Thorne: Where I Want to Be
(Direct sequel to Aubrey: Lost and Found)
By Atonia Walpole
Part 1:
Toni lay in bed with Terry at Chateau La Siroque. It was to be their last day there. They were flying out tomorrow for London and then home. Terry had been especially amorous in Marseilles and now at Max’s home. He’d once again filled Toni with his fire, burning away all traces of water left behind by Jack.
“I was afraid you would be upset with me when I got back.” Toni ran a finger down his face.
“Not upset with you. I was with Jack, but that’s over now.” Terry propped up on an elbow.
“And Max…you know I…”
“I know. I think he needed it. He was becoming too arrogant and self righteous. He needed a reminder. When we get home, Toni…I know you love your seasons but there’s Jacky and there’s me. We have to be the center, the topmost thing in your life. I will never let you be summoned again by anyone. If Jack had not turned out to be the man I thought he was, I very well could have lost you. I’m not taking any chances with you again.”
Toni smiled, pulled his face down and kissed him. “Don’t ever doubt who is number one in my life, Terry. I want to go see Henry with you and then there’s little Jacky. We’ve been away too long, I know. He needs us both.”
“Yes, he does and we need him.” Terry pulled her to him. “And I need you.”
They were at breakfast outside in the garden. “Max, you’ve done a wonderful job with this place,” Toni said.
“There’s still a lot to do, but thank you,” he smiled. “You saw it before anyone even knew I had it.”
“That’s right. While poor Terry there was in that rehab hospital in London I was out here at La Siroque.”
“Terry met her teasing look. “You always seem to get the buttered side of the bread, Toni.”
“That must have been terrible for you, Terry.” Connie picked up her coffee cup.
“It wasn’t pleasant but I was too far gone to care at the time.”
“I think we’ve had enough of ‘poor Terry’. It’s time you had a little peace, brother.”
“Past time.” Terry took a drag off his cigarette.
“I wish you could stay here for awhile. If it’s peace you’re looking for, this is the place to find it,” Connie said.
“It’s beautiful here. I love it, but we have a baby to go home to and a big house that needs us, too.”
“They really do have a nice house, Connie, like this place…everything you could want or need.” He looked at Toni.
“We don’t need that House anymore, do we, Max?” Toni asked.
Max looked down in his coffee cup. “I guess not. We’ve moved on, haven’t we?”
“You’re talking about the House of Four Seasons now, aren’t you?”
“Yes, Connie, we were. If we can all stay healthy there's no reason, really, to go back there.”
“Do you miss it, Max?” Terry asked
Max looked at him. “Sometimes.”
“Then you haven’t really moved on, have you?”
“I’m getting there.” Max reached over and took Connie’s hand. “I have help.”
“That’s the best kind of help to have,” Toni smiled at Connie. “Terry, want to go for a walk?”
“Sure.” Terry put out his cigarette in the ashtray. “Let’s go look at Max’s vines.”
They walked toward the vineyard. “Terry, why did you say that to him about not moving on?”
“I don’t think he has, Toni. Somewhere inside of him he’d like to go back and have another season with you. That is not going to happen and he knows it. He’s still thinking that was the happiest time of his life instead of realizing what he has now. Connie told me while you were with Jack that she loved him more than he loved her.”
“Oh, no…I probably shouldn’t have seduced him in Marseilles.”
“You seduced him?” Terry gave her a half smile.
“I really did. He was being too good, unlike himself, you know”?” Toni grinned.
“He was trying to be an honorable man and not step on my toes. It really bothered him about Jack taking off with you.”
“Maybe he doesn’t feel so honorable now. I should probably talk to him, find out where his head is.”
“You probably should but be careful there, Toni. Max didn’t trust Jack and I did. It took him a little longer than I wanted for him to bring you back, but I knew he would. I’m not so sure I wholly trust Max.”
“Terry! I can’t believe you said that.”
“John, I would trust but not necessarily Max. I’m sorry. That’s just how I see it. Max doesn’t recognize defeat. He doesn’t like to lose. Even now with all he has at his fingertips, he’s missing the House. I don’t miss it at all. I’ve got some great memories there with you but I wouldn’t want to go back there. Max is still in love with you and if he thought he had a chance with you, I think he’d take it and everybody else be damned.”
“That doesn’t even sound like Max.”
“It’s the side of him you don’t often see, Toni. He can be ruthless when he wants to be. That’s how he got to the top of the heap in London. All that is still inside him. Just don’t forget it.”
“I remember the first year with him. We were playing scrabble one day and he cheated. I got mad at him and quit. It was just a game, you know. He told me he played to win, nobody loved you when you lost. He didn’t care how he won just so he did.”
“Well, there you go. Keep that in mind when you talk to him.”
