By Atonia Walpole
(Picture creations also by Atonia)
Part 4
Toni arrived in London with Rose. There was no one to meet her at the airport so she hired a taxi and the driver loaded her luggage and Rose’s stroller. She fought with the car seat, finally getting it buckled into the taxi. Once at the flat, she got the taxi driver to hump her things to the elevator, the man at the desk not being at his desk when she needed him. She paid the taxi driver off and closed the door to the flat. She’d set Rose down on the floor while she fished out her money, now Rose had crawled off toward the stairs and she just beat her to the top step.
It took her a while to get things organized. Yes, a few things had been brought in. There would be coffee in the morning and breakfast but, alas, no dinner tonight and she really didn’t feel like hauling Rose out again. She fed Rose and put her in the crib in the bedroom and stayed with her until she went to sleep. Later she ordered food from a favorite restaurant.
Connie and Max had spent some time in the flat, time enough to buy a crib for Maxi and a few toys, a jumper seat, but it was not a flat for children. This had been Max’s bachelor digs long ago. Toni had added little to the place, it being only a stopover for them from time to time.
“I’m in, darling. Just wanted to let you know.” She called Max.
“Oh, well, good. Is, um, Jack there?”
“No, no sign of him so far. It’s raining.”
“Same here. I miss you already. Tell Jack I said hi.”
“I will. Love you, darling.”
Toni made herself a cup of coffee while waiting on her dinner to arrive. She thought about Jack. He said he always knew where she was so he must know she was there…but where was he?
Jack was becoming very adept at functioning in the present century. He waited his turn at the bank machine, inserting his card and punching in a code number. Miraculously money spat out in his hand. He never thought much about where it came from. Max and Terry had set him up an account years ago as well as a credit card for his use. It wasn’t a great stretch for either of them to keep money in his bank account and to pay off his credit charges, of which there were few. He’d been staying at his club and left his things there except for the small bag he carried with him containing his contemporary clothing.
He hailed a taxi and gave the address for Max’s flat. He wore his jeans, a blue shirt and a jacket. He was damp from the rain but dampness never bothered him. He paid the driver and strode into the apartment building, up the stairs to the desk. “Has Mrs. Skinner arrived?” he asked.
“Yes, sir, so has her dinner.” He smiled a little and went back to his TV screen.
Dinner. I’d forgotten bout dinner. I hope she is not upset about that. He rang the bell.
Toni stuffed a piece of sesame chicken in her mouth and ran up to the door. She peeked through the security eye and smiled, swallowing her chicken.
“Jack.” She opened the door.
He dropped his bag and took her into his arms. “How did you know it was me?”
“I saw you through the peep hole, there.” He always amazed her in modern dress. “You look good.”
“You look better. Do you think we might move inside?”
“Sorry…you’re wet.”
“It’s raining.”
“No umbrella?”
“No. It’s good to see you, Toni.” He kissed her. “What are you eating?”
“Oh, Chinese. Want some/ They always send loads.”
He shied away from the unfamiliar food but after awhile she coaxed him into trying it and then got him a knife and fork. They ate off her plate.
“Where is Rose? You brought her?”
“Yes, I lugged her all the way from Provence and she’s asleep right now. She’s been fussy all day, not liking the airplane, not liking her car seat in the taxi and not liking a strange crib, so you’re not to wake her for awhile.”
“How is her mother?”
“She’s fine and wondering what’s this about being arrested in France. What have you done there recently?”
“Recently? How do you mean?”
“In my time?’
“I have done nothing in ‘your time’.”
“Bonaparte has been dead a long time, love. They’re not looking for you today.”
He looked at her a moment, a light coming into his blue eyes and then he looked away.
“It was an excuse, wasn’t it?”
“And if it was?”
“To get me here alone with Rose. You could have come to La Siroque.”
“I chose not to. I wanted to see you and our daughter, to spend some time with you if possible. I did go through the proper channels.”
“Yes, you asked Max and he said yes, go to him. That’s not something I would expect him to say.”
“Who can say what he is expected to say?”
“I can usually. What did you say to him when you left the House of Four Seasons after being there with me?”
“No more than I said to you. He knows I love you and he knows you love me, too. I said to him that he does not own you, you are as much my wife and John’s and Terry’s as you are his. This I said to you at the House.”
“I remember that conversation. I said I loved you all equally, too, but Max is my life mate. You’ve also said that in the past.”
“I said it about Terry, too, and he was for awhile, though a mismatched mate. What is this I hear in your voice? Are you angry?”
“I don’t know, to be honest. Not sure I’ve got a reason to be. Max and I are fine. We’re okay.”
“I did not come to talk of Max. I came to see you and Rose.”
“He said he got a bollicking.”
“Perhaps he needed one. I did not chastise him, Pet.”
“Then it was John because I asked Terry and he said no.”
“You are defending him,” he smiled a little. “He does not need defending. He can look out for himself and does.”
“I didn’t mean to accuse you.”
“Yes, you did. If you thought I’d hurt Max in some way you would be at me with your claws unsheathed. I do know what manner of cat I have here.” He’d moved from his chair and pulled her up from hers. “I promise you I would never hurt anyone you love.”
