The Heart in Winter
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The House of Four Seasons
By Atonia Walpole
The house has been very patient with me today, I didn’t emerge from Terry’s room until nearly lunchtime. I wanted to soak up his essence for as long as I could so it will stay with me until he returns. My husband, my lover, my fire. I wish I could have slept the day away and not have wakened to the empty bed knowing he would not be returning for me to warm him.
I have moved into my room for the day. I haven’t the desire to do much of anything. The sun did not melt the frost this morning and a step out on my balcony let me know it is time for winter. The sea is lost in a fog that has not lifted, cold air has arrived. I know it would not be appropriate for one season to hand me to another and I need this time, this day to get ready for the change.
John will be here probably before daylight tomorrow. I look forward to feeling his warm loving arms around me. He is my rock, my anchor in this whirlwind of a life I have. He is honest, trustworthy, solid. He loves me; he is the earth.
I have reluctantly removed my wedding ring and placed it by Max’s ring in my jewelry box.
This was his fourth winter at the house. He arrived through the gates and wondered that he was on the outside of them, even turning to watch them close behind him. Driving his four wheel drive vehicle to the garage, he parked it and checked his watch. It was 12:15 EST. He had remembered to set it back when he found himself in his vehicle on the road. Looking up at the house, he saw a light in each window, a tiny white lamp, and smiled. It was a welcome home. The door opened before his hand touched the knob and a warm loving welcome was extended to him by the house. He breathed it in. He was home.
Removing his hat, coat and gloves, he sensed something different and tilted his head. He couldn’t fathom it. Taking the steps two at a time, he reached the hallway and quietly opened his door. She was there in his bed, waiting, but asleep. Perhaps this time he would be able to surprise her. He stepped back into the hallway, removed his clothes and quietly moved to the bed. As soon as he touched the comforter she woke up.
“John.”
“Hello, sweetheart. I thought I could slip into the bed without waking you.”
“Shame on you, sweetie.” She moved over, giving him room. “I don’t want to be asleep with you here.”
She went into his arms, feeling his body against hers, and lost herself in his kisses. After lovemaking he moved to her side and pulled her tight against him. “Do you want to go to sleep now?’ he asked softly in her ear.
“No, I feel like a cat. I want to lick my paws and stretch and curl up with you.”
“I love the feel of you curled up with me. There’s, ah, did something happen here?”
“Um, what do you mean, honey?”
“I don’t know. I felt something different when I came in. It was a good feeling but all the same not one I’ve felt before in the house. Somehow I’m connected here, weird.”
“You are very much connected here.” What to tell him? He would keep after her she knew until…
“Oh, when I got here, I was on the road the other side of the gates. They opened for me. That’s never happened before.”
“Outside the gates? You weren’t on the property, then?”
“No, I mean I wasn’t worried or anything. It didn’t bother me at all. It was just different.”
“It’s your magic, John.”
“There ought to be a handbook or something…magic handbook.”
“Would you read it, Mr.-I-don’t-need-the-instructions-thank-you?”
“I might refer to it.”
“Do you feel it inside you, John, the magic?”
“Yeah, it’s there like a sixth sense or something. I know I can make things happen if I need to. Why are you asking? You must be full of it.”
“I don’t think about it.”
“Think about this.” He kissed the back of her neck.
“I’m thinking,” she purred.
Late to sleep makes them late to rise and they are down in the kitchen for what is now brunch.
Toni let the house prepare the food and they filled their plates then sat at the kitchen table. She knew how special this season was for them, their year anniversary, but unlike the plans she made for Max, this time she was going to leave it to John, just to see if he remembered on his own.
“How’ve you been, Toni?”
“Wonderful, good, I’m happy.”
“No more mishaps?”
“No, none at all.”
“You get on with Bud okay this year?”
“Oh…yes, got on okay…I’m, um, not going to have him back, John.”
“Something happened. I knew it when I came in the house.”
“Oh, no, nothing like that, sweet. The chemistry is not right between us. I’m unbalanced. I feel it. I tried, John, I really did. I’ve got three very strong seasons and I’m beginning to understand how it has to be. This house is very old. The magic here is ancient, elemental.”