Toni slipped her arm in Terry’s, understanding his concern, but she didn’t think all this warning was necessary. She knew Max. “I love this place.” They stopped and looked up toward the Chateau. “This whole area is just lovely.”
Terry was quiet for a moment. “It could have been yours.”
Toni looked up at him. “But you wouldn’t be here with me and I couldn’t bear that, Terry.”
“Keep that thought, luv.” He hugged her and continued along the vineyard.
“No, I don’t think you should go. Why would you want to, Connie?”
“I just thought maybe you’d like to spend some time with your family.”
“Bollocks! We’ve had Terry for a month. Have I done something to upset you?”
“No, no, but Toni’s here now.”
“I thought you liked her?”
“I do, I really do like her…but I could never love her the way you do. I’m sorry, Max.” Connie got up from the table and ran inside the house.
Max ran after her. “Connie, please…”
“I understood what Terry was talking about. I can see it in your eyes when you look at her.”
“That’s all over, Connie. She made her choice.”
“You haven’t, Max. You haven’t made yours and Terry knows it. I love you, Max, but I won’t settle for being number two. You have to make a choice. I’m going home for awhile…call me when you know something.” She ran up the stairs.
“Connie…” Max leaned against the banister.
Part 2:
Max went back outside and slumped down in a chair. He didn’t know what he’d done to set Connie off like that. Of course he’d made his choice! He didn’t have a choice but to make a choice. He looked up to see Toni and Terry coming around the house. Terry went inside and Toni came over to the table and sat down.
“You have baby grapes.” She ran her hand through her hair. “Why so glum, Max?”
“Connie wants to go home.”
“Anything I can do?”
“No, I don’t think so. This is something I have to do…one way or the other.” He sat back in his chair and looked at her.
“We’ll be out of your hair tomorrow and things will settle down, you’ll see.”
“What do you do when you can’t have what you want? Do you settle for second best?”
“Max, that’s not worthy of you.”
“I don’t feel very worthy right now, Toni.” He looked down at his hands.
“Don’t let her get away, Max. She’s not second best. What a thing to say! I could get angry with you.”
“You’ve been angry with me before.”
“Yes, I have and I don’t like it.
Terry came out of the door with Connie, waving her car keys. “Back in a bit.” He winked at Toni.
“I guess he’s going to do the brotherly thing and talk her into staying,” Max said, watching Terry back Connie’s car and turn down the drive.
“You want to tell me what’s wrong with you, Max?” Toni was getting irritated with him.
“You.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Fair or not, there it is. Making love to you in Marseilles brought it all back, not that it was very far away…ever. I love you, Toni. You just can’t imagine what it’s like for me.”
“I see now that was a mistake on my part. I did it out of love for you and because I thought you needed it as much as I did.”
“I bloody well need you every day,” he said evenly.
“That’s not going to happen, Max. Don’t throw away what you’ve got here for something you don’t have.”
“Meaning I don’t have you.” Max got up and walked around the table. “I could have you.”
“But you won’t do that because I won’t let you.”
“You couldn’t stop me.”
“You may be right. You’re very strong, Max. Jack reminded me of that. I would like to think you love me enough to let me be happy with Terry. I’d like to think the Max I love would not do that to me.” As Jack had flooded her as water, Max could extinguish the fire that was Terry. Air can do that.
Max paced about. “You once said to me that we could never be friends, only lovers once removed. So where does that leave us, Toni?”
“Not arguing, I hope. Not angry with each other.” Toni got up and went over to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “You’re so easy to love, Max. Let somebody else love you and give you what I can’t give. You seemed so happy when we were at the House with John and Donna. You can be happy with Connie. She loves you.”
His arms went around her holding her tightly. “I’ll always love you, Toni. I can’t…stop.”
“I don’t want you to stop, but love me once removed. Can you do that, darling?”
He released her, holding her arms. “I don’t have a choice, do I? I don’t want to lose you entirely and you’re right. I couldn’t do that to you, put out Terry’s fire. Oh, Toni…it could have been so…”
Toni put her finger on his lips. “It could have been, but it isn’t.” He bit her finger and she grinned.
“You’ve been right about everything else where my life is concerned. I don’t know why I should doubt you now. It’s not easy for me to admit defeat.”
“I know that and you aren’t defeated, Max. You have this beautiful home and a woman to share it with you. A good life awaits you…let it happen and let go of the past. Let it go.”
“I guess this is the point where I’m supposed to run to Connie’s arms and she isn’t here. She’s off with your husband. Maybe she’s in his?”
“How would you feel about that if she was?”
“I don’t think I’d like it.” He tilted his head and bit his lip. “How about you? Are you as generous with Terry as he is with you?”
“No, I’m not. It’s never come up before and I’m not sure it has now, Max. He’s not generous with me, either.”
