THE FALL OF MY HEART
AT
The House of Four Seasons
by Atonia Walpole
After Terry and I got ourselves sorted out we went for a walk. I still had my reservations about him but then I remembered Max when he first arrived. At least once a day I wanted to strangle him, but he is now my summer love. Terry and I still had a lot of ground to cover.
Part 2:
They walked along a path in the forest, Toni picking up different leaves now and again.
“What are you going to do with them?" Terry asked.
“When I was a little girl I gathered a large number of leaves and ironed them between pieces of waxed paper. I pasted them in a scrapbook and labeled them all as to where I found them and what kind of leaf it was.”
Terry looked at her sideways and smiled. “Are you planning another scrapbook?”
“I might…and label it the day I met Terry Thorne.”
He laughed, “You might not want a reminder.”
“That’s true and if that day comes I’ll toss it down the cliff into the sea.” She looked at him thoughtfully a minute.
“All that work for nothing.”
“I hope not,” she said, bending and picking up a bright orange leaf.
Other than lending her a hand on the cliff, he had not touched her. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Looking up at the trees moving in the breeze, he commented, “I’d forgotten how beautiful this place is.”
“Yes, it is. I love to take long walks and there seem to be paths everywhere. I think this one comes out on the other side of the pond.”
“You’ve been here through all the seasons. Which do you like best?”
“I can’t answer that. Each has its own beauty.” She looked up at him, “I’m not talking about companions.”
“Neither was I. I like the fall. It’s not too hot or cold. My Aussie blood freezes in winter.”
“Spring is like that, too, but it’s wet.”
They followed the path until it narrowed and came out by the pond. After cleaning the ants off a rustic wooden bench they sat down.
“It’s lovely,” Toni observed.
“Yes, it is. I wonder, though, if staying here all the time you’d ever get over it, you know, get to the point where you’re not amazed anymore.”
“I haven’t so far and I don’t think I ever will, Terry, because it changes, you know, with the seasons and there are so many places to visit around here, things still to discover.”
Terry thought about all the times he’d been at the house. He couldn’t remember ever really noticing the countryside. Maybe it was because no one had ever shown it to him or appreciated it like Toni seemed to. “Didn’t there used to be a gazebo here?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact it was here in the summer. It’s gone now.”
“Well, I guess I’ve been here at the pond in the summer.”
“If things go well with us, you’ll remember all this next time you come.”
“Yes, I know…things have changed.”
Toni looked up, meeting his eyes, “You do want to come back?”
“I don’t know ,Toni. I’m being honest.” What was that thing inside of his head screaming at him?
It stung. “I want you to be honest with me. Don’t ever say things because you think that’s what I want to hear. I may not always like it but it’s better to know the truth than believe a lie.”
He wished he hadn’t said it. He wasn’t sure it was true. “We’ve only just met.” His hands were uncomfortable in his pockets.
“We should go.” She picked up her stack of leaves.
“Why?”
Toni turned to him. “You don’t want to be here, do you?”
He couldn’t answer her.
Toni got up and ran to the path that circled around the pond.
Why hadn’t he answered her? The truth was he did want to be with her. Why couldn’t he tell her that? What she had said about one special place where he could go and be wanted and loved had touched him. He wanted that place. So why was he trying to stamp it out before it even started to burn? He got up and followed her.
Toni ran up on the stone patio, scattering the leaves she’d picked up as she went. She went inside and up to her bedroom, closing the door. It wasn’t going to work…it wasn’t. She fell across her bed and cried. She should never have invited him…never have…she heard her door open.
Terry walked quietly over to the side of her bed and sat down. “You wanted honesty. The truth is I have been so alone for so long and built the insulation around me so deep that I’m scared, Toni. I’m afraid to feel anything. I don’t know why I couldn’t answer you because I know I want that place, I need that special place. I’ve forgotten how to love. I’m sorry. I seem to have gone from bad to worse ever since I got here.”
Toni rolled over on her back. “You’ve come to the right place.” She reached out for his hand.
Terry took her hand then he had her in his arms. “I don’t know why I keep fighting you.”
“I don’t, either. I don’t even have my weapons out yet. It’s not a fair fight.”
“I never fight fair. You should know that about me. The odds will always be in my favor…like now.” He kissed her long and slow. She tried to get her arms out to hold him but he held them to her body with his arms. When he released her he looked into her eyes, glazed with unshed tears. “Don’t cry over me…lead me…help me.”
“Ter-ry,” she wiggled her arms out and held him tightly. Burying her face in his neck she breathed him in, all blues and greens, ferny, earthy, cool, icy, a touch of liquorices. A complicated scent for a complicated man. She kissed his neck, running her hand up the back and into his hair.