His scent was strong and she rested her head on his chest. “Jack…” she said softly and he lifted her chin and kissed her soundly. Her arms went around his waist and she melted into him.
The wind got up, blowing rain against the large expanse of glass fronting the flat. They walked over to the windows for awhile, watching the city drown, the lights becoming blurred through the watery window.
“You’ve come to stay the night.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
“There is only one bedroom and it has a bed and a crib for the baby.”
“She is asleep.”
“She is for now.”
“Then we shall be very quiet.” He took her hand and led her up to the bedroom. He opened the door and moved to the crib, looking down with a smile on his face. “She has grown,” he whispered.
“She crawls about,” Toni answered.
They moved to the bathroom and began to undress. He took her hand. “You wear my ring, the wedding ring.”
“Max told me to wear it, at the House before we left. I took my rings and he said to wear this one. I thought it…odd that he would say such a thing.”
“He knows…I love you.” Jack kissed her again, running his hands underneath her cami.
She was well into him, pulling his shirt away, her hands on his back and Rose woke up.
Toni smiled a little, her face flushed. “She’s your daughter. Go talk to her.”
“Pet, you see I am in no condition to…”
“Believe me…she’ll put a damper on that.” She pushed her hair back and turned around, looking at herself in the mirror. Jack put his shirt back on and left the bathroom. She could hear him talking to her, the creak of the side of the crib. Who is this woman? Is she Jack’s wife…is she? Or is she Terry’s wife? There was a legal bit of paper somewhere. Was she John’s wife? But he had one he lived with...or was she Max’s wife? Max at home with Jacky and Maxi while she… Her mouth made a little oh. “What am I doing…? This is not something I want to do. Max does not want this. I know him too well. I don’t care what Jack says, I do belong to Max and he belongs to me.” She put her clothes back on.
Jack had Rose in the middle of the bed, talking to her and playing with her a little. She still had her binky in her mouth, looking at him with wide blue eyes.
“Did you change her?”
“Into what?” He looked up innocently.
“A dry diaper.”
“No, Pet, I…”
Toni went to the diaper bag and pulled out the wipes and a diaper, “She’s probably wet. Have a go.”
“But she’s…female.”
“You are familiar with, um, female anatomy. This I know for a fact.”
“Pet, you don’t expect me to…no, I couldn’t possibly.”
“Here, I’ll show you how it’s done. She is your daughter; you must know these things.” She instructed but made him do it. He gave her a dark look, picking Rose up afterwards and walking from the bedroom. Toni did a little dance on the way to the trash bin with the wet diaper. She thought how Max never gave it a second thought but changed her diaper as he had done for Maxi.
She didn’t quite understand the sudden edge. A little while ago she was about to have Jack in the bathroom. Now she felt a little angry with herself and with him for putting her in that position. Yes, she loved him and Rose was a result of that love but he was married to Sophie back in his world. He had children of his own, a whole life she wasn’t a part of. She came down the stairs and he had Rose over by the windows still talking to her.
Toni kept thinking about what he’d said about being married to her, that Max was no more married than he was or any of the rest of them. It simply wasn’t so. She lived with Max and wore his ring on her left hand where a wedding ring should be and he’d given it to her in Florence. She’d been right. They planned to pass her around. It was evidently Jack’s turn. She cleared off the table with a flourish, tossing dishes in the sink and turning on the water full blast. Somebody had convinced Max this was the right thing to do.
“I took this thing out. She was trying to say something.” Jack walked over and put the binky on the cabinet.
“She can’t talk yet but she tries. She has her own language still.”
“She’s a lovely little thing.”
“Yes.” Rinsing a plate.
“Is she still at the breast?”
“She takes a bottle. It was difficult with the boys, three babies and only two of us to care for them. This way Max can feed her or anyone can, including you.”
He caught the tone of her voice and raised a brow but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m trying to get her to take a cup. She’s eight months old and I hope by the time she’s one she has given up the bottle.” There was nothing else to wash or wipe down. She folded the towel over the sink and turned to him, pushing her hair back.
“You and I need to talk, Pet.”
“Yes, I think we do. I’ll get her chair and maybe she’ll play in it for awhile.”
Jack was totally confused when he sat down on the sofa after Toni had Rose in her walker and a few toys for her to throw about. He watched her movements and waited until she sat down in a chair at the end of the sofa, not next to him he noted.
“What have I done or not done?” he asked.
“I don’t know whose idea it is or was but it’s not going to happen. What you said about marriage is simply not true. Marriage is as much a state of mind as anything else. Do you really feel married to me? What household do we share, what chores do we do together? How much time do we spend together? Do we lie on the sofa or across the bed and read passages of the books we’re reading to each other? What do we share, Jack?”
“Pet, ours is a special situation. I cannot do the things you say. I do not live in this world.”
“Exactly, you don’t, but you could. You function quite well here. I do understand, Jack. I understand you are not of this world and that you have another life that I’m not a part of. You and I can never have a marriage. We’re lovers.”
“We are magically married, Pet.”
