The Road Home

By Bailey

Chapter Three

Dandy was becoming worried.  He’d tried to call Jim several times over the last two days and gotten only his answering service.  Finally he drove to the apartment and let himself in.  As Jim’s security chief, he had a matching key for everything Jim had. 

The apartment was quiet and had a lived in look.  When Jan was here it was kept neat and clean.  A maid did the heavy work, at Jim’s insistence, but the normal day to day chores were handled by her.  Now the place had dishes sitting on the kitchen counter and shoes and clothes were found here and there.  The light on the phone was flashing for messages holding.  He quickly ran through the calls, hoping to pick up an idea where Jim might have gone. 

Since news of the divorce hit the tabloids the media allowed Jim very little rest.  He was hounded to death for over a month.  They finally let it slip that Jim was flying to the states for a vacation to give him a break, and the media seemed to buy it.  Jim had stayed in the apartment after his security team made a display of taking him in his darkened SUV to the airport.  One of his men dressed like Jim and slipped inside the jet, pretending to be him.  The jet took off, but landed in a small airport only fifty kilometers away.  Jim literally hid in his apartment for the next month.

There were three interesting messages.  One from Sandy giving him hell for not picking up Davey as he’d promised, and another message from Janet letting him know she’d received his flowers.  The third call was from his lawyer.  The rest were from friends or work related calls. 

While he stood trying to decide who to call first, his cell phone vibrated with an incoming call.   A police officer informed him they found Jim in the wreckage of his Jaguar in a remote area a hundred kilometers from Sydney.  They estimated he had been there at least twenty-four hours, maybe longer. He was in critical condition and had been flown to Royal South Sydney Hospital.  Dandy’s card and a note to notify him if anything were to happen, were found in Jim’s wallet.

Dandy nearly flew to the hospital.  When he arrived, the media was already there.  They had picked up on police communications and learned that Jim Tanner was being taken by air medi-vac to the hospital in Sydney.  Dandy immediately called his security team and had them meet him at the hospital.  They needed to make certain the news and paparazzi didn’t have a chance to get to Jim.  He talked to the police, who were doing their best to keep the media in check.

Once he coordinated his people with the police, he took the time to talk with Jim’s physician.  According to the doctor, things were touch and go.  They didn’t yet know the full extent of Jim’s injuries.  Instead they concentrated on the more immediate problem of keeping him alive. Once he stabilized, they could do a re-evaluation.  For the moment, at least, he was alive.

Dandy immediately called Jim’s family in Brisbane and explained the situation.  He didn’t want them to see it on the news.  His parents were going to catch the first flight to Sydney.  He made a fast call to Sandy and received pretty much the attitude he expected.  She seemed to feel Jim had gotten in the accident as a way to keep from taking Davey so she couldn’t go on holiday.  The hardest call came next.

“Janet?  It’s Dandy.  I have something to tell you.  It’s about Jim.”

Janet got a knot in her stomach.  She knew Dandy would never call her about Jim unless it was important.  They’d been separated for two months now and when he called her, Dandy never talked directly about Jim unless she asked first.  She took a deep breath and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“He’s been in a car crash, Jan.  He’s in critical condition.  They’re not sure if he’s going to make it.”

Janet couldn’t think, could barely breathe.  “I…I’ll catch the next flight out to L.A.  I can get a flight for Oz from there.”

“No Jan.  I can have an LJI jet there in three hours.  They can get you here faster.  Just throw some things in a bag and get to Houston Airport.  I’ll pick you up when you arrive here.  And Jan, he’ll need you more now than ever.”

“Dandy, tell him I’m coming, and…and I still love him.”

Dandy made the arrangements for Janet’s flight, hoping she would arrive in time to see Jim alive.  He hadn’t been sure if she’d come.  The lawyers had already turned the divorce into a slugging match.  Jim didn’t want the divorce at all, but Janet had forced it when she sent Jim the papers.  Dandy remembered being there when they arrived.

Dandy had gone down to the foyer of the building and signed for a letter for Jim.  When Jim opened the envelope, his face took on a stunned look.  “She’s really going through with it.  I thought…”

Jim turned and headed for the bedroom, dropping the papers on the floor as he went.  When Dandy read what they said, he was as stunned as Jim.  Janet had called Jim on one occasion and indicated that she still missed him.  Each time he talked to Janet, Dandy got the impression that she missed Jim as well.  Until that day, Dandy held out hope that they might reconcile.

Janet was hurriedly getting clothes together in an overnight bag when the phone rang.  “Mom?  Have you seen the news?”  Dan was on the phone.

“Are you talking about Jim’s accident?”  She couldn’t believe the story had spread that fast.

“Yeah.  I couldn’t believe it.  Do you know how he is?  I can never believe half of these stories.”

“He’s in critical condition.”  She hesitated telling him the rest.  “Daniel, he may not live.  I’m flying out as soon as I finish packing.”