His lips found hers again, hot and passionate, and he lay her back on the bed.
The house breathed a sigh of relief. He had come through and it was a good thing or he would have had no hot water in his shower, no towels, and his sheets would have been twisted. The door to his room unlocked now. He was welcomed, he was a part of it, he belonged to Toni. But just in case that arse of his got out of place again, it neglected to put any soap in his shower.
Toni’s room was aglow with candlelight as the evening shadows claimed the corners. The two in the bed noticed none of this. After making love they slept the afternoon away.
Terry awoke with a start, at first not knowing where he was, and then his senses came alive with the feel of Toni next to him. He placed his hand on the curve of her hip and thought about what he was doing. He was committing himself, getting involved in something that could last a lifetime. He wasn’t sure he could handle it and be what she needed.
He eased himself out of bed and walked out on her balcony. ‘A place to be wanted and loved’ if only for three months out of a year. It was more than he’d ever had or hoped for. But would what he had to give be enough for her? Could it be there inside him somewhere, a well he hadn’t visited in a long time? He had no answers.
Toni woke and felt behind her. The bed still held his warmth but he wasn’t there. She raised up on an elbow and saw his shadow on the French doors.
“Terry?”
His head popped in. “Yes, luv?”
“Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m apples.” He closed the doors and came back to the bed, sitting on the edge. “How about you?”
“I feel wonderful…it’s dark out.”
“Yeah, funny how that happens,” he smiled and brushed her hair over her shoulder.
“Are we hungry? Thirsty?”
“All of the above.” He tossed her tee shirt to her and stood up.
“Thanks for putting up with me. I know I’m not easy,” he said, pulling her up to him.
“No, you’re not, but then I like a challenge.”
He raised a brow and kissed her forehead.
The house fed them a light meal and Terry opened a bottle of wine, looking at the label before pouring.
“Not bad,” he said, tasting.
Toni giggled, “Max called it plonk.”
“What does he know?” Terry smiled and filled her glass.
“I hope you don’t mind me mentioning him. He just left last week.”
“Not at all. Just so long as you don’t call his name out when we’re in bed.”
“No danger there. I know who I’m sleeping with.”
Terry met her eyes and toasted her glass, “To a little bit of paradise.”
“To my Fall.” Toni drank her wine, knowing deep down he was the one.
They took their glasses out on the patio and Terry lit a cigarette. “What’s down there with the lights?”
“Oh, that’s the pool. I asked that it stay for another month. The weather has been so nice.”
“We’ll have to make use of that.”
“Yeah, it’s nice, pool house and everything.”
“You and Max…” he took a draw of his cigarette.
“You’re not going to be jealous, are you? It can’t be helped.”
“No, he’s my brother. I understand how it is. I have to accept it. It must be difficult for you.”
“It was at first.” She sat down beside him on the planter. “I couldn’t imagine anyone but John. Then Jack came and helped me through that and then Max and Maximus. I’ve chosen John, Max and you, if you’ll come back. I’m going to love you, Terry.”
Terry felt something turn over in his chest. “I would like to come back…if you’ll have me.”
Toni smiled, “I’ll have you.” She leaned on his shoulder and his arm went around her waist.
Loving Terry Thorne was easy for me. I fell after the first day. Even with all the ups and downs I was hooked. He reached out for that ring and, having grabbed it, he wouldn’t put it on. He’ll tell me everything is apples but I know better. He has a way of detaching himself, holding back even though he has given himself bodily to me. I’m hoping time and love will bring him in.
Part 3:
Lifetime habits didn’t change for Terry at the House of Four Seasons. He was up at dawn and after going through a routine of stretches and push-ups, he ran. The property offered many trails suitable for running and he took advantage of them. He didn’t have to think when he ran, only to concentrate on his breathing, his heart rate and the sound of his track shoes as they hit the path.
Toni was not a morning person. She came awake slowly and required only a pot of coffee for at least an hour before coherent thoughts began to take shape. His early morning runs were not a problem for her although she missed waking up with him at her side. The first morning she woke, she took her cup to his room one door down from hers. It was the first time she’d been inside it.
His scent filled the room, subtle but not something you would forget. Her first impression was that the room was almost Spartan but a closer look revealed a lot. It was done in shades of blue, a large bed with pale blue sheets and down comforter. The walls were a darker shade of blue, dark shiny wood, and an oriental carpet covered the floor with many shades of blue and a lot of red. That was the only bit of red in the room and it drew the eye. There were books and a large comfortable chair for two by the fireplace. The artwork on the walls turned out to be photographs, lots of greens and some black and whites. She noticed his clothes folded neatly on the bench at the foot of the bed. He’d slept with her and changed into his track clothes in here. She touched them and closed the door. It was a strangely impersonal room she thought.