“I know that and that has given us license to live as we did. It binds us together but not…not the way I am bound to Max. I think it’s important that we all love each other. It’s what keeps us alive, keeps us going, and I do love you and you know that.”
“I think I smoked it. You no longer want to sleep with me.” He looked at her evenly.
“I don’t want to be handed around like a prize filly to be ridden by one and then another.”
Jack frowned, “I don’t understand. I am more muddled than I was.”
“Did you not ask for and get access to me, knowing exactly what you were asking for? It wasn’t all about Rose, was it?”
“No, it wasn’t. I wanted this time with you, too. What is it that has you so upset with me?”
“The rules of magic didn’t say we were to continue as seasons when we left the house. I was to choose one and I did. I have to tell you when I left with Max in September it was though I had left the first time with him. I remember clearly the day Terry came for me when I made my choice…well, it was the same feeling when I left with Max. I’ve made my choice, Jack.”
“I see…well, this pains me
more than I can say. You have come to this decision since I left the bath, since
I put my shirt back on and you have dressed again?”
Toni looked down at her hands. “I didn’t say I was strong.”
“So I am to play to your weakness…no, Toni. I feel as though I have been broadsided on both sides. I love you as I always have. I desire you as I always have and I have made no mystery of this. You respond when I touch you. When we kiss am I not to kiss you again, you the mother of my child? I would never ask you to do something you do not wish to do.”
Toni put her head in her hands. “You don’t understand.”
“I do not. You are not making yourself clear. I hear one thing and then another. If you do not want us to sleep in the same bed, then say it.”
“Want and actually doing something are two different things.”
“I should want you for the rest of my life but not have you…I think not.”
“I’m in love with my husband.”
“Which one?”
“Max, for crying out loud!” She began to cry.
“Oh, Pet, please don’t!” He went to her down on his knees. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No…oh, I don’t know what I want. I want to be married to Max and live a normal life with him. We have children, we’re a family.”
“One of those children is mine and one is Terry’s. I remember clearly your crying over the same things with Terry, wanting a normal life. Pet, it’s as normal as it can be considering who we are. Please do not cry over this. I will leave you can go back to Max and all will be well. I regret this deeply.”
She sat up and looked into his eyes. “Don’t go…”
“Toni, you cannot have it two ways.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’ve come to an understanding with Terry and yet when he came around it was me who reached out to him. I am so mixed up. I know I’m sending mixed signals…impossible for you to read. I feel as though my head is about to explode, perhaps it is my heart.”
Rose was tired of the chair. Jack picked her up and carried her around, clearly worried about Toni. She wasn’t herself.
Part 5
Toni eventually moved to the sofa and it was Jack who entertained Rose until she was ready for a bottle again then she bathed her and got her ready for bed. She had Jack move the mattress down in the crib because she was afraid Rose would wake in the night and try and pull up and fall out. Toni was mostly quiet. She’d said it all and even to her it didn’t ring true. Poor Jack. She looked over at him while she rocked Rose back and forth in her lap until her eyes closed. She’d given him a shock tonight and he didn’t deserve it. She loved him; she felt horrible. She didn’t know what to do.
It was late and she lay down on the bed. Jack went back to the sofa, wondering whether he should send an SOS to Max. But he didn’t. He fell into a troubled sleep.
Toni woke early. It was still dark outside, 4:30 by the bedside clock. Rose was asleep. She walked into the living area and found Jack on the sofa and brought him a blanket from the bed. What was wrong with her?
She went into the bathroom and a plan began to form in her troubled mind. Somewhat familiar with flights, she picked up her bag, threw a few things into it, grabbed her raincoat and wrote a short note to Jack, leaving it on the coffee table. One last look at him and she let herself silently out the door.
**
“Read it again,” Max said.
Jack began, “I have to sort this out on my own. Please believe me it’s nothing you have done or said. I love you. I have left Rose with you but only for a short time, a few days. If you cannot care for her below is the phone number for Anna. She will come and help. I’m sorry to leave like this but I have to, for all our sakes, get my head straight.”
“Good God! Has she taken her passport?”
“Her bags are still here except for a small red one. I see it is missing. There is nothing here but clothes and baby clothes.”
“I don’t suppose you know what she was wearing?"
“I didn’t see her leave, Max…wait a moment.” He picked up Rose from the bed where he’d made a mess of changing her diaper but at least he got one on that didn’t fall off. “Rose was about to go off the bed.”
“I can’t believe she’d go off and leave her with you.”
“I am her father.”
“You know sod all about caring for an infant. I suggest you make that call to Anna and get her over there.”
“Yes, I will…I swear to you, Max, I did nothing to cause this. She was not herself, very mixed up last night, saying one thing and then another. I’ve never seen her like this and I have seen her on many distressed occasions.”
“We can sort all that out later. The thing is to find her and I’m not getting to her. I can’t…this is very odd.”
“Neither can I. She has shut us all out. I didn’t know she could do that.”
As the day wore on and Jack and Max were frantically trying to come up with something on Toni, Terry arrived at La Siroque, running a fever and sick. Ludivine put him to bed and called the doctor, who proclaimed he had the flu. Max had his hands full with the two boys and sick Terry.
