Part 2: 

“Did you have a good rest?”

“Yes, thank you, I did. There have been some changes here, a new dining room?”

“Ah, well, it knows my requirements. Pray, does it meet with your approval?”

“Yes ,of course, it’s very nice.” He had, she noticed, taken command of the house. “Um, the dinner? I’ve been cooking here since I arrived.”

“Well then, my dear, you deserve a break. Killick will take care of the meals. If there is anything you need just ask him or myself, of course.” He tilted his head, his small nervous smile in place.

“I feel like a guest in this house now. Yesterday it was mine.” She looked out the window at the darkened landscape.

“And well you should be a guest, allow yourself to be pampered, my dear. I will tell Killick to take care of you whilst I’m here. I understand your feelings, I think, and I will not press upon you anything you do not desire.”

She turned slightly and met his eyes. “Thank you for that, Jack.”

“Now, if you’re ready, shall we move to the dining room?” He took her arm and escorted her to her seat. She was very subdued this evening but quite nice. Perhaps things would get better with time. Yes, time is the healer...and perhaps a little balm?

“Yes, Killick, thank you. You said you came here to write. May I ask what you are writing?”

“A historic novel, romance stuff. It’s set in England in the 1850’s.”

“Did they have romance in the 1850’s? Oh, well, I should imagine they did. You are here, after all. I should like to read some of your work, with your permission, of course.”

Toni looked up. Jack Aubrey wants to read romantic fiction? “I wouldn’t think that would be something you would read, but I have no objection.”

“I suppose an old salt like me is not very romantic. I have the heart and soul of a sailor but also a softer side not many see. That, of course, is not something I would want told, you understand.”

“But I always thought you were a romantic figure, very dashing on your ship.”

“Ah, yes, but one cannot help what one looks like. It’s the inner man, yes, that is where the heart lives. Women love the outer shell but what of the inside of a man? I fear my heart is preserved with saltwater.”

Toni smiled down at her plate and picked up her wine glass. “Are you saying your heart has never been touched, you’ve preserved it?  For what I wonder?”

“To keep me sane I should think.” He smiled across the table. This was going very well.

Toni smiled back. He was not what she had expected. His looks were overwhelming and she had expected him to try and sweep her off her feet. He had doubts about himself and she found that interesting.

“Your Killick is very good. I am enjoying the lamb.”

“I shall convey your compliments. He tries. More wine?”

After dinner they walked out the French doors at the end of the dinning room onto a stone patio that led down into a small English garden.

“Wow, you do have requirements, don’t you!” she said, amazed at the grounds.

“A little bit of home soil, well, not soil exactly, this being America, but it makes me feel at home if I have to be on land.”

“You’d rather be at sea?”

“Yes, I live and breathe it. Are you cold?” He’d noticed she held her arms.

“It’s a little cool, but I really don’t want to have to go back in for a wrap. It’s nice here.”

He hesitated a moment and moved behind her placing his arms around her arms. “Is that better? I’ll move if you want me to.”

She felt the heat of his body flow through the thin silk top she wore. “Much better, thanks.” She could smell his scent, clean and fresh with a touch of citrus. She smiled to herself, sea breeze, he’s a sea breeze.  “It’s a full moon.”

“Not quite. It will be tomorrow night. There is Orion, see, to the left.”

She felt good in his arms and he would like to have held her closer, perhaps kissed her, but he took a deep breath instead. How long could he hold her like this? Not much longer. His body was going to betray him. He felt her ass against his thighs and stepped back. “Perhaps we should go in? Would you like another drink?”

“No thanks, my head is swimming now. I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Well, we will have work you up. I do enjoy the grape.”

“I believe I will just go to my room, Jack. It was a lovely dinner.”

“I shall accompany you, oh, not to your room! Oh, my, no, I meant, of course, to your door.”

Toni giggled going up the stairs. He was really funny. He stopped at her door and took her hand and kissed it. Still holding on, he met her eyes, paused a minute and lightly kissed her lips.

“Until the morrow then, my dear, sleep well.” He backed away and went to his own room.

Toni licked her lips, tasting his quick kiss. She didn’t want this…she turned and pulled off her clothes, pulling on her new robe and settling on the sofa. Her own robe that smelled of John was missing, but she still held that scent within her as she held his love. He will always be a part of me no matter what happens in my life, she thought.