When he returned from his run Toni would be down in the kitchen still in her jammies and robe making breakfast noises. Terry would shower and join her at the table. They walked and talked and spent a lot of time in her bed, discovering each other’s bodies.
The sun was making an effort and one fine day it drew them to the pool. Terry was a serious lap swimmer. Toni played.
“Have you ever swum the length of the pool?” he asked as she kicked the water from the side of the pool.
“Actually, yes. Max and I had races. I always lost so why bother? I’m not very competitive. Besides, I’d rather watch you.” He was a strong swimmer with a nice body that gave her wicked thoughts.
He waded over and stood between her legs, pulling her into the pool. Toni wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips.
“This is not going to work,” he said, giving her a wet kiss.
“Works for me,” she answered, giving him a squeeze with her legs.
He rocked her back and forth for a little while moving around in the water and then set her up on the side and climbed out. It was the pool house and the waterproof bed that he took her to. Afterward he picked her up and threw her in the pool and jumped in after her, pulling her up sputtering and cursing.
“Oh…Terry how could you? I was feeling so languid and loved.”
He held her to him. “You are loved.”
She looked up into his eyes. They were unreadable.
Later she was on the side of the pool again and he was in it, smoking a cigarette.
“Do you ever leave this place? Can you?”
“Not very often. Max and I went to Boston and moved my things here in August. We can be gone for twenty four hours.”
“What happens if it's twenty five hours?”
“I don’t know, turn into pumpkins or something. I wouldn’t want to find out, Terry. Did you want to go somewhere?”
“Yeah, let’s go find a lobster.”
Toni smiled, “Okay!”
Terry drove Toni’s Jeep Cherokee, which surprised her. He had with him his English driver’s license which also surprised her. They drove to Gloucester and found a likely place to eat lobster.
Toni watched his eyes scan their surroundings. They walked out on the docks where the lobster boats were and he stopped to smoke a cigarette. It occurred to her that this was the first time he had ever been out in the real world. Max had taken it in stride as though it were something he did every day, as though he were no different than anyone else he happened to pass on the street. She wondered about Terry.
“What are you thinking?” she asked, standing close to him.
“This is your world…this is what you gave up. How could you do that?”
Toni linked her hand with his. “Have you ever loved someone?”
He looked at her strangely for a moment and squeezed her hand. He understood just how powerful her love was. She sacrificed herself for it, gave up a normal life for it. “You’re crazy, you know that?”
“Yes,” she smiled, “but I have you.”
He put his arms around her and kissed her, holding her closely and then kissed the top of her head. “We’d better start back.”
Toni breathed a sigh of relief when they entered the gates to the house. She felt the same way when she and Max were out. There was always the ‘what if something happened?’ to worry about. It was the magic she carried with her that allowed Terry to go outside the gates. She explained that to him, not ever wanting him to try it on his own. She watched his face carefully. If anyone of her loves was going to push the envelope it would be Terry and the consequences of such foolishness would be devastating. When Terry handed her the car keys at the garage she contrived to hide them once they were back inside the house.
He noticed she didn’t drop them in the dish on the hall table and came up behind her on the bottom step and caught her around the waist, pulling her against him. “Toni, honey, hiding the keys will not stop me if something happened to you and I needed to take care of it. I don’t care if it sends me to the stratosphere. You will be taken care of.”
Toni tried to turn around but he held her in place. She handed him the keys. “I’m going to trust you not to try anything foolish, Terry. If I lost you, stratosphere be damned, I would follow.”
He turned her around and kissed her as deeply as he ever had. He released her then and followed her up the steps. Instead of going into her room, he went into his. Toni went to his door and he turned to her. “We’ve not tried out this bed. It’s probably lumpy, not like yours.”
“I’d like to try it out.” This was the first time she’d been in his room with him. The rather cold impersonal room she’d experienced before was vibrating with intensity. Whether it was the house magic or his, for she was beginning to think he had his own, the colors in the room seemed more intense, the silk from the comforter shimmered, the reds and blues from the carpet seemed to meld together. He was removing his clothes and Toni was so mesmerized by the room she’d gotten behind. He stepped in to help her. That subtle scent of his enveloped her when he came near. She was amazed he couldn’t smell it. He told her she smelled like a rose garden.
Terry knew what was happening and thought he might have a little more control in his own room. He was slipping, sliding along with no hand holds to grab onto. He lifted her to the bed and lay down with her, his hands working their magic on her body. He captured her mouth and would not let go. She moaned under his touch and still he held her down with his body and his left hand that held her hands above her head. She tried to speak but his tongue touched hers and silenced her. He shifted her, bringing her knees up and entered her.
