In Truth and Love

By Meggie

(Note from the author: I view each piece as a "missing scene" into Jeffrey's state of mind)

March 1996….

Alone, Jeffrey Wigand was surrounded by what personal belongings he had to his name.  Some boxes with papers, his clothing, a bottle of vodka, his computer, and the framed photograph of his two precious girls, Barbara and Deborah.  His world, his life all completely tucked and filed away inside hotel Room 930.

Looking up from the paper in his hand, Jeffrey sighed and simply lost himself in thought.  The last twenty-four hours had been a roller coaster of emotions.  Beginning with mounting pressure and then some small sense of vindication following the Mississippi deposition, Jeffrey’s body and soul seemed unable to find any bit of refuge or hope to cling to after publically exposing the tobacco industry. 

On the way home to Louisville, he remembered with a slight smile, feeling as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders and he could now be free to live his life again.  However, this euphoria crashed abruptly upon discovering Liane’s letter saying how she wanted a divorce, how she couldn’t live like this anymore, and how she felt betrayed and lied to.  Worst of all, she had taken his daughters with her, allowing him to see them a couple times during the week.  Other than that, he was alone.  Truth is supposed to set you free, he thought.  So why did he still feel alone as real life continued onward, playing out like theatrical play?     

Ah, but Jeffrey knew he was not completely alone, lifting the glass of vodka to his lips and swallowing the hard liquor quickly.  Perhaps if he drank enough, he could numb, or better yet, erase the last few hellish months he’d endured.  That’s right, Wigand, make it all about yourself, you selfish bastard.  Prove Liane right.  What was I thinking?  Was exposing the lies and deception to the public worth more than his marriage and children?

He set the empty glass down on the nearby dark cherry table and returned to the paper in front of him.  A few seconds later, the phone rang and Jeffrey picked it up. 

“Jeffrey, how are you?  How’s the family, okay?”  Lowell asked.  His voice filled with genuine concern for the man he had partially helped and destroyed in the name of journalism, truth, and all that bullshit one learns to live with and accept in the line of duty.

“There is – there is no family,” Jeffrey responded quietly, lacking any emotion.

“What do you mean there is no family?”

“Liane has filed for divorce….”

After their conversation, Jeffrey once again looked up and stared at the window and view offered from Room 930: the Brown & Williamson building.  Lights glowed in various office rooms and floors, where somewhere, he thought with deep loathing, B&W lawyers continued to discuss their next strategic plan of attack to prevent and destroy Jeffrey Wigand from talking anymore.

To Hell with you all, he thought to himself, forcing himself to focus on the paper in his lap.  No, he refused to allow Liane, B&W, CBS, and the rest of the world to make him doubt his decision to go public.  The only two people whose respect and love he longed for were his daughters.   Taking a pen, he focused intently on what he would write.

Dear Barbara and Deborah,

I want you to know that whatever anyone says, I love you both with all my heart.  I never meant to hurt you or your mother.  I simply had to do what I felt was the right thing, telling the truth and exposing a lying monster to the public.  Not once did I ever forget your two adoring faces, your bright smiles and shiny eyes.  Even now, I can see us planting vegetables in our backyard garden once upon a time. 

Remember that game we used to play, “Guess What?”  Where I asked you a bunch of questions to figure out which object in the room you had secretly picked?  And how, when I finally figured it out, you two would laugh and fall into my lap, asking why it took me so long to get it right?  Well, I’m sort of doing this here, but instead, I’m giving you the answers now so you will have them whenever you are faced with questions, comments, or doubts about your daddy.  And you won’t keep asking yourselves the same thing over and over again: why?

Telling the truth is important.  If you know someone is lying or someone will get hurt because of your actions, you need to make a decision and do what is right.  Just like when Deborah took your favorite Pooh bear and stuffed him under the couch so you couldn’t find him at bedtime.  Or the time you lied to Deborah about breaking her favorite toy.  You remember how your mommy made you both apologize to each other, and I explained how lying and doing something wrong only ended up hurting someone else.

Well, I guess that’s how I want you both to understand what happened.  I knew many people were being lied to and as a result, would get hurt.  So, I chose to tell the truth instead of keeping it a secret.  Yes, I put you both and your mommy in danger. God, how I regret that, but, never, never doubt my strong need to constantly love, protect, and keep each of you safe by my side.            

You will hear many people say I did what I did for the glory, for the recognition of being a hero or savior for the people. Others might say I was simply crazy or paranoid and acted in a spiteful manner.  I don’t care what others may think, say, or write about me.  All that matters is that you both know and feel my eternal love.  And that despite everything I did and said, I always embraced and found strength from my two precious girls.     

I hope this letter answers any questions or doubts you have or will have as you grow up and blossom in a world that often mocks truth, love, and courage.  Never doubt yourselves and listen to what your heart is telling you.

I love you both forever,

Daddy

Many years later….

“We know, Daddy, we know,” whispered a tall woman with long, dark curly hair.  In the distance, she could hear the waves crashing against the rocks as the sun began its evening descent into the unending stretch of water.  Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, falling upon the already stained and faded letter.   

She glanced to her right side, offering a small smile to a younger woman.  Their eyes locked, as if communicating in some secret and private language only shared and understood between them.  Nodding their heads, each knelt down and placed a red rose in front of the smooth marble gravestone.  “We love you, too, Daddy.  Forever.” 

Under the carefully carved cross, the inscription read:

Jeffrey Wigand    

Beloved man and father

May courage always set you free and cast an eternal light for all those who seek truth in the darkest of moments.

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