seasoningsintofall

Into Fall

The House of Four Seasons

By Atonia Walpole

Max left this morning on his bike. I had to laugh when he explained his reasoning and the way the summer began he may be right. He really lost two weeks out of our time together. We were together but not alone, and that made a difference. We made up for lost time once we were back home. Max is hard to categorize, like the air. Just when you think you’ve got it, it changes directions. I’ve leaned on him a lot this summer and found him there for me, found him steady.

It has been a time of revelation for me to understand the magic and I’m glad I now know. There is no hurry. I have plenty of time and like Jack said, one will emerge and I will let it happen. I will know. I still question Terry’s idea that it’s all an illusion. He might be right, but if it is I love it.

Tomorrow Terry will be here and it will be our fourth time together. Hard to believe it's only been four times. I think perhaps he never really leaves. Is it crazy to feel this way, like if I turned quickly I might see him running beneath the canopy of leaves? As I sit here on the rock by the pond, I hear his footfalls as he runs. They seem to be caught in an echo along the trails in this place.

He is my soul mate. I know this without even knowing exactly what that means. I know when I’m with him, he’s all I need.

Part 1:

He slowed to a walk. The house was just ahead through the early morning mist that always rose from the sea and would return, called back by the sun. A peace entered him, flowed through him the closer he got to the door. It was warm still, summer not giving up easy. He smiled at this thought and opened the door.

Toni was awake, sitting against his headboard. She’d been awake for about fifteen minutes. He was here somewhere, she could feel it, and so she waited for him to open the door to the bedroom. It was unusual for her to be awake this early but something had tugged her from her sleep.

He opened the door quietly, but seeing her awake, he left it open. “I don’t think I’ve ever found you awake when I get here.”

“You haven’t. Something woke me.”

“It was me,” he said, sliding in beside her.

“You’re all wet. It must be warm out.”

“Sweat and mist. Do you mind?”

“Hell, no,” she answered low.

He grinned and took her face in his hand, kissing her, a long and satisfying kiss that had her pulling his black singlet up. He released her long enough to pull it over his head and claimed her mouth again, pushing her into the mound of soft down pillows. Toni’s hands were at his waist and then up over his back, tracing his spine with her finger tips all the way down.

She loved the feel of his body, strong, hard, with nothing he did not need or could not use effectively. And he did know how to use it, taking her out of herself to some higher plane where she responded to his body without conscious thought, glorious sense melding with him until they were one, drinking from one another until they were spent and savoring the remains.

“Welcome home, Terry,” she purred against his neck.

He raised up on his arms. “I think you were glad to see me.”

“You know I am.”

“It’s hard to be around you, Toni, and not be able to do what I want with you.”

“I know. It is for me, too. That’s why I tried to keep away from you. You have a way of pulling me into you to a place I don’t want to leave.”

“Stay there; it’s where I want you, where you need to be.”

“I love it in you.” Her arms went around his neck, pulling him down to her lips.

They were out on the terrace for breakfast when he asked, “Did you hear from your Auntie?”

“Yes, she called to let me know she was home and that you and John had left. She said she had the time of her life. When did you bring the keys in?”

“It was late, probably after ten. John and I stopped for dinner on the way to the airport. Good thing he took me. Security was pretty tight as you can imagine and me not being an American, I could have had a problem. John, being a lawman himself, helped…he pulled out his badge.”

“Did he?” she smiled. “You should have banged around, made some noise.”

“Why?”

“I could have said goodbye.”

“You were upstairs with Max.”

“Oh.”

“I liked your Auntie Sara.”

“She seemed taken with you, wants to adopt you.”

“She took it all in stride, didn’t ask too many questions. I think she knows, maybe not everything, but she’s aware.”

“You don’t think she’s an illusion? You told me we all are.”

“That’s not exactly what I said. Are you angry with me for telling you? Be honest.”

“Not angry. In fact, when I had time to think about it, Jack told me pretty much the same thing when he gave me his ring. I just didn’t understand. You spelled it out so I could and then Jack told me the rest of it. Why did you tell me when no one else would?”

“I thought you should know. I don’t like surprises, especially not one of that magnitude. Besides, I had nothing to lose.”

Toni tilted her head remembering Jack’s reason for not telling her was that he thought he might lose her. “I’m not ready.”

“No one is pushing you. You have all the time you need.” He lit a cigarette.

“I know. Jack said one would emerge and to let it happen.”

“Good advice. I like Jack. He’s a mate.”

“He didn’t seem too happy that you had told me.”

“He wasn’t but he understood what was behind it. I told John on the way to Logan. He’s glad you know. He wanted to tell you but he couldn’t. Max was the only one who didn’t want you to know.”