“I’m sorry, Toni. I guess that’s my fault for encouraging you in that direction.”
“You didn’t know and neither did I, but I understand now. When I said elemental, I meant just that. You are my earth. He was too much like you in that way.”
“So what element are you missing if I’m earth?”
“Water.”
“Aubrey?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’m glad. I like him. He’ll be strong for you, Toni. You need that.”
Terry had told her the same thing. “Oh, I do, eh?”
With a little grin, he added, “Eat your breakfast.”
“It’s brunch,”
“Whatever.”
Despite the cold they went for a walk and Toni told him about Bud replanting the trees.
“Maybe we shouldn’t cut anymore, Toni. I’m sure between the two of us we could conjure up a tree.”
“It worried me, you know, because no new ones were growing.”
“We won’t cut another. Heck, we could go into town and buy one like other folks do.”
“Yes, we could or go to a tree farm.”
John stopped for a moment and looked around.
“What is it, John?”
He turned to her, “this is where it all started, when you fell in the snow and I kissed you.”
Toni held her breath.
“You had me, Toni, from that moment, four years ago. You’ve still got me. Four winters and three times four makes a year.”
She didn’t know why she wanted to cry so bit her lip, blinking her eyes.
He pulled her to him, her face against his chest inside his parka. There was something he wanted to ask her. Maybe this wasn’t the place or the right time? He’d never been good at things like that. There wasn’t even any snow he could push her down in and recreate the moment that changed their lives forever. But he took her face in his hands and kissed her, a little nervous now that he was actually going to do it. He wasn’t entirely sure what her reaction might be. He knew in his heart what he felt and what he wanted.
“Toni, will you marry me?” He held his breath.
She burst out in tears.
“Oh, shit.”
“Ysss.”
“What?”
She raised her head from his chest. “Yes, oh, yes, John!”
He could breathe again. “You understand what this means? It’s forever, no going back, no changing your mind and calling in Maximus next winter or some other guy.”
“I could never, yes, I understand. I will marry you.”
“Wow!” he blinked. “We need to set a date. I want to do it right, Toni.” He wiped her tears with his thumbs.
“Let’s go back to the house where it’s warm and talk about it.”
“I’m sorry. You’re cold.” He put his arm around her and walked back to the house.
Toni made a pot of coffee and put out some sugar cookies the house had provided.
John had the calendar off the wall. “I don’t want to wait long.”
“You pick a date,” she smiled, handing him a cup of coffee.
“It’s your wedding, too.”
She didn’t want to tell him she was already twice married and that anything would do for her. “Okay, you don’t want to wait. What is it you have in mind?”
“Aw, now I don’t have anything in mind.”
“Here in the house?”
“Yeah, that would work. Living room in front of the fire.”
“We’ll say our vows.”
“Vows…then comes a ring. I don’t have a ring.” John sat back in his chair.
“I’m sure you will think of something.” She bit a cookie.
“When?”
Toni picked up the calendar. It was Wednesday. She smiled, “Friday afternoon. Three o’clock.”
“That’s only two days away.”
“You said soon. Could be this afternoon if you’d like.”
“No, no, Friday is good. Give me a little time to think about what I want to say. Are you sure about this, Toni?”
“John, if I’ve ever been sure about anything, it’s you.”
Part 2:
The house experienced a thrill. A marriage right here in the house. Preparations must be made, decorations. It would be very special for these two, intimate and memorable. It sent a warming love-filled ring around them as they sat at the table eating their cookies and drinking coffee, planning their wedding.
The next day they drove into Gloucester. John wanted to look up the fellow who managed the hockey team and had some other things he wanted to look at also.
John found him in the bar on the corner across from the restaurant where they’d eaten last year.
“Well, if you’ll give me your cell phone number I’ll give you a call when we get ready,” the man said.
“Ah, well, I left it in Alaska. If you’ll give me your number I’ll call you when I get one with local service.”
