MAGIC TIME AT THE HOUSE OF FOUR SEASONS

Continued from Renaissance In Firenze

By Atonia Walpole

(Picture creations also by Atonia)

Part 1

It took Toni twelve hours to clear out her Aunt’s townhouse in Boston. Most of the work had been done by her maid, leaving only family albums and Toni’s room upstairs. As she had done with her own apartment many years ago she called a local charity and they came and moved everything out. She locked the door and said goodbye to the townhouse.  She addressed the box to herself at La Siroque and took it to the post office, not much for all those years she’d been in school, but then who wants old valentines and school books. Her life had moved so far away from what she’d known here. She drove around past her old apartment building, the office where she’d worked and somehow without realizing it found herself on the highway leading out of Boston. In the back of her mind she knew where she was going.

It was late in the evening when she arrived at the House of Four Seasons. The gates opened for her and the lights were on in the house. She smiled a little at the wreath on the door and brightly colored mums in a pot by the door. She felt the warm welcome when she entered, the familiar feeling, scents from the potpourri in the blue and white bowl, scented candles spicy and warm. She went into the kitchen and found the pot of coffee ready and waiting.

“How did you know I was coming?” she said, taking a cup from the cupboard. “I didn’t know myself until a few hours ago.”

It had been years since she’d been here. She and Terry had come after Bolivia…Bolivia. She took a sip of her coffee and carried it into the living room, curling up on the sofa. A fire burned in the fireplace, cozy, loved and safe, relaxing.

She’d called Max after finishing up at the townhouse. He was going to bed in Bordeaux. Of course she hadn’t known she was coming here and so hadn’t told him. He probably wouldn’t like her being here alone but it was the safest place in the world for her. She heard the rain against the window and went over to close it, glad it had held off on her drive up from Boston. She looked around the softly lit room, so much of her life spent here. She put a hand on the mantle; married here in front of this fire, she and John. She could close her eyes and see it clearly, how the room had been decorated for the holidays, the scent of pine and candles…and John. The vows they’d made…”Oh,” escaped from her lips and she teared up. “Oh, John.”

“I shouldn’t have come…this place has so many memories for me, bittersweet now.” She wiped her eyes, went back to the sofa and picked up her cup. “Why…I don’t want to relive them…no, I’ve moved on in my life. Oh, my God, I’m talking to the House and it’s talking back!” She sat down on the sofa. “It wouldn’t be the same now I know how it all ends. Then I didn’t know. I only knew I loved four men, loved them equally and deeply. I was prepared and you know I was, to live out my life here. Eternity, yes, I know that’s a long, long time; it never ends. But I could have done it.

“I don’t know. I thought that’s the way it had to be and if I had to chose one then why live here any longer and drag it out knowing what I had to do? It would have made it harder on me and them, I think. I would have been looking for flaws, something to discount one over the other. No, I couldn’t turn something that had been so wonderful into that, a contest where you eliminate contestants. That last year here was…was awful. From the time Terry left.

“I thought I had, yes, Terry. He was very smart, yes, he was. He worked it good, covered all the bases. That’s what he does, you know. He’s a planner down to the last little thing, but having made a plan he has no control over how it goes in the field. He was lucky. I was lucky. At least I thought so for awhile.

“It might have been Bolivia; it might have been the time Jack was prisoner in Paris, maybe a combination of both. He was different after Bolivia and I…I failed him. Yes, I did. I failed him. Let me say it out loud. I did. I can play the blame game all I want but I know deep inside of me what happened there.  I know he used his element on me here. I didn’t at the time but, yes, I know he did and that wasn’t supposed to happen. It might have, how could you ever answer such a thing? If he hadn’t used fire in me, but you know it was more than a sexual thing with Terry. I loved him. I still do and we have a son together.