“Max…why?”

“Maybe he has something to lose.”

“Are you talking about…me?”

“No, not you. Fannie.”

“Fannie…that’s in his other life.”

“Not if you take him away.”

Toni got up from the table, gathering their plates, and turned and looked at Terry for a moment before taking them into the kitchen, realization dawning on her what he was talking about. She put the plates in the sink and began mindlessly scraping them for the dishwasher. John was married in is other life. If she took him away, he would not see his family again. He had children. Jack was married to Sophie and had children and Max had Fannie. She banged the door to the dishwasher shut. Terry had no one, nothing to lose.

“Now you’re angry with me aren’t you?" He came into the kitchen.

“You keep giving out bits of information like a dose of medicine. I don’t like the taste of it. It doesn’t go down well. Why not just tell me exactly what I need to know? You have nothing to lose? What about your son.”

“I’ve already lost him,” he said quietly. “We hardly know each other. We’re strangers.”

“When you leave here, you go back to…?”

“Dino, not my taste.”

“I didn’t know this. I didn’t.”

“I know you didn’t, but you should know that they are all prepared to do that, Toni. They would give it up for you.”

“I’m not worth it, not worth giving up children for.” She turned on the dishwasher and leaned against the sink. She felt him behind her and leaned against him.

“It’s all an illusion, Toni, all of it.”

“Does that make it any easier?”

“Let’s get out of here. I didn’t mean to open this up. I don’t want this to dominate our time, not today.”

She turned in his arms. “Take me somewhere real. Is there such a place for us?”

He took her to Boston and asked her to direct him to where she lived before she moved to the house. She took him down a street and they parked in front of a condominium complex.

“Come, I’ll show you.” He walked with her down the sidewalk until they came to her building, a row of townhouses, and she pointed to her house. “That’s where I lived. Nothing fancy, but it was something I could afford.”

She took him by the building where she’d worked. “Up there on the third floor. They publish a magazine. It comes out monthly and it’s about the local area, little stories I used to write. These are not exactly points of interest. I wonder why you want to see?”

“It’s who you were. I’m interested in everything about you.”

“There’s nothing left of who I was. All my things went to charity except for a few I took back to the house.”

“I called your Auntie before we left the house. She’s expecting us for tea.”

“You called her…?”

“You wanted something real today. She is real, Toni.”

After tea she took him up three flights of stairs to her old room, the room she lived in while she went to college. “It hasn’t changed much, probably a little cleaner.” She looked around the room, posters on the wall, a collection of small stuffed animals on a shelf, an interestingly shaped rock, a few framed photos. Terry went for the photos.

“This is you and your friends?”

“Yeah, that’s me, sophomore year.” She walked over to the bed and picked up her old teddy bear, its fur mostly gone. She sat down and looked at it, straightening his little red sweater. When she looked up, Terry was watching her. She gave him a crooked smile. “This is Morris.”

“He looks well loved.”

“He is…was. I got him when I was six, the year my parents were killed in an auto accident. Mamam gave him to me.”

“Why did you leave him behind?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought I was all grown up.” She was going to cry and brought Morris to her face. He’d soaked up many a tear in his bear life.

Terry sat on the bed beside her, putting his arm around her. “Maybe he misses you, Toni? Maybe you need him.”

“I think I do.” She buried her head in his shoulder and he held her and Morris tightly to him.

Toni was mostly quiet on the ride back to the house. Terry had put her in touch with who she used to be before the magic took her life. She leaned her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. He was the only one who was interested in her old life. Max had helped her move but she had asked him to.

“Terry…thank you.”

“For what, luv?”

“For today.”

Part 2:

Terry parked the jeep in the garage and turned to Toni. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. Don’t pay any attention to me.” She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.

“Now that would be impossible,” he replied, getting out of the jeep.

“its past dinnertime. Are you hungry, Terry?”

“I am. Why don’t you leave that to me tonight.” He opened the front door to the house.

“You’re going to cook?”

“I know my way around a barbie. How would you like a steak?” He tossed the keys on the hall table.

Toni smiled, “I would love it.”

“I suggest you find a bottle of wine and have a seat.” Terry removed his jacket and went to the fridge for the steaks.

Toni found her bottle of wine in the wine cooler and a glass. He opened it for her and poured it out, handing her the bottle. “Keep your glass filled,” he advised.

“Are you suggesting a wine drunk?”

“Why not?”

She sat at the kitchen table watching him going through her spice rack pulling out this and that and seasoning the steaks. “You’re a man of many talents.”