“Call me as soon as you get to Australia.  Let me know what’s happening.”

“I will, honey.  Thanks for calling.”

Unlike his sister, Dan liked Jim.  They had hit it off when Jim invited him to visit Australia with his mom.  Even though he knew his mother and Jim were in the midst of divorce, he was hoping the couple would come to their senses and get back together.  Janet never told Dan about the incident that made her leave Jim.  He only knew that his mother was never happier than she had been with him.  That alone made him all right in Dan’s book.  He wanted that for his mom. He only hoped Jim would live and they could fix what was broken in their marriage.

His dad, on the other hand, was getting his just desserts.  According to a conversation he had with his cousin, Daniel knew the new wife was running his dad through the ringer. She was nothing like his mother and his dad didn’t know how to handle her.  He couldn’t tear down her self esteem as he had with his mom.  Rita was a top actor and a sex goddess to Hollywood and half the world.  She was also spoiled and ungrateful.  Since she had her own money and could come and go as she pleased, he had virtually no say so in what she did.  For a control freak like him, it was a nightmare.

Janet was just about to leave when the phone rang again.  She prayed it wasn’t Dandy calling to tell her Jim had died.  She picked up the phone.

“Janet?  It’s Sheryl.  Did you hear about Jim?”

“Yes, Sheryl, I did.  In fact I was just on my way to the airport.  Listen, can I call you when I get to Oz?  The LJI jet should be waiting for me, I need to go.”

“All right, but call as soon as you get in.”  She hung up and Janet dashed out the door.

Jim was aware that something had gone terribly wrong.  He was driving down a long stretch of open road and the next thing he remembered he was waking up in his car and someone was taking photographs.  He was lying on the seat, everything hurt.  He couldn’t move.  He fainted.  When he finally regained consciousness, it was dark outside. Through the shattered windshield he could see stars.  Cold, he was terribly cold. 

His mind wandered to the flowers he’d sent Janet.  How ironic that just after he sent them his lawyer called to tell him Janet was now pressing for alimony, the Sydney apartment and half of his other assets.  If he didn’t agree, she would change her reasons for divorce and make public his infidelity.  She wanted to ruin him publicly as well as financially.  He’d trusted her.  What a fool he’d been.

Tired wasn’t the word for how Janet felt when they finally touched down at the Sydney airport.  Exhausted was far closer.  She hadn’t slept the entire trip.  Each time she closed her eyes her thoughts ran back to Jim lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. 

She wondered how his parents would take her being there.  When she first met them it was apparent they were wary of her.  Jim had told her about Sandy and the divorce, about how his family didn’t care for Sandy the first time they met.  His parents loved Jim and were very proud of his accomplishments, but he'd fallen short in his marriage.  Now, here was his second mistake.  Although she managed to win them over, she hadn’t called them once since she left Australia and she was sure they knew about the mess the lawyers were making.

Dandy was waiting just inside the private arrivals terminal, when the plane taxied in.  He ran out and waited until the ramp was lowered.  When Janet stepped out her first words were, “How is he?”

Dandy took her overnight bag and put his hand on the small of her back, ushering her along.  “He’s still with us.  He’s stable, at least for the moment.” They made a fast run through customs.  The customs officer was already aware of the situation, and accommodated them as quickly as possible.  Dandy moved Jan along to the car park and tossed her bag into the back of the waiting SUV, then opened the door for her.  Three new men were inside waiting for them.  Two were in the front and one in the back.  Dandy helped her in, seating her between him and the other man.

“We had to increase security. The news hounds are all over the place.”  Dandy introduced her to each of them and they started off. “Jan, did you want to go to the apartment first or hospital?”

“The hospital.” 

Dandy hadn’t over-emphasized the media attention.  The front of the hospital had to be cordoned off to keep the cameras and news people from blocking regular visitors from entering.  Gus, their driver, drove them to a back service entrance.  “We’ll take you in this way.  They probably have it covered as well, but to a lesser degree.”  Janet was surprised to find that he was American.

Gus was right.  There were several reporters and paparazzi waiting, but they managed to move quickly through to the entrance.  They made their way to the elevators and exited on the seventh floor.  Because they'd entered the back way it took several minutes to wind their way through the huge hospital to where Jim was, in ICU.

Jim’s parents were with him when Janet walked in.  She knew it was bad but nothing could have prepared her for this.  He was in a body cast, his face was swathed in bandages.  “Oh, Jim!” was all she managed to say before she fainted.  Dandy caught her on the way down and eased her to the floor.

When she came to she was lying on a bed in a room down the hall.  Dandy was with her.  She started to sit up but he held her with, “Take it slow, Jan.  It’s been a rough go.”

“What happened?”

“You fainted.”

The picture of Jim nearly cocooned in bandages and plaster reappeared.  “Oh, God! Dandy!”  She couldn’t help breaking down in tears.  He held her until she finally pulled herself together.  

