By Atonia Walpole

(picture creations also by Atonia)

Chapter 1

“I’m not cooking anymore,” she announced.

Her father looked over the table. “What do you mean? Looks like you’ve got enough here.”

"I mean I’m through. I’m tired of it. I’m sick of it and I’m not doing it anymore."

“What do you think you’ll eat then?” her father asked.

“Whatever other people eat that don’t cook.” She tore off her apron, tossed it on the floor and walked out.

Her father and younger brother completed their meal in near silence before going back to the fields to finish out the work day.

It was 1946. Zoe O’Malley  was 15 and had been cooking since she was 12, the year her mother died. She ran away from the stone cottage down to the outcropping of stones and found her special place for thinking and dreaming.

Below the rock the lowlands flowed to the sea, which lay glistening in the sun as though it were filled with diamonds. The horizon blended with the pale sky so that you couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other began. She rested her chin on her knees. Off to the left the canneries were sending up smoke to blend with the air. Bad air her mother always said. The air down there was bad. It was better to be up here on the hillside above the bluff, a healthy place. It hadn’t been too healthy for her mother, or maybe she was just tired of having babies and died.

It wasn’t the lowlands that attracted her; it was the sea. When she was 10 she went with her mother down to the lowlands to visit her grandmother. Her uncle was in and she sat and listened to his tales of far off places. She and her brother went with him to see his ship. She thought the port was exciting, almost like an airport. She’d been to one of those, too, once to see her Aunt off to America. But Zoe had never been on the sea or in airplane. Her uncle would not be returning with tales of the sea. He died in the war off the coast of England, near enough home to smell it if he’d been able to say.

Her older sister married at 17 and went off to Glasgow to live with her husband. Her older brother left home at age 16 and no one knew where he was. Three more died of influenza. Then there were the babies lying next to their mother in the graveyard. That left Zoe and Dominic. Dominic was 11 now and a great help to their father. He’d been exempted from service due damaged lungs from working in the mines as a young man.

Her eyes went to a lorry crawling along the road down at the top end of the lowlands. It looked like a brown beetle. She imagined the lowlands were populated with brown beetles, beetles that never looked up to see the wide expanse of sky that covered them and never knew they had wings.

The wind caught under the outcropping and whooshed up, bringing the fishy smell from the canneries. Zoe pinched her nose until it blew away. She wished she could fly right over the lowlands and across that sparkling sea.

“Zoe, Zoe!” Dominic called excitedly.

“Go away!”

“Zoe, you’ve got to come…it’s our father!”

The small knot of people faded from the graveyard, hunched under black umbrellas. Zoe and Dominic still waited by the hole in the ground where their father’s casket had been lowered. Zoe threw onto the box the field flowers she’d been clutching until the stems had wilted.

Back in the stone cottage she and Dominic sat in their best clothes while around them people spoke in quiet tones and passed around plates of cakes and little sandwiches sent in by the churchwomen.

Mary, home from Glasgow for the funeral, was already saying her goodbyes. So sorry she couldn’t take them with her but there just wasn’t room.

Zoe looked across the room at her grandmother. Her hands were knotted with arthritis, blue veined and purplish on the knob of her cane. Her dark eyes bore into Zoe for there was no one else to take them in.

Down in the lowlands in a tall narrow house there was poverty. Not the poverty they were used to up on the bluff for at least there had been decent food to eat and Zoe had somehow kept them in clothes. This was a cold, hard poverty of the mind and spirit. Her grandmother ate little and did not account for a growing boy and a teen-aged girl.

Dominic attended school down the narrow, mean streets of the town. Zoe was almost envious of him. She’d finished school and was ready to find work but her grandmother let the woman go who’d been looking after her. She looked to Zoe to take care of her.

She might have been a pretty woman, might have laughed and loved at sometime in her life. All that had been drained out of her over the years. She was bitter and spoke little unless she complained about the amount of waste in the kitchen. There was no waste. With the coins she counted out for Zoe to shop for the three of them there was little to start with.

The grandmother fell over a rug and broke her hip. Within three weeks she was dead. Zoe was not sorry to see her go. They attended her funeral in the same clothes they’d worn to their father’s funeral only now they hung loosely about them and Dominic’s pants had been let out without a hem.

Zoe had just turned sixteen when the solicitor came to visit them with her grandmother’s will. She had the house and 300.00. It seemed like a fortune to her.

She sat Dominic down in the kitchen after the solicitor left. “We can stay here in this house or we can take the money and buy a ticket somewhere and leave.”

“What kind of ticket?”

“I don’t know, bus or a train. It’s a chance to get out of this place. It might not come again. If we stay here I’ll have to find a job probably in the cannery or one of the mills. You’ll finish school and do the same. We’ll be stuck here forever between the graveyard and the sea.”

“Where would we go?”

“Where would you like to go?”

“America.”

Zoe wrote to the solicitor and asked him how to get to America. She lied and said they had a brother, Sean, in New York and that they would be going to live with him. She reckoned it might not be a lie for Sean might be in New York. She hadn’t seen him in four years.

Between him and the minister of her grandmother’s church they got together the documents they would need. The sale of the house and its contents brought her 800.00.

***

If the people in the lowlands were beetles, New York was full of ants, everybody moving, cars, trucks, vans all in motion. Zoe and Dominic were caught up in the motion as they walked the streets looking in shop windows where there were actually things to buy. Zoe was as much a child as Dominic, filled with excitement and squealing in delight over the fruits of the city. Their feet carried them far and wide and to a window with a notice. Help Wanted.

Zoe looked at Dominic with her eyes wide and handed him her suitcase. “Wait here.”

It was a night club. Curious glances followed her as she walked inside and looked around. Zoe didn’t know such places existed. It looked wonderful.

“Help you, Miss?” A little man in a plaid suit stopped her.

“Yes, please. The sign in the window said you were looking for help.”

He looked her up and down and took her into a little room.  “Tootsie, got another one for ya.”

The woman who answered the name turned around. Her shiny black hair was rolled up around her face, red lipstick and she was wearing a snug fitting, black satin suit. “You’ve gotta be kidding, Ralphie.”

Zoe clutched her handbag to her chest.

“How old are you, sugar?”

“Eighteen,” she lied.

“Eighteen, eh?  Put that bag down and take off your coat.”

Nervously Zoe did as asked.

“Turn around.” Tootsie placed a red-lacquered fingernail in her mouth. “What’s your name?”

“Zoe O’Malley.”

“Ha, just off the boat! Where are you from, Ireland?”

“No, ma’am, England. And…and it was a plane.”

“She’s a looker,” Ralphie commented.

“Yeah, needs a little polishing up…and clothes.”

Zoe’s long red tresses were handled, pulling them up to the top of her head. “Nice, eh?” Tootsie spoke to Ralphie.

“I’m tellin’ ya, Toots.”

“All right, kid. You can start tonight. Be here at eight…no, make that seven. You need some work.”

“I’ve got the job?”

“Yeah, you got it, kid.  Where are ya stayin’?”

“Um…well, we just got here today and…I haven’t found a place yet. It’s my little brother and me.”

“Ralphie…find this little lady a place to stay.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Don’t thank me, sugar. You haven’t seen the rat trap he’s got for ya.”

The rat trap turned out to be a tiny room crammed with two beds and a dresser over an Italian bakery. The smells from the bakery permeated the room and sent Zoe and Dominic downstairs to sample the sweets and strong coffee.

“It’s going to be grand, Dom, grand!”

Within six hours of landing in New York she had a job and a place to stay.

“What am I supposed to do here?” Dominic asked.

“Well, I suppose we’ll have to see about school. There is so much to think about.”

Dominic got himself a job at the bakery taking out garbage and washing down the floors at night.

