By Atonia Walpole
(Picture creations also by Atonia)
Part 7
Dinner that night was a strange affair. Ludivine had left a cassolet with bread and salad. The four of them sat down at the table without any fanfare. Toni was painfully aware of Jack to her left. She hadn’t talked to him other to say hello. It was John who broke the silence.
“This mistral, what exactly is it, Max?”
“It’s a wind that gathers itself up and gets funneled down through the valleys and it can come from any direction. We’re usually protected from it here in the Luberon Valley but it’s come through this year. It’s much stronger on the coast. We felt it when we flew in from London, kind of a tricky landing we had. It dies down some during the day and gets up in the evenings. But afterward…well, it is said to clean the air, everything is fresh and the light is spectacular.”
“How long does it last?”
“Oh, not more than a few days, week at the most.” He took a drink of his wine.
“There’s a very large tree down by the drive,” Jack commented.
“I noticed it when we came back from shopping. I’ll see what Duflot can do with it.”
“If you got chain saws I can help,” John offered.
Toni ate in silence but she listened to their weather tales. Jack had some impressive ones and so did John. She had nothing to contribute. They were finishing up, pushing plates back, and she got up and cleared the table. Max came in with a handful of silverware.
“What does Terry eat?” she asked him.
“Ludivine’s been feeding him soup.”
“She’s gone home for the night.…”
“Put the children to bed. I’ll check on him.”
“Yes.…” She looked at him a moment and went upstairs.
It was John who went up to check on Terry. He said he’d had a flu shot.
“Hey, brother, you gonna live?” John turned on a lamp.
“I don’t know,” Terry croaked. “I’m considering it.”
John grinned and sat on the side of his bed. “Need anything?”
“Tea, special tea.”
“Special tea? Is that the name on the label?”
“Ludivine….”
“She’s gone home to cook for Duflot.” He looked at the bedside table. “How about some of this stuff? Are you supposed to take anything here?”
Terry shook his head no. John felt his forehead. “Still got a fever goin on. I’ll see what I can do about some tea. Want anything to eat?”
“No, just tea.”
John found Toni up in the nursery putting Maxi’s pajamas on him. He talked to the boys for awhile and asked Toni about the tea. “He says it's special tea.”
“I know what it is. I’ll make it if you’ll take it to him.”
Bedtime was awkward. They lay with their backs to each other, rigidly not touching or speaking for a long time. Finally Toni shifted a little and Max rolled over and pulled her to him. He didn’t make love to her, just held her until they both went to sleep.
The next morning the men all left with the boys to see the big tree that was down. Toni asked Ludivine about Terry.
“He’s still with fever, very hot to touch and coughing, but the medicine will help him today I think. I will bathe him this morning….” She looked at Toni with her eyes wide. Toni looked up at her and then a slow smile followed by a twinkle in Ludivine’s eye.
“Do you think he will let you?” Toni asked, still with a half smile.
“He is weak, he has no choice. I will be very discreet with him, cover him…you know.” She hummed over to the stove and checked on the soup.
Toni stopped a moment at the sink. “If he says no, don’t try and force anything, don’t make him. I know he’s weak, but…don’t.” Toni was thinking about Bolivia.
“No, Madame, I will ask him first. I would never take advantage of him.”
“Thank you.” Toni left her to her work and went up and got Rose. She would not go in to see Terry.
Late that day his fever broke.
Jacky informed his mother at lunch that they were going to cut up a tree. Max told her not to worry, he and Jack would look after the boys while Duflot and John did the work.
Toni had the day pretty much to herself. She played with Rose, read a little, spent some time in her room organizing her closet, avoiding the mirror.
Cutting up a tree was messy work and all of them came back covered in leaves, bark, sawdust, including the two little boys. Toni put them in the tub and after their supper to bed. There was chicken for dinner and the mood was a little lighter around the table with tree cutting tales tonight. She had nothing to contribute.
Toni very much wanted to talk to Jack but she wasn’t given the opportunity and she was never left alone with him. It was obvious to her…she wasn’t to be trusted. For his part he held up the male end of things with his brothers and his nephews. He stole a glance now and again; he very much wanted to talk with her but wasn’t given the opportunity. Finally he asked and was given the green light by Max. He found her in the living room with a magazine. Max and John were in the den watching a game on TV.
“Jack.” She sat up on the sofa.