He wrote it on the back of a napkin and gave it to him. John turned and looked at Toni. “I gotta have a phone.”
“We’ll take care of it, love,” she answered. Taking his arm, they walked out of the tavern. He led her down the street and found a little jewelry store.
“Not that I’m buying it here, Toni, but I don’t know what kind of ring you’d like.”
“You’re going to give me a ring, John?”
“Yes, what did you think? I said I didn’t have one. That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna get one.”
“John, I’d rather you pick something out for me. I don’t want to tell you what to do.”
“You’re not telling me. You’re giving me a hint, sweetheart.”
“Nope, I’m not. This you can do on your own.”
“Toni.”
“Sorry, you are on your own, John Biebe.”
“I don’t know anything about rings.”
“It has to come from your heart to mine.”
John stomped around a minute then took her hand, leading her up the street to the restaurant for lunch. The wedding was tomorrow. Tomorrow he had to have something.
“We’ll find a Blackberry, John, and I’ll try and tie it in with my computer so we don’t have worry about a bill coming,” she remarked as they looked at menus.
“Who pays for all that stuff?”
Toni looked over her menu. “It’s magic, John. I don’t ask. What have you got in your wallet?”
“I never have any money.” He pulled it out. “Shit! I’ve got a credit card and three hundred dollars!”
Toni smiled, “Lucky you, John. That should pay for lunch.”
“Magic money.”
“It spends and the card will work. Terry had one.”
“Yeah, what did he buy?”
“Stuff for me.” She wished she hadn’t mentioned it.
John sensed she wasn’t going to talk about Terry, and that was okay with him. He hoped she didn’t talk about him either. “What are you having?”
Toni smiled, “Soup and a salad.”
“I think I’m gonna have their big cheeseburger. Haven’t had one of those in awhile.”
“John, have I told you I love you in the last fifteen minutes?”
He looked up over his menu, “No, and I’ve been counting.”
They found a phone store and bought a phone. Once back home she would tie it in and there wouldn't be a problem.
They agreed not to spend the night together that night. Tomorrow night would be their wedding night and they both wanted it to be special. So John kissed her good night and went across the hall to his empty bed. He was having second thoughts about that decision as he tossed his clothes off and got in the bed. He still did not have a ring. Why had she been so stubborn about that, he wondered.
An hour later he was still awake. From his heart to hers could only be love. What did love look like, what kind of a ring? It had to be a heart. He pictured hearts in his mind and rings, but didn’t want it to be cheesy. His sixth sense kicked in and he had it. He just hoped she liked it. He also hoped his magic worked and the damn ring would appear.
When he woke the next morning coffee and breakfast was waiting on a table by his bed. “What the hell! Am I not to see her?” he said aloud and sat up. He poured a cup of coffee then noticed the box on the breakfast tray so put the cup down and picked it up. It was a pretty ring he thought, but still he worried.
Toni woke in her bed alone, not liking that at all. What had they been thinking, she wondered. Taking her coffee to the sofa, she realized she hadn’t thought about what she might wear for her wedding to John. Leaning back on the sofa she closed her eyes and asked the house to provide something lovely.
Something lovely did appear on a mannequin by her fireplace. Sensing a movement in the room, she opened her eyes. “Oh, my God!” Ivory silk that complimented her coloring. It was exquisite, hand worked with tiny pearls, and yet was not over the top. It was really a simple dress. She loved it.
The house was busy downstairs. The living room mantel was adorned with red roses and pine branches. Every surface held a white candle surrounded by red roses and pine. A wedding such as this should be attended by guests. They would be there but they would be unseen and would not interfere.
It was a game the house played throughout the day. If Toni left her room, John’s locked. If he left his, hers locked. They spoke through their bedroom doors. John was having a fit but Toni calmed him down telling him it was to keep him from seeing his bride before the wedding. He finally gave up, chose a book and sat in his recliner, like he was going to read.