Jack got in touch with John, who tried to use what clout he had to find out if she was on an international flight to the east coast. Her name did not come up. He finally got in his vehicle and drove to the House of Four Seasons but she wasn’t there.
Meanwhile, Toni checked into the hotel in Florence. She really had no idea if what she was going to do would work but she wanted to talk to him so badly and he’d tried to contact her the last time she was there. The weather was awful, windy and cold, whistling through the narrow streets. She had a car she’d rented and drove out in the country, passing by the villa Max had rented for them in September. She found the vineyard. Everything was closed up now. No tourists visited this time of the year but she got into the garden and sat on the bench where she’d sat before and concentrated on Maximus.
She was beginning to think it was a waste of time and she’d completely lost her mind when the scent of sage and thyme became strong around her. She looked down where the herbs had grown. They were dried and dead looking now around her feet.
“Maximus,” she said out loud.
“My dear, why have you come?”
She nearly fell off the bench. Turning around, he was there as she’d seen him first in the wheat field, standing about a foot behind her.
“I…I need to talk to you. It’s all coming apart.”
He moved closer, took her hands and pulled her close to him. “You are cold. Come with me.”
He led her out of the garden and into a military camp. His tent was his destination and he brought her by a fire to warm herself. She stood there, shaking in her raincoat and beginning to wonder if this was a mistake. But he’d only gone to fetch a cloak for her and he draped it around her shoulders and turned her to him.
“You were here in the fall.”
“Yes, I knew you were, too. I couldn’t come to you. Max and I were on our honeymoon.”
Maximus smiled, lighting up his eyes. “Ah, that would explain it…you and Max.” He went over and poured out some wine for her to drink. “It will warm you. Come and sit.”
She did as he asked, sipping on the sweet, strong drink. “I feel rather foolish. I’ve in a sense run away today.”
“And why have you run away?”
“I’ve made a mess of it all. I had my four seasons and we married. I chose Terry and took him out. For various reasons, I won’t go into it all, but in the end it didn’t work for us. We have a son together. I also have a daughter with Jack. I pushed Max into a marriage and he has a son. His wife has since died in an accident and now we are together. I had it all and I’ve…I can’t be true to anybody, even myself.”
“I am not unaware of what has transpired in your life, Toni. Magic has a way of keeping us all together in spirit if nothing else. You are torn, are you not?”
“Yes. I love Max as my husband but I cannot let go of Terry or Jack. John, I guess you know, has Donna with him. I don’t know what to do. I’ve come looking for you to tell me, to give me some direction.”
“You were recently at the House and the House tried to help you. Didn’t you feel it when you left that things had been put in proper order?”
“Yes, I felt good when I left. Terry and I had finally come to terms with each other and Jack and I had an understanding of what to expect. And Max came for me and it seemed so right then…everything.”
“What has happened to change it?”
“Well…I thought Max was not being himself and he told me he’d got a reckoning from his brothers and so I’ve asked Terry and Jack and they both denied any such thing. Last night I was with Jack in London. He wanted to see his daughter…and me. I just flipped out, accused him of using her to get at me, like I was a prize to be passed around. I thought they had some agreement to do just that and it made me angry.”
“You have not talked to John?”
“No,” she shook her head, “but he wouldn’t have said anything to Max.”
“How do you know this?” He tilted his head. “He was your first love and knows you as well as anyone.”
“Do you know what was said to him?”
“No, my dear, I do not but why is it so important to you?”
“He…I don’t want him not to care if I sleep with Jack.” She started crying. “I want him to be himself.”
Maximus looked at her a moment and pulled her to him, brushing his hand over her hair. “Do not cry. It is not worth your tears. Save them for something important. You are loved, Toni, by four very different men. You’ve thrown your lot in with Max. Accept him as he is. Perhaps he thinks he has handled the situation with Jack as best he can. It does tear him inside to think of you with another man but he is willing to suffer this to make you happy.”
“It doesn’t make me happy for him to be torn inside. I love Jack and am drawn to him as I am Terry, but I can refuse Terry. We have a history and I can love him without taking it over the line. It’s different with Jack. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t see him very often, maybe once or twice a year if I’m lucky, but when I do.…” She shook her head and leaned on his shoulder.
“Once a year is not so great a thing. Max understands this as I would.”
“Would you?”
“If you were mine, yes. A small sacrifice is nothing compared to the whole.”
She looked down at her hand. “Max told me to wear Jack’s ring.”
Maximus took her hand, holding it up by the firelight. “A beautiful ring. If he told you to wear it then he understands. You have a child with Jack and that cannot be denied. There is deep love. There had to be for you to conceive his child.”
“He’s out into the real world now.”
“No, my dear, he is not. He still lives in his movie and in his story he is not like you and Max and Terry and John.”
“But he…how does he come to us?”
“It is his magic. He is very strong but you knew that, didn’t you?”
“Yes…I did. He’s also very elusive like you. That’s why I never had you back.”
“That is why he cannot live in your world. He was tempted as I have been over the years on more than one occasion,” he smiled and touched her face.
“Fire, you were my fire and you set me up for Terry.”
Maximus smiled, “You are fire. Another good reason for not having me back. We would have burned each other.”
