Hannah's McLaren's Journey

A Journal of My Life With Benjamin Wade

(Ghost-written by Layne Richards)

April 14, 1880, Nogales, Mexico

My name is Hannah  McLaren and I'm a doctor from New York City.  The story of how I came to be in Mexico is a long one and

it's written down elsewhere, so I won't go into that here.  I'm beginning this journal at the same time I'm beginning my life with Benjamin Wade.  Something tells me I'm going to need a place to share my thoughts and record everything that happens.  Because I don't think life with Benjamin will ever be dull!

You see, Benjamin's an outlaw with any number of robberies and murders to his credit.  I can't tell you how many because he hasn't told me.  At least, not yet, although I'm hoping one day he will. 

It's very strange, I know--a woman whose job is to save lives being in love with a man whose job it is to take lives.  I wish I could explain it in some way that makes sense, but the truth is that it makes no sense to me either.  I can only say that Benjamin is ... someone altogether different.  More complicated and fascinating than anyone I've ever known.  And I've always heard it said that love makes no sense anyway.  Given my current situation, I can now say with certainty that it's true!

Anyway, I wanted to give a bit of background for anyone who might someday read this journal, and I hope that, if you are reading this, you enjoy this account of my life with Benjamin Wade as much as I know I will enjoy living this life.  Wherever it may take me.

----Hannah

April 14, 1880, 9:00 am, Nogales

Benjamin left last night.  To rob someone or maybe a stagecoach or store.  He didn't tell me that in so many words, but said that he had to go to "work", and I know what that means for him.  He had to cross the border back into Arizona and he says that's better done at night, since there are any number of sheriffs, marshals, bounty hunters, and who -knows-what-else looking for him. 

I'm afraid for him.  Afraid that he might be hurt or captured and not be able to come back to me.  But this is the life I have chosen and the man I have chosen to live it with, so I must become used to living with fears such as this.  This is only the first time, and I am certain it will not be the last!

We plan to go to San Francisco.  Hopefully settle there, where no one will know Benjamin or be looking for him.  Where I can open an office and be a real, practicing, doctor again.  Benjamin says he'll give up robbery.  Make a living as a professional gambler.  "You mind livin' with a gamblin' man, Dr. McLaren?" he asked me.

No, I don't.  As long as it's him.

"We need more money'n we've got," he told me, "to make this trip.  To set ourselves set up once we get there.  I'm gonna have to do a little work, 'fore we can leave."

So last night, he went.  I knew he was leaving, and I intended to stay awake to tell him goodbye, but...  After we'd had an early dinner, so he could rest before leaving, he took me to our room and he loved me.  Loved me like there might not be any tomorrow, which could be true. 

And, just like always after he loves me, I felt warm and contented. And sleepy.  I told myself I'd doze a little, but when I woke, the sun was shining and he'd gone.

He left me a note.  A Benjamin sort of note.  No writing on it.  Just a drawing.  Similar to the one of our hands clasped that he drew when I made the decision to stay with him.  This new one was also of our hands, but this time the fingers were laced together.  It's his way of promising that he'll be back for me.  More later...

-----Hannah

TO BE CONTINUED...

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