thedream

I awoke slowly and, stretching my arms, became aware of my surroundings. Dampness covered me and I opened my eyes to see tall ferns above my head, felt the wet leaves beneath my hands. Am I still dreaming? Lying on the forest floor in my blue cotton nightgown I made to rise then saw the huge black stallion on the path below me. It had stopped and I could see its breath in the cold morning air. He stamped his feet, eager to be on his way, but was held back by the man on his back. Mists seemed to surround him as my eyes followed the line of his leg up his body, clothed in layers, until I found his face. “Oh, my God, it’s him!” I gasped and my hand covered my mouth. I watched him unhook the cape around his shoulders and he tossed it in my direction.

At first I could not move. It all seemed so real that I could smell the decaying leaves and the dampness of an early morning. I looked at my hands, brushed away the wet leaves and reached for the cape. Picking it up, I ran my hands over the material, rough woven wool in a dark brown. I held it to my face and, breathing in, caught the smell of smoke and horse and damp. It was still warm from his body and I draped it around me, grateful for the warmth. I looked up and he was still watching me, his hands holding tightly to the reins of the stallion.

“I don’t believe this. It all seems so real! Surely I’m having a vivid dream tonight!” I laughed

“I have no idea. I may have in my sleep…in my dream…you aren’t real. You can’t be.”

I picked my way carefully through the debris on the forest floor in my bare feet until I came to the path. I could feel the heat from the great stallion and the dark wet soil on the bottoms of my feet. He meant to pull me up behind him but I couldn’t reach the stirrup and so he dismounted, catching me around my waist and lifted me up. I grasped the saddle and threw my leg over.

“You would ride like a man?” he asked and smiled, a twinkle in his blue-green eyes.

“I don’t know how to ride,” I admitted, a little confused at what he meant.

He mounted the horse behind me, arranging the cape to cover my bare legs, and took up the reins. “Just fall back against me and hold on,” he whispered against my ear.

I did, at once feeling safe and warm as the horse began to move beneath me. “Relax and catch the rhythm of the horse,” he instructed quietly. I did try and after awhile I settled down against his body, smelling the leather, the smoky damp wool, and him.

The stallion picked up the pace as we rode along, the sun sending shafts of light through the dense forest. I heard the birds calling through the trees. After a while I saw what appeared to be a clearing ahead and he slowed the horse to a walk as we approached.

He stopped the horse in front of a room sized tent that appeared to be made of leather and some coarse woven fabric. Dismounting, he spoke to an old woman wrapped in layers of clothing. I looked around, aware I had attracted some attention, and pulled the cape tightly around myself. He turned back and held his arms up for me and as I dismounted my face came against the leather armor he wore. He set me down easily then opened the flap to the tent. The floor was covered in rushes, giving up an herbal smell as I walked across them. I looked up to see a hole in the middle of the tent and a fire below ringed with stones.

“’Tis not much but 'tis dry and somewhat comfortable,” he commented as he began to remove the hooded cape and leather armor. He wore a long tunic and woolen leggings and when he pulled the hat off his head his long wavy chestnut hair fell around his shoulders. “Are you not chilled?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“A little, more damp than anything. I must have lain in the forest for some time.”

“Not long. 'Tis the dew, heavy this time of year. I came as soon as I knew you were here.”

“Where is 'here' and how did you know I had arrived in this place?” I asked, hand on hip.

“An English forest. I have seen you here before but you never called for me,” he said, tossing his hair back.

“I’ve been here before? I don’t remember it…but I know who you are, Sir Robert of Nottingham…or are you Robin?”

He smiled and tilted his head. “I am what you want me to be, what you wish to believe.”

“Right. I dreamed you and here you are…in the flesh. Sorry, I know I'm still dreaming, asleep in my bed.” I turned and walked over to the makeshift bed on the floor. It was covered in fur and I bent to touch it, feeling the soft silkiness through my fingers. “I bet this sleeps well. It would feel so good against your skin.”

“Then you should get beneath the furs and warm yourself. I shall join you in a moment.” He turned and walked out of the tent, returning a minute later with a silver cup. Kneeling beside me, he handed me the cup. “Drink this. It will warm you.” His voice was low, soft.

I took the cup and sniffed the dark liquid. It smelled of warm wine and I sipped it slowly, finding it sweet and bitter at the same time. I felt the warmth flowing through my limbs and handed him back the cup. He set it down in the rushes, looked up and met my eyes, then began to remove the tunic and the soft knitted shirt he wore beneath. I couldn’t help myself and reached out, touching his chest. He felt warm, real, and he took my hand, kissing my fingers. He removed his shoes and leggings and lay down beside me, pulling the furs over our shoulders.