“Terry and I did…we hurt each other very badly.”
“Your scars have healed I hope. You know if you keep picking at a sore it only gets bigger.”
“So true…that’s what I’m doing right now, isn’t it, trying to pick at it until it bleeds again. I really left a mess behind me. I left Jack with his eight month old daughter and walked out in the middle of the night. By now they will all have contacted each other over my disappearance. I can only imagine.…”
He hesitated a moment. “Shall I tell them you are with me and tomorrow we will send you home?”
“Can you do that?”
“Yes. Do you want me to? There is a price to pay.” He looked into her eyes.
“I will pay the price,” she answered, smiled a little and looked away.
*~*
Jean Paul rode down with Terry and now he was quarantined over at Chambord with flu so Max couldn’t send the boys over there. Ludivine claimed she’d had a flu shot so she was allowed to tend to Terry. Tuppy kept the boys up in the attic playroom as much as possible and Max flew to London to get Jack and bring him home.
Max unlocked the door to his flat and walked in, calling out for Jack.
“I’m in here. I think everything is ready.” Jack was in the bedroom. He’d packed the bags, bathed the baby and dressed her in things he’d found in the luggage.
Max wandered over to the bedroom door. “Where is Anna?”
“Anna? I didn’t call her…I thought if I can command 197 souls aboard a man of war surely I can command an eight month old child. She may not have had what she is accustomed to but I have done the best I could by her. She has been fed, bathed and dressed for travel.”
“Bloody hell, Jack!” Max met his eyes for a moment. “You’re a father.”
“There’s been no word?” Jack looked a little desperate, running a hand through his loose hair, pulling it back and tying with a leather string.
“Actually there has. She’s with Maximus.”
“Maximus! Why has she gone back to him?”
“I don’t know but he’s sending her back sometime tomorrow. We’ve got about twenty minutes before we need to leave for the airport. Is there anything you need me to do?”
“If you wouldn’t mind taking Rose long enough for me to run through the shower.”
“Of course. Hi there, little girl.” Max took Rose and she hugged his neck. He walked through the flat with her, looking around, empty baby food containers on the table, two bottles in the sink, a trash can full of wipes, paper towels and what looked to be a towel. He shook his head slightly. How could she have left him with Rose? He picked up the phone and called for a taxi. He called housekeeping and asked for a clean sweep of the flat.
Jack was very quiet on the way to the airport. He figured Max was angry with him but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what had happened between him and Toni. He’d gone over everything in his mind, their conversation, the way she had responded to him and then turned around, completely around.
Max was more baffled than angry. That might come later but he was trying to keep it all together on the outside. Inside he was a mess. There were things that had to be done and he’d taken each task and run through it. Jack had to be got home with Rose. The boys had to be fed; Ludivine was cooking and playing nurse. Tuppy was trying to keep the boys away from Terry and Ludivine. She believed germs were present on her clothing and wouldn’t let them eat anything she cooked and both women moved warily around each other in the kitchen. Duflot took a turn running after the boys and he’d had a call from John, who was on his way over. He’d been grateful for the message from Maximus letting him know she was all right and with him but questions he had went unanswered. He hadn’t had time to sit back in that dark corner and wonder what the hell had happened.
Part 6
John had plenty of time to think on his way over the pond. He was ready to take Toni and shake the stuffings out of her. He also felt a little guilty for telling Max the things she’d said at the House. It looked to him like Max was trying to let her have it all and she didn’t need that. She needed guidelines, otherwise she was all over the place. He’d always thought that’s what happened between her and Terry. He let her do what she pleased. Damn it, would this plane never land?
Whether by magic or fate his plane landed in Marseilles the same time the flight from Rome landed. John wasn’t looking for her on a flight from Rome. He’d been in the air when the message from Maximus reached Max. He was standing in the line for customs when he spotted her pulling a small bag behind her at the end of the line.
“Toni…don’t you leave this area without me!”
Toni blinked…John. “I won’t.” She bit her lip. All must be upside down for him to come over.
He got through the line and waited for her, grabbing her by her arm and leading her out to the rental car area. He felt conflicted, wanting to hug and kiss her and shake her at the same time.
“Okay,” she said, pulling away from him while he waited for the car.
“No…it ain’t okay. You and me are gonna talk.” He picked up the keys and the car and drove them away from the airport. Toni was silent, looking out of the window, feeling the vibes coming from John.
As soon as he found a place to pull over he did and turned in the car seat to face her. “What the fuck are you tryin' to do?”
“Get my head straight.”
“Head straight…you reckon it’s straight now?”
“I don’t know. I went looking for answers and slept with Maximus.”
“You left Rose with Jack. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do. Max was going over to London and bring them home. That was yesterday. I’ve been flying since then so I don’t know what he found in London.”
“Max was…oh!”
“You think there might possibly be somebody else in your little world besides you?”
Toni looked at John. He was clearly angry with her. She’d never seen him like this. “I’m sorry, John, sorry to be such a disappointment.”
“Well, I am disappointed in you, Toni. I’ve never known you to be like this, so I don’t know what else to call it. Max is beside himself.”
