WHAT IT IS

The direct continuation of The Mistral

By Atonia Walpole

(Picture creations also by Atonia)

Part 1

Toni stood at the bottom of the stairs, still thinking about what Jack had said before he left with John for the airport. She sighed. It just couldn’t happen, not again, not ever. He’d told her not to be surprised if suddenly she found herself with him far away from this place. Max hadn’t closed the door properly and she attended that before climbing the stairs. Terry was still recovering from the flu, a particularly nasty case of it.

“Hey, how are you this morning?”

“Hi, luv. Seems like I’m having a hard time shaking this shit.” Terry pulled himself up to a sitting position against the headboard.

Toni opened the windows a little. “Maybe some fresh air. It’s nice out this morning.”

“Everybody get off?”

“Um hm, Max took them. Terry, that cough is wicked.”

“Coughing up muck.” He reached for the water glass.

“Poor thing.” She stood at the foot of his bed.

“Come and sit down.” He scooted over.

Toni smiled a little. “Sit in the bed with you? Am I crazy?”

“Don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust me. Now is not the time for me to start something else. I’m trying to be good.”

“Are you afraid of him?”

“No, no, never.”

“He’s a big windbag. He intimidates me about this much…I understand him, understand what he’s dealing with and he could do exactly what he said but he’d have a fight on his hands.  Besides, he doesn’t want to do that. Come here.”

She hesitated then moved slowly around the bed and sat near his feet.

“Toni, honey, I feel so rotten I can’t even get it up. You’re safe,” he grinned and held out a hand.

Toni took it and moved up, still holding his hand. “You need to get well. Jacky keeps asking when you can come out of your room.”

“Does he?” he smiled. “Let him in. I’m not feverish any more.”

“Okay, just for a little while today. Terry, Jack’s got me worried.”

“How so?”

“I’m afraid he’s going to show up one day and spirit me away, take me back into his world again, and if he does then all hell will break loose.”

“Toni, you do have some control over what happens to you. Tell him to fuck off.”

Toni looked up with a grin. “I can see me telling Jack that now.”

“You don’t have to go with him…that’s it, isn’t it? You want to.”

Toni looked away for a moment. “Not really I don’t…oh, sometimes I hate being me.  Why can’t I just say that to all of you except Max? I don’t want to be this way. I’m perfectly fine here with Max. I don’t sit around and think about the rest of you…until you come around and then it’s me…it’s me that’s fucked.”

“Not this time lady.” He pulled her hand up and kissed the back of it.

Toni smiled. She liked times like this with Terry. They were so comfortable with each other and could say anything without worrying about how the other would take it. It was like that with Max, too. She was at home with both of them.

“I came to see if you wanted anything. Some more drinks?”

“No, your company is enough. There’s some books over there that Max brought me. You can toss them over here.”

“You know, if I didn’t think better of you, I’d think you were milking this thing. I know you can walk to the dresser and back.”

“Hey, I haven’t been sick in a long time! Let me enjoy it.”

Toni went over to the dresser, picked up the books and looked back at him. He hadn’t shaved or combed his hair and in the light from the window he looked so much like Max she took a breath. But of course he wasn’t, not anything like Max at all. He was six years younger and a totally different personality. It was easy to forget sometimes where they came from.

“You’re beginning to look like your older brother.” She set the books down on the bedside table.

“Must be the beard and the untidy hair. You like the beard? Does it, um, tickle your ah…?”

“You can stop right there because no answers will be forthcoming!” They laughed together. “I’ll bring Jacky down in a little while to see you.”

“Thanks, Luv.” He watched the door close behind her and closed his eyes for a moment. They were all right, the two of them. He could have her if he wanted to but that wasn’t how he wanted it.  He wanted her to want him and whether she ever would again he had no way of knowing. The only thing he could do was to be there. Meanwhile it was good, the relationship they had.