She got up and walked into her work room and turned on her computer where she had downloaded all the pictures she had taken of John. Some of them were of her and some of them together. John held the camera out with his longer arm and snapped several pictures of them. It wasn’t long until she was sobbing aloud.

Jack had undressed and donned his navy silk dressing gown. He pulled a book from the shelf and had settled in his easy chair. He heard her keening and sat up. Should he go to her or would she rather grieve in private. He got up and paced the teak floor, made his decision and opened his door.

He found her bent double in front of her computer and went down on his knees, pulling her to his chest. “Toni, Toni…there now, get it all out.” He held her, patting her back and looked over at the screen. It was bad. He could see what they had together and anger welled up in him again that this had been allowed.

“Come dear, come away. You are just feeding, come away.” Jack stood and pulled her against him. She was not going to stand alone so he picked her up and carried her to her bed. “Toni, please, my dear.” She had hold of his right arm so he sat down on the bed beside her, rubbing her hair and patting her back.

“Jack, please just hold me.”

He blinked his eyes and lay down beside her, pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her.

Soon her sobs subsided and she rested her face against his neck. She was breathing deeply now, breathing in Jack’s scent. His right hand kept an unconscious steady motion on the small of her back. She shifted slightly, enough that her left knee rested on his thigh. Jack was becoming extremely uncomfortable.

“Um, my lady, you put me in a strange and precarious position here. I have never had the, um, pleasure of holding a woman while she sobbed for another. I am not sure what is expected of me by your glorious self but I am afraid, um, myself is becoming a little, um, no, a lot, um…”

“Jack, don’t you know what to do?” she whispered.

“Well, um, actually…yes, I do.” He shifted and took her face in his large hand and gently kissed her lips. Feeling her respond, he probed deeper and her arms went around his back.

“I’m afraid I’m not being fair to you, Jack, but…”

“If I can comfort you in any way, Toni…” Jack was beyond caring whether fair was fair. He had slipped over the edge and meant to have her. Robes were quickly discarded and his hands began to explore her body. His rough, calloused hands held a delicate touch and he played her easily until she was ready for him and he entered her in one mighty thrust.

Her eyes came open and she looked up at his face framed in a blond curtain of hair, his blue eyes darkened in lust and she ground against him, his lips curled and she felt herself go, meeting him thrust for thrust until he took her where he wanted to. Her breath came in short pants when he fell upon her. Raising himself on his elbows, their bodies still connected, he tasted her lips again and rolled to her side, breathing heavily.

It had been an emotional and physical release for her but she had been surprised at the intensity. She turned her head to look at him. His eyes were closed and his lips parted, his hair in a tangle over the pillow.

She had felt the physical strength of the man and her eyes traveled over his muscled body. Master and Commander, yes, she could see that he was, indeed. She turned back on her pillow. This was the man who had been ordered to heal the hole in her heart.

Once he began to breathe normally again, he began to wonder at his actions, for surely he had taken advantage of her in her grief. He didn’t regret it, but ever the gentleman, he felt he needed to make apologies. He fastened his blue eyes on her lips as he spoke.

“Toni, I’m sorry for taking advantage of the situation. I don’t want you to think of me as an opportunist, and as I said before, I will not do anything you do not desire.” He smiled slightly.

“Don’t apologize to me, Jack. Thank you for being here when I needed you.”

He kissed her softly on her lips. “I shall retire to my room.” He tied his robe around his waist, flipped his hair back over his shoulder, turned to her and smiled, closing her door behind him.

 

Part 3:

Toni had just wrapped herself in her robe when Killick knocked on her door with a tray. He set the tray on the coffee table and asked if she required anything else. Toni thanked him, asked about the Captain and was told he was up at dawn and was now down around the cliff. 

How nice to have coffee delivered to your room. She went into her bathroom to clean her teeth and saw the tub was waiting. She would have her coffee first, thank you. She had slept soundly through the night after Jack left her, and felt rested this morning. If it hadn’t been for him she would not have slept at all.

She took her coffee out on her balcony and saw him walking with his hands clasped behind his back. The wind had dislodged some of his hair from the tie. He probably longs to be at sea instead of stuck here babysitting me.