Toni looked away, trying to fight back tears. “I’ve let everybody down. I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Want me to help you out a little there? You’re Max’s wife for all intent and purposes and that’s where you belong, with him, not running all over the God damned world.”
“I looked at myself in the mirror when I was with Jack and I didn’t know her anymore. What was she doing there?”
“You should have told her to go home instead of running off to Maximus. For God’s sake…Maximus? Toni, sweetheart, if we didn’t love you we wouldn’t give a shit what you did. You could go fuck whoever, but that ain’t how it is.”
“I don’t want to fuck whoever. I just want Max.…” The tears won and her voice broke.
“You know he’s got about all he can handle. He don’t need this kind of shit laid on him. It’s time you pulled yourself together and went home and acted like his wife.”
She looked down at Jack’s ring. “I’m Jack’s wife, too.”
“Bullshit, Toni, and you know it. We don’t live at the House of Four Seasons anymore. Sure we’re all still connected and always will be. We’re a circle that can’t be broken, not if we want to survive. But that magical marriage is in name only. You and I don’t live like married folks. It’s you and Max now and only you and Max. You can’t have it both ways. Either we’re out here in the world living like we do or you go back to the House and start over.”
“I can’t…I don’t want to do that. John, what do I do with it? Terry and I finally resolved our relationship and now…now it’s Jack. Maximus told me he hasn’t come out. He’s still living his movie and his stories.”
“I thought he had. We asked him when you got pregnant he said he didn’t know.”
“That’s because he didn’t.”
“How did you get pregnant then? Are you damn sure Rose is his and not Terry’s?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I think it’s because he took me back into his world. I got pregnant there.”
John looked over the steering wheel. “He fixed it so he took himself out of the running when you were going to take somebody out. He don’t want to come out.”
“No, he’s had the chance like Maximus. He doesn’t really want it. He has strong magic. That’s how he’s able to come and go like he does.”
“Well, then you know it’s hopeless. Whatever dreams you might have for him are just that. It ain’t never gonna happen, Toni. I know he loves you. I don’t doubt that but you’re not the be all and end all of his life. Now you think about Max. Where would he be without you?”
She let out a big sigh, “Oh, John.…”
“Yeah, well, you think about that. And I’ll tell you something else…I don’t want to hear about you going off with Jack again…or Terry. That shit has got to stop. It’s not fair to Max, who loves you with everything he’s got and is. You’ve got three children together to raise and they don’t need to be asking where’s mommy.”
“Where have you been?”
“You know where I stay but you don’t ever call on me. I’m just an old earthy kind of guy who’s gonna tell you what you probably don’t want to hear.”
“Take me home. I’ve got a lot of explaining to do. I’m so sorry,” she broke down again.
John fished out a handkerchief and handed it to her then pulled her over to him. “You know I love you, Toni, and I wouldn’t talk to you like this if I didn’t. Sometimes you just need a dose of reality, somebody to pull your feet back on the ground where they belong. I’ll take you home. You gotta be strong now and take whatever is coming your way.”
“I will. I deserve whatever is coming my way.”
“Don’t go in there like that. Just accept that you screwed up and do whatever it takes to straighten it out. I’ll be there for backup if you falter.”
“Thank you, for everything.”
“Buckle up.” He stared the car and pulled back out onto the motorway.
They noticed the debris along the roadside all the way to La Siroque. There had been trees down, damage to some buildings along the way.
Toni got out of the car and went to the front door and opened it. The house was quiet and it mid morning, unusual. She followed a sound from the kitchen. Ludivine was humming as she stirred a pot of chicken soup.
“You have come.” She looked up from the stove.
“Yes. Where is everybody?”
“Ah, Max is upstairs in the nursery with the boys and Tuppy. There was a problem with Jacky. Um, Monsieur Terry is still abed. Monsieur Jack is outside somewhere. I make the soup for Monsieur Terry.”
“What happened to Jacky?”
“He is a young boy who does not understand….” Toni was off, running up the stairs to the nursery.
Quietly she opened the door and heard Max’s voice reading a story to Jacky and Maxi. Jacky he had in his lap and Maxi sitting very close to him on the nursery sofa. Tuppy saw her at the door and came out into the hall.
“What’s going on with Jacky?” Toni asked.
“He became upset. You see his father is downstairs sick with the flu and he’s not allowed to go into his room and…well, ma’am, he was crying for his mother.”
Toni’s eyes filled and spilled over and she looked away for a moment. “I’ll see to him. And Rose?”
“Little Rose is having a nap in her crib. Mr. Max brought them back yesterday.”
“Thank you.” Rose was home. That’s what she heard.
She heard Jacky cry for another story and before he could answer she walked in. “Jacky.…” She held out her arms and scooped him up, hugging him and kissing him. Over his shoulder she caught Max looking up at her. He slowly closed the book and stood up.
Surprise, relief, fear, they all went across his face as he walked to her. “Welcome home,” he said and passed by her heading for the door.
“Max...?”
“We’ll talk later.” He went downstairs. John had brought in the bags, leaving them at the bottom of the stairs. He caught up with him in the dining area having a cup of coffee.
“Hey, Max. I, uh, ran into her at the airport in Marseilles and brought her home.”
