THE PARIS HOTEL

A part of the House of Four Seasons saga

With Terry and Toni Thorne

By Atonia Walpole

(Top picture also by Atonia)

It wasn’t where he usually stayed when in Paris, a little out-of-the-way private hotel on the Left Bank, but it had a certain charm about it. He’d stumbled into the bar down on the street level with Jean Paul Galle years ago and for some reason he’d remembered the place. It was crazy what he was about to do but he had to try. He went up the old-fashioned elevator and into his suite. Placing his bag on the bed he walked to the window and opened it, stepping out onto the tiny balcony. Would she come?

“Hello, luv.”

“Terry…did you make it home okay?”

“I didn’t go home. Max get off to Bordeaux?”

“Um, yes, he and Aubrey Duncan left this morning. Where did you go?”

“I’m in Paris.” He stepped back into the room from the balcony. “Tuppy handling all the kids?”

“Yes, they’re all out in the back garden. Ludivine is with them, too. Why are you in Paris?”

“I found this hotel, small, overlooking the Seine on the Left Bank. There’s a sidewalk café next door, bar downstairs…flower seller on the corner. When the bells aren’t ringing you can hear the music from an apartment somewhere on the street, someone’s CD player I guess, but it’s nice. Toni…I want you with me. It’s autumn in Paris…I need you.”

“Oh…God!”

“It’s called The Paris Hotel. Take the train. I’m in room 3B.” He folded his phone and tossed on the bed then sat down with his head in his hands. He was trembling.

“Terry…Terry…!” He’d hung up. Toni sat down on the bench at the foot of the bed still holding her phone, looking at it as if it might send up an answer. What are you doing…oh, Terry!

She’d hardly seen him since Rose was born. Rose was now seven months old. He’d kept his distance from her since that encounter at the cottage that left her torn apart. Only a brief in and out when he’d bring Jacky over, never meeting her eyes but for a moment. He’d brought Jacky early that morning and left immediately.

Toni ran her hand through her hair. Max had gone to Bordeaux for two days with Aubrey Duncan, some kind of wine convention thing. Why do you do this to me…autumn in Paris. She walked over to the dresser and looked at herself in the mirror. A scared haunted look in her eyes stared back at her. She moistened her lips...need you.

She turned and opened the wardrobe, pulling out her large purse, a change of underwear, toiletries. Would she need a jacket? What am I doing…I can’t do this…I can’t! She sat down on the bed. Take the train. Oh….

His stomach was in a turmoil. He couldn’t eat although the smells along the street were enticing. He bought a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes. Checking his watch, he went back to the hotel though the courtyard where lovers were oblivious to his passing. Up the elevator to his room, he opened the windows, letting in a cool breeze that played about in the lace curtain panels.

He lit a cigarette. Street lights were coming on, laughter drifted up from the street and somewhere a lone saxophone player stirred the evening. The wine bottle on a little round table pulled over in front of the tall window that opened to the balcony, he sat in a chair facing the window and waited for what he knew may never come. The light from the bathroom sent shadows around the room bouncing off the crystal light fixtures, the pale blue paneled walls and the man seated in the chair.

She tried not to think about it, what it might mean for her only following the deep- seated instinct that drove her to him. Shocked looks from Tuppy and Ludivine but only an overnight trip, back tomorrow…something I must do. She rested her head in her hand in the back of the taxi. Not thinking about Max…not…she couldn’t.

He emptied the ashtray, kicked off his shoes and opened the bottle of wine, pouring out two glasses, two, but there was only one. He squeezed his eyes closed, hearing the creak of the old elevator a short distance down the hall. It stopped and he held his breath.

Toni stood outside 3B. Her lips slightly parted, breath coming in short pants, she softly knocked.

He let out a breath and opened the door. “Toni.…”

“I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

He pulled her in the room and she dropped her purse on the floor. Taking her face in his hands, he kissed her with all the longing and stored feelings he had been gathering for such a long, long time. Her arms went around his neck and they held each other. He began to move her around the room unconsciously to the music coming up from the streets below.

“I was so afraid…you wouldn’t come.” His eyes welled up.

“Terry Thorne…it’s autumn in Paris. How could I not…?” Her voice broke and their tears mingled, faces pressed together.

“I sat here thinking of what I was going to say, how I was gonna play it, ya know…I never figured I’d cry, for Christ’s sake. Not very, uh.…”

“You’re you and I know you. You don’t have to say anything.” She ignored her own wet face and wiped his tears.

“Want a glass of wine…?”

Toni turned to the table. “You already poured it…how did you know?”

“I didn’t…it was for luck.”

“Yes, I think so.” She wiped her eyes and took the glass from him.

Terry lit a cigarette, trying to get his emotions under control. He picked up the glass and sipped the wine. “Might not be up to your standards.”

“I believe it is. We’ve gotten drunk off worse.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “in Rome. What the hell was that stuff anyway?”

“I don’t know. It was in Italian and I don’t read Italian.” She moved around the table and out onto the balcony. “Lively spot…looks like fun down there…however did you find this place?”