“What is this shift you wear?” he asked, fingering the straps of my gown.

“It’s an old, well-worn and washed nightgown that I shall remove,” I murmured with a smile as he helped me pull it over my head and lay it over in the rushes. I felt his hands on my body as he pulled me to him. His kiss was soft as he tasted my lips, first the top and then the lower. My hands found their way into his hair, pulling his mouth to mine. Later I lay with my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat returning to normal and feeling his hand in my hair. I lay my hand on his belly, and catching the dark hairs between my fingers, whispered, “I want to stay with you…here.”

He pulled me up against him, smoothing back my hair. “I am here with you now.” He kissed my eyes and my lips. “You should rest,” he said and made a pillow with his arm for my head. I think I dozed for a while, opening my eyes occasionally in the darkened tent, smelling the smoke from the fire and the scent of him.

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I woke in my bed at daybreak, the fleeting dream leaving me as I turned over under the down comforter. I tried to hold onto it but, as dreams do, it faded as I became conscious of my bed. I stretched and threw the cover back, realizing I was naked and looked for my gown I had worn to bed. It was not to be found. Well, I thought, maybe I didn’t wear it after all. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and reached for my robe. Feeling a stickiness between my legs, I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I shook my head and watched the bits of leaves fall into the sink and smelt the smokiness caught in my hair.

I sat down on top of the toilet seat, trying to think where I’d been…in leaves. Looking down at my hands, I noticed the dark earth beneath my nails. I was a little unnerved for I had been only to work and by the grocery the day before and had showered before going to bed. I simply had no explanation for it...or the semen on my thighs. Getting up, I turned on the shower, a little shaky now, imagining all sorts of things. Had I been drugged, pulled from my bed…I just didn’t know.

I dressed, had my coffee and left for work. Sitting at a stop light in my neighborhood, I looked up at the tree canopy across the street and a memory popped up in my mind of tall trees in a shaded forest. Lost as I was in this scene, the honk of a horn behind me brought my eyes to the street ahead and the traffic that had left me behind. Once I reached my office and got on the phone, I had no time to think of anything until I left for lunch.

It was a sunny windy day and I walked down the street to the little takeaway on the corner, picking up my usual chef salad and tea. As I waited for my salad to be prepared, a woman wrapped in a brown shawl crossed the street and stopped at the counter in front of me. I reached out and touched her wrap, remembering another wrap, coarsely woven and rough beneath my fingers. She turned and, embarrassed, I mentioned something about it being cashmere. Though she smiled, my mind was now somewhere else. I had felt another wrap and could almost see it until I was interrupted by being handed my lunch.I walked back to my office, somehow making it through the rest of the day. Upon reaching my condo, I locked the door and closed the drapes.

Flashbacks, I assumed that’s what they were, had come at me all afternoon. I changed my clothes and sat down with a drink, trying to put them all together in my mind. By nightfall I had remembered my dream but that still didn’t explain my condition that morning. I watched a movie before turning in and looked again for my blue nightgown. It was just gone…left in the rushes…but that wasn’t possible. I lay in my bed and tried calling out his name but nothing happened and I finally fell asleep. If I dreamed, I didn’t know it, nor was there anything unusual to be found in the morning. A week went by with me trying to get back to that place before I realized I had no control over my dreams. I stopped trying and just went on with my life.

The sun was warm on my face and I turned over to shade my eyes before opening them. I was lying in grass and could smell the damp earth beneath, the tickle of the grass on my cheek. When I opened my eyes, from where I lay I could see a line of trees disappearing down the hillside. As a soft breeze lifted my hair, I sat up quickly, looking around. A large granite rock was above me and beyond that, a forest. Turning, I could see smoke coming from beyond the hillside where I sat in my white pajama pants and tee shirt.

“Ah, you have awakened at last.” I jumped at the sound of his voice and turned, looking toward the forest as he came out from behind the boulder.

“I’m back! Oh, I've tried so hard to come back and find you,” I said as he sat beside me in the grass.

“You have been back several times. I watch out for you and make sure you are safe.”

“I can’t make myself call you. Oh, I've tried…I have no control over myself in sleep. This is so strange and so real.”

He took my hand and kissed my fingers. “‘Tis real. Am I not real? If I cut myself, I bleed. See, here a thorn tore my flesh just today.”