He showered and dressed in the suit that appeared on his wardrobe door, remembered the ring. He was ready and tried his door. It opened and he tried hers, locked, so he went downstairs into the living room and saw what the house had provided for their wedding. Across the hall the dining room was opened and a small wedding cake sat on the oval table along with finger foods and on the sideboard a buffet was arranged for them. He thought it was like a real wedding…wait, it was more than a real wedding, it was a magical wedding and that carried a lot more weight. He fully understood what he was about to do. He walked to the front door and opened it. Snow was falling.
Toni soaked in her tub then dressed in the lovely gown. She found a pair of pearl earrings in her box and put them in her ears. Nothing else was needed. She brushed out her hair and stood looking at herself in the full length mirror. She also understood what she was doing. John was to be her husband for eternity as were Terry and Max. She marveled at John, that without knowing what had come before, he had asked her to marry him.
He’d just come in from outside when she came down the stairs. He waited and, taking her hand, walked with her to the fireplace. He wanted to say something but was afraid he was going to choke up. The music began to play. The candles began burning.
Realizing his state she began:
“John Biebe, I have loved you from the first day I met you. My love has grown and deepened with each passing year. You have my heart in winter, John. I give myself to you to love forever and ever. I take you for my husband to love and care for as long as we are allowed to love, for eternity.
“Toni Stanley, I take you for my wife to love and cherish for all eternity. You are the reason I exist. I exist to love you. I bring nothing to you but myself and pray God that is enough. I will stand by you and for you as long as I am allowed to do so. I love you and with this ring we are joined forever.” He slipped the ring on her finger, a wide platinum band with two joined hearts in diamonds in the center.
They were both in tears. Toni felt the ring in her right hand and took his left hand, saying softly, “With this ring I give you my love and my body for that is all I have and I, too, pray God that is enough.”
He took her in his arms and kissed her for a long time.
“Do you feel different?” he asked when they finally released each other.
“Yes, I do. I feel married, a part of you. I belong to you.”
He smiled, “Do you like the ring?”
She had only glimpsed it but now she walked over to one of the candles and really looked at it. Her right hand went to her mouth, tears threatening again. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, John.”
“My heart to yours.”
“Oh,” she shook her head trying for a little control. “We have a wedding feast I believe.”
“Yeah, even a cake. I didn’t know you were going to give me a ring.”
“Neither did I until I wanted to just a few minutes ago. Oh, John.”
“I know, Toni, I know.” She was back in his arms.
Their wedding night was spent in John’s room. It had been freshened and a vase of red roses was on the bedside table. He lay her down on the bed and loved her.
Part 3:
The house was getting ready for the holidays but John was anxiously watching the pond. Toni told him about the water fall and they walked down as close as they could on the icy rocks. The water had stopped falling. He was ready for the pond to freeze and indeed ice was forming but it would be another month before he could safely skate on it. Meanwhile he’d been in Gloucester again and was on the roster for players.
He was always careful about the information he gave about himself, trying not to give anyone any ideas about who he really was. He’d had to use his magic more than once. It seemed hockey was a favorite sport around there and long cold winters brought people inside with their DVD players.
John was an affable, likeable fellow and soon made friends. Toni was always a little nervous, especially when wives were involved. She was Toni Biebe to all they had met and when asked where they lived, she told them they had a cottage by the sea and let it go, not giving any details, which frustrated the women.
“It’s easy for you. Guys just talk hockey, women want intimate details of your daily life,” she’d told him on a drive back to the house. “Fred’s wife is trying to finagle an invite to dinner.”
John turned and smiled as he pulled through the gates. “Maybe you should invite them, give them something else to talk about.”
“I don’t think so. How would I explain this place? It’s not like we’re millionaires or anything.”
“Ah, the old rich uncle trick.”
“That wouldn’t work. They’d want to know who he was and why they didn’t know him. No, I’m going to back off of that and the women a little.”
He turned off the motor and looked over at her. “You don’t miss having friends, Toni?”
“Oh, sometimes. Sometimes I think I’d like to talk to another woman about my life, but I can’t, can I? That’s why I write, John. I would be nice to live like other people but I made my choice and I have to live with it. I can’t imagine giving up what I have and that includes you. Nothing is worth that.”