As Toni climbed the stairs to the third floor, memories of their house in Battersea came to mind, all the steps up and down. Their house…Terry’s and hers…it was all gone now. He’d sold it. She paused on a step…the garden…the kitchen. She fell against the wall of the stairwell, trying to get her breath. It was all gone, all that they’d shared except for Jacky. All the memories they’d made together, some good, some very bad, but it had been the love they had…had. She felt it must still be there just under the surface. If she scratched hard enough down through the scar tissue…it was there.

“Ma’am?” Tuppy had come out of the nursery and saw her on the steps.

“Yes.” Toni pulled herself together, seemed she was always trying to do that. “Everything okay up here?”

“Yes, Ma’am. I was just putting out a load of clothes to wash up.”

“Jacky…I need Jacky for awhile.”

Max pulled away from the airport. John would see to Jack from here on out and make sure he got to London. He was like a child sometimes…but then he wasn’t, not by a long shot. Truth be told, he was glad to see the back of him. Not that he didn’t love him as a brother, but trust…no way. Max knew they didn’t take his threat of breaking the circle seriously but at least he’d gotten his point across. He almost smiled and then remembered Terry was still at the house.

Terry was still on the mend. He couldn’t find it in himself to turn him out sick but he briefly thought about it. Max just wanted Toni and the children and a little peace. He wanted to concentrate on his family and his business. Was that too much to ask? He passed by a store with a display out already for Christmas. Oh, yes, there was that coming up. He wondered if Terry would still be there. He knew they would want Jacky between them for the holiday. It was just too damned complicated sometimes.

He didn’t worry unnecessarily about Terry. He wasn’t someone to hit you with a broadside, some tricky unsuspecting maneuver. He was more straightforward. If he thought you a dickhead, he’d tell you, and had. Max ran a hand over his face before pulling out onto the highway. Max figured if Terry wanted Toni he’d just take her. But Jack was something else. He wanted her but couldn’t have her by his own hand. He couldn’t. You never knew which way he was going to go. But he had been awfully quiet since coming over from London. Maybe, just maybe, he’d seen the writing on the wall.

Aside from Terry and Jack there was Toni. She had surprised him when she took off to Italy. Whatever possessed her he still hadn’t figured out. He knew he’d made a big mistake letting her go to London to see Jack. That was a given. She could be pretty deep sometimes and she didn’t always tell him what she was thinking, he knew, and it bothered him. She didn’t fully trust him and he wasn’t sure what to do about that. What other reason could there be? He reached over and turned the CD player on, turned it up. He was tired of thinking.

“Hey, boy.” Terry put his book down and took Jacky up on the bed with him. Jacky wanted to know why he had to stay in bed. “I’ve been sick, sick with the flu. Remember when you had a bad throat and couldn’t swallow, Daddy made you stay in bed?”

“Did you really?” Toni asked, pulling out a chair.

“Oh, yeah, I was afraid it was strep. I’ll be getting up in a day or so, as soon as my ears clear out and I can fly.”

Toni sat and listened to them talk. Father and son, they shared a life she wasn’t a part of over there in London with Anna, in that flat she’d only been in once the day Rose was born.  Jacky was with him or he was with her and never both. Even now she was excluded from their conversation. It was how it was, how it had to be. Her vision was beginning to blur. This wouldn’t do. She couldn’t here now in front of them, no. “Excuse me.” She ran out of the room and to her own.

In her bathroom with the door shut she cried. It was a hurt without a cure and something she still couldn’t bear sometimes, like now. She didn’t know how long she’d been in there. She had a wet cloth on her face now, sitting on top of the toilet seat.

Max found her after searching the house.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” He went down on his knees in front of her.

It came out then between bouts of tears and blowing her nose, another wet cloth on her face. She told him how she hurt inside over Terry and Jacky. How she still felt the loss, how she still loved Terry.

He sat down on the floor with his back against the cabinet, a little stunned.

“You see, Max darling, there isn’t a cure. There’s no fix for it. Terry and I can’t live together again. It would never work because of you. It didn’t work when it worked because of you. I loved you and you knew it. You and I made love on your wedding day. Remember you were my chocolate and I’m addicted to chocolate. Terry knew it.”

