By Layne and Jo

(Layne writing Hannah, Jo writing Ben)

Chapter Twenty-eight:

When Benjamin had left, Hannah sat at the table for several long minutes, still stunned by everything that had just been said.  She could still feel his touch, warm on her shoulder, and

the soft graze of his lips on her hair.  Sensing eyes on her, she turned in her chair to see Miguela staring at her from across the room, a smug look on her face, as though she had heard everything.

Rising quickly, Hannah went outside.  She needed to be alone.  Needed time to collect her thoughts and process everything that had happened.  Sheriff Lawson had disappeared. Perhaps he'd gone to the saloon.  No matter.  She didn't want to talk to him right now.

Walking slowly down the board sidewalk, her footsteps sounded hollow.  Without thinking about it, Hannah was heading for the fountain toward the end of the street.  The fountain where, last night, she had sat while Benjamin drew a picture of her.  Right now, she was trying to picture her life in two very different places.

One was Green Valley.  She had liked it there.  Had been making friends with the townspeople and had earned grudging respect from them as a doctor.  Some of the women had begun stopping by just to talk to her when they were out running their errands.  It had been a nice

life.

And there was Jed Lawson.  She had suspected that he was interested in her, but he had never spoken up before now.  She had never really thought about him in that way before, but now she allowed herself to do just that.  He was a good man.  Quiet and steady.  He treated her well.  With him, there would be the opportunity to have a husband and children,  yet still practice medicine.  She didn't love him, but perhaps she could learn?  She knew that was the option that made sense, that would be best for her.

And then, there was Benjamin.  She loved him.  There was no doubt in her mind about that. 

But would that be enough?  Enough to get her through some kind of life with him?  He'd just told her that he wasn't the kind of man to marry, to commit to something or someone.

If she stayed with him, would they settle in one place?  Find someplace they could call home?  Where she could practice medicine and he could-?  Could do what?  Farm?  Take a job with

the railroad?  She almost laughed at the idea.  She could see Benjamin Wade doing neither of those things.  And she knew he would not be content to let her work as a doctor support the

two of them.

What then?  Would he leave home periodically to go to 'work'?  Leave her behind to go off and rob some coach or train?  To worry about whether he would return to her safely or be killed

by some lawman or even one of the men who would ride with him?  To wonder, even when he was at home, if someone would come looking for him and either shoot him down or take him

off to be hanged.

Or would they live on the trail? Always moving from place to place. Never knowing where they'd sleep that night.  Never knowing if some marshal or sheriff would catch up to them and they'd both go to jail and Benjamin would face the hangman's noose.

Either way, she knew it would be a hard life.  With the worst part of it being the never knowing if she'd lose him.  Either to the law, some gunfighter's bullet, or him deciding he'd had enough

of being with just one woman and leaving her someplace never to return.

Her heart aching, her mind turning in a thousand different directions, Hannah rubbed her hands against her skirt.  She was hot.  The sun was blazing down and making her long red hair stick to her neck.  Reaching out, she dipped her hand into the cool water of the fountain.  Splashed it against her face.  It reminded her again of last night.  How she'd looked up at the stars, closed her eyes tightly and made a wish on one of them.  A silly, childish thing to do, she thought to herself.  Wishing on stars, when an educated, adult woman like herself knew they would never come true....

It was then that she knew just exactly what choice she had to make.  It came to her with crystal clarity as she dipped her hand into the water and thought about that star.  Whirling around,

the skirt of the green dress swishing in the dust, Hannah walked quickly, almost running, back to Juan and Miguela's place.  Inside, she pulled up her skirts and did run up the stairs, hurrying to the door of the room she shared with Benjamin.  It was unlocked, as he'd said it would be.  She opened the door to find him sitting silently in a chair near the window, sketching something.

Ben didn't look up right away when she came in. He heard her, of course, but he kept on with his sketch. One corner of his mouth did quirk up almost imperceptibly in a little twitch.  He hadn't known, not for sure, what choice she'd make. He wasn't even entirely positive which choice he wanted her to make.  But he'd gotten to know her during the time they'd spent together and he knew she'd definitely make a choice and he knew he'd live with whichever one

it was. If she went with Lawson, he'd not try to stop her, but while he sat there in the room, he occupied himself with sketching.

Finally he signed it, set the pencil down on the little side table, and looked up at her through his lashes, his head still tipped down.  "Hello, Hannah," he said, his voice low.

He said it so calmly and quietly.  As though he weren't curious at all.  As though she hadn't just wrestled with herself to make the most important decision of her life!