He smiled, “I have a few up my sleeve.” Finding two baking potatoes he gave them a scrub and placed them in the oven and then pulled a beer from the fridge and opened it.

“Terry.”

“Yes?”

“I think I love you.”

“You think?” He raised a brow.

“Yes, I think I do.” He passed by her, running his hand over her head, and went outside to get the grill started. She sipped her wine. Having fallen into him she found there was no bottom. He was very deep and she wondered if she would ever know all there was of him. She picked up her bear Morris that she’d laid on the table when she came in. “You know all my secrets, don’t you? I have another.” She whispered something in his ear and sat him on the table against the wall.

Terry came back in and washed his hands. “You should come outside. It’s nice out.”

They finished their steaks on the terrace and Toni poured the last little bit of wine into her glass. Terry was on his third beer. “That was wonderful, Terry. Thank you.”

“Ah sure, luv.“ He lit a cigarette and leaned his head back, watching the stars coming out.

Toni gazed at him a moment. “Terry, if I took you out of here, what would you do? Would you really want to go?”

Terry brought his head back down and took a drag off his cigarette. “I would go with you, no worries there. I guess I’d find a job so I could take care of you. There are outfits that do the same kind of thing I know how to do.” He looked over at her. “You aren’t ready yet.”

“I…I don’t know.”

“I do and I know it’s not time. I wouldn’t let you do this now. As much as I want it, I won’t let you.”

“Are you, Terry Thorne, admitting to wanting something?”

“I’ve wanted you since the first day I saw you.”

Toni looked down and turned her gold wedding band. It felt warm on her finger. “You should do something about that want.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to take me upstairs. I want you to drown me, Terry.”

“That’s my line.”

“I stole it. I want to be drowned in you. I want to come up gasping for air and have you pull me down again. I don’t want it ever to end. Take me to the edge and don’t let me have it. Take me there, take me with you.”

Terry subbed out his cigarette and stood up, knocking the chair backwards. “We aren’t going to make it upstairs.”

It was the middle of the night when they finally did make it upstairs, covered in dirt and grass. They went into Terry’s shower and bathed each other before falling into bed.

Toni slept late the next morning and after a cup of coffee to wake up with she went in search of Terry, finding him in the pool. “What time did you get up?” she asked.

“Late, the sun was already over the horizon.” He wiped the water from his face. “You’re a sleepy head.”

She sat cross-legged on the side of the pool. “You make me that way.”

He pulled himself out of the pool and sat beside her, taking her coffee cup and drinking from it. “You should get in. It will wake you up.”

“No thanks. I come awake slowly. I’m not ready for…Terry, please don’t throw me in.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He handed her cup back. She watched his hands for a minute and relaxed.

“Did you ever hear from the lawyer about your grandmother’s estate?”

“Yes, I got a packet in the mail at the post office. He had the house cleaned and closed for me. There was quite a lot of money. I had no idea she had. So it’s all just sitting there, waiting.”

“So you have a place to go.”

“Yes, I have a place…” She finished the coffee.

Terry thought about his own money. He had quite a lot of it himself stashed in banks and wondered if there was a way he could transfer it. Was it real enough? Could he draw it out and hand it to her? What did he need it for anyway? It was something to consider whether she took him out or not. He could do that for her. He thought he’d quietly look into it.

He turned and looked at her, tilting his head slightly. Toni caught his look, the light teasing in his eyes, and started backing up away from him. “No, you said wouldn’t, no…” She was on her feet running back to the house, a splash behind her as he dove back into the pool.

He’d asked if he could see the papers from the lawyer and Toni brought them to him in the library. “It’s all legal talk. I’m not sure what it all means except I have the house and her bank account.”

Terry read over the papers and looked up at her, “Did you show these to Max?”

“No, they came first part of August. I just never thought to.”

“This is quite a large sum of money but he could invest it for you, Toni. You’d never have to worry about another penny. That’s what he’s good at, making money. I think you should show it to him and let him do it.”

“I will…next summer. Seems a long time away.”

He glanced up under his lashes.

“There’s a picture in there somewhere of the house. Looks quite grand but it’s where I grew up. It was just home.”

Terry found the picture and studied it. “This is where you were a little girl in pigtails?”

“Pony tail,” she smiled, watching him. “You like pictures. I have a photo album upstairs, one of the things I kept.”

“I’d like to see it.” He put the papers back in the big brown envelope and handed them to her. He followed her to her bedroom where she pulled two albums from a drawer in her dresser.