Max looked at her a moment then he got up and left. A fresh bout of tears started. He wasn’t gone for long. When he opened the door he had Terry with him.

Part 2

“What’s going on?” Terry looked at Toni and then back at Max.

“This is how I found her. She’s crying because she loves you, because the loss of you and Jacky still hurts. She’s crying because she loves me, is addicted to me, if I got it right. Because she can’t live with you.”

“Yes, she can.”

“No, no, no!” Toni sobbed. “I can’t!”

“She’s going to make herself sick like this.” Terry went over and pulled her to her feet. “I can’t carry you, luv.” He walked her out of the bathroom and Max turned down the bed.

“I don’t need to go to bed,” she wailed but was ignored as her clothes came off down to her panties and bra. Max found her robe on the bathroom door.

“Tea,” Max said and went out to the top of the stairs and called down to Ludivine to make a pot of tea for Toni.

Terry found a box of tissues and set them by her. “What brought this on?”

“I’m not sure…memories- seeing you with Jacky and knowing I’m not a part of that anymore. It’s how it is, you know, and it hurts. I can’t go back and do it again. I’ve got Max and Rose and Maxi. Even when we were together there was Max.” She felt the bed move. Max had sat down on the other side of her. She reached for his hand. “I wish I could split myself in two.”

“That’s not going to happen, love. You’ve got us both right here, right now. I thought it was right to bring Terry in here so he can understand, too.”

“This is what you hide from me, isn’t it?” Terry asked.

“I hide it from everybody. What can’t be cured has to be endured. I’m just exposing everything today. I don’t …I can’t seem to stop it.”

“Don’t try. I think you need to get it out.” Max rubbed her hand. “I hear tea coming. I’ll get it.” He went out and took the tray from Ludivine, telling her Toni wasn’t feeling well. No, not the flu – hopefully. He poured out a cup of tea for her. “See if you can get this down, love.”

“I feel silly now.” She took the tea.

“Don’t…I wish you’d said something earlier.”

“What could you do, Terry? Nothing, so.…”

Terry looked at Max.

“It’s an impossible situation,” Max said.

Terry looked him in the eye for a while. Max wasn’t going to give. He blinked and looked down at Toni. If she wanted to come home with him and Jacky, he’d take her. “What do you want, luv?”

“I want to get to the point where I can accept things I can’t change. I want the pain to go away.”

“Do you want to come home with us?”

“I can’t….”

“You can. Just say the word. I’ll make it happen.”

“You don’t understand. I have a family here, too.  We’ve gone too far, too far.”

“I want to understand. I want to know what I can do to make it better for you.”

“Oh, Terry, there isn’t anything you can do. We had it one time, you and I…I’ll always love you, but you never had all of me.”

“Max…”

“Yes. Max.”

“Let’s not forget Jack. He’s still got a part of you, too,”  Max added.

“Yes…he does but it can never be any more with him. Only little moments. I’m sharing my life with the two of you. Mostly you,” she looked at Max.

“Would it help if…we didn’t see each other?”

“No, because you’re still a part of me through Jacky. We share him. He’s us a part of each of us. I can’t look at him without you being there.”

“Toni, do you want to go to London and see Jacky, spend time there with him in his home…be a part of his life there?”

“Max darling, what do you think that would do to Terry and me? No, but thank you. There’s no answer for it. I’m sorry I came apart. Sometimes it hits pretty hard.”

“I’m glad I know. I could have gone on for years carrying my own pain and not recognized yours. I have it, too. You don’t have an exclusive. You’re just gonna have to eat this, Max.” Terry took her in his arms and held her against his chest, kissed the top of her head. “Something else we share and I’m so sorry.”

Toni could hear the rattle in his chest. She slipped her arms around him and held him for a minute. “You should go back to bed and take your meds. I can hear your lungs laboring.”

