(picture by Stacey)
How the SID Stole Christmas
By Stacey
A new twisted spin on the Dr. Seuss Classic, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”
Everyone down in Croweville loved Christmas a lot
But the one they called SID, simply did not!
SID hated Christmas, yes this is true!
But he hate...hate... hated everyone down in Croweville, too!
No one knows how and no one knows why,
That SID hated all those wonderful Croweville guys!
Could be that his head was screwed on too tight?
Or maybe that his programming just wasn’t quite right?
Whatever it was, it drove him quite mad!
It was known all through Croweville that the SID was just bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Each Christmas Eve he’d watch from his lab with a frown,
As all of Croweville gathered to spread Christmas cheer through their town.
“Just look at those fools,” he’d snarl and he’d sneer,
“With their stupid goodwill and their hearts filled with cheer!”
They’ll hang all their stockings and tinsel and lights
They’ll cook all their hams and their turkeys and rice!
Those stupid Crowevillians and their stories they tell
Just thinking about it makes my head swell!
With their women all swooning and gasping and giggling
As they tell stupid jokes with their bellies all jiggling!
Those men down in Croweville with their presents and such
How I hate all their silly traditions so much!
“And worst of all is the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! that the morning will bring
As those stupid, lesser Croweville men all gather to sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!
They’ll all stand holding hands ‘round their dumb trees filled with lights
With their heads all held high as they sing with delight!
“I’ll teach them all to live with such glee!
“When I’m done with them, they’ll all worship ME!”
SID thought and he thought of a plan that was right
To teach those in Croweville of his glory and might!
Then it hit him, how he could do away with it all
How he could end all their nonsense and have quite a ball!
He made himself a black trackie like their dear Rusty would wear
And he sported a short beard and he grew out his hair!
He jumped on his Harley and then he drove all the way down
Doing wheelies and doughnuts all through their town!
Then he ransacked poor Croweville all through night
Took all their food and their presents to his own sheer delight!
He ate all of their food and drank all of their beer,
He emptied their closets and filled them with steer!
Then that Sid he did something he knew they’d all hate
He kissed all their women and called them all “Mate!”
Why, that SID even took their Christmassy song books
Then unstuffed their stockings and filled them with fish hooks!
All the while he did dance ‘round each room with such glee
As he pulled off their lights and threw out each tree!
And just as that SID was about to leave the last house
He heard the slight whimper he thought was a mouse!
He stopped and he grinned as he quickly turned ‘round
To find out just who had made such a sound!
And standing quite still, filled with shock and dismay
“Why, Rusty? Why?” is all that poor Arthur could say.
The SID’s grin got much wider as he looked down at the lad,
Stifling a giggle from all the fun that he had.
The SID’s being SID was quite clever and slick,
He thought of a lie to tell him real quick!
“Why, I’m only borrowing these things, you see, dear boy,
to loan them to those who don’t have any joy!
You all here in Croweville have quite a lot
but I know a place where there’s those that do not!
I’ll ride to their village with all of this loot
Passing out gifts and goodwill to boot!
And once they have had their Christmas fun, too,
I’ll bring it all back and return it to you!”
Then SID gave him a wink and he patted his head
As Arthur smiled sweetly and went back to bed.
With a grin and a giggle that SID he did go
Back out to his Harley and rode through the snow.
With his bag filled with all of the things he did take
As those down in Croweville started to wake.
The SID stopped and he listened for the sound of their cries
Then he’d swoop in and tell them lots of good lies!
He’d fill them all in on what their dear “Rusty” had done
How he’d taken their things and wrecked all of their fun!
Yes, thought the SID, as he thought what to say,
Then HE’D be the hero to save Christmas day!
He waited and waited for their sad sounds of woe
Then all of a sudden it sounded just so!
Rising up slowly and softly then a bit louder it rang
The people of Croweville all gathered and sang!
Oh how they sang, with such gusto and glee
The SID was confused, he thought, “How can this BE?”
“I took all of their food, decorations and beer!
And now they are gathered still filled with good cheer?!”
He ran down the hillside to see what he’d find
Why those Crowevillians were still merry and kind.
He dashed through their streets and couldn’t help stare
As those people of Croweville all stood in their square.
With Rusty at in the center, a twinkle in his eye
“What,” thought the SID, “do they SEE in this guy?!”
He took SID by the hand and he smiled at him, too,
“Welcome, dear brother, and Merry Christmas to you!”
This did not compute, thought the SID, no, not one single bit!
Why were they not saddened and all throwing a fit?!
As he watched them all dance with merry delight
He suddenly felt that this somehow felt...right.
They seemed to care less of the things he had done
They were happy to include him in all of their fun!
He sighed as he thought of all the stuff that he did
How he tried to wreck Christmas and lied to that kid.
He gave back all of their things with the slightest of frowns
Then SID hung his head and walked back out of town.
Now, I’d like to tell you that the SID’s heart grew that day
How it made him feel good to act in this way.
How goodwill flowed through his nanobot lid.
But, alas, I can’t do that, for the SID was still SID!
THE END
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