“Blind drunk luck.” He came out beside her. “I was in the bar downstairs with Jean Paul after we’d finished training. I don’t know how I remembered it. God knows I don’t remember much about that night. He used to live down the street and around the corner. Do you wanna, um, go down there and.…”

“No.” She looked at him.

He took a draw off his cigarette. “Good.”

“Why have you stayed away from me?”

“It was probably a good idea. Being with you when Rose was born, I just…felt it…felt a part of you…and I wasn’t.” He looked down, flicking ashes in a planter. “You weren’t in a good place either. Max was struggling to keep it all together and Jack was there…not helping.”

“It’s been seven months.”

“I know…believe me. I know…exactly how long it’s been and it’s been more than seven months, luv.”

“You didn’t want me when I was pregnant with Jack’s child.”

“Oh…please let's don’t go over that…my moment of insanity…I live it every day, Toni. Every day…and it’s not true that I didn’t want you. I want you now,” he said softly.

She placed her hand on his cheek. He covered it with his and kissed her palm. “I…love…you.” He kissed the inside of her wrist.

He dropped her hand and stepped in, putting the cigarette out in the ashtray. Toni stepped through the window and put her glass down. He took her in his arms for a long embrace, his hands finding the bottom of her knit top and running up over her back underneath her shirt. She unbuttoned his shirt and pressed her face against his chest, drinking in the scent of him, that oh-so-subtle scent that was Terry. Her shirt came over her head, his over his shoulders and onto the floor. She pulled his singlet from his waistband and over his head, he felt her breath on his shoulder, she felt his on her neck. She kissed his skin, tasting with her tongue.

Expertly he unhooked her bra and slipped it off, wanting to feel her against him. Her skirt followed, puddling about her feet. She struggled with the buttons on his jeans and he took over, sliding them down over his hips. Her hands followed them down the front of his briefs. She went down on her knees in front of him.

“No..no, I don’t have that kind of control,” he whispered, pulling her up against him then lifting her onto the bed. He cupped her breasts, biting gently and suckling. He kissed her lips and ran a trail of wet kisses down her belly, finding her with his fingers and making her moan and move.

He moved up kissing her again, probing deep with his tongue, entered her and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him deep within her.

He didn’t use his element of fire on her. He didn’t need to, he didn’t want to. It had always added an edge but neither of them missed it. They were together again as one, rolling across the bed entangled, loving together, knowing each other’s bodies so well.

“Oh…oh..Ter-reeee!” She bit into his shoulder as he held the back of her head tightly to him and poured himself into her.

“Oh, God, Toni…!” he panted.

“I love you.” He lay her back on the pillow. “Terry…Terry.” Tears ran from the corners of her eyes.

He lay beside her, breathing through his mouth, closed his eyes. This he had given away. He felt her hand on his belly and picked it up and kissed her fingers. Turning his head and looking into her eyes, his face told her everything. It was all coming from his eyes, his love for her.

She drank him in all of him, sucking lightly on the tips of his fingers. This was her Terry, the man she’d loved above all else, the one she’d taken from the House of Four Seasons to be her lifelong love, her husband. Father of their son…it was almost too much for her. She buried her face in his neck. Don’t think, she kept telling herself.

A little later he rolled out of bed and poured them both another glass of wine, the little short glasses that served up everything from coffee to mixed drinks in France.

“What are we going to do, Toni? We can’t go on like this.”

“I know but there is no answer, Terry. I don’t see that we can do anything. We’re all too complicated now. There are the children…three of them…three different fathers and I’m mother to all of them.”

“We could go back to Virginia where we started out, take the kids with us.”

“Max would never let me take Maxi. Max would never give me up. You know that.”

He looked down into his glass. “I could just take you.”

“No, no, you couldn’t. It would tear us all apart and I don’t know what that would mean for all of us, if we could even exist without the other.”

He looked over at her. “I don’t exist without you…I’m a shell, Toni.”

“You felt pretty solid to me,” she tried and sipped her wine.

“You know what I mean….”

“Yes…I do. Terry, I have cried buckets over you. I’ve made myself sick, physically sick, and it doesn’t change a thing. I still want you, I still love you. I want to hold you and make you warm in my arms. Remember when you used to go jogging at the House of Four Seasons early in the morning and come back cold and wake me with your cold lips and I’d take you into me and warm you. I want to do that now when I see you because I know you’re cold.” She bit her lip and blinked away tears.

“Toni…I want to take you and make you mine again.”

“You could have, just now, but you didn’t. You didn’t use the fire.”

“No…I wouldn’t…not without your permission.”

Toni finished her wine. “This is not so bad once you get the first glass down.”

“And I don’t have it, do I…your permission.”

“I can’t…I just can’t.”

“It’s okay…I just asked,” he said softly.

“I want to but…there are too many lives left in the wake…Max.”

“I understand…I understand Max a lot better now than I used to when you were mine and he was on the outside trying to make a life without you. It’s  not easy.” He knocked back the rest of his drink. “I’ve no one but myself to blame. You really want some more of this? I could order something sent up.”

“Okay and some cheese and bread or something.”

“Are you hungry? I’ll bet you didn’t eat.”