“That’s my heart,” he said softly. “You’re right. We can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t ask you to leave your kids here. I’d take them but I can’t take Max, too, and you need him. You’ve always needed him. He’s here for you now in a way I can’t be. We’d only hurt each other again and I think there’s been enough of that. I’ll always love you, too…always. Honey, Jacky is used to things the way they are. It hurts us more than it does him. I don’t ever want him to…to know.”

Toni pulled back from him. “No, neither do I. It’ll be okay…oh, bloody hell, it will never be okay but it is what it is. I’ve had it out and looked at it today…showed it to you…shared my feelings…time to put it back.”

Terry took her chin in his hand and softly kissed her lips. He turned his pained eyes to Max and set her against him. “It is what it is…comfort her.” He eased off the bed and left them alone.

Max gathered her up in his arms. “I wish there was something I could do for both of you.”

“You are. You’re doing it now. I’m sorry, Max.”

“For what…scaring me half to death? I’ll accept that apology. Ah, Toni, we’re a tangled bunch of grapes here. I feel for Terry. I hurt for him because I know…” he kissed her, “I know.”

Terry went back to his bedroom, looked over the bottles of pills and took a couple of them with a glass of water. He went to the window and looked out. It began as a scream inside of him, a silent scream that filled him. He thought he’d burst open but the only outlet it found was in his eyes. It filled them and overflowed.

After a while he found the tissue box, blew his nose and dried his face. Well, he’d created the damn monster…it was what it was. He took a breath, coughed and decided he needed to get well and go home. He lay down on the bed and slept.

Emotionally spent, Toni went to sleep, too. Max lay with her awhile and realized he hadn’t heard the kids for a long time. He left her and went upstairs, but looking out the windows he saw them out in the garden. Tuppy had them in hand, boys in the fountain and Rose in her walker. He went into the bath, grabbed a couple of towels and went down to tend the boys.

Later Toni took a shower and dressed for the second time that day. It was after four and she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. She went down the stairs feeling guilty for her emotional outburst and for neglecting her household and children.

The children were in the kitchen with Tuppy and Ludivine having their mac and cheese and sausages.

“I have a roast chicken and vegetables in the oven for you.”

“Thank you, Ludivine.”

“You are better now?”

“Yes…I’m much better,” she smiled. “Um, where’s Max?”

“I think he went down to the cellars.” Ludivine hung up her apron for the day.

Toni pushed open the heavy door and went down the old, worn stone steps. He was sitting there at the tasting table with a glass of wine.

“Hey there. Drinking alone?”

“Hello, darling. Have a good sleep?”

“What are you doing?” She went over and picked up his glass to taste.

“Are you truly happy here? Because if I thought for a moment you wanted to go back to Terry and to London….”

“Max,” she put her fingers on his lips, “I’m where I want to be, here with you. This is my home and upstairs deep in macaroni are our children. This is our life together and I do not want anything else. I’m sorry I made such a spectacle of myself today.”

“I’m…I’m not sorry. We go along sweeping our feelings under the mat…it’s not good, Toni. They tend to grow under that mat into things we can’t deal with.  You had a clearing of the mat today. Now we all know. I feel a bit helpless. I think you’re not always honest with me, especially about Terry.”

“Well, you know now.”

“Yes, I know and there isn’t anything I can do to make it better. I’m sorry, love.”

“I feel bad for him. I can’t make it better, either.”

“Is he up?”

“I don’t know. I took a shower and came down.”

“He was asleep earlier. I peeped in.”

“Ludivine’s prepared dinner. Do you want to go see about him?”

“I think so.” He finished off the wine and rinsed out the glass. “Let’s go up.”

Toni sat with the children while they finished their dinner and Max went up to see Terry.

Part 3

Terry had a shower and pulled on a pair of his track pants. He’d shaved and was sitting on the side of the bed, out of breath for all his activity.

Max knocked softly.

“Come in. I’m up.”

“I came to see if you were coming down to dinner. We seemed to have missed lunch.”

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t have eaten lunch.”

“You’re not getting any better, are you?”

“I can’t see it.”

