out to the edge of his pen. His eyes widened at the sight before  him. The back porch light illuminated the garden and the back yard that was filled with the garden inhabitants.

"Hmm... looks like those fools actually managed to pull it off," he grinned to himself as he waddled over towards the garden shed in hopes of finding the bag of feed the Female Person kept stored there. Now that the lock was off, it was fair game, after all, and the vegetables seemed to have things under control.

"Hold the line!" Maximus Eggplant called out to his troops. "We've got them on the run now!"

Truly they had, for the Female Person was running circles around the yard, shrieking at the top of her lungs for the Male Person to help her. Unfortunately, he was currently unable to help her, due to the fact that Ben Bean, aided by Colin Carrot and Cort Celery, had gotten their viney hands on the garden hose and were set about wrapping it around and around the Male Person so that he was completely immobile.

"Turn me into a casserole, will you?!" Ben Bean told him, his eyes narrowed with his steely glare.

 The Crowe Himself flew back to the garden shed where he was keeping watch just in case one of the House People made it that far. There were a few bags of weed killer in there. He landed on the roof and walked down, leaning over a bit. “Hold up there, Sid Turkey. What are you about?”

“Just checking to make sure that lot out there hadn’t damaged the Poultry Feed,” he smiled slyly.

“Poultry feed is safe. You needn’t worry.” The Crowe Himself hopped down and went inside to have a look for himself. “Yep, it’s safe and sound.” He hopped back out and perched on the door. “If you’re looking for something to do, they could use a little help out there.”

“Not my scene.” Sid Turkey fluffed out his chest feathers.

“You do realize they are out there fighting for you, putting their own lives on the line to keep you out of the roaster pan?”

“Totally unnecessary. I am the most popular Turkey in the yard. The People wouldn’t dream of harming one of my perfectly-matched feathers.”

Meanwhile over by the faucet Ed Squash and Cal Cucumber were using their strong viney arms to turn the water on high as Lachlan had instructed.

The hose began to writhe and undulate around the Male Person  as the water pressure increased.

Jack Corn paused in cutting the shoestrings of the Female Person and turned, seeing the hose in action. “Hit the deck!” he called out to his fellows. “Incoming fire!”

The hose whipped around, tossing the Male Person on the ground and the sprinkler came alive, hitting him full force in the face. “Halp, Halp!” he called out but his mate Person was running around the side of the house being pursued by a garden rake and a spade wielded by Richie Radish and Terry Tomato.

The army pulled back under Maximus Eggplant’s command, giving the hose and sprinkler plenty of room to maneuver.

The sprinkler flew up into the air, whipping wildly about as it sprayed water over the People. The Female Person was trying her best to scramble to her feet and avoid both the incoming onslaught of garden tools being hurled at her as well as the whirling sprinkler head. Finally, she slipped and fell face down in the mud, where she lay quietly sobbing while Andy Acorn and his fellow nuts began flinging themselves at her rather rotund rump.

"Hold your position there, lads," Jack Corn told the troops as he approached the front line where the battle was still in full force. "We have them where we want them now."

The army held their garden tool weapons up high and moved them menacingly, ready to attack if necessary. It had been Maximus Eggplant’s battle plan to give them an option of fleeing or it would be the compost pile for the People this time. They waited.

The Male Person scrambled to his feet and seeing the tools held by his vegetable patch, his eyes got big and he stumbled in the mud to where his Female Person lay, having given up the fight. He pulled her to her feet and pointed to the army brandishing their weapons.

“It’s a nightmare! This place is haunted, I tell ya! Remember the screams in the kitchen when you made that jam? We gotta get outta here.”

“Oh…oh all my lovely beans…my potatoes!” she sobbed.

“They ain’t lovely now, missus!”

The Crowe Himself flew over to the rooftop and hopped down to the eaves of the house. This had gone on long enough he reckoned and he let out a CAW, CAW, CAW and the garden army began advancing.  Garden stakes were flying through the air, their sharp points stabbing the ground around the people’s feet. A rake held high began its descent toward the house People and they broke and ran.

The Crowe Himself flew to the front of the house to see them fleeing down the driveway toward the highway. Robin Redbreast followed them to the power lines and from tree to tree as they fled. He came back to give the report that they were gone and gone for good.

A collective cheer went up in the garden and the now former soldiers ran for the kitchen.

Jack Corn walked up to Maximus Eggplant. Both were muddied from battle with a few scrapes to their skin. “Victory,” he smiled, tossing his silks.

“Ah, yes, victory, and they are pillaging the kitchen now.” He watched as knives and forks were carried out by Ben Bean and Colin Carrot and tossed toward the rubbish pile.

“I think I’ll keep this.” Ben Bean held up a fork. “Never know when it might come in handy.”

Inside Richie Radish and Bud Onion were busy dismantling the stove. Terry Tomato and Zack Zucchini were ransacking the vegetable bin in the pantry, looking for any survivors. Only a few potatoes and onions stumbled out.

Just then, Sid Turkey came strutting up to them, his eyes wide with wonder as he watched the garden inhabitants' joyous celebration. "Have I missed the battle?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You have missed the war," Maximus Eggplant replied, slapping his feathered friend on the backside. "Come, let us celebrate together, Sid Turkey, for truly the day the People call Thanksgiving has new meaning amongst those of us who dwell here on this farm. For today we all can give thanks that our lives have been spared so that we may live another day."

The Crowe Himself hopped down to the yard and walked about. It was a mess right now but they had days ahead to set it to rights. In fact, he noted the ground had already been broken up somewhat. It wouldn’t take much to extend the garden.

“I want to extend my thanks to you, Crowe Himself, for your help tonight. Our victory is due in large part to you.” Maximus Eggplant put a leaf on the Crowe’s back.

“I think you said it yourself. When we work together, anything is possible. It’s good, Maximus Eggplant, none need live in fear any longer. We’ll have to put together our own Thanksgiving feast. ” He looked up at a very satisfied-looking Sid Turkey. “I believe there is still birdseed in the shed and fertilizer. There was Poultry feed aplenty.” He eyed Sid Turkey, who gave up a most un-Sid Turkey-like belch. The Crowe Himself laughed and was joined by Maximus Eggplant and  Jack Corn and many others, who were happy at the outcome of their war and thankful to be alive.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM ATONIA AND STACEY

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