“This is one my Mamam kept when I was growing up and this one is mine, silly pictures I took when I was in school, friends, birthday parties, vacations.” They sat on her sofa and she opened her Mamam’s book first. The first few pages were of her parents and Terry looked at them a long time but when she showed him the picture of her Mamam and grandfather he pulled it carefully from the album and studied it closely. “He was very handsome and Mamam was beautiful. That was taken before he went on a trip. He never came back. He was killed in an auto accident.” Terry handed her the picture and she inserted it back in the album.

“This is you?” It was her baby pictures. “Chubby little thing, weren’t you.”

“Oh, it gets worse, freckles, strange teeth!” she laughed.

“Did she ever tell you anything about your grandfather?”

“Not much. He was gone a lot. I gathered that over the years. I remember her saying one time that he was very special. I think they were very much in love. It was tragic for her when he died. She was pregnant with my father and my grandfather never knew. He bought her that house, the one I grew up in, so he must have had a good job.”

“I’m sure he did. Do you know how they met?”

“No, she never told me anything about that.”

He wasn’t going to tell her. If her grandmother wanted to keep a secret so could he, but the picture was proof of what her Auntie had told him. Her grandfather was, in fact, James Dean. As she turned the pages and pointed out pictures, laughing and telling him about them, he was building a file on her in his mind. Every little thing was important. He would know, he hoped, all about her, the way her mind worked, the way she thought and what she might do when it came down to it.

“I’m getting hungry and thirsty.” Toni closed the last album.

“Let’s go out and eat.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Part 3:

They spent a lot of time away from the house. It was not lost on Toni what Terry was doing. He was trying to wean her away from it, more time spent in the outside around other people, different places was good for her he’d said. They went to bookstores and bought best sellers, to music stores and bought CD’s and she activated his phone for him, taking hers back.

He took her to Boston to the theater, to movies, things normal everyday people did, instead of magically ordering up something. He was trying to prepare her for life outside of the magic, whether it would include him or not was not his main concern. Except for a brief period, he’d been alone most of his adult life. He could do it again…if he had to. He’d done a lot of things in his life that he had to do. He wanted her with a burning passion that would not ever die and he was building a plan. The outcome was not under his control. That was his reality.

“I can’t get this to play, Terry.” She brought him the IPod he’d bought her. “I’ve got the music downloaded.”

“Let me have a look.” He took it, plugging the ear buds in his ear, and fiddled with the buttons. She watched his hands with the little device, hands that had so recently made her writhe and moan beside him.

“You have to push this.” He looked up at her, reading her eyes, and smiled, handing it back to her. “The little button on the bottom.”

“You’re so good with little buttons,” she grinned and walked away, placing the ear buds in her ears.

The house decorated itself for the season again with trailing autumn leaves, pumpkins and gourds. Scented candles burned, sending their warm gingerbread scent through the house. The October weather turned cold and wet for days so when the sun finally did come out so did they and horseback riding was what they wanted to do.

“It might be the last time we get a chance,” Toni remarked as they mounted up.

Egan agreed, saying another week and he would be gone with the horses until next year.

They rode for quite a ways, ending up on a trail along the cliff far away from the house. They dismounted and found a rock to sit on to eat their apples and cheese they'd brought with them. A bottle of white wine passed between them. Terry was looking out to sea, remembering their voyage in Jack’s ship.

“And you actually fought with the British Navy, Terry? I still can’t get over that. What did you do?”

“What I had to.”

“Did you kill someone?” Toni felt a little chilled.

“That’s what war is, Toni, kill or be killed.”

“With a sword?”

“No…I’m good with a knife.” He sucked in his bottom lip.

She’d forgotten that about him, what he was, what he was capable of as former SAS. She imagined he was in the thick of the fight despite her plea to Jack for Terry’s safety. “I’m very thankful you came out of that alive. I would never have forgiven Jack for letting you fight.”

“There was no way anything was going to happen to me. Besides, I can take care of myself.”

“I know where your scars are.”

“At least I lived to tell about them. Are you going to drink that or just hold it?”

“I might hold it.”

“I’ll take it off ya.”

She smiled slightly. His eyes were the same color as the sea beyond him, dark blue- green. “I know you…could.”

“I know what you want. You want me to throw you on the ground and get between your legs. I’m not going to. It’s too wet and mucky.”

“When did you get picky about where you lay me down?”

“You’ll muck up the saddle.”

“There’s a blanket…”

“Where?”

Toni threw her head back and laughed.

He loved her when she was like this, wild and crazy. He loved her when she held her teddy bear and cried. He loved her when she met him in bed as equals. He loved her when she got drunk with him. He loved her when she cooked for him, cared for him. He loved her…he loved her.