“Tomorrow I’ll take you in to see my physician. She’s very good and speaks English.”

“Yeah…I’ll, um, get out of your hair here. Call tomorrow …get reservations out.”

“You’ll do no such thing. Terry, you’re…among friends here…family. I’ve never felt more like family than I did today. I’ve been where you are.”

“What did you do with it?”

“I ate it.”

“Man up and deal with it, put it in perspective…look at the big picture.”

“That’s about it.”

“Fuck you.”

Max smiled. “I’m here, Terry, if you want to talk.”

“Since you’ve been there and all, you know the conversation already.” He leaned his head back. “It is a hopeless situation. If she’d said yes, I would have taken her back.”

“I know you would have. If she’d said yes I’d have let her go.”

“Would you really do that?”

“I would never hold her against her will.”

“Well, she didn’t say it. I didn’t know how much she still hurt…kind of knocked me about. I’ll be all right, Max. Life will go on as before if I can get over this bloody flu. Jacky’s tired of me lying around and I don’t blame him.”

“Take your time and do it right. Don’t start pushing yourself. Have you got a clean shirt?”

“Somewhere in the closet I think. Ludivine’s done my laundry.”

Max found him a shirt and some socks and got him down the stairs for dinner.

Toni looked at him over the table. “Your color’s not right, Terry. You look gray.”

He looked up. “I feel gray.”

“I’m taking him in to see Dr. Martinelle tomorrow. He’s not getting any better. I’m not familiar with this doctor Ludivine found,” Max stated.

“How’s Jean Paul doing with his flu?” Toni asked.

“Farther along than me but then he’s younger, probably in better shape.”

“Yours may be turning into something else. Now if I had a mustard plaster, I could fix you right up,” Toni smiled at him.

“It’s a wonder you didn’t kill Jack…mustard plasters!” Max shook his head.

“Hey, it worked! The landlady mixed it up and showed me how. It burned his chest, though.”

“I might be a little more sensitive than Jack,” Terry grinned and sipped his wine. He was force feeding himself. He had no appetite at all.

After dinner Toni went up to put the kids to bed. Max had to steady Terry going up the steps. “You weren’t this bad yesterday, were you?”

“I felt better for one day and then all I wanted to do was sleep. I can tell this thing has knocked me on my ass. Usually with a cold or something I can fight it. I can’t keep up with this.”

“You’re not, um, depressed or anything, are you? I mean sometimes a mental state can.…”

“No, Max, what the hell have I got to be depressed about? It’s physical.”

Max wasn’t so sure it couldn’t be a bit of both.

Max patiently folded the paper, set it aside and checked his watch. Thorne had been back there an awfully long time. Finally he got himself to the desk and asked.

“X-ray’s, more x-rays.”

He sighed and sat back down. Fifteen minutes later Terry came out with the doctor, who greeted Max and chided him about an appointment for a checkup.

“Is it fatal?” Max joked with Terry but his smile soon faded. “What?”

“It’s a bad chest infection and, um…” he turned accepting more papers from the doctor and her assistant. “I’ve got to have another test, an MRI and,” he accepted a bag from the nurse, “more drugs.”

The doctor had disappeared back into the warren of rooms beyond the door. Max turned back to Terry. “What does all this mean?”

“Let’s get out of here. I hate doctor’s offices.”

Once in the car Max turned to him again. “Okay, tell me.”

“Ah, something showed up on the x-ray, so…an MRI. All right, there’s something cloudy looking ,maybe a spot on my right lung.”

“Bloody hell!”

“I’ve got some high-powered antibiotics, more better cough stuff, something for anxiety…I’m giving up cigs…have to.” He closed the little bag and tossed it in the floorboard.

Max sat there looking over the steering wheel. “I was only joking about it being something fatal. I never thought…well, that something like that could happen to one of us.”

“You thought we were invincible? No, mate, I found that out a long time ago when I got hit with the helicopter. We bleed…we can die, Max.”