“I want to apologize to you, Pet. I’m afraid my actions caused you much grief and embarrassment. I thought we had an agreement between us but now I realize it was only on one side. I wanted but you did not.”
“Wait a minute. I wanted, too, but it cannot be. I know that now. My feelings for you have not changed, Jack, but my actions have. I have something special here I don’t want to lose and that’s my life here with Max. You have never offered me a life with you and I understand why…you can’t offer me anything.”
“I know that. I see that and you are correct. I can offer nothing to you but my love and you already have that. I don’t want to bring you low but I do want to be a part of Rose’s life.”
“I want you to be and a part of mine, too, but not like London, not with me slipping away to be with you. I can’t do that. We’re a family here and you’re part of it. Be my friend.…”
“I am your friend.” He moved from the chair to the window. “I’m more than that but I know that I upset you in London. I’m sorry, Pet.”
“You didn’t upset me…I upset me. I shouldn’t have gone there in the first place and I knew it from the beginning. It was not your fault and you did nothing wrong. Jack, I wronged you and to top it off I left you with Rose. I should be asking your forgiveness. Please, I’m probably not saying all this right.…”
“You left me a challenge and somehow we survived it. I very well could have taken Rose into my world and found some suitable woman to look after her. I couldn’t do that to you. I love you, mother of my daughter, and Max cannot take that away, neither can you ignore it.”
“Somehow we have to find a way to live with that.”
Jack’s eye caught a movement in the hallway. John was going up the stairs and no doubt Max would be joining them. He let it drop for now.
John went to Terry’s room and opened the door. He found him bathed in sweat and very pale but sitting up in the bed. “Hey, you don’t need to be getting up yet.”
“I need something else. This tee shirt is wet. I’m sweating the shite out.”
“Good, the fever will go down now. Where are your clothes, do you know?”
“Bags on the floor somewhere, I think.”
John found his duffel bag and a clean camo tee shirt and helped him pull it on. “Want something to drink, more of that special tea?”
“Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe something else, too, sandwich or something, doesn’t matter. I’m sick of soup.”
“Okay, I’ll see what I can find. Stay in bed now.”
John went down the steps and stopped in the living room doorway. “Terry’s fever has broken. He’s hungry and thirsty. Think you can fix him up?”
Toni jumped up from the sofa. “Sure. Did he say what he wanted?”
Max came in the living room. “That’s good news. Fix him up, Toni.”
Toni went to the kitchen and sliced up some leftover chicken, bread and butter and made a large mug of the special tea. She also took him a bottle of water.
She pushed the door open and came in with a tray. “Hi there. Feeling better?”
“A little.” He looked up at her while she found a place on the bedside table for the tray.
She had a look at him and went to the bathroom for a wet cloth. He let her wipe his face and neck. He knew about her. John had filled him in. He caught her arm, “Thanks.”
“You need some dry bedding, too. Can you make it to the chair?”
“I’m not crippled, Toni.” He staggered a little. “Damn weak, though.”
“The flu will drain you. Be back in a minute.” She went to the linen press for fresh sheets and another pillow and remade his bed while he waited, sipping the tea. “How about your shorts, love?”
“Um…wet.”
She found him some dry ones and let him change. “Okay, back in bed. I’ve got some chicken and bread if you think you can swallow that.”
“Sounds good. Sit down a minute.” He moved back into the bed. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing for you to worry about. You just get well.”
“I can’t get well if you’re screwing up, Toni.”
“Past tense. I screwed up…again.”
“Jack…again?”
“Yeah, but it was different this time. I walked out on him and Rose, a big time screw up.”
“Why don’t you quit screwing up?” he coughed.
“You okay? I have quit. I tried to talk to Jack a little while ago. I know where I am but he….”
“Fuck him! Look after yourself. Besides, you’re not supposed to screw up with anybody but me.”
“You look like hell on toast, love. Can I get you anything else?”
“No, new lungs maybe. Got any of them?”
“You haven’t had a ciggie in four days. Why not quit? You can’t breathe anyway.”
“Don’t talk to me about that now. I’m barely alive. I’ve missed you, ya know. Ludivine’s okay but she hasn’t got your touch.”
Toni looked at him and grinned. “You’re on the mend.” She took the tray, leaving him the mug of tea and his water. “I’ll check on you later.”
Toni stopped by the den. They were all in there now. “He’s getting better, ate his sandwich.”