I took his hand, noting the ragged cut between his thumb and forefinger, and brought the wound to my lips, my tongue tasting the saltiness of the cut. Lifting my eyes to his, I whispered, “Yes, you do bleed and you are very real to me.”

“I am afraid I am all too real,” he said and looked off toward the smoke rising beyond the hillside. “Come, I have something for you.” He stood, holding out his hand. He wore the leather armor but no capes today in the warm sunshine. I walked with him, holding his hand, until we reached the edge of the forest. He pulled a blue bundle from his saddle and shook it out for me. “Do not be offended but you do arrive in strange clothing. This should cover you.”

He draped a soft blue velvet cloak around me and pulled my arms through the slits in front. It fastened with a jeweled clasp. “This is beautiful, like a queen's!” I said as I twirled around, catching the long skirts with my hands, feeling indeed as though I were a queen myself.

“No queen, but a Lady none the less. It suits you.” He touched my face and pushed my hair back over my shoulder. “Come, we will ride.” He sat me up on the stallion and I did not throw my leg across this time, caught as it was in the folds of the cloak. He held me as before against his chest while we rode through the forest. He spurred his horse on down the path, coming out on the other side where I could see the smoke more clearly now, rising from a burned-out hut. I don’t know how I knew that’s what it was, but I did.

“I am taking you to my home. 'Tis not far. You will see.” We rode down into the valley and out a way until we came to a road that led toward a gray stone wall.

“Would you have me down in the valley in a mud hut? No, m’lady, the Sir stands for something, I fear.”

I noted that was the second time he had used fear, afraid, and I began to wonder what was going on with him. I'd never thought of his having a life in my dreams. He was just there for me. The gates opened as we approached and I looked around. It wasn’t a large castle, but a castle it was. A boy came to take his horse and he lifted me down, taking my hand, led me to a stone stairway and up to his chambers. I stood in the middle of the octagonally-shaped room while he accepted a wooden tray from his man at the door. The room was hung with rich-looking fabrics, perhaps velvets, and a large tapestry covered one wall. His bed was draped with velvet curtains. He set the tray down on the top of a wooden table.

“Come and enjoy some wine and bread. You may find the cheese to your liking or not, but try it.”

I pulled off a chunk of the coarse bread round and a piece of the cheese. It tasted a little like cheddar and I nodded my head. The wine was dark and potent and I sipped it slowly. He removed his armor and joined me, lifting his goblet to mine.

“To you, to me, to this day.” And he drank his wine. Placing the goblet on the table, he took a slice of the cheese and nibbled, watching me. “'Tis good. You like it?”

“Yes, I do. It reminds me of cheese I buy, a soft cheddar taste. The wine is a little strong.”

“I can add water to it, if you would like,” he said and smiled as I pulled my goblet back and shook my head.

“I’m trying to understand exactly what is going on. I come to you in my dreams and yet you are real. Can you see me if I’m not here, I mean if I’m awake or…”

“I see you when you arrive. I never know when you are coming but I know when you are here and I hear you when you call me. I come for you then.”

“When you see me arrive? I mean if I haven’t called you, don’t you want to talk to me…touch me?”

“Yes, I do but I cannot. Do not ask me why because I do not know the answer. 'Tis just how it is and I accept it. But you are here now with me and I think we have talked enough for one day.” He put his goblet down and came to me, taking my face in his hands, and kissed me. I could taste the wine on his tongue. He unhooked the cloak and pulled it over my shoulders, laying it aside. Looking at my pajama pants, he smiled. “You wear clothes like a man but I know you are not.” And he pulled them down and picked me up, laying me on his bed. The tunic he wore today displayed a coat of arms on the front, and that he tossed on the floor.

“I may have to start sleeping in something besides pajamas,” I remarked, “though I think it wouldn’t matter. They don’t stay on for long anyway. I left my gown, you know, the last time.”

“I found it and still have it somewhere. I am glad you called me today. I needed you here,” he whispered against my ear as he pulled me to him. My arms went around his back and held him to me tightly.

He hadn’t said anything like that to me before and it felt good that he wanted me, too. I raised my face to receive his kisses as his hands played my body until I was ready for him. It seemed like hours we lay together before breaking apart. I lay with my head on his shoulder, drinking in the smell of him and the feel of his strong arms around me. “Don’t let me fall asleep, Robert,” I murmured, “I’m not ready to leave you. I may never be ready…I think I love you. Is that permitted, you think?”

“I know you love me and yet you do not know me, not really. Is it permitted? I should think so. Why cannot I love you?”