“He gave you to Jack and he knows about our little afternoon in Marseilles.”
“He didn’t know Jack had summoned me. He thought I’d be with him in hospital and care for him for awhile when he got out. If sex played a part of that care he was okay with that. He wasn’t okay with what happened. And as for you, he didn’t mind that afternoon, but he would if I made a habit of it.”
“How many times is a habit?”
“That’s all we’d need right now is for them to come back and find us in bed. Two times is a habit.”
“You thought about it, didn’t you, going to bed?”
“It…crossed my mind. I just said it. This is not helping your situation.”
“It would help the situation I’ve got forming right now.” He pressed her against him, his hands on her waist.
“Max!”
He chuckled, “Just for fun, for old times’ sake…a quickie?”
“You don’t do quickies,” she replied
“This might be one.”
“And then what?”
“Don’t complicate it.”
“It’s already complicated. We can’t do this.”
“Yes we can. We did yesterday in Marseilles.”
“That was different.”
“Why, because you started it? I’m in pain.” He winced
“Well…you shouldn’t have… got like this. Think about something else.”
“I can’t think. All the blood has rushed south in anticipation.”
Toni rested her head on his chest and giggled. “You are incorrigible.”
“No, I’m in heat. You can’t leave me like this.”
“Oh, Max, what am I going to do with you?”
“You have to ask?”
“A quickie?”
“That’s my girl!” He began moving her toward the house.
“I didn’t say I would.”
“You didn’t say you wouldn’t, either.”
“Max, they’re coming down the drive.”
“Fuck!”
“Oh, is that what you wanted to do?”
“Stand in front of me. Not that close.”
Toni started laughing and then Max started. They laughed until they could hardly stand up. Terry stood leaning against the car grinning. It was a physical release, not exactly what Max intended but…
“I wonder what’s so funny?” Connie leaned on the car next to Terry.
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
Toni turned around and leaned her head on Max’s chest. “I needed that!” She wiped tears from her face.
“Was it as good for you as it was for me?” Max removed his glasses and wiped his own eyes.
“Quickie!” She started laughing all over again.
“Well, that was fun.” Max tried to regain his composure.
“Are we interrupting something?” Terry asked with a smile, walking nearer to them.
“Not a thing,” Max replied. Toni giggled.
“And here I was worried about leaving you two alone. I’m glad you’re both laughing.”
“I’m sure you are, Terry,” Max said with a big smile.
“No worries.” Toni pulled herself upright and smiled at him.
“I’m glad we’re all so happy. Connie has decided to give Max here another go. So don’t fuck it up.”
Connie walked over. “I’m sorry, Max, that I walked out.”
“I’m glad you came back. Would you like to, um, go upstairs?”
“Ma-ax!”
“Well, would you?”
“Yes, I think I’d better.”
After they went into the house Terry looked at Toni. “What was that all about?”
“You don’t really want to know.”
He grabbed her around the waist. “You’re right, I probably don’t.” Whatever it was, he was glad it ended in laughter.
Part 3:
The rest of the day was light-hearted and fun. They all consumed too much of Max’s wine before going to bed that night and the next morning they were up nursing coffee cups.
“I suppose we’d better look like we’re going to London.” Toni rubbed her eyes and looked over at Terry.
“Are we packed?”
“Pretty much. Just a few odds and ends.”
“I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you both. I wish you had more time, Toni,” Connie said.
“I’d like for you and Max to come over and visit us. It would be nice wouldn’t it, Max, to visit without it being some major disaster?”
“Yes, it would. It seems like that’s about the only time we get together. I wouldn’t mind going to see John and his new place in Maine.”
“Well, plan it and let us know. We’d like to go see John, too, wouldn’t we, Terry?”
Terry raised a brow and Toni answered for him. “Terry wants to go, too,” she smiled.
Max caught Terry’s look. “I think Terry wants to go home.”
“That’s exactly what Terry wants to do,” Terry answered.
Max and Connie took them to the airport where they just made the flight to London. Terry said London was like a smack in the face after the month he’d spent in the Luberon valley in Provence.
“Wakes you up, doesn’t it?” Toni replied.
“Reality,” he answered, looking out the window of the taxi cab at the misty rain and umbrellas crowding the sidewalks.
“Why don’t we try and make this a good stay in London? For the next few days let’s just do fun things. We’ve got Henry for a day and we can play with him.”
“I need to go by the office while I’m here, Toni. Life is not all fun and games.”
“I didn’t mean to imply that it was.”
“Hey, I’ve got keys to Max’s car! We’ll get out of the city and do a little touring around. How’s that?”
“I didn’t know he had a car.”
“He didn’t either until the last time he was here and found the keys in his desk. He had some duplicates made for me.”
They reached his building and went up to the flat. Toni walked around, noticing cups and glasses on the drain board. “Somebody’s been here.” She turned and looked at Terry.