By the time Zoe walked out on the floor of the club with her cigarette tray around her neck she was nearly unrecognizable from the girl who walked into the place that morning. Her hair was rolled up on the sides and arranged in the latest style from Hollywood. She wore makeup for the first time in her life. She was wobbly in the high heels which were a size too large and embarrassed in the short little red outfit with her breasts mounding over the neckline.

It took some getting used to. She had to put her feet down just so and not bump into the customers' heads with the tray.

“Cigarettes, cigars, matches…cigarettes, cigars, matches.”

At the large round table he laughed loudly and everyone else at the table laughed, too. That is until he spotted the new cigarette girl. He stopped and everyone else at the table stopped, too, and looked in the direction his eyes were focused.

He motioned for her to come over. “I’ll take a cigar. Don’t you know red heads should never wear red? They might catch fire.”

“It’s not my dress,” she said nervously. Her hands shook when she lit the match and he caught her hand, holding it steady.

Blowing out the match, he took it from her and tossed it in the ashtray on the table. “What’s your name?”

“Zoe.”

“You’re new here, ain'tcha?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be so afraid…Zoe.”

“I have to…um…I’m not supposed to…uh.”

He smiled and looked into her eyes. “You go on, honey, sell your smokes. I’ll see ya.”

She pulled herself away from his table but paused and looked back to see him looking directly at her. He made her uneasy…those eyes and the way he used them.

It was 2:00 AM when she bent over her aching feet, rubbing them before slipping on her own shoes. The skimpy red dress was in a locker along the tortuous high heels. She rubbed the red lipstick off her mouth with a tissue and picked up her handbag. She was flush with money tonight from tips.

“Hey, Zoe!” one of the other girls called her. “There’s a swell out here waitin’ for ya.”

“What?” She walked out of the tiny dressing room to see the man who bought the cigar waiting with an overcoat over his arm.

“Hello.” She edged toward the door.

“Hello, Zoe.”

Chapter 2

Handsome, charismatic and rich, he took her back to her bakery room in a chauffeur-driven limo. Before handing her out of the car he extracted a soft kiss. “Don’t let that upset you. It was only a kiss. Sweet dreams, Zoe doll.”

“Dominic, wake up!” She was so full of it she couldn’t wait until morning to tell him about her night.

He listened, sleepy eyed and propped up on the pillow. “So, Zoe, who is this guy?”

“His name is Ben Wade.”

Because she was young and inexperienced he took a Svengali-like approach to her. He was patient and there was plenty of time for her to pay her debt to him. Within a week he’d moved her and her brother to a furnished apartment in a building he owned. Dominic was enrolled in school and quit his job at the bakery. Ben insisted he also work and found things for him to do. He became  Ben’s delivery boy.

However school and Dominic did not get along. Because of the war and his sketchy education over the past few years he was behind his classmates. Ben put him in a private school for boys and his delivery job on hold.

With Dominic out of the apartment, Ben turned his attention to Zoe. He sent her around to a hair salon and had her nails done. He showered her with gifts and soon her closet was full of the latest fashions. He introduced her to his friends and sat back, proud of his creation.

Zoe went from thinking he was a nice man to falling in love with him. She’d never had a boyfriend before. Though he was old enough to be her father there was nothing fatherly about him. He exuded sex appeal and she had a yearning for him that he would not satisfy. He traveled back and forth across the country. When he was gone she moped around feeling half sick.

She never asked him what sort of business he was in and he never told her. It did not involve regular business hours, an office or any kind of actual work that she could determine. Whatever it was, it was profitable. He gave her a mink stole on her birthday.

He moved her from the apartment into his own penthouse but he kept separate bedrooms. He took her to a club for her 21^stbirthday and had a big party for her. She never told him she was really turning 19. That night he took her to bed. She was a little afraid of it but she loved him so much she went beneath him easily.

“You were worth waiting for,” he told her.

“I love you, Ben.”

Thereafter she slept with him. He came in one day with a ring box and she was near tears when she opened it.

“Does this mean we’re engaged?”

“No, doll, it means I’m giving you a birthstone ring. I woulda had it for your birthday but it had to be set.”

She was disappointed but still accepted the ring and kissed him. After all, it would only be a matter of time now.

Dominic left school at age sixteen and came to the penthouse. He declared there was nothing else the school could teach him. To Zoe’s surprise, Ben agreed. Dominic went to work for Ben.

Dominic was the same age as Ben when he got his start quite by accident. He’d been working for a boss delivering packages. One day he wrecked his bike and fell hard onto the pavement of the Chicago street. The package came open. He forgot his bloody knee and skinned elbow while he counted the money. The package was never delivered and Ben Wade had disappeared.

Now he had his finger in legitimate businesses and not so legitimate enterprises.  Wherever money was to be made he was there. Money laundering, stolen merchandise, vehicles, loan sharking; it really didn’t matter to him what it was as long as he got his. He lived well, paid his people well and expected undying loyalty. The alternative was often fatal.

Zoe was unaware of his life outside her presence. She begged to go with him on his trips and he always refused.

“You are a jewel. A perfect jewel needs a perfect setting. This is it, baby. You would not shine where I go.”’

“Ben, when are you going to marry me?”

“Did I say I was going to marry you? I don’t remember that.” He kissed away her questions. She forgave him everything and did not ask again, although it stayed with her like a toothache.

Not often did he have visitors at the penthouse unless he had a party. He sent her to her room when his visitor arrived. Curiosity opened the door enough so that she could get a glimpse of the man, a tall good-looking man with an ease about him not usually seen in Ben’s presence.

When Ben moved to pour drinks for them she heard part of the conversation and it devastated her.

“Yes, she is, a pretty little thing.”

“How long have you had her?”

“She was a kid of 18, green, and I mean green.”

“You gonna marry her?”

“Hell no! You know I can’t do that. One wife on the payroll is enough. I’ve had her for three years. Long enough…maybe I’ll give her to you.”

“I take my payments in cash but if you want to throw in a bonus…”

She never heard the rest. Stumbling to the bathroom she turned on the shower to drown out her sobs. A little later Ben knocked on the bathroom door.

“Goin’ out, Zoe. See ya tomorrow.” He tried the door. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I heard what you said about me.”

“Ah, forget it, Baby. I didn’t mean nothing by that.”

“You don’t love me! You never intended to marry me because you’ve already got a wife.”

“Hey, keep it down and get a hold on yourself. You don’t know what I got and don’t got so don’t worry about it. Get yourself cleaned up. I’m going out.”

After he left she called Dominic and, sobbing and crying, got her story out. His reaction shocked her. “Don’t tell me nothing!” he shouted over the phone. “I don’t want to hear it! Don’t tell me nothing.!”

She couldn’t live with him anymore. She couldn’t stay there knowing how he felt about her, knowing he was ready to get rid of her. She pulled out a bag and began throwing clothes into it. Money, she needed cash. In his office she opened a drawer where she knew he kept cash. He always had cash on hand. She took it all, not bothering to count it. Then she called a taxi.

“Where to, Miss?”

“Grand Central Station.”

She was in a sleeping berth though not sleeping when Ben got home about daylight. He searched the penthouse and then went to his office and saw the open drawer. He looked angry for a moment and then he slowly smiled. “You created her. What’d you expect?” His smile hid a sense of loss. He didn’t blame her after what she’d heard. He wished he’d explained himself to her.

Chapter 3

As carefully as she could, she applied makeup to her eyes to try and hide the puffiness but her blue orbs rested in a sea of red. Sunglasses.

“Pardon me, is this seat taken?” All the rest appeared to be taken and he really needed a cup of coffee.

Zoe looked up over her sunglasses at the tall handsome man leaning on a cane. “No, have a seat.”

“Thanks.” He sat down, resting his cane against the window wall of the train.

She picked up her coffee cup and turned over the newspaper folded on the table. She wasn’t reading it but it gave her something to do.

“Where are ya headed?” he asked, unfolding his napkin and waiting for the steward to fill his coffee cup.