“Was she buying a ticket or collecting luggage?”
“She was in line at customs.”
“Well, we’re all here now. I went to London and brought Jack and Rose here. Terry showed up sick with the flu. He’s upstairs in bed.” He sighed and sat wearily down, resting his face in his hands.
“Did you see her yet?”
“Only just. She’s up in the nursery. Jacky had a meltdown this morning.
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah, I guess so. He quit crying and flailing about.” Max reached for a cup from the tray and poured himself a coffee.
“You look done in, Max. It’s all over now. She’s back. It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it…is it ever?”
“Yeah, I think so. I think she had an attack of old-fashioned conscience. Guilt can be pretty heavy sometimes and she felt its weight in London. She didn’t want to be there, you know.”
“So going off to Maximus fixes it, eh?”
“Nah, I don’t think he helped her any. Helped himself, though.”
Anger flashed in Maxi’s eyes before he looked down, swirling his coffee. “This is going to stop.” He took a drink.
“You’re right. It is gonna stop.” John put his coffee cup down. “I gave her a good tongue lashing on the way here. She knows, Max, and she agrees. It ain’t what she wants anyway. She wants you and the kids.”
“Somebody needs to tell Jack and Terry that then. Tell them to leave her the fuck alone.”
“How’s Terry?”
“Sick as a dog. Ludivine’s his nurse. The rest of us are trying to stay away from him and stay well.”
Jack had been walking for over an hour, trying to clear his mind and decide what course he should follow from here on out. He could simply step back over the line, back into his world and leave them all. Soon they would be a distant memory. He need never to see any of them again. It would break the circle of magic that allowed them all to exist but for himself it would not matter. He would go back to his life, to what he knew and what he was. Toni would be back in Boston and her life would go on alone.
There was more to him than that.
He was back in the vineyards now, walking along a row of vines partially cut back, some still with a withered leaf or two hanging on. He thought the wind had died down. It had been a hellish flight from London the day before. Max said it was the mistral.
He came in the back door and was directed toward the dining area by Ludivine. John and Max were at the table having coffee.
“Good morning, John.” He reached for a cup.
“Jack, how are ya?”
Jack sat down. “I have been better.”
“She’s back.” Max looked across the table at him.
“Oh?” Jack looked down a moment. “Thank God. Is she all right?”
“She’s getting that way, Jack. Physically she’s fine,” John answered.
“Well, perhaps I should leave.” Jack took a sip from his cup.
“Not yet,” Max said quietly.
With Tuppy wringing her hands at the door, Toni left the nursery, carrying Jacky downstairs to Terry’s room.
“Now remember, we have to be quiet because he might be sleeping and he’s very sick and he can’t get well if we bother him, okay?” Jacky nodded his head. “And we can’t touch him.” She had explained it all to Jacky before she took him down there and Jacky didn’t want to get the flusick as he called it.
Toni opened the door. The drapes were drawn and the room was in semi-darkness. In a rumpled heap of bedclothes, Terry lay sleeping. Toni walked over so Jacky could get a good look and assure himself his daddy was really there. Silently they went back and let themselves out of the room.
Terry roused up a little at the sound of the door clicking shut. He didn’t know when he’d ever been this sick. Everything hurt; he couldn’t swallow, felt weak as a newborn babe. A doctor had been out to visit him the evening before and left some medications for him. Ludivine seemed to delight in spooning the noxious liquid down his throat, followed by capsules he had difficulty swallowing. However this morning she’d brought him a cup of hot tea with lemon and honey and a strong spirit that soothed his throat.
He hadn’t grasped the fact that Toni had been missing and in his state he wasn’t aware if she was there or not. All he knew was sleep and he gratefully reached out for it to take him in its arms again.
Toni took Jacky back to her bedroom and sat down and talked about being sick and what the flu was and that his daddy would soon be better and that Mommy was home and not going away again.
John looked across at Max, admired his control, for the man must be angry and upset. He knew he would be and probably yelling and screaming all over the place, but that wasn’t Max.
“What good am I here? I should leave you to get on with your lives.”
“Jack…I’ve got something to say but I’m only going to say it once with everyone present so there is no misunderstanding. Terry’s not well enough to hear anything right now; in a few days…you can stay that long.”
Jack narrowed his eyes. Yes, it was there, the storm gathering and laying off shore, clouds banking up, fury contained. Well, he’d weathered storms before and this one he welcomed.
Toni took Jacky back upstairs and spent some time with Maxi. He’d been very quiet, probably unused to seeing Jacky in a state. Toni gathered them both to her and loved them and sat down on the floor to play with them. They needed her and she needed them. Later Rose was brought in to join them on the floor. She shared their nursery lunch of sausages and cheese macaroni.
John paced about downstairs. Max had gone into the village for some supplies with Jack. He figured Toni was hiding out upstairs and he didn’t much blame her. Max was going to come down on her like a hurricane. He wondered if it were him would he do the same thing. He found a chair and sat down in the living room, looking around at the comfortable old furnishings. Maybe he already had come down on her; he’d never talked to her like he did on the way back from the airport.