He sighed and opened the car door. Sometimes the burden of what she’d done rested heavily on his shoulders. If he hadn’t kissed her that day in the snow....
She came past the car and slipped her arm around his waist as they walked to the house.
Toni went to make a pot of coffee and John stood by the fireplace, glancing around the living room. The pine and red roses from their wedding were the decorations this year. He looked over in front of the window where the tree usually took center stage. There was no tree so far this year. He’d have to talk to her about that. Did they really need one? Maybe he’d take her somewhere for Christmas, somewhere special.
Toni brought him a cup of coffee and sat down on the sofa.
“Toni, what would you think about going somewhere for Christmas? You know, like some neat, old inn somewhere.”
“An inn? I’d like that, John. That would be sweet.”
“Sweet, eh? I’ll see what I can find.” He took a sip of his coffee, the idea growing. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He felt a little guilty about the hockey and figured he needed to do something special for her.
Later he got on Toni’s computer and made reservations for the two of them at The Governor's House in Portsmouth, NH. He was going to try and keep it a secret as to where they were going.
He came out of her work room, finding her on the sofa watching TV. “It’s done, Toni. We’re going away for Christmas.”
“Where are we going?”
“I’m not gonna tell you.” He finally noticed the painting by her vanity. “Where did this come from?”
“Terry bought it for me. We went to Cape Cod.”
“It’s nice, yeah, warm weather. I never have that, you know. When I leave here and go back to Alaska it’s winter still. I’m stuck in winter all the time.”
“You are winter.”
“I know, but once in awhile I think I’d like to dip my toes in the ocean.”
Toni bit her lip. She wished he could. “We do get some warm weather, usually before you leave.”
“Yeah, a taste of it anyway.” He settled in next to her.
He rested his arm around her shoulders. “You get on with Terry okay, have a good fall?”
Toni turned to him. “Yes, very good.”
“Summer go okay?”
Toni smiled. “What is it, John?”
Toni looked down at her hands, adding, “I told you about spring.”
“I know you did but you didn’t tell me about summer and fall. You married them. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How do you know this?”
“I don’t know, but I do. I feel a strong bond there. It didn’t used to be this strong. I’ve felt it since we married. Don’t start asking me about magic.”
“I’m not asking anything, John. Yes, I did marry, and each is the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. But you, John, you did do it right. You and I had a proper wedding. I will never forget it, sweetheart, never. Honey, I don’t think it’s right to talk about what happens during other seasons….”
“I’m not asking for details of your relationships. I just said I thought I had a right to know that everything was good with you. You think I don’t care what happens when I’m not here? I do. I’m not trying to be nosey, Toni. Some things are important for me to know.”
“I never thought you were, John.”
“Why couldn’t you tell me about the marriages?”
“Why is that important to you?”
“I’ll tell you why. I don’t think you understand what you have done. This can’t be changed, Toni, not ever. You’ve got Max and Terry and me forever. I know it happened. I feel it inside. Thank goodness I came through for you. You just don’t know what is happening.”
“I never wanted to influence you in any way. I wanted you to come through on your own and you did. I never doubted for one moment that you wouldn’t. Maybe I don’t understand what is happening. I don’t know all about magic. I just know I love you and I’m proud of you and what you have done.
“What if I didn’t ask you to marry me?”
“But you did and that’s all that matters. Nothing else, John. You and I are one. You’ve made that perfectly clear to me. I didn’t tell you because I think there had to be some privacy. I didn’t realize the marriages were that important.”
“They are and somebody more informed than me will have to explain it to you. I asked you because I love you and I never wanted to be parted from you.” She still did not understand and he couldn’t tell her.
Toni didn’t understand why he was getting so upset over her not telling him. After all, the marriages had nothing to do with him, did they? He’d pulled away to the other side of the sofa. She slowly slid her hand over to his and he took it. “We aren’t having an argument are we, John?”
He brought her hand to his lips. “No, we aren’t.” He looked over at her, “But if you want to come over here and make up?”