“There’s a loo right over there.” He nodded toward it with his head.  “Why don’t you go splash some water on your face and I’ll take you to the apartment.”

“Give me a minute to straighten up then I want to go see Jim.”  She could tell he wasn’t sure about that.  “Don’t worry. I can handle it now.”

When she walked into the room the second time it was different.  Her practical side had control.  Falling apart served no purpose.  He needed her strength and she needed to give him that.  His Dad looked up, “Are you all right, then?”

Janet nodded and moved next to the bed.  She wanted to give Jim a kiss but couldn’t seem to find a place that wasn’t bandaged or hurt.  His right hand was lying on the sheet and, carefully taking it in hers, she leaned down close to his ear and whispered, “Jim, it’s Jan.  I’m here, sweetheart.  I love you.”  Try as she may, it was impossible to keep the tears from sliding down her face.

Jim’s mother, overwrought from too many hours at the hospital, and aware only of the media’s accountings about the divorce, said, “Why have you come?  Where were you when he needed you?”

“Mum!”  His dad didn’t want this.

“No, Carl, she needs to hear how we feel.  We don’t want you here!  Jim is better off without you!  Are you hoping he’ll die and you’ll get everything?  Just you think again…”

Janet gathered strength from deep inside. Very quietly she said, “I don’t really care what you think about me.  This isn’t about me or the divorce.  It’s about Jim and his recovery.  I’m still his wife and I’ll stay until…until it’s time for me to leave.” 

Mrs. Tanner stood up and stomped out of the room.

Mr. Tanner walked around from the other side of the bed and gave Janet a light hug.  “I’m going to take Mum home.  She’s been here since it first happened.  Don’t take what she said as anything more than hurt and worry.”

“Where are you staying?”

“At the Shepard Arms down the street.  It’s comfortable and close.”

“Why don’t you stay at the apartment?  I’m sure Jim would rather have you there than at a hotel.”

“I’ll speak to Mum about it.”  He hesitated, “Jan, I know my son.  I can only imagine what precipitated the divorce.  I also know he loves you very much.  Mum doesn’t see Jim in a true light.  She only sees a son she loves very much and can’t conceive of his doing wrong.  Don’t let her keep you from doing what your heart tells you.”

“Thank you, Carl.”

Janet sat with Jim for several hours, holding his hand and talking quietly about the ranch.  Nurses came and went, checking on this and that.  She never stopped talking, even when they were in the room.  It was as though she needed to share every moment of the last two months they’d been apart.  When she finally stopped talking and her nervous energy waned, she fell asleep still holding his hand.

That’s how Dandy found her the next morning, still asleep in the chair next to Jim’s bed.  He had left orders for the night guard to have her escorted home when she was ready to leave.  He should have known she wouldn’t go.  “Jan…Jan, honey…you need to wake up.”

Janet couldn’t break free from her sleep fog.  She’d only slept for three hours and with the long flight and jet lag she couldn’t seem to function.  One of the nurses came in and suggested they take her to the room she was in before.  “It’s an empty bed.  We’ll keep an eye out.  She talked to him until four this morning, wouldn’t stop.  She has to be exhausted.”

When she finally came fully awake it was six hours later.  Janet dragged herself out of bed and went to the bathroom.  She did what she could to make herself presentable then walked down to ICU.

Chapter Four

Gladys Tanner was sitting with her son.  She looked exactly as Janet had seen her the last time, before the separation.  Her silver hair was coiffed the same way and she still had those few extra pounds that give a woman her age that ‘grandmotherly’ look, though she seemed much more rested.  When Janet walked in, Gladys seemed embarrassed.  “Janet, I’d like to apologize for my outburst yesterday.  I had no right…”

“Gladys, we need to help Jim get well.  He needs both of us.  I know you and Carl were upset when I left and I should have called to explain.  It’s just that there was no explanation I could have given that would have changed things or made it easier for you or Carl.  So I let it go.  The reason isn’t important, and neither is the divorce right now.  Let’s just help each other help him.  All right?”

Gladys seemed to accept that and said, “The nurse was in a short while ago. She said he seemed to be doing a bit better.”

“I want to talk to his doctor.”  Janet slowly walked to the other side of the bed.  As she did she took in all the details she was unaware of the night before.  Janet’s mind had only told her he was terribly hurt.  The bandages and plastered limbs and body attested to that.  Now she began wondering to what extend those injuries would heal.  Was he going to be left with a limp?  Would he even be able to walk again?  Was his face ruined beyond repair?  None of these questions had a bearing on how she ultimately saw him as a man.  Her love for him wasn’t physical, though she had never been more attracted to a man physically in her life.  Her concern was for Jim’s emotional well being.  He was an actor.  The loss of his facial features or compromise of his physical movements would no doubt keep him from the career he loved so much.  She wasn’t sure he could live with that.