“You can, of course you can, but you don’t know me, either. Maybe you wouldn’t like me if you did.”

“I know enough. I know you are warm and loving and accepting of strange things and yet you are not afraid.”

“No, I’m not afraid, curious maybe, but no fear, never when I am with you.” He kissed me softly

“Perhaps that is when you should be most afraid,” he said against my lips.

“Because neither of us understands this dream state you are in or where it may lead.”

“As long as it leads me to you, I don’t care. Dream or not, I want you.”

“Oh, yes, I dream. I dream of you more and more. Take this from me to you.” He removed a ring from his little finger and placed it on the middle finger of my left hand.

“You have given me more than you know. Now quiet for a while in my arms.” He kissed me again and I felt myself falling, falling asleep. I tried to fight it and took his hand willing myself to stay awake.

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I woke in a tangle of bedcovers and kicked my legs to free them from the sheets. I must have had a restless night, I thought, and rolled over on my left side. Stretching my arm out, I caught sight of the ring on my finger. I sat up immediately and turned on the bedside light to get a better look at it. It was heavy and made of gold with a crest carved in the circle. The stone in the middle was a sapphire, my birthstone. It was beautiful and appeared to be quite old. I looked up toward the window where the light was just beginning to dawn. I’ve been with him again, I thought, but I couldn’t remember a thing. I got up, went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, finding no leaves this morning, but I did feel his semen on my thighs and I had the ring. I prayed my subconscious mind would open up today and tell me what happened in the night. I had lost my pajama bottoms it seemed, gone the way of the blue gown.

It was Saturday and I had the weekend off. I had no plans and decided to spend the day at home doing some housekeeping and thinking. Again the flashbacks came, telling me what had happened in the night. He had talked more this time, telling me nothing about himself, but he said he loved me and that kept me going most of the day. I had not removed the ring he had placed on my finger, hoping it might be a connection to bring him to me again that night. I prepared myself for bed this time, wearing a pretty gown, but I woke on Sunday still wearing the gown and knew I had not been with him. It saddened me and I moped around most of the morning, wishing I had some way of controlling my dreams. I had to get out of the house and went to the grocery store and was walking down an aisle looking for coffee. That was the last thing I remembered when I woke in the emergency room.

I had been checked out and nothing was found and so I was let go after their monitoring, with instructions to see several doctors listed on a piece of paper. I got myself home and tried to make sense of it. I had no pain or dizziness or anything, just blacked out for three hours they told me. I went to the fridge to get a coke and sat on the sofa. Taking a sip, I rested my head back on the pillows, closing my eyes. I could smell him on my skin and pulled my shirt back, rubbing my shoulder under my nose. I’ve been with him again, but when? I haven’t been dreaming in the middle of the day…when I was unconscious?…oh, my God! Could I have been dreaming, but why did I black out? It worried me a little but I felt fine…just very strange. I thought that if I’d been with him then where is the wetness I had come to expect. Oh, God, you don’t think they cleaned me up at the hospital?

I finally went back and lay across my bed. It had become a muddled day and I had no answers for it. Never in my life had I ever blacked out or fainted. I pressed his ring against my lips and wished I could talk to him. Maybe he could tell me something for I knew I had been with him sometime that day, presumably when I was unconscious. I tried hard to remember but no flashbacks were coming to tell me anything. I fell asleep and woke sometime in the middle of the night still fully dressed. Getting up, I poured a glass of water and changed into the nightgown I had worn the night before.

It was Wednesday and I had just come back from lunch and logged on to my computer. I felt a falling ,pulling feeling, hard to describe. I thought I was going to black out again and I put my head down between my knees. After a few minutes it passed and I sat up, shaking my head. I decided to go home before something else happened so I logged off and walked out of my office, making excuses about feeling faint, and went home.

Changing out of my clothes, I lay down on the bed, really beginning to worry about myself now. I turned over and felt myself drifting to sleep. I didn’t fight it.

I woke, wet and cold at the base of a tree, in my bra and half slip. I was back in the forest and I sat up, looking for him. It was raining and my hair was hanging in rivulets around my face. I called out his name and stood, hugging myself with the chill. It wasn’t long before I heard the hoof beats coming fast up the path and I walked out to the edge of it. He was coming and I noticed he was in somewhat of a hurry for he only stopped long enough to set me on his stallion and we were off running again.

“I am sorry, m’lady, I wasn’t here when you arrived. There has been somewhat of a problem.” He wrapped his cape around me as best he could and I snuggled deep inside the folds, trying to find some warmth.