“What would happen to the circle if one of us kicks…oh,Terry, this opens up a whole new box of crayons.”

“Sorry, I thought I’d pick up some miracle drug and get out of here in a couple of days. Now that’ s not going to happen. I’m going to have to lean on your hospitality for a bit longer.”

Max waved his hand. “Goes without question. Do you have a will?”

“Yeah, all my shit is in order. That’s a requirement by SI.”

“I don’t…but you can bet your ass I will make an appointment with the notaire when I get home. You’ll have to tell Toni…no more secrets, Terry…of any kind.”

“I’ll tell her.  It’s probably nothing.  Doc took my pack of cigs. Have you got one that…” He stopped, seeing the look on Max’s face.

Max reached in his jacket and pulled out a pack of Players, kissed  the pack and tossed it out of the window. “Now some nice street person can enjoy.” He backed out of the parking lot.

“I’ll give up the cigarettes with you, Terry, but a cigar…now and again. I can’t make any promises there.”

“You don’t have to quit. This is my gig.” Just knowing he couldn’t have one already was working on him. “I’ve been so sick days went by and I didn’t smoke and then there were days I coughed one down. This is as good a time as any to quit.”

“There’s never a good time to quit.” What had he impulsively done? “I’m not allowed to smoke cigarettes in the house and only get the odd cigar in my study if I’m lucky and no one’s home and the window is open and, oh, well, you know how it is.”

Terry chuckled, “Yeah, I do. After Jacky was born I was banished outside with smokes. It never affected me until now. You know I’m a runner…,” he sighed.

“I don’t do anything and I need to.”

“Yeah, you do. You’ve got a great place to run early in the morning.”

“Early…oh…in my other life at the bank there was a company gym.”

“Did you work out?”

“I, uh, visited it  a few times.”

Terry reached over and patted Max’s middle. “You better watch it. You’re at that age where it all goes to pot…belly, I mean.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve only to look at Jack and step away from the table.”

“He’s big but he’s strong, too, nimble.”

“Nimble?”

“Yeah, isn’t that what you call it? I’ve seen him in action on the Surprise, up and down ropes. He moves well for someone his size. And John, now that’s a strong bugger, too, though his is mostly leg strength.”

“All right, I’ll start doing…something.” Max pulled into his road. “I ride a bike. Doesn’t that count?”

“Pedals?”

“Foot pegs.”

“No.”

Part 4

Toni was sitting in the middle of the den floor with Rose. Terry saw her, took a breath, and joined her on the floor surrounded by little books and toys.

“Hey,” she smiled, settling Rose with a cloth book. “What did the doctor say?”

He reached over and turned a page for Rose, pressing the squeaky thing for her. “I’ve got to have some more tests. Right now I have a chest infection and I got some antibiotics  for that,” he sniffed, “some more cough pills.”

“Why do you have to have more tests? What kind of tests?”

“I’ve got to have a MRI. Something showed up on an x-ray, so just to know the facts….” He looked up and met her gaze.

“Okay, am I going to have to drag this out of you piece by piece?”

“There may be a spot on my right lung. The x-ray was cloudy. I’ve got some fluid in my lungs.”

“Terry.…”

He rolled over on his back. “Other than that I’m healthy.” He jumped a little when Rose fell on him. “Hey, baby girl!” He gave her a hug.

It was sinking in, slowly.

“So, I’m thinking no need to worry until we got a reason to.” He tickled Rose and glanced at Toni.

“Right.”

“I have to quit smoking…like now.”

“Yesterday would have been better.”

“Yeah, I know.” He grinned at her and reached over, giving her knee a pat.

“I know you have to have regular physicals at SI. How…how does something like this occur?”

“I don’t know…just happened.”

“Terry, if it turns out to be something horrible and unspeakable and unthinkable, I’m taking you to the House of Four Seasons and let the magic do its work. I won’t let you be…ill.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He sat up, bringing Rose with him. She didn’t see him often and was flirting with him. He played with her while Toni’s eyes rested upon him. If love could heal.…

“Don’t we look all cozy and warm and…DRY.” Max stopped at the den door with a boy in each hand.