“No ,I didn’t. I was too nervous.”

“Well, I didn’t either. Let’s get dressed and go down on the street, find something to eat and a decent bottle of wine.”

“I’d like that,” she smiled.

As they walked along the street she stopped, looking in shop windows, getting a taste from a chocolate shop, stopping for a bite to eat, coffee on the sidewalk and just walking, taking in the atmosphere.

“Why did we never come over here when we were in Paris?”

“I don’t know. You and I were only here once together and we were busy trying to rescue Jack at the time.”

“I like this area and the street musicians.” She dropped a bill in a guitar case.

Terry showed her where Jean Paul used to live in the garage apartment over an archway.

“I wonder if he misses this neighborhood now that he and Penny are married?” she asked.

“He’s got a nice place outside of Paris. I don’t imagine he does. Do you see them often?”

“No…well, maybe once every three months they both come down, Penny more often to see her father. Jean Paul’s away.” She looked up at Terry.

“Yes, I know.”

“And you won’t say where….”

He grinned. “No…you don’t work for SI.”

“I do have connections, though. How’s Dino? Is he still with the Mexican woman?”

“Not so much anymore. He’s down in Miami.”

She thought as she walked along how their lives ran parallel, neither of them knowing any more about the others. It didn’t seem right somehow. They had been a family, the three of them and the people they knew.  They were the Thornes and lived in Battersea with Wiggins and Anna.

“Terry…If I hadn’t…with Jack, I mean? I know you were angry with me over that but do you think we might have worked it out if it hadn’t been for the accident?”

He sighed, “We might have, Toni. I wasn’t just angry with you over Jack. I really had no right to be. I’d just left the girl in Australia. It was myself I was angry with. I couldn’t trust myself anymore. Everybody was telling me what an arse I was making of myself and then Max came and gave me what was an ultimatum. He brought you to see me and you gave me one I couldn’t pass up.”

“But it didn’t turn out well. I think we could have gotten past all that drama given time. We still loved each other.”

He put his arm around her.  “Still do.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked. They stopped at the elaborate gates leading into the courtyard of the hotel.

“The Paris Hotel, how original is that?” she smiled, looking up at the sign.

“Who knows, maybe there’s one in Nice called The Nice Hotel.” He opened the gates. “Could be a family-owned chain.”

“Yeah,” she laughed a little.

Holding hands, they silently went up the elevator to the third floor and he unlocked the door. Toni flicked on the lamps and turned to find herself in his arms again. He took her to bed and this time with less urgency they made love to each other sweetly, thoroughly and gently, but with no less passion.

In the night Toni got up to go the bathroom and noticing her cell phone, she picked it up out of her toiletry bag. She had a text message from Max.

Why ru In Paris?

It hit like a pain in her chest and she couldn’t get her breath. She sank to the floor, holding her knees. A deep sob escaped from the pain in her chest. He will know, he may already know. Oh, Max! Never in my life would I hurt you…never. What have I done?

She didn’t know when he came into the bathroom and gathered her in his arms. Carrying her back to the bed, he sat and rocked her. He’d seen the message on her phone lying on the floor beside her and he understood completely her misery.

“Do you want me to go home with you?”

“No!” she cried.

 His breathing increased. “Will you stay with me?”

“Terry…I can’t. As much as I love you, we don’t belong together anymore. I belong with Max and the children. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know.” He rubbed her head and kissed her tears. “If you ever need to come to me for any reason, need me for anything…oh, Christ, Toni…need me!”

“Terry…I do need you but I can’t have you.”

He crushed her to him. “This was probably a mistake. I didn’t mean to cause you more pain, Toni.”

“It might have been, but at least I know…I had to know.” She ran her hand over his head.  “I know that I will always love you as I do right now, as I always have. I know I’ve only to turn to you…but I also know that it’s Max who holds my life and I hold his. He is my life mate and I love him. He’s always been there for me and he’s never wronged me.”

“That’s why I gave you to him though I’ve wished a million times that I hadn’t.  It will be all right, sweetheart. He’s not like me. He might be hurt but he’d never turn you out like I did. Just tell him the truth.”

“He’ll know I’ve been with you. I just hope he understands why.”

“You better get some sleep, only a few hours until daylight.” He shifted her from his lap to the bed, kissed her softly and covered her with the sheet. She went to sleep in a short time and he got up from the bed, slipping on his boxers and lit a cigarette. He stepped out onto the balcony, the cool air instantly bringing goose bumps to his skin but it felt good to him. Something cold against his hot skin where she’d leaned into him and drying his still wet face.

He didn’t regret having asked her to Paris. It had settled something inside of him, perhaps healed a raw heart he’d carried since he left her. He had to try but she was right, she belonged with Max. He flicked ashes in the planter and picked a flower from it, something red without scent. He doubted very much if she cried with Max like she did with him. They were too emotional together…fire and sun…too close for comfort. He let the blossom drop, watching it as it landed on the striped canopy below where it lay like a splotch of blood in the graying light of morning.

He’d get her to the train station and himself to the airport and their lives would resume as before, but at least now they would be able to look at each other and know.

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