Dandy came in along with Carl.  They chatted for a moment.  “Dandy, what was Jim doing in the middle of nowhere by himself?  I thought you said he was hiding at the apartment.”

“He was.  I called him the morning he sent you the flowers and he seemed all right.  He didn’t say anything about leaving.  Maybe after he heard the message from his lawyer he needed to get out?”

“What was that about?”  She could only imagine what his lawyer had come up with.  She’d already warned her lawyer to back off.

“Maybe we should discuss this alone.”  Dandy looked out the corner of his eye towards Jim’s parents.

Janet suddenly had a sick feeling.  “No, Dandy, tell me what he said.”

“He said your lawyer called and demanded the house in Sydney, alimony, and half of Jim’s assets.  He said you’d change your reason for divorce from irreconcilable differences to infidelity if he didn’t settle for your demands.”

“WHAT?  I never asked for any such thing and I never told him Jim was unfaithful.  Shit!”

Janet grabbed the phone next to Jim’s bed and dialed her lawyer’s home number.  Just before he picked up Dandy said, “Janet it’s four in the morning in California.”

“Fuck him!”  She was furious.  When Todd Benson answered the phone he was half asleep.  “Todd, this is Janet Tanner.  I just heard what you told Jim’s lawyer.  You know I wanted nothing from this marriage. Why did you do this?”

“As your lawyer, I’m responsible for looking after your best interests.  That’s all I was doing.”

“Well, you aren’t my lawyer any longer.  You’re fired!  Drop the divorce and send me a bill.”  She slammed down the phone.

You could hear a pin drop.  “Does this mean you’re not divorcing Jim after all?”  Dandy was hoping she’d reconsider now.

“I don’t know what it means.  I just can’t handle lawyers and bullshit right now.  Jim doesn’t need this and neither do I.”

They all stayed at the hospital taking turns, alternately sitting with Jim or staying in the waiting room.  Jim’s doctor came in and told them they would be re-evaluating his injuries the next day.  He seemed to rally a bit right after Janet’s call to her lawyer.  The doctor suggested they go home and get some rest.  The next day would be full of tests and the stress level would be high. 

Carl and Gladys agreed to stay at the apartment with Janet.  Just as they were leaving a nurse caught them and requested Janet return to ICU.  “Mr. Tanner is awake and asking for you.”

Janet took Jim’s hand.  “Jim, honey, I’m here.”

He managed to open one eye and whisper, “No divorce?”

“No baby, no divorce.  Just get well.  I love you.”  He slipped back to sleep and she kissed his hand.  “No divorce.”

The next five weeks were good and bad.  Jim began improving more rapidly until he realized his face had some serious scars.  He would need to undergo several plastic surgeries and he also needed extensive physical therapy and that would be difficult at best.  Jim didn’t want to be seen by anyone and to this point no one outside of the police, the medical staff, his body guards and family had.  Only one other person, a paparazzi, saw the extent of Jim’s accident.  The pictures he took showed a bloody body but there was so much blood it helped to cover how badly his face was hurt.

Jim told Dandy what he recalled of the accident.  Jim had been watching the telly and thinking about Janet most of the day.  On impulse he called and had flowers sent to her.  He thought maybe if he began a long distance courtship, she’d reconsider.  About an hour after sending the flowers, his lawyer called to tell him about Janet’s demands.  Jim tried to call Janet but only got her answering machine.  He left several messages for her to call and waited until one in the morning with still no word from Janet.  He assumed she didn’t want to talk to him and decided to go for a drive.

He called Bert at the gatehouse and asked if there were any reporters there.  Bert said the coast was clear.  “I just started driving.  I had no destination in mind.  I drove all night and into the next day, only stopping for petrol and a burger.  I still don’t remember what caused me to lose control, but I remember someone looking into the car and taking photos.  I kept telling myself he’d call for help but it never came.”

“I know.  The day after Janet arrived the photos were all over the tabloids.  The police began an investigation and caught the wanker.  He said he was hiding out near the apartment when you left.  He figured you were still there since no one saw you anywhere in the states, and the lights in the apartment indicated someone was living there.  He saw the accident and took the pictures, but had to drive all the way to Sydney to upload the pictures  and he didn’t want to ruin his exclusive by calling for help for you.  He finally did, twenty-nine hours later.”  Dandy was gritting his teeth the entire time he told Jim.

They had to decide where best to allow Jim to recuperate.  Although Sydney had some very fine facilities, the media still hadn’t given up on the story.  There were far less reporters and paparazzi than at the beginning, but still enough to make security necessary.

Janet knew Jim was very uneasy about being seen.  He felt he looked like Frankenstein.  His handsome face wasn’t what it was before, that was certain, but Janet wasn’t put off by it.  Her concern was for Jim ever being able to act again.  She stood in the kitchen at the apartment, thinking about the day Jim finally saw the damage to his face.