Again she looked over her glasses. “The train is going to Los Angeles.”

He grinned and took a sip of the coffee. “I knew that.”

“So why’d you ask?”

“Had to say something. I’m Alex Ross.”

“Good for you.”

“No, you’re supposed to say my name is…”

“Zoe.”

“Now that’s an unusual name. Not Betty, Susie, Mary, Veronica…Zoe.”

She sighed and unfolded the paper, looking for another page.

“I guess you don’t wanna talk. Can’t say I blame you.” He took another drink and looked out at the passing landscape. His eyes turned back on her. “Did the Yankee’s pull it off last night?”

“Pardon?”

“Well, you’re reading the sports page. I woulda thought that would be in bold print.”

“You don’t give up, do you?”

He grinned.

He had the sweetest smile and the most devilish eyes. She pushed her sunglasses up on her nose and picked her cup up again. “You can have the paper. It was just a prop.”

“A prop, eh? Now why would you need a prop?”

“To keep from having to talk to guys like you. It’s too early in the morning for such gaiety.”

“Ah, we’re not a morning person, are we?”

“Not this morning.”

“I didn’t sleep either. Too noisy, all that clickety clack all night long. And then there was the tossing and turning and crying woman above me.”

She looked up at him. “You were beneath me?”

“Oh, now, I like the way you think.”

“That’s all guys ever think about. Disgusting…all of you.”

“It’s not all I think about but I do think about it. Some people bring it to mind.” His breakfast arrived and he buttered his toast.

“What was all that about anyway?”

“Of all the…is it any of your business?”

“It is when you keep me up all night. You don’t have to tell me. I can guess it was some guy done you wrong.”

She put her cup down and reached down for her purse.

“Oh, now don’t let me run you off. Stay. I promise to be good. Scout’s honor and I was a scout.”

“What kind of a scout?”

“Boy scout. I really was.”

She smiled and quirked her lips around. “What’s the cane for?”

“Oh that. It’s a prop to gain sympathy.”

“Does it work?”

He chuckled. “Obviously not.”

Zoe put her purse back down. She liked this brash boy scout. He was a good diversion. “Do you want sympathy?”

“No, what I need is encouragement. Encouragement. Just what the doctor ordered up for me.”

“What happened to you, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“You’re English, right? I was a navy pilot flying around your country, that is until I got shot down over the Channel. Never made it to D-Day.”

“I’m sorry. You must be very brave.”

“Or stupid…yeah, stupid.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I lost an uncle in the war. He was in the Royal Navy.”

“Everybody lost somebody or something.” He looked out of the window again and his eyes lost that devilish gaiety for a moment. “I lost part of a leg.”

She didn’t know where it came from. “Top or bottom?”

The devil was back. “Top, bottom is still there.”

“I think you’re wonderful.”

He went perfectly still. “No one has ever said that to me.”

She wasn’t sure why she had but it was in her mind and it came out. She was a little embarrassed for being so open.  “Why are you going to California?”

“It's home. Why are you going?”

“It’s not New York.”

“Bad thing happened in New York?”

“Yes and no. Why were you in New York?”

“Let’s see…oh yeah, a buddy of mine was going home same as me and I went with him. He was a little shy about his appliance.”

“Appliance?”

“You probably didn’t notice since I’m such a tall dark and handsome guy but...."

“You are.”

“Ahem, I have an artificial leg. Starts just below my left knee. I’ve been at Bethesda learning to walk again.”

“You must be an inspiration to others in the same boat.”

He took a breath. “I had my own demons to confront. That’s one reason I just now went for the prosthesis. I’ve been home for almost four years, sitting in a wheel chair feeling sorry for myself, hobbling around on crutches like I was mentally handicapped as well as physically.”

“What finally gave you the…?"

“My father died.”

“Mine too.”

They sat together during the day, talking until their heads met and they went to sleep leaning on each other.

He was so easy for her to talk to. She told him about her life in England and how she came to be in America. She glossed over Ben Wade, only saying she’d met someone and fell in love only to find out he had been playing with her.

He told her about growing up in Hollister. His father had been a farmer, too, in spite of losing an arm in France during WWI. His family sold off most of the land but still had a nice farm. No, he wasn’t planning to be a farmer. He wanted to write but he couldn’t live on paper and pen. He had a job waiting for him at Berkley if he wanted it.

As she fell asleep she thought about Ben for a little while and then Alex shifted his head a little on her shoulder. She would not think of Ben again.

That night as they were preparing to gain their berths again he waited for her to climb up into hers with her pajamas on and a robe tied around her waist. She stuck her head out of the curtains.

“It’s been the most wonderful day.”

“Yeah…it has.” He had on his pajamas but hadn’t taken off the artificial limb yet. “I think you’re something special.”

"SHHH !!" – from the berth opposite them.

“Special,” he whispered

Impulsively she took his face in her hands and lightly kissed him. “Good night.”

“If you get lonely up there or have nightmares or anything I’m, um, beneath you,” he grinned.

“Go to bed,” she smiled and closed her curtains.

He stared at her closed curtain for a minute and then, still smiling, sat down on his bunk and closed himself up for the night.

Alex was like a bright sun and she needed that bright sun after the darkness that was Ben. He was so positive and open. If he’d fought demons, he’d won. She was proud of him, of what he’d sacrificed and where he was now. She felt like rooting for him…go, Alex, go! She wished she’d met him when she came to New York instead of Ben. Things might have been different for her. Oh, there wouldn’t be limousines or fur coats or jewels but for a girl who’d never had anything she would never have missed it. Never. He’d bought and paid for her…his toy, his wind-up doll. She punched her pillow and tried to clear her mind of Ben. She thought about Alex’s smile.

“What will you do when you reach Los Angeles?”

“Find a place to live and a job, I guess.”

“What kind of work do you do?”

“I’ve only had one job and it lasted a short time. I was a cigarette girl in a club.”

“Hmm.”

“Not much to recommend me, is it?”

“You won’t have a problem, a girl as pretty as you. Look, um, I’ll give you my address and you write to me and tell me where you are. I’ll come see you if that’s okay.”

“Would you really?” Her expression changed. “I’m sure you know some nice girls to go see. I’m not...."

“I don’t know any nice girls except you.”

“I’m not really. I’m damaged goods.”

“So am I. I’ll come if you tell me where you are.”

“All right. I’ll send you a note.”

When they reached California he got off the train with her since he had to change trains. She waited around with him for a little while.

“It will be here in about ten minutes. Where will you go from here, Zoe? You don’t know LA.”

“No, I don’t but I didn’t know New York either. I’ll be okay. I don’t know what to say except I’m awfully glad to have met you. You came along just when I needed…someone like you.”

“I won’t be far away and I’ll be here when I hear from you. Gosh, Zoe, I don’t want to leave you.”

“You have to. Your family’s planning a celebration for you.”

“I wish you’d come with me.”

“No, I can’t. I need to get myself straightened out, Alex. I wouldn’t be good for you right now.”

They both heard the train pulling in.

“You know I’m going to kiss you, don’t you?”

“I’m not going to stop you.” She smiled and went into his arms. That kiss sealed him in her heart. She didn’t want to let go of him. “Good bye for now.”

She blinked back tears, watching him walk away.

She had a chatty cabdriver who insisted she looked like Rhonda Fleming. “Are you sure you’re not her traveling incognito?”

“I’m very sure. Now about those apartment buildings?”

“You sure look like her. You could be her double.”

She put her sunglasses on and tied her scarf around her hair.

Los Angeles was a different world than New York City. For one thing it was newer and spread out. You didn’t live in a cavern of tall buildings. The apartment building she chose was only four stories high, built in an art deco design popular in the 30’s. Her apartment was on the third floor in the back of the building with a view of a fountain. It wasn’t the luxurious penthouse in New York but it was a far cry from the room over the bakery. She’d taken $20,000 from Ben Wade and was not in immediate need of employment. She had a phone installed and bought herself a television.