November came in cold with heavy frosts that did not melt in the sun. It was foggy and damp and damn cold. Still he ran every morning, coming home to be warmed in his bed by Toni. He would fall asleep and she would lay with him until he woke and then they would go down to breakfast. Sometimes she cooked and sometimes she let the house provide.

“I should have been summer,” he said one day when they were on the sofa in front of the fire in her room.

“You don’t like the cold.”

“Not even a little bit and I’ve been in some cold places,” he replied.

“Whatever would I do with you in winter?” she asked.

“Take me to a warmer climate. I could do that, you know. I could take you anywhere.”

“To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t like it either, nor do I like the extreme heat and humidity of the tropics.”

“You’ve been in the tropics?”

“Once on a cruise in my senior year of college a bunch of us went. It was a fun trip.”

“You don’t think you’d like to live in say…Alaska?”

Toni smiled, “Not much danger of that. I don’t think I’m cut out for that kind of an environment.”

“What if John wanted you to go live there? Would you?”

“Um…no. Why should I want to? Why should he want to take me there? No…he knows me better than that.”

“What about France? Would you go to France with Max if he asked you to?”

“That’s harder to answer. I’ve never been to France. I might like it. I don’t know.”

“Would you go to England and live while Jack is gone for months and years?”

“That wouldn’t happen. I can’t go back and live in his time.”

“Can he live in yours?”

“I don’t know.”

“I ‘m not trying to put you on the spot, Toni, just trying to give you some things to think about.”

“I understand what you’re doing, Terry. Where would you take me?”

“Wherever you wanted to go. I’m based out of London, but I can live anywhere. It doesn’t matter.”

“You could live in Virginia?”

“I could.”

“This is not going to be easy for me, Terry.”

“I understand that, Toni. That’s why I keep throwing things at you. I’ve only got a couple of weeks left with you this year. I don’t know if I’ll even have another season with you.”

“Why do you think that?” She ran her hand over his shoulders, pulling him onto her lap.

“Because I think you’re going to do something in the next twelve months. I honestly don’t think you’re going to let this go on.”

“And if you are here next year and I’m still not sure, then what?”

“Then you can bet your arse I’m going to press my case. I won’t let up until I know.”

He was right. She knew he was right. It did bear on her mind all the time. She couldn’t live like this. Jack said let it happen. Was it happening? She thought it was but how did she know for sure. “It may be a disturbing year then. I may end up alone. I don’t plan to string anyone along.” Her hand was in his hair, absently playing with it. “I want to be sure, but know this, Terry, I will always be honest with you, and honestly I love you.” She kissed his soft lips and his hand pressed her head to him, tangling her hair in his fingers.

A few days later Terry took her car and went into Gloucester. He’d managed to transfer some money he thought and wanted to make sure it was there in an account he’d set up. He wanted to see actual cash to make sure it was real. From there he transferred the money into the bank account Toni’s lawyer had set up for her grandmother’s estate. He didn’t need the money and if he never saw her again after this season was over, he definitely did not need it. He took the receipts from this transaction and placed them in the brown envelope with her papers. She would find them someday and know.

There was snow on the ground for Thanksgiving and more forecast so they were home this year. Toni prepared a traditional Thanksgiving meal she cooked from scratch and did not use her magic except for the pies. Terry watched football games on TV while she cooked. Once she walked down the hall and peeped in the living room door, watching him for a moment. He sipped a beer, engrossed in the game. She smiled to herself and went back to the kitchen. She could live like this, she thought as she stirred the gravy.

The gold band on her finger seemed to warm and she looked up. He was leaning on the doorway to the kitchen watching her.

“I thought you were watching the game?”

“I was. Ran out of beer. You’re making a lot of food.”

“I thought it might last a couple of days. You don’t mind leftovers, do you?”

“Not when you’ve prepared it yourself.” He’d noticed she hadn’t magically stirred up a meal. “Mind if I kiss the cook?”

“Um, small price to pay for this glorious meal I’ve prepared.” She went into his arms.

“Call it a down payment.” He kissed her for a long time.

“Terry.”

“Something’s burning.”

“I think it’s me.”

Toni served the meal in the dining room. It was, she thought, probably the last Thanksgiving she would have in this house and she wanted it to be special with Terry. They only had a few days left until the end of his season.

The morning he left she woke up although he was trying to be quiet, some inner alarm going off in her head. He was dressed for running in the cold and sat on the side of the bed and kissed her.

“I’m not going to tell you goodbye, Terry.”

“Good. That means something.”

“Yes, it does. I love you.”

“You have my love. Keep it warm.” He kissed her forehead and left.