He'd insisted on being given a mirror.  When Dandy held the mirror up to his face Jim dissolved into tears.  He yelled at everyone to get out and leave him alone.  When Janet came back an hour later, he barely talked to her.  He held her at a distance for nearly a week.  Each time she went to give him a kiss, he’d turn away.

“Jim, what is going on?  Why are you acting this way?”  He’d just refused her kiss again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Janet was angry now.  “You know exactly what I’m talking about.  Every time I try to kiss you, you pull away or turn away.  Is it paybacks for leaving you or are you subtly trying to tell me you don’t want me any more?  What ever it is…tell me.”

“I don’t need your pity anymore than I need anyone else’s.”

“Pity?  Is that what you think?  I pity you?  Let’s get one thing straight.  I didn’t come here to pity you.  My God, Jim, you’re lucky you’re alive.  I’m sorry, sorry you had the accident, sorry you have to go through all this.  I’m even sorry your face was hurt.  But don’t for one minute think I pity you.”  Janet realized her voice was far louder than it should have been.  She took a deep breath and began again in a quieter voice.  “I prayed to God every day that you’d live.  When you were past the crisis and on the mend, I prayed He’d help you get through the physical therapy.  When you’ve gotten through that I’ll pray that the surgeon who does your reconstructive surgery does it well enough for you to return to work.  I want that.  Not for me, for you.  If you never had it done, it wouldn’t make a difference to me.”

“’Course it wouldn’t.  If I look like a Frankenstein, no one would look at me again.  You wouldn’t have to worry about anyone else fucking me.  That would make you happy. Right?”

“You self-centered prick!”  Janet was close to losing it now.  “Do it or don’t do it, but stop twisting everything so you can feel sorry for yourself.”  She was close to tears.  The stress of being at the hospital for weeks on end, trying to keep him buoyed up and the frustration of not being of any real help was too much.  “If that’s the way you feel about me…go fuck yourself!”  She left Jim lying there alone and made her way out of the hospital through the laundry room.  She eluded Jim’s security team and the few news people still staking out the hospital, walked across the street to a small park and sat on a bench, crying for several minutes.  When she finally calmed down she caught a taxi and gave the driver Sheryl’s address.

Half way there she realized Sheryl and Dave were in the states until next week.  Janet needed to find a quiet place to relax.  They passed a likely-looking pub and Janet told the driver to let her out there.  As she stepped from the cab, her cell phone rang.  It was Dandy.  She didn’t want to talk to anyone; she just wanted to have some time to think.  She looked at the number and placed the phone back in her purse.  He was probably worried about where she was.  “He can leave a message.  I’ll get back to him when I’m ready,” she thought as she walked into the pub.

Inside, the pub was dark and there were very few patrons.  Janet ordered a drink and sat in a booth near the back.  She thought back to the time Jim had asked her to fly to Oz to meet his parents.  It was right after he bought the ranch.   He’d finished his trip to New York and flew to Oregon, surprising her when he showed up on her doorstep unannounced.  He’d called several times while he was in New York, but she never expected him to come to Oregon.

Janet answered the door and saw what she thought was a flower delivery man standing on the doorstep.  There was a huge bouquet and the bearer was impossible to see beyond it.  When she asked if she needed to sign for the flowers, Jim moved them to the side just enough for her to see it was him.

“I was going to send flowers, but I was jealous of the delivery man so I decided to deliver them myself.”  He laughed.  “Are the flowers impressive enough to entice you to join me for dinner?”

Janet couldn’t believe it.  She took the bouquet and invited him in.  “Why didn’t you call and tell me you were coming?”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well, you’ve done that,” she giggled.  She took the flowers and set them on the table in the living room.  “They really are beautiful.  Thank you.”

“Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.”  He came and slipped his arms around her from behind.  “I think I’m falling in love with you, Jan.”  He whispered it so low she wasn’t certain she heard him correctly.

Janet turned to face him and smiled.  “What did you say?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”  He said it so seriously it took her a moment to let it sink in.  “I want you to come to Oz with me.  I want you to meet my family.”

The barkeep came and asked her if she wanted another drink.  She told him she did.  She rarely drank hard liquor and was already feeling the effects of the first drink. 

The road to recovery was long and hard, incredibly hard.  Jim had to begin physical therapy at the hospital.  Muscles that had atrophied needed to be stretched and strengthened.  This included almost every muscle in his body.  It was terribly painful at first and the sessions left him aching and exhausted.  When the time came for him to leave Royal South Sydney, he had to make a decision as to where he would continue the physical recuperation.  They had decided that Jim would be better off in Texas.  She had contacted a contractor to build a gym on the ranch, behind the house.  It would have a swimming pool, weights, anything and everything Jim would need to regain his physical prowess. 