Nights were the worst. During the day she could pretend everything was normal. She kept busy doing what she usually did but at bedtime, nothing was normal. Sometimes he held her, sometimes he didn’t. Once she woke in the middle of the night to find his arms around her. She tried but after being rebuffed once she quit. She thought he might be pouting a little. He was still angry.
Part 8
It had been five days since Terry arrived sick with the flu. He was now up and about a little. Still spent some time in bed each day, but he was feeling more like himself. John came into his bedroom one afternoon as he was just waking up from a nap.
“Terry, are you well enough to get your ass chewed out?”
“What the bloody fuck are ya talkin’ about?”
“Well, I need to get on home and Max’s got something to say to all of us. He’s been waiting on you to get better.”
“What’s the matter with him? He can’t get it up but once?”
“I dunno, Ter. You know he’s been pissed off ever since Toni came home. Before that he was just worried mostly. He said he was only going to say it once so…he’s waiting on you.”
“Let the fucker wait!” Terry punched up his pillow and drew his knees up.
“That’s okay for you but not for me. I got a job at home and things to do.”
Terry looked at John for a minute. “Okay, whenever. I’m ready.”
They gathered in the living room. Max was already there sitting in a chair with his legs crossed, comfortable looking if you didn’t know. Jack knew. He sensed it right away. He looked at Max and his eyes traveled around the room, electric air as before a storm and he wondered if the others could sense it. Jack preferred to stand and he did so with a hand on the old stone mantle. He was curious about Max’s power. He was certainly in his element.
Toni sat nervously on the edge of the sofa. John plopped down beside her. She could sense something about to break and it unnerved her. Jack was watching Max with his head tilted a little. Terry came in, wearing his trakkies and a sweater. He sat down in a chair and looked over at Max, casually, but he caught the drift. He coughed just to remind him he was still sick and had left the bed for his benefit.
Max’s eyes, dark and stormy, looked at Jack for a moment and then at Toni. He stood up and she felt the air move with him as he went to the back of his chair. “I have something to say and I’d appreciate it if you’d let me finish before you jump in.
“I’ve taken Toni as my wife, not as a magical wife, but here and now in reality. I took her because Terry didn’t want her. I took her because Connie had just died and I had a baby without a mother. I took her because John has a wife and because Jack has a wife. I took her because I love her and have loved her since we first met. She…is…my…wife. We’re a long way from the House of Four Seasons. Those rules don’t apply here. She no longer has ‘seasons’. She is my wife.
“I see it as my job to love her, protect her and honor her. I want her to be happy but my own happiness is important, too. Letting her sleep with each of you might make her happy but it doesn‘t make me happy. It makes me feel sick and disgusted with the whole ring of magic. It’s going to stop…now. I will not allow it. I don’t want to be reminded about who we are or where we came from. I’m totally aware of all that. I’m also aware that we have to love each other and I do, but I will not live like this. You will not take my wife to your bed. None of you…she is my wife.”
Jack felt the force of Max’s element against him when he looked directly at him. Air could move water. He glanced at Terry. Terry’s eyes were locked on Max. Air could put out a flame but it could also fan it into an inferno. John’s expression hadn’t changed. Toni was staring at the floor, buffeted here and there and caught in a whirlwind that kept her sitting still.
“I mentioned the circle, the circle of magic that keeps us all alive here. There is one of us who would not perish in this world because he never left his. That’s okay. Stay there, Jack. If you come into mine to take my wife again it will be the last time because I will break the circle. All be damned…I will do it. John can go back to Mystery, Terry to Tecala and me to London for awhile and Toni back to Boston and her old life."
“The…the children,” she said barely above a whisper.
“They would never have existed. We all know that’s what happens when the circle is broken. Don’t try me because I’m at the point now where I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of worrying about you, Toni. You’re either with me or not, so that’s how it stands, folks. That’s my line in the sand.”
“You want to talk about sand now?” John moved to the edge of the sofa. “Don’t threaten me, Max. I’ve never taken ‘your wife’ to bed except on magic time but, God damn it, I love her you can’t stop that.”
“Love her all you want to but she’s mine.”
“She’s not all yours. She was my wife, too, and if you want to get technical about it, she still is. We have a son together. We will see each other.” Terry coughed again.
“She isn’t your wife any more. You gave her to me. You didn’t want her after she slept with Jack.”