“That was Max and Connie and Jack. They spent a night here…the night Jack told Connie about Max’s origins.”
“Okay, it just surprised me. I think Max and I have come to an understanding, Terry. I had a talk with him and I think he’s going to be okay now.”
“Did you? Good. I had one with Connie, too, and explained some things about you and Max to her. I think she’s accepted it. She loves him enough just like I love you to understand some things cannot be changed.”
Toni looked at him a minute. “I told Max to let the past go and let somebody else love him.”
“Did you tell yourself that, too? I don’t think you’ll ever let him go and I’m not saying that’s something you need to do because I understand, Toni, that you can’t. You’re not going to cry…oh, Toni, come here, luv.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve tried, Terry, and I just can’t. Yesterday we got into quite an argument and then peace between us and then it turned into something funny and playful and that’s when you came, and I’m glad you did because I would have gone upstairs with him. I know that’s not being fair to Connie and I really like her.”
“I think Connie understands she’s probably going to have to share him with you from time to time. I tried to explain how it is for me. I know where I am with you. I never doubt that. What we have is totally separate from anything else. I know for us it’s because of where we came from and the way we lived. It’s different for her but she’s pretty opened-minded. I like her a lot. Max has a good woman there.”
“Every day you remind me why you’re my husband.” She put her arms around his neck and hugged him to her. “What are we going to do for the rest of the day. Do you want to go out and eat?”
“I thought we might order in.” He rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “I noticed somebody has restocked the liquor cabinet and the wine cooler and it’s been a long time since we shared that Jacuzzi bath.”
Toni gave him a slow smile. “I like a man with a plan.”
“I thought, you know, there’s no need to let our hangovers go to waste and we don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. I haven’t had you alone in a long time. Let’s go crazy.”
“I know what you’re going to do. You’re going to set me on fire…let’s go.”
It was just after eleven the next morning when Toni surfaced and made her way to the bathroom. As she sat on the toilet she surveyed the damage. They’d thrown towels on the floor to soak up the water and now the floor was covered with sopping wet toweling. An empty bottle and two shot glasses by the tub and traces of bath oil gleamed on the tub’s surface. She ran her hand over her face and grinned. They hadn’t had a night like that since they’d been in the House of Four Seasons.
She went back to the bed and found Terry was awake, sort of. “Somebody made a mess in the bathroom last night,” she said, cuddling next to him.
“Mmmm,” he buried his face in her neck, “have the maid clean it up.”
“I think it’s her day off.”
“So no coffee in bed?”
“ I can make it.”
“Don’t you move.” He tightened his arms around her. “What happened to the bed?”
“We’ve got a sheet left.” She reached down and covered them up.
“You okay?”
“Um hmm, a little tender here and there but I’m good.”
“Yes, you are.”
They lay in each other’s arms until after noon when both agreed it was time to get up and find something to eat. A trip down to the Italian restaurant fulfilled their desire for food. They walked a while and stopped at the corner market for a few things to see them through for a few days. Later Terry, who was at home in London, suggested they go out for the evening. Using the company’s season pass he got them into a play and later they stopped for drinks.
“You like London, don’t you, Terry?”
“Yeah, it was kind of my adopted home.”
“Would you want to live here again?” Toni sipped her drink.
“I want to be where you are, Toni.”
“But if I was here? I know you’re at home here in England. I think maybe I was selfish in wanting you to live in my home. I know it’s yours now, too, but sometimes I think you don’t feel that way.”
“A house is a house, Toni. Doesn’t matter where it is, but it’s you who makes it home for me. As long as I can come home to you and Jacky, it could be anywhere. Are you thinking about a move?”
“I’m thinking. I don’t know, just walking around with you today I thought I could live here.”
Terry looked at her a minute. “If you’re serious we can do that. We’ll need a bigger place. Sell the flat, I guess.”
“I’d want to keep the house in Virginia open for holidays and for when we want to go over.”
“You’d lose Munchie over here, have to find another. We’ll think about it, Toni.”
“You’ll have Max’s car tomorrow. Maybe we can have a look around at neighborhoods.”
“Pushing it, aren’t you?” he smiled. “If you want to live in the London area, we will.” He thought about it a minute or two. “House or flat?”
“Be nice to have a house so Jacky could get outside and play instead of taking him to the park all the time.”
“You know there aren’t any free-standing houses around here. This is not Richmond.”
“I’m open to anything, Terry.”
“I still say,” he picked up his beer, “anywhere you are is where I want to be.” And it looked like it was going to be London.
ON TO BIEBE: THANKSGIVING
BACK TO AUBREY: LOST AND FOUND
BACK TO AUBREY: DANGEROUS SHOALS
BACK TO LIBRISCROWE