Toni grinned, scooted over and sat in his lap. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“How sorry?”
She kissed him.
“I should spank you.”
“You should. You really should.”
“Don’t tempt me.” He picked her up and dumped her in the middle of the bed then jumped on top of her for a very satisfying wrestling match.
Christmas spent at the Governor's House Inn was a memorable one. Other than that night in the hospital they had never spent a night away from the house. It was an hour and a half drive and they left around noon on Christmas Eve. Plenty of time to get there and enjoy the festive evening. They were home by noon the next day, with fifteen minutes to spare.
John had been conversing back and forth with Fred about the hockey team now that he had his mobile phone. She heard it ring one morning around nine o’clock and he answered. She went out the back door to put some bread crumbs there for the few birds that refused to go south for the winter and she heard her car start up. By the time she reached the front of the house the back end of her jeep was going through the gates.
She was horrified and ran after him. What was he thinking? She ran upstairs to send him a text message from her computer, wishing she had a phone. It was over an hour before he answered her message. She hadn’t moved from the screen.
“Jst pck up gr, bck sn, lv u” She sat reading his cryptic message. How could he do this? He’d gone into Gloucester to pick up his hockey gear alone. She was waiting for him at the door when he came back carrying a huge canvas bag.
“John, how can you do this?”
“I wasn’t gone that long, Toni. I guess I should have told you where I was going. There’s a game on Saturday.”
“But you left the property by yourself.”
“I’m a big boy,” he remarked as he passed her into the entryway.
“You know what I’m talking about, John.” She closed the door and leaned against it.
“I do, yes. I can come and go with the same restrictions you have.”
“Oh, you can? How do you know this?”
“I just know. Remember when I came this year I told you I was outside the gates…I just know things, Toni.”
“If you ever do anything like that again, tell me before you leave and leave the keys for that Chevy of yours in case I need to come get you. You scared me, John.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll do better, I will.”
The next day Toni went into town and bought herself a phone then tied it into her computer service and John’s phone. She was beginning to realize the strength of his magic. It worried her a little.
Two days before John was to leave at the end of February, the house began preparations for spring. A room enlarged and outfitting was underway at the end of the hallway. Several times John had stomped down the hall telling the house to knock it off. He was trying to watch a game in his room and the noise was bothering him.
Toni came upstairs as he was returning to his room. “What is going on with you?”
“It’s like the damn house can’t wait for me to leave.”
“Nonsense! It’s trying to make a permanent room down there. That doesn’t happen overnight.”
He went into his room and Toni followed him. “What else is bothering you?”
“Ah same old thing I guess. I don’t want to leave. I never do, you know?”
“Yes, I know. I never want you to, either.” She sat on the arm of his recliner. “Especially this year. I’m worried about spring.”
“Why?”
“Afraid he won’t come.”
“He won’t have a choice. He has to come.”
“That only makes it worse.”
“You don’t have anything to worry about, Toni. He’ll come and he’ll want to be here.”
She slid off the arm of the chair into his lap. “John, nothing and no one is trying to push you out, darling.”
“I know that, Toni, honestly I do. It was the noise, that’s all.” He kissed her softly and looked up at his TV.
He left on the morning of the 28th of February, driving through the gates as he had done when he came. He turned right instead of left. That would take him down to the main highway.
ON TO ETERNAL SPRING
BACK TO AUTUMN PASSIONS
BACK TO A YEAR OF SUMMER
BACK TO SPRING LOVE BLOSSOMS
BACK TO PART 1 OF WINTER SOLSTICE
BACK TO BONFIRE OF THE HEART
BACK TO WHITE ROSES IN SUMMER
BACK TO SPRING CAME A CALLING
BACK TO WINTER MAGIC RETURNS
BACK TO FALL OF MY HEART, PART 1
BACK TO A SECOND SPRING, PART 1
BACK TO FALL, PART 1
BACK TO SUMMER, PART 1
BACK TO SPRING, PART 1
BACK TO WINTER
BACK TO BEGINNINGS
BACK TO LIBRISCROWE