She sent Alex her address and phone number. He called as soon as he got her note.

“Hello, beautiful.”

“Hi, Alex.”

He went on to tell her he had a car. It was  a surprise for him from his family. Now if he could just get the hang of driving it. Hard to do when you can’t feel your left foot on the brake pedal. As soon as he felt confident enough he would be down to see her.

Just hearing his voice buoyed her up and lifted her confidence. She made friends with Gracie Hawes,  the girl across the hall from her. She was a singer in a nightclub and hoping for her big break in the movies. She was someone to go around to movies with and out for lunch. The nights were the hardest for her. That’s when thoughts of Ben seeped into her mind. She didn’t want him there and would have preferred Alex to crowd him out but she didn’t have the relationship with Alex that she’d had with Ben.

Alex called her every other day and they’d talk for thirty minutes. He wasn’t sure he wanted the job at Berkley, cooped up in a classroom all day when the sun was shining. He said he was still finding his feet, so to speak.

Zoe began to think about work. She told Gracie one day at lunch that she needed to find a job.

“What kind of job you looking for, honey?”

“I don’t know. I’ve only ever been a cigarette girl in a club.”

Gracie asked her to come to the club with her on Friday night.

“Oh, I don’t want to be sitting by myself in a club, Gracie!” She’d been in too many with Ben not to know a single woman was fair game.

“Don’t worry. I’ll put you with some friends of mine. You’ll be fine.”

Chapter 4

When the lights went down and Gracie began to sing, Zoe was lost in the song. Gracie had a rich voice and a way of stylizing her songs. Zoe thought she was marvelous. She was so caught up in her performance she didn’t see it coming.

Ben walked up behind her chair and bent down, putting his hands on her shoulders. He whispered in her ear.

“Don’t make a scene. Quietly get up and come with me.”

She shook her head violently.

“I will pick you up and carry you out of here. Get up now, pick up your bag and your wrap and come with me. Now…Zoe!”

She did as he asked.

He held onto her arm, escorting her toward the door. She tried to catch the eye of someone, anyone, but everyone was watching the stage. Outside the door she tried to get away from him.

“Now listen, honey, you and me need to talk and we ain’t talkin’ on the sidewalk. You run out on me. The money ain’t important. I woulda give it to you. Nobody walks out on me.”

“Let me go!”

“I can’t let  you go. I got too much time and energy tied up in you.”

“Let me go or I’ll scream!” She screamed and struggled while he tried to pull her toward a waiting car.

Detective Bud White had been sitting in his vehicle, watching the door. When she screamed he was out of his car and running down the sidewalk.

“Let her go!” he called out before he got there.

Ben looked hard in the direction of White and reluctantly let Zoe go. He got in the backseat of his car and it sped away before Bud could get to it. He was more concerned right now for the lady.

“You all right, Miss? I’m a police detective.”

Zoe came apart.

Bud put a hand on her back and she went right to his shoulder. He could feel her shaking and he tried to calm his boiling blood. If he’d acted just a minute earlier he might have had the son of a bitch.

“Did he hurt you, threaten you?”

“He found me…oh no!” she sobbed.

He patted her back a minute. “Let’s go get a cup of coffee and you can tell me about it.”

She allowed him to lead her to his vehicle. Over a cup of coffee she calmed down enough to realize what had happened.

“What’s your name?”

“Zoe O’Malley and I’m okay. I just wasn’t expecting him to be there.”

“Who is he and what’s going on between the two of you?”

“You’re a detective?”

He showed her his badge. “You can talk to me, Zoe. Can I call you Zoe? That’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you,” she sniffed and took a drink from her cup, not sure what she was going to tell this policeman.

“I knew him in New York City and…I left him and came out here. Now he’s found me.”

“Just calm down, Zoe. Is he your husband?”

“Oh, no!” she laughed a little. “No, he’s not my husband. I lived with him for awhile.”

“Obviously you’ve got cause to be afraid of him. You screamed and fought him.”

“I am afraid of him.”

“Has he hurt you?”

“Not physically. He’s never laid a hand on me in anger. But I left him and people don’t leave Ben Wade.”

“Ben Wade. I’ve heard that name before. What can you tell me about him?”

“He’s rich, owns buildings in New York. He traveled a lot. I’m afraid I don’t know that much about him.”

“You feel like you’re in danger from him? Do you want to press charges against him?”

“I…I don’t want to press charges. He wants me back and I’m not going back to him. I’m not!” she said with feeling.

Bud reached over and lay his hand on hers. “You ain’t goin’ back to him. Don’t worry about that. He can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

There was something calming and reassuring about the big detective who sat across from her.

“How long have you been out here?”

“Three weeks.”

“Come out by yourself?”

She thought about Alex. “Yes, but…yes.”

“But what?”

“I met someone on the train coming out here. He’s going to come down and see me as soon as he can drive his car. He was wounded in the war and lost part of his leg. He’s, um, having to learn to drive all over again.”

“Poor guy. Lot of ‘em like that. Is he somebody we need to call?”

“No, no, I don’t want him to be…no.”

“This, ah, Wade, does he know where you live? Has he been there?”

“No, he hasn’t been there.”

“Mind if I take you home and have a look around?”

“I’d like that.”

Bud checked out her apartment. He walked out on her balcony and looked down and around then checked the locks on her door.

“Everything looks okay. How did Wade know you were going to be at the club tonight?”

“I don’t know that he did. Gracie, my neighbor across the hall, invited me. I was sitting with her friends. It was only when the lights went down and she began singing that he came over. He demanded that I leave with him and not cause a scene. I was scared. He may have been there all evening. I don’t know. I didn’t see him.”

“I remember now where I heard his name. It came up in association with somebody else, some local hood I’ve been watching. I probably should go. You’ll be all right, Zoe. I’ll keep an eye out. This is me.” He handed her his card. “Call me if you got a problem…anytime day or night.”

“Thank you. You’ve been awfully nice.”

Bud left her but he didn’t go far. He spent the night in his car across the street from her apartment building.

Gracie came over the next morning to find out what happened to her.

“There was a man there that I knew in New York. I, um, didn’t want to see him and so I left. I got to hear your first number. You’re great, Gracie.”

“Thanks. If you don’t want to tell me about this guy, that’s all right.”

“I really don’t want to talk about him.”

That afternoon she got a call from Alex.

“I still can’t drive my car but there’s something new coming out and I think it might work for me. Automatic transmission. I won’t have to use a clutch. That’s the problem I’m having. But, hey, the reason I called is I’ve got a chance to come down with my cousin. He’s got a job interview in Los Angeles and well, I was thinking…and you can say no, Zoe. I was thinking if you’ve got the room I might stay with you instead of shacking up with cousin in a motel.”

She closed her eyes. There he was again right when she needed him. “Yes and yes and yes, Alex. Please come.”

Chapter 5

When Alex arrived he didn’t get past the door before she grabbed him around the neck and kissed him.

“Whoa! Hey, are you glad to see me?” He smiled, definitely pleased with his reception.

“I’m just so glad to see you.”

“Can I come in?”

“Oh, sorry!” she grinned and let him get past the door, locking it behind him.

She couldn’t believe he was here. He’d been a faraway voice on the phone and sometimes she could almost believe the trip out to California had been a dream.

‘This is a nice place.” He walked around her apartment and out onto the balcony.

“I’m glad you like it. Would you like some coffee?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” He moved back inside and to the sofa. “Comfortable looking sofa.” He rested his cane against the wall, walked to the sofa and sat down.

“You know I wanted to come down immediately when I got your note with the address. I tried to drive that darn car all over the farm, starting and stopping and flooding the motor. I’d get so frustrated Mom said she wished they hadn’t bought it.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to drive it. Not like you to give up, is it?”

