That, For Me, Is You
by Marilyn Auman
Chapter 1:
I don’t really know when this story started. I can say where, a small suburban town in North New Jersey named Lincoln Park. I always knew who he was. A few years older than me, Robert went to the same school I did. He was friends with my cousins Ray and Don. I mostly remember him just being around. Labeled as trouble, he was from the wrong part of town. Robert lived down by the river.
The word that comes to mind to describe him is…quiet. In fact, I don’t remember hearing him speak a word until we were both in high school.
January 1990: I had a school-girl crush on a senior who was in the school play with me. I was enlisted by my history teacher, Mr. B, to be the manager for track. No running involved, thank God. Mostly just tracking times at meets, finding out distance thrown, jumped, etc. for the different field events, easy stuff. I figured why not.
Problem …track meets don’t always end when it is convenient to catch the late bus or even the over-crowded sports bus. I attended an area high school. Over half of the school population was bussed in from neighboring towns. Walking home was not an option and calling my parents for a ride often resulted in a long wait immediately followed by a lecture about how if I was going to participate in after school activities I was going to have to “work out the logistics of participation”. Which, translated, meant they were too busy with work and my sister’s activities to have to run all the way to the high school just to pick me up.
Robert was in track. I think his event was shotput. Anyway, the point is I knew him or at least of him and he had a car and lived in the same town as I did. But as a sophomore how do you ask a senior for a ride home, particularly one as quiet as Robert? One rainy evening after a meet the sports bus was too full; I couldn’t get a seat. I was going to have to call my parents and wait. I didn’t have an umbrella. The school was locked and once the people who could walk home left and those with cars drove away, I was going to be alone.
That was when I remember hearing it for the first time…his voice.
“Renee, do you need a ride home?”
I admit I was sort of scared. After all, I didn’t know him. My cousins did. He smiled and looked more than a little nervous. I accepted his offer.
About halfway home he asked if I would “consider going out” with him sometime. I didn’t even know he was aware I was alive before he offered me a ride not fifteen minutes before. After an extremely awkward silence I said yes. I offered to give him my phone number. He informed me that he already had it. Somehow it didn’t surprise me.
Robert called later that evening. I thought he was going to make some plans for a date. He didn’t. We talked about track and school, the fact he’d asked me out was not mentioned, even in passing. Half an hour after our call ended my “crush” Drew called. Much to my surprise and a little to my dismay, Drew also asked me “out”. Now I had two offers and no firm plans with either. But I thought I would take the opportunity to get to know both before making any sort of choice.
The months up until school ended were relatively uneventful. My weekdays were filled with school, my evenings with track and homework. Robert would drive me home after each meet, eventually asking me to call him “Rob” since everyone did. During the weekends Drew would take me to the movies or the diner.
Eventually Drew and I were known to be a “couple”. Secretly I still wondered when Rob was going to do more than drive me home from track.
Chapter 2:
Not sure when it was that I first noticed Renee. She was the "little cousin" of two of my friends, Ray and Don. Strange title, really, since she was the same age as Ray and only two years younger than Don.
She was the kind of girl who never seemed to fit in with the rest of the world but seemed happy anyway. I actually don’t know if she was happy or not. She seemed comfortable in her own skin, but maybe that isn't the same thing as being happy. I do know I thought she was really pretty. Kept that to myself, though. I still hate to think of what her cousins would say or do, for that matter, if they knew how I felt about her. I've been in trouble mostly because of the people I've chosen to hangout with, her cousins included. We never really did anything bad...just the normal stupid stuff that kids do. The label sticks, though. She is too good for the likes of me, that’s what they’d all say for starters anyway.
Since I am two years older than Renee I never had the opportunity to be in the same class and get to know her. When she started high school I found her spending the mornings before homeroom in the library. She was always reading, military history mainly, if memory serves. She was on the honor roll and she became part of the band front. Got to see her in one of those little band uniforms those girls wear.
My senior year Mr. B, the track coach, convinced her to become manger for the team. Now I had a reason to be around her. She still pretty much kept to herself. Maybe she was shy? I am.
Renee always sat at the front of the bus for track meets. I always sat in the back, had been doing that for years. No way to change that and not get noticed. She was always friendly and when she came over to gather the field event scores, even offered to help carry equipment back to the bus. I always felt nervous around her. I never really had an opportunity to talk to her alone.
I saw her standing in the rain as the sports bus pulled away. Apparently she had no umbrella and there wasn't anywhere to stand out of the rain. I overheard some of the people walking home say the sports bus was full and she was going to have to call someone for a ride. I knew where she lived so I offered her a ride. She hesitated at first. I am still not sure what swayed her but she accepted. I was almost afraid to look at her sitting in the front seat of my car. I made sure the heater was on since it was cold and she was already wet. There was an awkward silence between us and I almost wished my brother had needed a ride, too...almost. I had driven about halfway before I got up the courage to ask if she would go out with me sometime. She was quiet before she said yes. I thought she was going to give me a different answer. She offered to give me her number before she got out but I already had it. Her parents were listed in the phone book and I had considered calling her before.
I called her later that evening. She was just finishing up her homework, but I hadn't even started mine. We talked about track and the classes we were taking. I told her I'd drive her home from track anytime so she didn't need to worry about making the bus. She seemed pretty happy about that. I didn't bring up going out and she didn’t either. I don't know if she regretted saying yes or not. I figured I still had a chance since she said yes in the first place.
The next morning I found her in the library talking to Drew. I know she had a crush on him. Not sure what she saw in him. She did wave when she saw me. I didn't stop to talk. Renee went home on the bus after school that day, I should have offered to drive her home everyday not just when we have track. At least Drew lived close to the high school and then went to work after school. That way we still had the ride back to Lincoln Park together on days with track meets.
Senior year was almost over and I was still driving Renee home after track. She had been seeing Drew for months. She never gave me an indication that she wouldn’t go out with me but she has never pressed me about it either. Once track is over I won’t have an excuse to spend time with her anymore. Things did not really turn out like I had in mind. But then I’m not really sure what I had in mind.
ON TO CHAPTER 3
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