Ludivine came down carrying a tray and popped her head in. “He ate the soup. I think he will live after all.”
“Well, that’s good. How’s the fever?”
“He’s still hot,” she rolled her eyes, “he is always hot.” She clicked her tongue and moved off toward the kitchen.
John laughed a little. Yeah, old hot Terry…he might get his flames doused a little.
Toni left the nursery when the boys went down for their afternoon nap. She took a shower and changed clothes, carefully applying a little make up to counteract the circles under her eyes. She dried her hair, took a deep breath and went downstairs. She found John in the living room. He’d moved to the sofa and was about to drift off for a nap when she came in. He smelled her scent and opened his eyes.
“Hey there,” he said and struggled up.
“Oh, were you about to go to sleep? Don’t mind me.”
“There was nothing else to do. You okay?”
“Yes. He’s not here?”
“Max and Jack have gone to the store with Ludivine’s list. Said the weather was so bad this week there wasn’t a market.”
“I always love going in on market day.…”
“You haven’t talked to Max, I take it?”
“No,” she sighed, “I’d swear we are avoiding each other.”
“Jack’s here, too.”
“Ah…okay.”
Without Toni between them Max and Jack got on fine. Jack was amazed at things in the grocery and Max took the time to explain different items to him. Food was always set before him on a plate and he’d not much interest as to how it got there. He recognized baby food now and formula. Diapers he eyed sideways as Max pushed down the aisle.
“I do hope Rose does not suffer any long term effects from my inept attempts.”
Max glanced over at him. “Babies are amazingly resilient. You did okay. She was of apiece when I took her from you. While you’re here with us, take all the time you want with her so that she’ll know you. She’s yours, you know.”
“I don’t know what to do with her.”
Max stopped the grocery cart and looked at Jack.
“She’s a girl…a boy I could see teaching to navigate through life, but a daughter…”
“You have daughters, two of them.”
“I do but I’m not much involved with them. Sophie teaches and guides them. I am but a purse.”
“That’s your own fault, you know. She calls me Dada and I will be her Dada since it will be me she lives with, but you…she will know who you are but you have to make an effort, Jack.”
“I know my duty to my daughter, Rose. I will not fail her.”
Max eyed him for a moment. “I don’t think you will.”
When they got home Toni and John were watching a DVD movie. Immediately Toni felt a nervous flutter in her chest.
They took the carrier bags into the kitchen. Normally Toni would have been in there helping to put away things but today it was Ludivine and Max. Jack went up to his room, perhaps not wanting to run into Toni just yet.
John watched her for a moment. “Are you afraid?”
“No, not afraid. I just…nothing.” She got up, paced around the room for a moment and went into the kitchen.
“Too late. It’s all done.” Max looked over at her while stashing the empty bags away. “Upstairs in the bedroom. We need to talk a bit.”
“Why the bedroom? Why does everything have to be…?”
“Okay, we’ll go down to one of the cellars then. It's cold down there.” He slipped his jacket back on.
Toni grabbed a sweater from the coat rack and followed him out the back door.
It just came to mind, “I guess if we had a woodshed…?”
“It’s not funny, Toni. I can find no humor in this at all.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be funny.”
He walked over, rubbing a hand along a cask and then dusting it off. “I thought we had found our way, Toni, but I continually seem to be getting the rug pulled out from beneath me. I don’t know what the bloody hell you want. I’ve given and given until there’s not much left to give. You want Terry and Jack and John and fucking Maximus, too, then go back to the House of Four Seasons. Go live your fantasy. I can’t do this anymore. This is not the kind of life I want. You walked out and left Jack with Rose. I think that’s about the lowest thing you’ve done yet. To borrow a phrase…I’ve been in a shitstorm here and I’ve had enough.”
“Sorry doesn’t seem to be enough to say. In all honesty I don’t want to go back to the House and live a fantasy life. I want you; you are the center of my universe, Max. I know what you were trying to do for Jack and me.…”
“What happened in London?”
“I had a look in the mirror and I didn’t like her. I didn’t recognize her and I wanted to know what she was doing in London with Jack instead of here with you. I needed to talk to someone and in the past Maximus guided me in the right direction. It was a mistake. I know that now.”
“A big mistake. He guided you straight to his bed. I’m not going to live like this, Toni. You need to have a good think. Go look in the mirror and figure out who you are. You’re either my wife or you’re not. As soon as Terry is well enough we’re going to have clearing of the air here so don’t go anywhere.” He started to go past her and she grabbed his arm. He turned to her.
“I’m angry with you.”
“I know you are, Max, with every right to be. I’m not going anywhere…ever.”
His hand went up to touch her face…he wanted…but he didn’t. He stopped the fingers from caressing her cheek and dropped his hand, but his eyes told her before he turned and left the cellar.
That look from him, that love he had for her after all she’d done, all she’d put him through, caught in her throat and came out in a cry. She stayed in the cellar until there were no more tears to shed. She walked up the steps out into the back yard and to the gardens behind the house. The wind was up again, blowing her hair around her face. She found herself at the little fountain and picked up a stone and threw it in the water. “That’s for luck,” she said. “God knows, I’m going to need it.”
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