Australia had several top-flight facilities to choose from, however none of them could assure him total privacy or anonymity.  He wanted and needed to be where no one but his family and security friends could see him the way he was.  Janet finally hit on the idea of taking him back to Houston.  The doctor that would eventually perform his plastic surgery lived in Houston and they would have to go there sooner or later anyway.  She suggested they retain a physical therapist and have a place built with all the necessary equipment for him to use.  That way he could be at home and have the privacy he wanted while regaining his strength.

After they made the decision, Janet began searching for a good physical therapist.  He came in the form of Terry Terrino.  He was highly recommended, and when he said he would come, Janet gave him open purse strings to buy whatever equipment he would need.  The gym would be finished in two weeks. 

Now she almost wished she hadn’t suggested they go there.  She wanted to leave, go home, forget she ever knew Jim.  She needed the peace and quiet of the ranch.  With Jim there, in the frame of mind he was in now, she knew it would be anything but peaceful.  Her cell phone rang and she ignored it.

Her mind wandered back to Oregon, back to when Jim first arrived.  They went to Eugene for dinner that night.  Daniel was staying with a friend for the weekend.  School had just ended and he was at odds about what to do for the summer.  When Janet mentioned it to Jim at dinner he smiled and said, “Why not ask Dan to come to Oz with us?  He’ll love it there.”

“Well, first off, I didn’t say I was going.  Second, I’m not sure I want my sixteen year old son knowing I’m sleeping with you.  I assume that will be part of the agenda?”  Janet was smiling when she said it and really only meant it as a tease.

Jim seemed to think about that for a moment.  He looked down at his plate and when he looked back up he was as serious as he had ever been with her.  “You’re right, Jan.  It wouldn’t do to have your son thinking we were sleeping together without some sort of commitment.  I don’t want him to think you’re a convenient root.  I respect you too much for that.  Perhaps if we told him we were thinking of getting married, he’d understand.”

“What?  I’m not lying to my son just so I can go off to Australia with you.”  Janet and Dan had a close relationship.  She would never consider deceiving him just to spend time with Jim.

“It wouldn’t be a lie if we got engaged.”  Jim said it quietly but the words thundered in Janet’s head.  Was he proposing?

“I…I…,” she stammered.

Jim took her hand in his. “I’m asking you to marry me, Janet.”

“You can’t be serious!”  Janet was dumbstruck.  “We barely know each other.  I can’t have children.  I’m way too old for you…”

“Jan, I’ve been in love with you since the day we met at the Collier’s party.  I didn’t realize it at the time.  I just found you incredibly attractive and unavailable.  You can’t imagine how many times I thought of you since then.  I was jealous of Connor and never understood how he could have a wife like you and be so oblivious.  I read every word written about his affairs and hated him for treating you that way.  He could have at least been discrete or denied them.  He humiliated you in public and I hated him for that.”

He kissed her hand. “The day you went to the set, when Connor and I were working together, I wanted to kiss you and tell you then to leave him.  I wanted to hold you so badly it hurt. Did he tell you that I promised never to work with him again?”

“Yes.  He didn’t tell me why.”

“I went to him right after you left and told him that I couldn’t work with a man who treated his wife with so little respect.  I finished the film, but I’ll never be in one of his films again.”

Janet downed her second drink, hoping it would drown the conflicting emotions she was trying to suppress. She motioned to the barkeep for another drink and thought what an enigma Jim was. He treated her with respect in front of others, yet he trampled her feelings in private.  Not when they were together alone, only when they were apart.  Now he somehow thought that as long as he wasn’t attractive she could expect him to be faithful.  “What a shit he is.”  Janet said it so loudly the other patrons in the pub could hear.  They looked over at the woman sitting by herself.  She was obviously drunk.  A woman at the bar said, “Right luvvy!  Men, they’re all shites!”

Janet gave her a lopsided grin and a ‘thumbs up’.  Why did Sheryl have to be in the states?  She really needed to talk to Sheryl.  Janet was tired, so tired.  Just some peace, some rest.  Her third drink came and she drank it down without stopping.  It hit her hard and she slowly slumped down with her head on her arms on the table.  The barkeep came to see if she was all right.  When he heard her cell phone ring, he carefully pulled it out of her purse and answered it.

Dandy arrived just fifteen minutes later.  “Jan, wake up, honey.  We need to get you home.”

“Home…to the states?  Oregon?”  Janet was slurring her words.  Dandy could tell how drunk she was.  She’d pay for it in the morning but it was probably what she needed tonight.  Dandy had only seen Janet drunk once.  That was a night to remember.

“No, sweetheart, home to the apartment.  You’ve had everyone worried.  Carl and Gladys are waiting for us.  Jim was worried, too.”

“Jim?  No, he’s not worried ‘bout me.  He’s just worried he’ll never be able to fuck anyone else.” 

Dandy didn’t answer her.  He just gently pulled her up from the booth and helped her out to the car.  They drove to the apartment and Aaron held the door open for them.  “Do you need help getting her up?”

“No, I’ve got her.”