“You were right to come. I called you this time. Hold onto to me as this may get a bit tricky.” He raced his horse through the forest and down the hillside I had lain on before, galloping toward the line of trees going down out of sight.

I held onto him, holding my arms backward, clutching his leather armor. He had called me? There was much I wanted to know but now was not the time. We seemed to be fleeing something. Once he reached the cover of the trees, we followed them down into the valley and up another hillside into a dense forest. He slowed then and after a while we came to the camp in the clearing. He dismounted and held his arms for me. His face was flushed, his hair wet and windblown about his shoulders. He opened the tent and gave me a little shove in the middle of my back, but he himself did not enter. I went immediately to the fire and looked around, finding the blue cloak hanging on a wooden peg. Quickly, I put it on, clasping it around my neck, and sat down by the fire. My hands were blue from cold and I rubbed them together. It wasn’t long until I heard him come in and turned.

He removed his armor and came to me, pulling me up into his arms. Looking into my eyes, he said almost urgently, “I am Robin today, m’lady, and I have need of your embraces.” My arms went around his waist and still I held his eyes.

“Some hours ago. I was in rather a tight spot.” He moved his hand up and down my back and I looked at my watch. Some hours ago I was at work. “You are cold and wet. I am sorry. Come by the fire and I shall dry your hair.” I sat down and he found a cloth and began to rub my hair, combing out the tangles with his fingers.

“You do not remember? Yes, I dreamed of you and you came to me, here. You have no memory of it?”

“Sunday I was in the grocery store to buy coffee and I woke up in the emergency room at a hospital. I blacked out for three hours and the store called an ambulance. I was fine when I woke up, no headache, no dizziness, nothing. Robin, you sent me to the hospital.”

“I do not know what to say. You blacked out? I do not understand the other words you used. Oh, my love, we have to be careful!” He pulled me onto his lap and rubbed his hands over my arms and my face “This is a very strange thing we have between us, and I think a dangerous one.”

“No, I feel a pull in a certain direction and I go there and find you. When you do not call, I just know you are there. I cannot explain it.”

“When I leave you, when I fall asleep in your arms, do I just disappear?” I wondered aloud.

“I fall asleep, too, and when I wake you are gone. 'Tis an emptiness that fills the void you leave, and 'tis getting worse.” He looked away and then back at me. “I do not want you to leave me. I must have you with me.”

“I want to be with you. I don’t know what to do. I think your pull is stronger than mine. If you can knock me out at any given time that could be dangerous, depending on what I'm doing, driving, for instance, or even walking along the street. I was working today when you called me. I felt a strong pull and a feeling like I was falling. I thought I was going to pass out again so I went home once I could stand, and I lay down on my bed and woke here.”

He looked into my eyes. “We are in different worlds, you and I. There must be, there has to be a way to make them one.”

“Very different worlds. I am hundreds of years ahead of you.” I looked into the fire and lay my head on his shoulder, wondering if I could go back to his time to live…if there were a way to be with him forever. “I think there is no such thing as time and space. How else can you explain this?” I said against his shoulder.

“You had a need I could fill. Now I have a need and 'tis getting stronger. I am afraid for you,” he said quietly.

“No, don’t be afraid for me. I want this, I do. There is no one else like you, no one.” I looked up and he kissed my lips softly and smoothed my drying hair. “I love you,” I said and looked into his eyes, seeing longing and love and something else I couldn’t identify. I thought it might be pain.

“I love you, m’lady. Come, let us get beneath the fur and warm ourselves. If you want me that much, I am yours.”

“Are you sure that is what you really want?” he asked as he carried me to the bed.

“Yes, forever with you.”

He gathered me in his arms beneath the fur and held me so tightly I could hardly breathe and then released me. Kissing my lips, he smiled and moved on top of me.

“Then I am yours and you are mine,” he whispered in my ear.

She didn’t show up for work the next day and repeated calls to her went unanswered. Thinking she might really be ill, her friend from work went around to her house. The door was unlocked and she walked in, calling for her friend, but received no answer. She found her in the bed asleep and could not wake her so called the paramedics.

The doctor wiped his face. She was healthy, with no injuries or illness. Brain scans came back normal. There was nothing technically wrong with her. She would drink from a straw when offered and swallowed the food placed in her mouth. She would sit and stand when moved but she would not wake up. He was totally baffled, never having come across anything like this. He kept her as long as he could in the hospital then she was moved to a long-term care facility where she remained for the rest of her life.