Jack was not stuck at all, he could in fact leave when his duty was complete, and it was up to him to make that decision. Toni could call in another for Spring if she wanted to. He stopped and shaded his eyes looking toward the horizon. He was used to orders of a military nature and this was the first time he had been called upon to rescue a damsel in distress, as it were. This was not his area of expertise. With no one to guide him he would have to rely on his own instincts. He felt they had failed him last night. That should not have happened, he thought. It was my own damned weakness that allowed it. He lifted his chin and filled with new resolve, turned to go back in the house. He saw her on the balcony in her lavender robe, her auburn hair blowing around her face, a beautiful picture for morning eyes. He waved to her.

Toni had half expected him to knock on her door after the wave, but he didn’t so she took her bath and dressed in a pair of gray slacks and matching light cashmere sweater. She went down to the kitchen in search of breakfast and was directed to the dining room. So formal, not sure she liked this. Breakfast was a buffet on the sideboard. Jack did not join her. She found him later in the garden.

“Good morning ,Toni, I trust you slept well?” He smiled and sat down on a bench.

She sat down beside him, “Yes, thank you, I did. You may have had something to do with that.” The little half smile was back and he fingered a leaf. “I love roses,” she said and the picture of red roses flashed through her mind, red for love.

“I was wondering about aphids,” he said, “if they’re here already.”

“Aphids? I think it might be too cool for them yet.” She tilted her head and looked at him. He was leaning in the corner of the bench with his chin resting on his hand.

“Hmm, but they will come when the weather is warm, when the rose is in bloom when it’s beauty is breathtaking, the aphids will come and suck the life out of it.”

He was very strange this morning. “But a rose bush is sturdy and it does recover and bloom again. My mother had roses. Sometimes black spot would take the leaves and she cut them back. Before long they were sprouting new stems and leaves.”

“Pruning, yes…one wonders how she knew just where to cut and doubtless without her knowledge and care the rose would have suffered, perhaps died.”

"We aren’t talking about aphids and rose bushes here, Jack. I’m pretty sturdy, you know. I can take a hit and have taken a hit. I will go on. It may take some time for the pain to fade. It’s almost as if…he died. It’s that kind of pain because I’ll never see him again.” She swallowed hard and blinked. “I’m sorry you had to come here. Not that I’m not enjoying your company. I realize it was a difficult thing to walk into, especially for you who is used to women falling all over you.” He turned to her and raised an eyebrow. “I know I have been foolish but I can’t and would not want to change what happened. The first day John arrived he told me what could happen here and also how it had to end. I pushed that end out of my mind and went on like it would be forever.”

“You are a remarkable woman and I think not the only one who is to blame for your present state. Whilst it is true I was sent here, it is my decision whether to stay. With your permission, Toni, I should like to stay.”

Her eyes widened. “I…yes ,I would very much like you to stay. That is, if you can put up with me.” She watched his smile light up his face.

“Good, it’s settled then and we shall begin anew. I shall be here for the spring season and today we will walk and see what green things might be trying to emerge from the sodden earth.”

They walked through the woods and ended up down by the line of cedar trees. He was taking her to the pond and she held back.

“I’m not sure I want to do this, Jack. The pond was very special to John.”

“Toni, it is special to all of us. Come, the iris should be blooming.” He took her hand and made her walk down to the pond.

The sun was shining on the water which looked dark green. He was right the iris were tall and purple. It looked totally different in spring and the bench where she had sat and watched John skate was gone. A little gazebo sat on the other side, and he led her over there for a rest.

“Well now what do you think?” he asked

“It’s really beautiful, and so peaceful here. Look, there are ducks on the pond.” A mallard and his two mates paddled across the water.

“They come every year and soon there will be more. They have a way of multiplying.”

“Do you…come every spring?”

“I have seen all seasons here, each with its own beauty and always a little different.”

“I suppose I will see them all, too, this year.”

“I hope they will all be special for you, Toni. I know I was not wanted, but perhaps summer you will make your own choice and fall, yes, fall should be special as it is the last you will see here.”

“Although I didn’t choose you, Jack, there could have been no other choice for me. I am a little afraid of summer and fall. I don’t know who…”

“You’ve time enough to work that out, and if not I will lend my opinion perhaps?”

They were having lunch in the dining room, grilled salmon and salad.