He watched her eyes and felt he was inside looking out. There was nothing between them; they were one. Toni felt him go, all barriers down. He was with her now, totally. She held him in the afterglow of the bed-shaking climax they had just experienced and cried. When he raised up on his elbows to take some of his weight off her his eyes were wet, too.
“There should be more words, more than 'I love you'. It doesn’t seem enough to express what I’m feeling right now.”
“It’s enough, oh, my God, Terry, love is enough.”
The house was almost ashamed of itself about the soap. How had it not known what he was? It had some thinking to do. Meanwhile as the two lovers slept upstairs it went about strewing pumpkins and gourds and fall leaves across the mantle. Scented candles placed just so and flowers, oh, the flowers had to be changed. Fall was here. All this activity woke Millie and she stretched on the rug and got up, going into the kitchen to check out her crunchy bowl that never seemed to empty.
In the days and weeks that followed, Toni and Terry grew closer and more in love. He’d lived for so long with his nose pressed against the window that it was hard for him to realize he was now inside, sitting at the table. Toni gave him all the love he could possibly handle and he in turn gave to her, his love and himself. He still retained that cool quiet reserve. It was part of him but inside he was warmed.
Halloween approached and Toni suggested they dress up. He respectfully declined.
“I’d rather undress than dress,” he answered.
They were lying on the sofa in the living room in front of the fire. Toni popped some popcorn and was alternately feeding him and herself.
“Did you ever go trick or treating?” she asked.
“No, we didn’t celebrate like you do.”
“I always did up until I was about thirteen. I can only remember one trick I played, so I must have been a good girl.”
“I’m sure you were, umpf…no more, please.” He had a mouthful of popcorn. “I’m overfed and underworked,” he said, swallowing.
“Oh, now, we can take care of that!” Toni said, rolling her eyes around at him. He picked up her buttery hand and sucked her fingers. “That puts me in mind of something.” She put the popcorn bowl down and turned over on top of him.
“That’s more like it,” he said, kissing her lips.
“I’m going to butter you and lick it all off.”
“You are not!”
“I am,” she giggled.
“Not.” He caught her face in his hands and kissed her, driving all thoughts of butter from her mind.
Toni was in the pantry trying to drag the frozen turkey from the deep freeze. She had it in her arms when she looked up at the wall above and saw the calendar. She staggered out to the kitchen island with the turkey and ran out the back door.
Terry heard a thud as the turkey skidded off the island and hit the floor. He came running into the kitchen. The back door was open and he was out on the patio, calling her. The wind was blowing hard and he saw her down on the ground next to the bluff.
“Toni, Toni! What is it? What’s wrong, honey?” He pulled her up to her feet and held on to her, walking her back to the house.
She couldn’t talk until he got her back inside then it all came tumbling out in a rush about the calendar and how Thanksgiving was on Thursday and by next week it would be December and he would be gone.
“Oh, Toni…I know the date.” He put his arms around her, leading her in by the fire. “Listen to me now, listen…don’t you think it’s better not to spend our time looking at clocks and calendars? I know exactly when the last day of November is. Don’t think I don’t. You can’t do this to me, Toni. You’ve got to pull yourself together.”
It had been a shock to her to see how little time they had left. He held her until she calmed down.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to do this. I know I’m not losing you. You’ll be back next September. I know this but still…”
“No buts. That’s how it is…and John will be here on Wednesday. I’m not going to have you crying.”
Toni pulled herself up, sniffed back the tears and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to hold it together for you.”
“Do it for you, luv.”
The next few days were particularly tender between them. He could see it in Toni’s eyes and hoped his didn’t reflect the same thing. He wasn’t sad. Not that he wanted to leave her, but that he had her. He had that special place he could go where he was loved.
He woke before daylight on Tuesday morning and lay listening to Toni breathing beside him. He kissed her softly on the head and eased out of bed, not wanting her to wake. He picked up his running clothes and quietly left the room. He dressed in her room and spent a minute or two walking around in it touching her things and breathing her scent
He turned and took one last look at the house. It was barely daylight, just a glow over the roofline. He stamped his feet. It was bloody cold, too cold for his Aussie blood. He looked up at the sky. There would be no sun today but possibly, quite possibly, snow. With a sigh and a warm heart he began to run.
ON TO WINTER MAGIC RETURNS
BACK TO FALL OF MY HEART, PART 1
BACK TO A SECOND SPRING, PART 1
BACK TO FALL, PART 1
BACK TO SUMMER, PART 1
BACK TO SPRING, PART 1
BACK TO WINTER
BACK TO BEGINNINGS
BACK TO LIBRISCROWE