“They haven’t been in the fountain again?” Toni said in mock horror.

“You know, sometimes I have to ask myself why we employ a nanny.  It’s  bloody December! She’s out there planting bulbs while the boys are splashing about in the fountain.”

Toni hid her smile and stood up. “Let me get them sorted out. My, my, aren’t we all wet and cold, two drowned little rats.” They giggled all the way up the stairs.

Terry chuckled, “Ah, Max, you’re fighting a losing battle…boys and a bit of water. Jacky always comes back from the park with at least one wet muddy shoe.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I’m going in a minute.”

“Did you tell her?”

“Yeah, she took it pretty well, I think.”

“Don’t be fooled. It will surface later.” Max took Rose from him and sat down with her.

Terry watched them together. The love Max had for her was evident. He recalled the first time he ever laid eyes on her. She was about a second old. “She’s a very beautiful little lady.”

“Yes, she is and a very smart little lady, too. Knows just how to play me.”

“Ah, you’re easy, Max. I’m going up for a nap and new meds.”

After Terry left, Max played with Rose. She was pulling up and standing at the sofa. It occurred to him how much of her life Jack missed. Would she ever know him at all? But then she’d been perfectly content with him a week ago. Had it only been a week…well, a week and a bit…and now Terry. He rubbed his eyes. Terry worried him and he knew Toni. This was just one more rock on the wagon.

Toni had both boys out of the tub and wrapped in towels, trying to get their jammies on. They were not allowed outside again today. Maxi’s dark curls plastered across his forehead as did Jacky’s blond ones. She hugged them both tightly. Could she love anything more?

She made them warm chocolate milk on the nursery stove while they argued over DVD covers. Curious George won and they quieted down to watch. She cleaned up the pot and went over to sit with them. But she couldn’t concentrate on the monkey for long. Her mind wandered to Terry.

Terry stared at the ceiling in his room until his eyes grew weary and he fell asleep.

Part 5

“Max, I told Terry if this thing turns out to be…serious that I’d take him to the House of Four Seasons and I will.” She looked up from the bed she was turning down for them.

“I wouldn’t expect any less of you, love. He’ll need everything we’ve got.” Max took his watch off and laid it on the bedside table. He moved to the window and pulled the curtains together. “He needs you now. He’s scared but won’t admit it. You know how he tries to pass everything off.”

She took Max in her arms and kissed him. “I don’t think I’ve told you today how much I need you, how much I love you.”

“I noticed,” he grinned. “We’ve weathered everything else, we’ll get through this, too.” Kisses followed, love followed.

Terry had to wait ten days before his scheduled MRI to give the antibiotics a chance to clear up the infection. He was coughing up a lot of muck but he said he was feeling better. He spent less time upstairs, watched TV, played with the kids, made use of Max’s library. Christmas was imminent and he went into the village with Max to see what he could find in the way of presents.

“The Duncan’s will be over, Penny and Aubrey and Jean Paul. Hope you’re up for it.”

“Oh, yeah, I can do it. It will be good to see Jean Paul, see how he came through the flu.”

“He’s lost some weight according to Penny. Have you got what you came for here?”

“I think so. I’ve got everybody’s but Toni’s.”

“She’s not easy, you know. I buy her things all the time but I know they are things she could buy herself if she wanted to.”

“We did jewelry one year but you’re right, she’s not easy to shop for. Sometimes the  things that catch her eye are nothing more than trinkets.”

“It’s market day over in Gordes.”

“All right, let’s check it out.”

Toni rearranged a few tree ornaments and stood back. The boys were so excited it was all she could do to keep them from the packages under the tree. Christmas in three days and she was as ready as she was going to be. She’d done her shopping and wrapping and remembered to ship off something for Anna. They had tentatively planned to go over and see John and Donna between Christmas and New Year's but everything was on hold now because of Terry. It all depended on the results of his tests. Max had taken him into Marseilles for the MRI.