“I’ve never seen Mrs. Tanner drunk before.  Is everything okay?”  Aaron liked Janet.  She was always polite and friendly, not like most of the other rich bastards that lived in the building.

“She’ll be fine, Aaron, thanks.”

Carl met Dandy at the door and helped him get Janet to the bedroom.  Gladys already had the bedclothes pulled back.  She helped Janet undress and slip into a tee shirt, then tucked her into bed.  “Jim was very worried about you.  I called to let him know you were all right.”

Janet should have just gone to sleep.  The alcohol spoke instead.  “Jim’s only worried that I’ll be the only piece of ass he’ll ever get again.”  She passed out.

Gladys Tanner sat next to Janet.  She wasn’t as stupid as everyone thought.  She knew full well that Jim had been bedding other women.  She knew he did it in his first marriage.  Of course, Sandy had been playing around as well.  When she first met Janet, Gladys fully expected an ‘open’ marriage like the first one.  When it was evident that Janet wasn’t that type she became worried.  Jim had insisted they marry without a pre-nuptial agreement, and Gladys felt Janet would sooner or later realize he was unfaithful.  She would probably ask for a divorce and demand a lion’s share of Jim’s wealth.

Gladys had done her homework before Jim and Janet arrived in Oz.  When Jim called and said they were engaged, Gladys wanted to find out what type of woman Janet was.  She went onto the internet and read everything she could about Connor and his marriage.  There was far more about him and his affairs than there was about his wife.  She seemed always to be far in the background.  She was a housewife who never attended any of the premieres or well-known celebrity award ceremonies.  The general feeling was that she shunned the limelight and stayed buried at home.  No wonder her husband had affairs.

Gladys did find that when the divorce finally happened, Janet had fought Connor for custody of the children and for alimony and child support.  She won the alimony and child support based on the affairs in his past, but lost full custody in favor of shared custody.  The divorce left her financially comfortable, and her son lived with her, while her daughter lived with her ex-husband.

Gladys gained only a small amount of satisfaction that there would be no children from this marriage.  Jim was already paying a tremendous amount in child support for Davey.  She knew Jim wanted more children, though, and she wanted grandchildren close.  She and Carl rarely saw Davey. Sandy was such a bitch.

When they finally met, Gladys and Carl were surprised at how opposite Janet was from Sandy.  She was warm and friendly, although a bit apprehensive at first.  But she smiled and laughed and seemed genuinely to love Jim.  Her son Daniel accompanied them.  He was an intelligent and open boy.  She was surprised that he was so young.  He was wise beyond his years.

She had a conversation with him the day after they arrived.  He came into the kitchen and she asked if she could make brekkie for him.  “I’ll wait for everyone else,” he’d said.

“So, how do you feel about your mum and Jim getting married?”  She expected him to say something vague or maybe nasty, since Jim and Janet hadn’t known each other long.  Most kids resent the ‘new’ man or woman in their parents lives.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Mom really happy.  If he can do that for her, then I’m all for it.” 

“It doesn’t bother you that they haven’t known each other long?”

Daniel stopped to consider the question.  When he answered, she could see he was carefully choosing his words.  “My mom and dad knew each other for two years before they finally got married.  He was stepping out on her even then.  She didn’t know it until after they married.  I don’t see that knowing my dad for two years made any difference in what happened afterwards.”  He thought for a moment. “Mrs. Tanner, my mom lived with a real piece of work.  Dad made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for him every day they were married.  Jim makes her feel special and she is.  She just never had anyone give her that.”

As Dan turned to walk out onto the patio, she heard him say, “If he fucks around on her I’ll cut off his balls.”

Janet woke up the next morning feeling like death warmed over.  Her head was pounding in cadence with her heart rate and her stomach was protesting the vile liquid she'd forced on it the night before.   She was afraid if she got up she’d retch all over the beautiful carpet.  If she didn’t get up the carpet would be safe but the bed would get what the carpet didn’t need.  She managed to get to the bathroom and offered it to the toilet.

After steadying her shaking limbs, Janet found the Panadol and managed to swallow two of them with a small amount of water.  She staggered back to bed and was able to sleep for three more hours once her head calmed its pounding and her stomach began to relax.

When she finally got up it was after noon.  Dandy was there in the sitting room when she walked out.  “Mornin’.”  Dandy was rarely out of sorts.  He nearly always had a smile even when he was hip-deep in security problems.  He was a nice-looking man and his easy going personality made him attractive to the many women he came in contact with through working with Jim.  He had nearly as many affairs with starlets as Jim had but never considered getting involved with any of them.  When Jim introduced him to her, it was the only time Dandy was truly jealous of him.  “Feelin’ better?”

Janet just nodded and headed to the kitchen.  She made tea for herself and Dandy and carried the cups to the sitting room.  “Cuppa?”  She handed him the tea and slumped down on the couch.  “Thanks for coming to get me last night.  I guess I didn’t handle yesterday very well.”