“It’s in the shop right now. Mechanic says he can modify it so I can operate it from the wheel. Don’t know about that. Thanks.” He took a mug of coffee from her. “Gosh, you’re prettier than I remember. I’m not sure I can bear it.”

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me, too. I do a lot of thinking about you. I’ve begun to think about you as my girl. I don’t know how that sits with you.”

“I’d love to be your girl.”

“It’s official then,” he smiled and reached for her hand. “If you’d rather I not stay here tonight…”

“No, I want you here.”

“The sofa will do for me.”

“I have a bedroom, Alex.”

He set his cup down on her coffee table. “I don’t have any illusions about myself, Zoe. I’m not the guy I used to be…I mean physically.”

“I didn’t know you then. I only know you now and I like what I know.”

He kissed her fingers. “You have a television.”

“Yes, one of the first things I bought when I got here. It helps pass the time.”

“You haven’t found a job? You know, I don’t like thinking of you here alone in Los Angeles. I’m not sure I understand it. I told my mother about you. I told her I’d met the most fantastic girl on the train and that we’d talked our heads off. She’d like to meet you. I’d like to take you home with me.”

“Oh, well…I....”

“Why is that a problem for you?”

“It’s complicated, Alex.”

“Still holding a candle for the other guy?”

“No.” She dropped her head.

“What are you waiting for? Maybe you don’t really have the same thoughts about me that I have about you?”

“You wouldn’t believe the thoughts I have about you. I don’t know what it is I’m waiting for. I think it’s that I want my past life to be over and it’s not. Not yet.”

“Candle is still sputtering?”

She wanted to tell him about Ben. She wanted to tell him about his showing up here in Los Angeles, about her fear of him. It was a feeling she had. It wasn’t over yet and she didn’t want Alex to be involved because she was scared for him. There was an aura about Ben she sensed and it was made even more plain to her when he tried to force her into the car.

“Not the way you think. I want to meet your mother, Alex. Your family sounds wonderful and they care so much about you. There’s just something that’s unfinished with me and until I can…until it is…I don’t want to bring anything to your doorstep. I don’t want any dark clouds to follow me there.”

He reached for her and she snuggled against him. He kissed the top of her head. “If there is anything I can do to help blow those clouds away, Zoe, you’ll let me know.”

“You’re helping right now.”

He lifted her chin and kissed her. “You taste good.”

“So do you.”

“How old are you, Zoe?”

“Twenty. I was twenty end of August.”

“I knew you were young, too young to be dragging dark clouds around with you.”

“I’ve seen a lot in my twenty years. Lived through it.”

“So have I. Maybe I’m too old for you.”

“No, you’re just right. You haven’t found a job either, have you? Here you are worrying about me.”

“Ah, that’s different. I’ve been talking to some old classmates of mine. There’s a lot of new technology that’s come out of the war. Things are happening now…I may start my own company.”

“Wow! Where did you go to school?”

“Stanford. If I do start a company with my buddies it would mean a move up to Santa Clara. That’s the hub…that’s where it’s happening.”

“You’re so far above me. I feel dumb and stupid. I left school at 15.”

“You know what you need to know, Zoe, and if there is anything you want to know I believe you’ll educate yourself. I like you just the way you are. Wait a minute, let me amend that…I love you just the way you are.”

She raised up from him and looked into his eyes. Nothing devilish about them now, serious, steady and yet soft with feeling. “You can’t possibly love me.”

“Wanna bet? Try to make me stop.”

Her eyes welled up. “Oh, Alex.”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t love me back.”

“Silly man! Of course I love you! I loved you before we reached California. You’re everything that’s good and light and wonderful in the world.”

“Oh, now wait a minute. You don’t know me that well. You don’t know about all the dark closets inside of me where I’ve locked away the demons. Sometimes they howl and scratch at the doors.”

“What kind of demons do you have?”

He sighed. “I was addicted to morphine when I came home with half a leg. It was given to me for pain and I got to liking it. I couldn’t do without it. The pain was real but I was creating my own pain and cravings. The other crutch I used was alcohol. Between the two of them I managed to waste three years of my life. It’s a period I’d rather not talk about. I kept hitting the eject button but I couldn’t get out of my life.”

She put her arms around him and held him. He was so honest and open. Why couldn’t she do the same and tell him about Ben? Maybe Ben was her addiction. She was ashamed of it.

Alex wanted to take her out to dinner but she’d shopped and cooked for him. The truth she couldn’t tell him was that she was afraid to be in a restaurant or a club, places Ben might go. He wasn’t likely to be in a grocery store or a drug store. She wasn’t aware of Detective Bud White following her and looking after her.

They’d just finished dinner and she was clearing the table when someone rang her doorbell. She froze for a minute.

“”Expecting company?” Alex asked.

“No, I’m not.” The doorbell rang again and she cautiously opened the door, leaving the chain lock in place.

“Miss O'Malley, just checking by.”

“Detective White.” She’d been surprised to see him. She opened the door.

Bud immediately saw Alex standing up by the table. “Everything all right here?”

“Yes. This is Alex Ross, the man I told you about…on the train. Alex, this is Detective White, who was nice enough to escort me home one night.”

“How do you do?” Alex approached him and held out his hand.

“Doin’ all right. Well, I’ll, ah, leave you to it then.”

“Thanks for stopping by.”

“Yeah, sure.”

She closed the door and locked it again.

Alex looked into her eyes. “What was that about?”

“I got myself into a rather…into a situation. I went with my neighbor who’s a singer at a club. There was a man there who followed me out of  the place and was making a nuisance of himself. Detective White was near and ran him off and brought me home.”

“Hmm.”

“I thought it was awfully nice of him.”

“Yes, it was. How did you come to tell him about me?”

“He wanted to know if there was someone I should call. I didn’t mention you by name but I…well, I did tell him there was someone but it wasn’t such a big deal that I needed to call you and worry you about it.”

She wasn’t telling him the truth and he knew it. He couldn’t figure out why she thought she had to lie. “See, you aren’t safe here. I can’t go home and leave you alone here in LA. I couldn’t sleep at night.”

“I’m okay. I won’t be going out to Gracie’s club again.”

“What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for the New York guy to come looking for you? Do you want him to?”

“Oh, no! I do not want him looking for me.”

“Who is he, Zoe?”

“I don’t know anymore. He’s not who I thought he was. He’s not the man I thought I was in love with.”

“You’re afraid of him.”

“In a way, yes. People don’t leave him.”

“Is he some kind of criminal?”

“I don’t know…I honestly don’t know.”

“But he’s the reason you won’t come with me, isn’t he?”

“I don’t want to bring him to your door. There…that’s it.  I don’t want you involved in it. I want you to be safe and with your family in Hollister.”

“If you think I’m going to go home and leave you here to face whatever it is alone, you are sadly mistaken.”

“Alex…he’s my demon. I have to face it alone.”

“How do you know you’ve got the strength to face it?”

“Because I’ve got you. I know you’re there waiting for me.”

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“It was him at the club.”

“Yes.”

“No.” He shook his head.

“Please, please…if something happened to you then I wouldn’t care anymore. My strength would be gone and I’d be lost. You’re the one real thing in my life. I love you!” She went into his arms and kissed him.

“I love you, Zoe, and I can’t help this big thing inside of me that wants to throw a shield around you. I want to protect you. I don’t care who he is.”

“You’re my big strong hero.”

“I’m a fool if I let you do this alone.”

“No, you aren’t. You had to banish your demons and I have to banish mine. Then and only then can we be truly free. I want to be free to come to you alone without dragging my demon with me.”

She finally got him on the sofa to watch a television program and the subject went on the shelf. She wasn’t sure how long it would remain there. 

After the program they engaged in a little cuddling and kissing until Alex stopped it.