She heard the front door open and ran out into the hallway thinking they were back awfully soon.

“Jack!” She ran to him and hugged him.

“Hello, Pet.” He smiled and kissed her.

“What have you got there?”

“It is Christmas, is it not?” He had two bags he set down on the floor.

“I didn’t know if you’d make it or not.” They’d heard nothing from him since he left in November after their disastrous meeting in London.

“I had to come. It’s Rose’s first Christmas. Where is Max?”

“Oh…you don’t know! He’s gone into Marseilles with Terry…to the medical center there. You know Terry was sick when you were here, well, he never got any better and Max took him to his doctor. They found something…a spot on his right lung and so today he’s having an MRI. It’s a test done with a machine that takes pictures of your insides. Anyway, it’s a pretty serious thing. It could be very serious for Terry.”

“Oh, Pet, I am sorry and I had no idea he was still unwell. He’s been here then?”

“Yes, he’s been trying to work from his laptop computer and keep up but he’s not been well enough to travel. He had a chest infection. I’ve never seen him this sick without it being an injury of some kind. I’m worried about him.”

“Of course you are. When you say serious do you mean life-threatening?”

“It could be.”

Jack frowned and pulled her to him. “We won’t allow that to happen.”

“No, no, I thought I’d take him to the House if it comes to that.”

“We will do what is necessary, Pet. Rest assured he will not leave us.”

The boys came running down the hall from the den and stopped when they saw Jack. “Unkie Jack!” They both ran to him and were taken up in his arms. He glanced at Toni and winked and carried them to the den.

Toni had a look in the bags he set down, neat packages wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string. She began humming a song as she joined them in the den.

Rose was shy at first but she remembered him. Soon he was on the floor with them. Toni paced about for awhile then finally went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee, once again checking her watch. Even the presence of Jack could not relieve her anxiety.

Tuppy came into the kitchen to prepare the children’s dinner. It would be her last day there until after Christmas. She was going back to England to spend the holiday with her family members. Toni joined her and made spaghetti for dinner. The sauce would hold until Max and Terry got home. It gave her something to do.

When they finally got back she was afraid to ask. Terry stopped off in the den to talk to Jack but Max came into the kitchen. Toni had a pot of water on to boil for the pasta and looked up at him, biting her lip.

“He did the thing but until a specialist reads the results we won’t know anything. They said a day or two but with the holiday…I don’t know.”

“Oh…shit! I’ve been on pins and needles all day. So now we can worry a few more days.” She banged a spoon on the pot.

“Hey, you know how these things work, love. I see Jack made it.”

‘Um, yes, the children have kept him busy. Tuppy just took them up a little while ago. Oh…!” She put the spoon down turned around, going into his arms. “I can’t help it! The longer we have to wait, the bigger it gets.”

“Something smells good.” Terry came into the kitchen and stopped. “Am I interrupting? Maybe you should take it upstairs.”

“You…!” Toni pulled away from Max. Terry raised his brows with a half smile on his face.

“I didn’t do it whatever it was. I wasn’t here all day.”

Toni took a breath. “Make yourself useful in here, both of you.” She began giving orders, not noticing Jack standing in the doorway smiling at the way his brothers went to work.

“You’d make a good Bosun,” he grinned and folded his arms.

“Plates,  Jack, they are there on the shelf. Please put them on the table.” Toni smiled a little. Only she could make Captain Aubrey move around like that.

Later that night she caught up with Terry in the kitchen filling his water jug before going upstairs.

“Terry…” She couldn’t say anything. She just went to him and hugged his neck. He put his arms around her and held her, rocking side to side.

“Don’t worry about me, luv. I’ve come through some pretty bad shite in the past. I’ll do it again. I have every intention of seeing Jacky grow into a man. And I’m not through with you yet.” He kissed her and then released her. “We’ll do what we have to do.”

“Yes, whatever it takes because we love you, all of us do. It’s what holds us all together, allows us to exist…love, that’s what it is.”

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