“It’s been a long, tough row to hoe.  Jim’s been a total fuckwit and you haven’t been eatin’ or gettin’ enough rest.  I was waitin’ for you to come apart.  I’m just glad you didn’t overdo it.”  Dandy saw Janet’s alcoholic fling as therapeutic.

“Well, if I felt better for it, it would be one thing.”  She rubbed at her still aching head.  “Dandy, I feel like I’m going to explode.”

“I’ll get you some Panadol.”  He started to get up.

“No, that’s not what I mean.  I mean, I feel like my life is coming apart.”  She stopped for a moment, wrestling with the headache.  “I knew when I left Connor it was long overdue.  I didn’t love him and he obviously didn’t love me.  Our divorce made sense.  But with Jim, nothing makes sense.  Our marriage after knowing each other such a short time didn’t make sense.  It was a mistake, I know it.  It’s just…”

“That you love him,” Dandy finished.  “And that doesn’t make sense either, right?”

“I guess so.  I don’t know; I’m so confused.”

“Might I suggest somethin’?”

“What?”

“Don’t go to the hospital for a few days.  Take a break and give Jim one.  He needs to have time to think about this whole situation without any intrusions from well-meanin’ family.  I already asked Gladys and Carl not to go.”

“So where are they?”  Janet assumed since they weren’t at the apartment, they must be at the hospital.

“They went for a stroll in the Botanical Gardens, took a picnic.  Let Jim be alone, Jan.  He’s had you and them there for support and all he’s done so far is use all of you for whippin’ posts.”

“Dandy, Jim needs…”

“Space, Jan, he needs space.  He has to come to terms with what happened and he has to do that himself.”

Janet sighed heavily.  “Maybe you’re right.”

Sheryl called two days later to let her know they were back early.  It was evident that Janet needed to talk so Sheryl invited her for lunch.  They sat by the pool discussing Jim’s attitude.

“I don’t know Sheryl. I want to help him but I don’t know how.”

“Does this mean you’ve forgiven him for what he did?  Or are you still going through with the divorce once he’s better?”

“That’s the sixty-four thousand dollar question.  I love him, I do.  But I don’t think he’ll change and I can’t live with that.  When I didn’t know for sure, I could deny it to myself.  Now that it’s out there, I can’t.  I keep remembering the whole thing.  It would have been bad enough to have anyone else there, but the fact that it was Sandy made it worse.  I felt I wasn’t even as good as his ‘best day’.”  Sheryl didn’t understand so Janet explained.

“You know, Jan, I talked to Jim right after you left.  I never said anything to you because I didn’t want to make things worse.”  Janet sat with her mouth slightly agape and before she could say anything, Sheryl plunged forward. “I went to the apartment and dressed him down royally.  He took the whole thing without so much as a word.  When I got done yelling at him he just sat on the couch and cried.”  Sheryl paused, “Now don’t get mad, but he made a pass at me.”

“What?  He made a pass at my best friend?”  It was obvious Janet was ready to explode. 

“Jan, wait.  I didn’t tell you this to make you angrier at him.  I want you to understand that it wasn’t like a seduction.  In fact, except that he obviously wanted sex, it was more like he was trying to make me like him, forgive him for what he’d done.”  She hurried on, “Jan, I think Jim needs help.  I don’t think he sleeps around on you because he wants to. It’s his way of seeking approval or forgiveness.  I asked around while I was in the states.  My roommate in college is a psychologist.  I told her what was going on.  I didn’t mention your name or Jim’s.  She said there is a clinical name for what Jim has and she said it is very real.  She also said without help, Jim will never break the cycle he’s in and it will continue.”

When Janet didn’t say anything, Sheryl drove home her point.  “My friend also told me that the difference between a man like Jim and a man like Connor is that Jim cares about the infidelity.  It hurts him to do it and it hurts him to cover it up.  Often times, men like Jim end up either living miserable lives, or they get to the point where they end it.  If they have a wife who leaves them, they start the cycle all over again and continue to fail at the one thing they want most to succeed.  If the wife ignores it and allows it to continue, the guilt can push them to self-destruction.  My point is Jim isn’t just an inconsiderate, self absorbed bastard like Connor.  He desperately wants to be faithful but can’t, and it hurts him.”

“How can you know that?  Jim is a very good actor. He could make anyone believe he’s sincere.  I’ve seen him act his way out of plenty of situations.”  Janet knew as she said it that she could always tell when he was acting and when he wasn’t.

“I’m sure you have.  But, Jan, I could tell he wasn’t acting with me.  There was something in his eyes that told me he was being truthful.  He does love you.  I have no doubt about that.  I have no doubt that he hates himself for what he does.  All I’m saying is…talk to him.  See if he’ll go to a psychologist.  If he fits the parameters of this illness, he can be helped.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then get the divorce and move on.”

ON TO PART 5

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