“That’s not true,” Terry stated hoarsely.
“He’s right. That isn’t true. That wasn’t the first time that happened. He summoned me to stay with her once when he was in Algeria. It wasn’t that I slept with her or that she conceived my child, was it Terry? I got blamed for it, for the break up.”
“There was more to it than that.” Terry rested his head in his hand.
“We’re not going over that again. You can love her, all of you can, but at least have a little respect for me and for her. We’ve got the kids here, yours, mine, ours. She’s mother to all of them. I don’t set one above the other. They are all mine here in this house. They will grow up here as siblings. We’re a family here. I want to keep it that way.”
“You talk about me as though I’m not here. I am here and the center of this. I am my own person. I do not belong to anybody. I choose to live with Max because I love him and I love the life we have together. I call him my husband and so he is, and I am his wife. I love all of you. That will never change but I have changed. I’ve been reckless and a little crazy sometimes. I enjoy being with each of you. We have shared so much but I am a mother to your children and here in reality they would not understand Mommy with Jack or Mommy with Terry. Mommy lives with Max.”
“Jacky would understand Mommy with Daddy.”
“I know. Don’t think that doesn’t break my heart, Terry, but he knows where Mommy lives. Max and I share something special, something I don’t share with any of you. I love him and I will honor him and be true to him. I wanted to lie with you Jack but I couldn’t. It wasn’t right. Inside of me it didn’t feel right. So all that’s over. Now we can be there for each other, love each other, but that’s where I draw my line. I’m not available for anything else. We’ve had it all and enjoyed every minute of it. I wouldn’t go back and change anything but I am now Toni Skinner and I ask that you respect that.”
“I’ll respect you, luv,” Terry looked at her and then at Max, “but I don’t take threats lightly, mate. This world or the next…you try that shit and I’ll find you.”
Max smiled a little, “If you respect Toni then you won’t have to worry about finding me. I love you, Terry, but don’t push me.”
“I never thought to cause all this by loving Toni. I will respect your wishes, Max ,and I will not...claim her in this world again.” Jack looked at Toni, his eyes unreadable.
“That’s all I ask, Jack, and it’s not just you.”
“Respect my wishes, too. You may have to be stronger and wiser than me but I know you all can be and are,” Toni said and took John’s hand.
“I think it’s all been said, Max, and I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about breaking the circle again. I know you don’t want to even think about doing that.”
“I don’t, John, but I would.”
“If that’s all, I’m going back to bed and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I can fly home.”
“No hurry, Terry.”
“Do you need anything before you go to sleep?” Toni asked.
“Some of that tea would be nice, if you don’t mind.”
“What is this tea he keeps drinking?” Jack asked.
“It's half booze,” John answered.
“Tastes terrible,” Terry said and walked to the stairs.
Everyone went upstairs, leaving Toni and Max alone. They looked at each other for awhile then he walked to her and put his arms around her. “I didn’t know how this would go, what you would do for sure.”
“You should have known. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be with you. I’ve never seen you quite so…powerful. Terry once told me what you were capable of. I’m not afraid but I felt it, felt the air move in the room when you moved.”
He looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “Ah, that was all show for the benefit of the audience. It worked. I think it worked because they wanted it to. They didn’t fight it and it was time, time to remind them who I am and who you are. Mrs. Skinner,” he smiled.
“I love you, Mr. Skinner.” Their lips met and he sent a little caressing breeze about her, a taste of what was to come. “Why did you encourage me go to London, knowing what would happen?”
“I took a chance. I gambled and actually you came through. You did what I wanted you to. That had to be your decision, not mine. But you handled it badly, love.”
“I’m sorry….”
“No more of that. It’s all over and done with. We’ve both learned something here. Let’s move forward, the past is past. You have to leave it there, love. The future is here in our hands. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to be hurt either. It’s how we treat each other, gently, lovingly and with respect that’s important. And right now after you make Terry’s tea I’d like to take you upstairs to our bedroom and show you just how much I love you.”
“I’d like that.” She kissed him and he said he’d check on the boys and wait for her. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Leaning on the counter waiting for it to boil, she thought, It’s settled. Now there will be no more…no more Jack. It’s not settled, not between Jack and me. I saw it in his face. I’ve made my promise to Max and I will honor him. I love him… Oh God….
ON TO WHAT IT IS
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