“It’s getting hot in here. Maybe we’d better cool it down a little.”

Zoe didn’t want to. She wanted him…needed him. She didn’t realize he still had a demon to overcome.

“Come to bed with me,” she breathed on his neck.

“You make it awfully hard to refuse.”

“Don’t refuse.”

“I’m not even sure…I mean it’s been a …I haven’t in a long time. Since before…no.”

She moved back from him and looked into his eyes. “Don’t you want to?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m…I’m not all there, Zoe.”

She put her hand on his crotch. “You aren’t missing anything here.”

He jumped a little. “Ah, no.” He was afraid. He didn’t want to see in her eyes when she saw him.

“Do you think you’re ugly?”

“Yeah, I do…I am.” He put his hand on hers, removing it from his crotch where it was evident part of him wanted to go to bed with her.

“Nothing about you could ever be ugly in my eyes. Nothing.”

“This is not what I planned when I asked if I could stay with you.”

“I did. It never occurred to me that you wouldn’t be with me.”

He took a breath. “All right. We’ll leave the lights off.”

“We’ll leave the lights on.” She stood up and he got off the sofa, standing beside her.

He took both her hands in his. “This is the part where the big hero waltzes his lovely lady into the bedroom…and takes off his leg.”

She giggled and he did too. They fell into each other laughing. It was all right from there. She was interested in how he strapped it on and how it worked. He explained it to her. Better to keep talking he thought. She was genuinely interested because it was a part of him. He never saw that look of revulsion in her eyes that he’d feared. It simply didn’t exist in her. She took away his fear and he took away her lust for Ben.

And Bud went home for the night to sleep in a bed for a change.

Chapter 6

Alex’s cousin Bret Carnes came for him around ten o’clock the next morning. He had that same open, friendly way about him that Alex possessed.  Alex kissed her good-bye.

“I’ll call you when I get home. I’ll call you tonight and in the morning.”

“Alex needs to go to work so he can pay phone bills.” His cousin gave him a shove on his shoulder.

“Did you get the job?” Zoe asked him.

“I think so. I got a good feeling about it.”

After they left she moved around slowly, thinking maybe she’d made a mistake. She could have gone with them. But then forevermore she’d be looking over her shoulder and that’s not the way she wanted to live.

Bud spent the morning at the precinct trying to find out everything he could about Ben Wade.

The only thing concrete he had in his hand was an arrest back in Chicago. It was twenty years old and it had gone nowhere. He’d been arrested for receiving stolen merchandise but his lawyer got him off. Since then Wade had become a very wealthy man. He owned property in Los Angeles, New York, Chicago and Las Vegas, no accountable employment, nothing to say how he got the money to buy the properties.  He’d avoided military service due to flat feet. It all added up to one thing. He was a crook, a smart one but still a crook. He had nothing to go on, nothing to charge him with and no reason to look for him...except he’d manhandled a young woman who didn’t want to press charges.

He didn’t want to bother her with her guy there but he did ride by her apartment building. No suspicious chauffer-driven cars around. He had other things to do.

Zoe’s doorbell rang a little after three o’clock. She’d been taking a nap and still a little dazed, came to the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s Dom.”

She opened the door. “Dominic! Oh, how good to see you!” She hugged him and he came into her apartment.

“Hey, Zoe.”

She stood back and looked at him. He had the look of their father. At seventeen he was already in his man’s frame but his features still were fresh. He looked good, she thought.

“However did you find me? I was going to write but…I didn’t.” She hadn’t because of the way he’d responded when she called for help before leaving New York.

“You can find most anybody, especially if they’re on the phone.”

“You remind me so much of our Dad except you’ve got Mum’s mouth.”

“I hardly remember any of them.” He walked around her apartment, taking a look.

“Sure you do and Sean and Mary, Meredith and Patrick.”

“That was a long time ago, another world, Zoe.”

“Seems like it. Have a seat. What are you doing out here?” It hadn’t jelled in her mind yet.

“Came out here on business.”

“Business? You?”

“Yeah, Wade’s business.”

Her expression changed. “You came out here with him?”

“Why’d you run out on him, Zoe?”

“Because I found out he wasn’t who I thought he was. I had the stupid idea that he loved me and was going to marry me. He was going to get rid of me, tried to pawn me off on some guy that came to visit him. I was just a…plaything.”

“You seemed to like it pretty good for a long time.”

“I didn’t understand what was going on. I was young and green. That’s what he said I was…green. I thought he was doing things for me because he was a nice man. He wasn’t…he isn’t, Dominic.”

Dominic got up from the sofa and walked over to her TV, playing with the rabbit ears. “He’s a smart man. He knows what he’s doing.”

“What exactly do you do for him at seventeen years of age?”

“Whatever he asks me to. Sometimes I drive.”

“You were behind the wheel when he tried to abduct me on the street?”

“You shoulda come with him.”

“Why didn’t you help me…Dominic?”

“I couldn’t, Zoe, and I’m not sure I needed to anyway. He ain’t gonna let you go. You know that, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t know that.”

“He owns you just like he owns me. I ain’t got a problem with it and you’d better get over yours.”

“Nobody owns anybody. This is a free country. Leave him, Dominic. I can help you get away.”

“Ha, why would I want to do that? I got more money right now than Dad had his whole stinking farming life.”

“Money is not everything. You’ve got to have some self respect. You can’t buy that.”

“It buys everything I want.”

“This is not you, Dominic Maloney. This is not my little brother talking to me, the one I looked after at Granny’s and stole food for. No.”

“Like I said before, I hardly remember any of that. This is not a social call, sister dear. Get your things together and I’ll take you down to the car.”

“You must be out of your mind! Do you think I came 3,000 miles to jump back into the fire? No, and you can tell him I don’t want to ever see him or hear from him again.”

“You don’t understand, Zoe. You have any idea what my life would be worth if I went back and told him that?”

“Has he threatened you?”

“He doesn’t have to threaten me. Get your shit and let's go.”

Zoe was livid. “He has! How dare he…Oh…he’s a monster!”

“He ain’t a monster. He’s just a man who gets what he wants.”

“I’m not going back to him. I’ll see him and talk to him but I’m not staying with him.”

“Get your stuff.”

“I’m expecting a phone call.” Zoe paced back and forth willing the phone to ring. Ale, please…

Thirty minutes went by with Dominic sitting in a chair with his legs crossed, watching her.

“Okay, long enough. You ain’t got a phone call comin’. Let’s go, Zoe.”

There was a time she would have told him to go jump off a cliff but not now. Something about him was menacing, like he meant business. He sat in that chair like a black cloud threatening to erupt into lightning and thunder.

Had it only been a few hours ago she’d been laughing with Alex in this same room? It had been sunny then.

“Give me a minute.” She walked into her bedroom. She would not be taking her clothes because she intended to come back. She picked up her purse and a light jacket that matched her skirt. She changed her shoes and on the dresser next to her hairbrushes she saw Detective White’s card. She stuck it in her purse. As a last thought she took a $100 dollar bill out of her jewelry case and wrote HELP ME BW in big letters and left it in the middle of her bed. She did not lock her door when she left with Dominic.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see when we get there.”

“When did you become so hard?”

“About the time you became Wade’s whore.”

She started to strike him as he drove but he caught her hand in a tight grip.

“I loved him, Dominic. I didn’t know at the time what I was to him. I was his doll and you…you’re his trained dog.”

“Shut –up!”

“What would you have done if I’d refused to go with you?”

“Call Wade and let him come and get you.” He drove in silence for a few minutes. “It ain’t like I got a choice.”

“There’s close to $18,000 in my apartment. Take me back and I’ll give it to you. You can go wherever you want to.”

“That would be the money you stole from Wade.”

“Yes…I took the money.”

“That was a bit of spirit.”

“I was desperate. I’m not a thief. Besides…I earned it. I’m serious, Dominic, about the money. You could disappear or even go back to England. You could go anywhere.”