Now that the decision was made, though, she felt calm.  Almost light-hearted.  "Hello, Benjamin,"  she answered just as calmly and quietly.  "What are you drawing?"

"You interested?" he smiled.

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't."  She returned the smile and walked toward him.

Very slowly he turned his sketch pad around, but he didn't tear the drawing out. He simply

held it so she could see. He'd drawn his own right hand, extended, palm up. Across it lay hers, palm down, his fingertips slightly curved up over the edge of her hand, holding on, taking her with him.  And in the lower right corner he'd signed it Benjamin, not Wade.

Tears came to her eyes through her smile.  In a slightly choked voice, she said, "Hold your hand out.  Just the way it is there."  When he'd complied, she placed her own hand on top of it, just

as it was in the drawing.

"You stayin', then," he smiled, standing with her hand still in his. It was a statement, not a real question. He curved his left hand along her cheek and leaned to kiss her. "My little one."

When his lips had left hers, she told him lightly,  "There really was no other decision I could make.  After all, Green Valley can find another doctor, but suppose you need one?  I can't just leave you to go to that Norris.  The man's not fit to be called a doctor."  She grinned at him.

His hands were already very adeptly unbuttoning her dress. "You plannin' on shootin' me

again, Dr. McLaren?" He didn't expect an answer as his mouth was moving along her collarbone and her dress was puddled around her feet.

Whatever plans she had, Hannah was more than happy to abandon them to the moment.  As his mouth moved over her, she unbuttoned his shirt and helped him take it off.  Her hands moved over his shoulders and down to his chest and she let him lead her to the bed.

He took a long, slow time with her then later, lay in bed beside her, propped on his elbow. 

"You know what you done, little one. You done chose a thing goin' to make a whole different life for you. For me, too.  We do this thing, we got to talk 'bout just how it's happenin'. I ain't never tried nothin' like this."

He spoke as though it were a robbery he had to plan.  Perhaps it was similar, she thought.  "Neither have I."  She smiled up at him from the pillow. "Will we stay in one place or move around?"

"I ain't too much on stayin' in one place. Guess I could do some more'n I'm used to...now that

I got me a reason. But you, you can't be doctorin' on the run. You need you a place."  He bit

his lower lip thoughtfully.  "We got to find us a buildin', Hannah, maybe with room downstairs for you to go an' set up a doctorin' office, then somethin' more for you to settle in, make a bit

of a home."  He was wondering if he'd have to take care of Norris first. Didn't want the man causing Hannah any trouble about taking business away.

"Then we're staying here?  In Mexico?"

"You turn Lawson down, Hannah, ain't gonna be no safe place for some ways for you to settle. Less'n you think he ain't gonna talk even if you turn him down. You think that, you can cross

the border. You like that idea, you set up where you want back there an' I'll come when I can. Can't guarantee how often that'd be, though.  You got to know ain't no way I can spend much time in one place on that side."

"I want you to be safe, Benjamin," she told him softly, raising a hand to his cheek.  "That's the most important thing to me.  Where do you want to be?  I know you talked about San Francisco once but would you be safe there either?  Would anyone know you?"

"I ain't all that fond of stayin' in Nogales, Hannah. That's the truth. An' with Norris here, he could be trouble for you an' then I'd have to go and take him outta the picture.  San Francisco, eh? I was purty young still when I was there. I doubt anybody'd remember me all that well." 

He smiled at her. "An' you ain't never seen the Pacific, ain't never seen how green it can be. Anybody with eyes like yours, they should see the Pacific."

He had never been sure he'd ever want to go back to San Francisco but the sudden thought of

it was grabbing at his imagination. San Francisco with Hannah. It would be a whole new world.  His mind ran back again to what he was feeling as the payroll coach had come into sight.  No,

he didn't want to go back there.  "I 'spect," he said, his lips beginning to curve in a grin, "I could take up gamblin' for a livin'. You mind livin' with a gamblin' man, Doctor McLaren?"

"All of life is a gamble."  She returned his grin.  "And aren't we taking a gamble staying together anyway?  Like you said, a new life for both of us.  But I'll make YOU a bet, Mr. Wade.  I'll bet you we can make it work!"

"An outlaw an' a doctor."  Chuckling, he shook his head. "If that ain't drawin' to an inside straight, I don't know what is. But you done got yourself a bet there, little one, an' I'm gonna

put ever'thin' I got in the pot that you're right."  He nuzzled her bare shoulder with his nose. 

"I ain't tired, you know."

CONTINUED NOW BY LAYNE AS HANNAH McLAREN'S JOURNEY