“Jack, there is something that has been nagging my mind. You mentioned sending reports. How do you go about sending anything?”

He looked up with a devilish grin. “I have a Blackberry. It was given to me by a very sweet lady with whom I spent a rather long, cold winter.”

Toni’s eyes rounded and then she laughed. “Captain Jack Aubrey, Master and Commander ,has a Blackberry, is text messaging!”

“It comes with my things here now. I can assure you it does not make it to the Surprise. I find it interesting to play with.”

“Do you send messages to your ladies?” He gave her a half smile and did not answer her. She met his eyes across the table. They were very blue today.

After lunch Toni said she would like to work for a few hours and Jack said he had papers to go through, so they each went their own way. After a couple of hours, Toni heard the violin began to play. She sat back in her chair and listened to it. He would start and stop some tune and go to another. Finally he must have decided on something, and she sat quietly listening to him play. She didn’t know the music but it went deep inside of her. She thought it spoke of loneliness, at least it did to her. She quietly got up and padded barefoot down the hall. His door was pulled to but not latched and she gently pushed it open.

He was standing with one foot on a sea chest facing a large window. She had not been in his room before, it smelled of him. The walls were pale blue like the sky, and the furniture was teak with brass fittings. A thick Turkish rug covered most of the floor ,and his bedding was white. One leather easy chair faced the fire with a table and lamp. Did he not have visitors to his room? Should she leave? He had a large desk covered in rolls of paper, some he had obviously been working on. She didn’t want to disturb him and yet was compelled to stay just inside the door. He stopped for a moment moving his head side to side and began again. He is playing with the music in his head. I should not be here.  She left as quietly as she came.

Sitting back down in her computer chair she tried to figure out what his room said about him, it was not what she had expected. If asked, she would have guessed a more formal eighteenth century setting. It was more like what she imagined of a ship's stateroom, perhaps his room on the Surprise. The furnishings were expensive but sedate, nothing flashy or contrived and nothing that was not useful. Another little piece of Jack, she thought, and smiled. I will go back when he’s not there and see what books he has on his shelves.

They had been together for a week, however not as close as on the first night. Toni sensed it; he would pull her toward him and then push her back. Was he being considerate of her or something else? She dressed for dinner as was the custom now, and chose a very feminine lacy blouse that showed a little cleavage. She would find out about that something else.

Jack, with his drink in his hand, paced the floor waiting for Toni to appear. It had been a difficult week for him. He wanted her company and wanted more but only when she would come to him for himself.  He felt she was over the initial shock and pain, and he was waiting for her. He could be her comforter if that’s all she wanted, but it was not easy for him. He felt he was holding another man’s woman.

Toni came lightly down the stairs, her black skirt billowing out around her knees. Jack was waiting with her glass of sherry as usual. She blinked when she saw him the blue shirt matched his eyes and the buff colored slacks molded to his body.

“Thank you, Jack,” she said as she took her glass

“You look lovely, Toni, yes, very nice tonight,” he smiled, noticing her neckline.

“Something smells wonderful. What has Killick concocted tonight?”

“Ah, he wouldn’t say. This house does wonders for his culinary skills. My one regret is they seem to stay with the house and he’s back to his mutton and chops aboard the Surprise.”

“Mutton and chops doesn’t sound very exciting.”

“Perhaps not, but then when you’re at sea anything is palatable.”

She was on her second glass of wine. “You should always wear blue. It suits you.”

He stopped with his fork half way to his mouth and looked across the table at her, dropped the piece of fish and twisted his fork around, a half smile on his lips and looked down at his plate. “Do you prefer blue, as a color I mean?”

“I like it on you. It’s not a good color on me with my hair and eyes.”

“No, you’re a jade, many colors, many facets, smooth and warm to the touch.” He looked up and met her eyes.

He was definitely coming toward her tonight. “You’ve held a jade, then, to know all these things about the stone?”

“Once only briefly and not with an eye to its true beauty. I should like to take the time to examine it thoroughly.”

“How much time do you need?” she asked, teasing.

“All I’ve got…are you still eating?”

“Um, no….” Her eyes rounded.

He came around the table grabbed her hand, two glasses, and the bottle of wine and led her to her room. Jack Aubrey was known for his reckless maneuvers but he wasn’t called Lucky Jack for nothing.

ON TO SPRING, part 4

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