“Where is it?”

But he was already turning into the drive of the house. “Sorry, Zoe.” The look he gave her was sincere. He led her into the house and turned her over to Wade’s bodyguard.

Dominic backed the car around to put it into the garage. He sat there in the car for a little while before he pulled back into the drive and his tail lights disappeared.

Chapter 7

 

The wall of windows was open and Ben stepped out onto the deck of his house on the beach. The breeze blew his hair around and he tucked it behind his ear. He cupped his hands and lit the slim brown cigar, watching its red tip glow in the breeze. Again he checked his watch and shook his head slightly. Dominic should have been back by now…with Zoe.

“Boss?”

Ben turned around. “Thank you, Charlie. That will be all.” She looked beautiful in her pale green suit. She had her hair down and he liked that, liked the way it framed her face.

Zoe’s chest was rising and falling with each breath. She was angry and half afraid.

“Well, how nice of you to come and see me. Come on out here on the deck and listen to the ocean roar. I love it…love the sound of it. Come on, I ain’t gonna bite you.”

She hesitated a minute and then with her chin up she walked out onto the deck, keeping a distance from him.

“You look nice. You always did wear your clothes well. You’ve come a long way in the four years I’ve known you. A long way. All the way to California.”

“Why am I here?”

“Why? Well, I don’t know why you’re here in California when you had everything in the world at your fingertips in New York. You left rather abruptly…didn’t even say good-bye.”

“No, there wasn’t an opportunity since you weren’t home. It’s a little late but I can say it now.”

“I don’t want to hear it. You can’t just walk out on me…out of my life like that.”

“I can and I did. You misled me.”

“How?”

“I thought you meant to marry me. For three years you taught me and groomed me for something.”

“And you thought it was to be Mrs. Wade? Sorry about that but I never mentioned marriage. I’ve been married. It don’t suit me.”

“I was just an accessory you pinned on your sleeve to show off. Somebody to play with and…”

“Sleep with? You’re absolutely correct.”

“I wasn’t going to wait around for you to pass me off to somebody else or send me on my way. I know it was coming. You think I don’t smell other women’s perfume on you? That’s not the way I want to live, Ben.”

“I was becoming tired of it myself. Not of you, Zoe, but the New York scene. I bought myself a little ranch out in Arizona. Gonna raise beeves.”

“Ha, you on a ranch?”

“Don’t scoff at me. I was born on a ranch. You didn’t know that, did you? My daddy got killed and Mama took off…left me with the cook woman. She’s the one that took me all the way to Chicago to live with her relatives.”

“No, I didn’t know that. You never told me anything about your life. I really don’t want to know anything about it now. I want you to let my brother go.”

“Where did that come from? I ain’t holdin’ Dom against his will. He made his choice all by himself. He didn’t want to go to school anymore so I put him to work. The boy don’t need to be idle. Idleness brings trouble.”

“You’ve got some kind of hold over him.”

Ben chuckled. “Is that what he told you?”

“No, but he’s not himself.”

“Boy’s just growin’ up, honey.”

“I’ve grown up too. I’ve had my eyes opened. I want to thank you for keeping Dominic and me. I rather foolishly fell in love with you. My mistake.  I don’t want to get to the point where I hate you and so I…I’d like to leave now.”

“And go where? I don’t like the idea of you running around out here in Los Angeles all by yourself. It worries me. You wanna live out here…live here in this house. An acquaintance of mine owed me a favor. Nice way to pay up, I thought. You got the beach here and it’s far enough away from the city to be quiet and private.”

“I’d rather have people around me. I’d rather make my own way.”

“That’s a nice thought, honey, but you ain’t got no idea how to make your own way. Sellin’ smokes ain’t gonna pay no rent out here. You take this house, there’ll be people around you.”

“No, Ben, I want to leave.”

“I tell you what, give it a couple of days. I think you’ll change your mind about this place.”

“You don’t hear me, do you? I left you in New York. I’m not coming back.”

He moved over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “I think you overheard a conversation you weren’t meant to hear. If you hadn’t been so nosey you’d still be in New York City drinkin’ martinis. Men talk like that sometimes. It don’t mean nothing. He didn’t take it seriously and I sure didn’t mean it seriously.”

He began massaging her shoulders, working his hands up to the back of her neck. He pulled her in and kissed her hard. “I’ve missed you.”

She stood rigid under his hands that slid inside her jacket and played with her breasts.

“What are you afraid of, honey?”

“You.”

“Have I ever hurt you?”

“No.”

“I created you for lovin’ not for hurtin’”

“Then let me go.” Tears were making tracks down her cheeks.

“I can’t do that…you belong to me …you’re mine.” He crushed her to him and kissed her, forcing her mouth open.

Dom tried the doorknob and it opened. He smiled  and went in cautiously.

Bud was off duty officially  but he decided to stop by  Zoe’s and see if the boyfriend was still there. He started to ring the bell and noticed a thin line of light coming through the door. It wasn’t locked and it was open. The hairs on the back of his neck began to tingle. With his hand on his gun he pushed the door open.

Dom had been through all her drawers, her pocketbooks lay open on the floor, shoe boxes scattered and her closet ransacked. He opened her jewelry box and took out the diamond earrings and precious stone bracelets, stuffing them in his pockets. The lining sagged and he ripped it open. Bingo.

“Hold it right there!”

Dom whirled around and saw he was facing a gun.

“Put your hands up!”

Dom obliged.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Who are you?”

“Police Detective Bud White.”

“This is my sister’s place…I was looking for something  for her.”

“Who’s your sister?”

“Zoe O’Malley.”

“Where is she?” Bud moved around the side of the bed slowly.

“Um, visiting a friend. She forgot something.”

“And so she sent you to trash her bedroom?”

“I…I was gonna clean it up.”

“Sure you were. Who’s your sister’s friend?”

“I don’t …I…Ben, his name is Ben.”

He wasn’t expecting the punch to his stomach and he doubled over. The second one caught him on the chin and straightened him back up. Bud grabbed him by the neck and slammed him against the wall.

“Let’s start this conversation again. Where is Zoe?” Something sticking out of the boy’s shirt pocket caught his eye and he pulled it out. It was the $100 dollar bill. “You shitbird!” He hit him again. Dom crumbled onto the side of the bed. Bud drew back again and he put a hand up.

“I’ll tell ya whatever you want to know.”

Dom told Bud where Zoe was, told him he’d been sent to bring her out there and she’d told him she left some money there for him so he could get away. She didn’t say where it was.

Bud jerked him up off the bed. “You’re going with me.”

“NO, no…he’ll kill me! That’s why she said about the money. Give me a chance to get away.”

Bud looked at him a minute. “How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

Bud dropped him back on the bed. “Get the fuck outta here.”

Dom stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, dabbing it with a towel to stop the bleeding. Bud still stood in the doorway to the bedroom waiting on him.

“Are you going after her?”

“Yeah. You’d better do what she said.”

Dom held his stomach for a minute and slowly straightened up. “I’m goin’.”

Forty- five minutes later he was in the airport looking for a flight. He scanned the international flights…Australia had the next flight out and he got in line for a ticket.

Chapter 8

Bud took one last look at the chaos in Zoe’s bedroom and closed the door. The phone rang as he was leaving the apartment and he paused a minute and picked it up, hoping it was Zoe.

“Detective White.”

“White…where’s Zoe? This is Alex.” Alex clutched the phone to his ear.

“Wade’s got her. You know about him?”

“Oh, God! Yes, I know about him… I shouldn’t have left her.”

“Probably not. I thought you might still be here.”

“No, I…I came down with my cousin and rode back with him. I told her I would call when I got home but there was an accident on the highway and then we stopped for dinner. I don’t know…what…what can I do?”

“Not a damn thing now. I’m going after her.”

“Please, call me when you find her and if there is anything…I’ll come back down for her. I’ll leave now.”

“Hold your horses, Ross. I’ll be in touch.” Bud ended the call and left the apartment.

Zoe stilled herself, concentrating on Alex, trying not to feel the weakness in her knees while Ben plundered her mouth and her breasts. She did not respond to him.

“What kind of little game are we playing now?” Ben said against her mouth. He began hiking her skirt up, feeling for that center of her that he knew so well.

“Don’t, please don’t!” she cried.

“Don’t? I’ve listened to you beg for it. I know what you want.”

“No, no!” She twisted her face away from his mouth. “I don’t want you!”

He stopped and grabbed her face in his hand, turning it toward him. “Who do you want? Who is it?”

“Nobody. I just don’t want you anymore.”

“Somebody has turned you around, Tell me who it is!”

“There isn’t anybody. Let me go.”

“You’re lying to me.”

“You’re hurting me.”

“I ought to spank you.”

“Please, just let me go. It’s over, Ben.”

He let up the pressure on her jaw. “I ain’t over. It ain’t ever gonna be over.”

“Yes, it is. I’m not  going to stay with you any longer. It’s over and done. I don’t love you anymore. Don’t make me hate you,” she said breathlessly.

She looked into his eyes and saw something there she’d not seen before. He released her face.

“You don’t mean it.”

“You can’t make me feel something I don’t feel. I don’t love you…let me go.”

“If I find the son of a bitch that’s turned you…he’s dead!”

“Nobody turned me but you. I’ve seen past that mask you wear. You’re a monster.”

He blinked several times. “You ain’t got any idea who I am.” He pushed her away from him.

She wiped her eyes. “Do you know who you are?”

“Go on…get outta here…get away from me! You’re nothin’ but a gutter slut. I tried to make a lady out of you.”

“No, no, you didn’t. I was only a young girl who lied about her age to get a job.  You took me and made me what I am. I don’t intend to spend the rest of my life lying in your bed with my legs spread, waiting for you.” She began backing up toward the stairs down to the beach. “I’m going now. It’s over, done. I don’t ever want to see you again.” She felt the first step and the second all the while keeping her eyes on him.

He felt under his arm for the holster, touched the butt of his gun and then dropped his hand.

Zoe was running as fast as she could along the beach.

“Boss, you want me to go after her?”

“No, Charlie, let her go.” He stood motionless for a moment. “Where’s Dom?”

“I’ll get him, Boss.”

A little while later he came back out onto the deck with his hands in the air. Ben was leaning over the railing looking toward the sea.

“B-Boss?”

Ben turned. “What’s all this?”

“Where is Zoe?” Bud growled.

“She ain’t here,” Ben drawled.

“Dom ain’t here either,” Charlie said and shut up with the gun poking him in his back a little harder.

“What have you done with her?”

“Sent her on her way. I decided we didn’t need each other anymore. She took off up the beach.” He turned his head slightly toward the beach. “Probably left footprints behind. You’ll find her. It was you, wasn’t it? Ha, ha!” He rested his hand on his stomach and then reached for his gun.

Bud pushed Charlie in front  of him and Charlie took the bullet. In an instant Ben disappeared off the deck. Bud’s shot went wild. He ran to the railing and looked down, ran down the steps and under the deck, crouched low and looking left and right. Back out on the sand and the lights from the deck only showed one set of prints off to the right.

“Damn!” he said aloud. With his gun till drawn he went through the house. “Wade?”

The car roared out of the garage and up the winding drive. Bud ran out to the front of the house, went to his vehicle and called for help. He gave sketchy details.  Back on the deck he checked Charlie Prince and found him dead. The blood had stopped gushing from the hole in his neck.

He went after Zoe, following her prints down the beach. She was running erratically into the soft sand and back onto the hard packed sand the tide had left behind. He found her shoes about a foot apart and picked them up. He caught a glimpse of her ahead in the lights from another house and called out to her.

“Zoe, Zoe!”

She kept going until she stumbled and fell. Before she could get up Bud was there helping her up. She was crying hysterically.

Bud poured her another shot of whiskey, setting the bottle in the middle of his kitchen table.

He’d carried her back to the house and put her in his car, dealt with the police and took her home with him. She was still shaking a little but the whiskey would soon do its job. He set his coffee maker going for later if she wanted it.

“Just take it easy, you’re doin’ great.”

She took another sip of the whiskey and didn’t choke. “He’s gone, Zoe. There’s a warrant out for his arrest for the death of Charlie Prince.  If he’s smart, he’ll keep goin’. What happened out there?”

Slowly she began to tell him everything, from the death of her father, her meeting with Ben Wade and how she’d lived for the last four years and about Alex. She told him about Dominic.

“He got away, Zoe. He had his pockets stuffed with your jewelry and a pile of cash.”

“Good. He was afraid of Ben, too. I’ll be honest with you. There is a part of me that will always  love Ben, even after what he’s done. It wasn’t easy for me to say the things I did to him tonight. I had to, I had to or I’d be as stuck with him as I would have been in the lowlands, breathing bad air and doing something I didn’t want to for the rest of my life. Always dreaming of a real life, dreaming of children and doing the things that normal people do.

“He kept me isolated from everything normal. I never had a friend. I could only talk to him and Dominic unless he was by my side.”

“It’s over, Zoe, all that’s over now. I called Alex and let him know I found you.”

“Thank you. He must have been going crazy.”

“I’d say he was. You didn’t mention him to Wade, did you?”

“No, he figured out there was somebody but I denied it.”

Bud understood Ben’s statement now.  It wasn’t him but he wished it was. “I, ah, thought you could stay here tonight. I’ll take you north in the morning, deliver you to Alex per his instructions. He was going to hire a car and driver and come for you himself. I said I’d take you to him. He seems like an okay guy.”

“He is. Maybe a little more than okay.” She smiled and knocked back the whiskey. It brought tears to her eyes. “Wow!”

“Better watch it, strong stuff.”

“I’d say you’re pretty strong stuff yourself, carrying me all that way.”

“Light as a feather!” he grinned.

“You’re a very special person to have taken the time and interest in me. You’ve saved my life.”

But stretched a little and rested his elbows on the table. “I don’t like to see a woman mistreated. I had a feeling about you after he tried stuffing you in his car. Guys like that don’t give up easily. He might not have physically hurt you but there are other forms of misery. If he’s caught you’ll probably be called as a witness.”

“I won’t testify against him.”

“Any idea where he’d go?”

She lowered her eyes and swirled the whiskey in her glass. “No.”

She hoped he made it to Arizona, hoped he might start a new life…without her.

“I, uh, made some coffee if you’d...or you can stick with the hard stuff.”

“Can I have both?”

“You can have anything you want, Zoe.”

Two weeks later-

Zoe held out a hand for him.

“No, I got it.” Alex managed to get past the last rock and it was scoot on your bottom from there.

“I know every rock on this cliff. We used to come here as a family and they’d all be down there on the beach. I’d climb up here where I could see everything. There would be ships way out on the ocean and I’d always wonder where they were going and a little envious, I guess.”  He brushed his hair out of his face.

Zoe settled in the curve of his arm out of the wind. “I told you about my rock. My sea wasn’t blue like this one. It was mostly gray but when the sun shined just so on it I thought it was full of diamonds.”

“A sea full of diamonds, now that’d be something to see. Speaking of diamonds.” He reached in the pocket of his old faded and worn khaki pants and pulled out a little white box.

Memories flooded over her, memories of anticipation. “What is it?” She looked up at him wide eyed.

“A rock.”

Inside the box was a rock, a small worn-smooth sea pebble.

“Told you,” he grinned mischievously. “Look underneath.”

There was her three diamond engagement ring. “Alex.” She was overcome.

“Of course if you like the rock better I might can get it...."

She silenced him with a kiss.

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