“Yes, a daughter, a daughter with Jack. Her name is Rose Aubrey. It wouldn’t have worked for him or me. Twice I’ve been back into his world, once in Paris and then when he came for me in England, the night Rose was conceived. There is no one like him but I would find it hard to go back to his age and he couldn’t live in mine, not for long. He has a family. How could I justify keeping him? I couldn’t, besides he took himself out of it. He knew as well as I did. Love him…oh, yes. Even today all he has to do is look at me and I go weak in the knees, so I don’t look, or try not to. I do see  him, not very often, but he came when Rose was born and we were at the cottage. I’ve not seen him since we went back to France. It may be difficult for him to be there. He is continuously at war with France. The cottage, yes, probably he would come if he could. It’s difficult, very difficult. You have no idea how. Of course I want to be with him but I can’t. Because of Max, because I love Max and am his wife now.

“We have a good life, Max and I, and our assorted children. We’ve just had our honeymoon in Florence. We were married here. He gave me the ring on my balcony upstairs and then the most glorious dinner and night out in the garden. I had the pavilion, remember, with the rose petals? It was our anniversary. Four seasons together and he gave me the ring. Ha! I didn’t even understand what it meant. We were at my Aunt’s house in Boston and he told her we were married. She’d seen the ring on my finger. That’s when it began to sink in and that was all the marriage we ever needed. Who could top that?

“Oh, yes, aboard Jack’s ship. I was pregnant with Jacky and Terry didn’t want his child to be a bastard in the eyes of the outside world. We still are legally married; we never divorced. Because it was only a piece of paper to satisfy anyone who might look into it. We were already magically married.

“I know, but I don’t live here any longer. I left to live in the outside world and I couldn’t come back here to live the life I had. I have children, three of them. Yes, it was because I couldn’t have them here. Only after the magic left us could I conceive. Well, I didn’t know that. John and I talked about it one time and Max talked me out of it. I still think he was right. This is not a place for children to grow up. They will have to live in the outside world and having four fathers is, um, not commonplace out there.

“Yes, I’ve found that out. We all still have some magical capabilities and that’s good. Really? Well then, why didn’t you prevent the wreck that killed Connie and nearly killed John? Oh, John, you protected but Connie wasn’t one of us. That was a horrible thing. Max suffered greatly over that.”

“Yes, I was but not because I wanted to be. I mean, I would have comforted him anyway but as it happened I had no choice because Terry gave me away.

“Yes, it does still hurt and he’s very sorry it happened, wishes he could change it, but there is no going back.

“Forgiven him? I’ve moved on…wel,l maybe it’s not the same thing, but that’s just how life is lived out in the world. We pair up with one person and I have with Max.

“I wish I could. I wish I could get over it, over him, but I don’t think I ever will. Yes, I do…I went to him in Paris not so long ago and, yes, it was all still there. I could have gone back to him then but I didn’t. I went home to Max. It’s where I belong. No,  I don’t- you wouldn’t have made it possible for me to leave if I belonged here. There were rules about the magic here and I followed them. So don’t come now suggesting that I’ve made a muck up of it all! I had help and I’d say we all had a hand in it. You allowed Terry to do what he did here and whether that played a part I don’t know but I do know I wronged Max here.  It should have been him. Everyone knew it but me. Even Terry has admitted that. You knew it! Why did you let it happen?

“Heart , my heart. If anyone knew my heart it was you. I suspect you could have controlled me if you’d wanted to. It was an experiment, wasn’t it? You know you and I have not always seen eye to eye, so to speak. You have some strange ideas about love, forgetting the human side and the emotions that come into play. Oh…remember Cort? Okay, I rest my case.”

Toni took her cup to the kitchen, not at all feeling strange talking to the House. She rinsed it out in the sink as she would have done at home then went upstairs to her bedroom, carrying a bag with her she’d left at the bottom of the steps. The room was just as she’d left it. A fire now burned in the grate and the room was softly lit with lamps. Her eye went to the stack of DVDs on the shelf next to the TV and she smiled. No movies for her tonight. She knew them too well. What if she’d chosen someone else? What would have happened to her? You can’t go back, she told herself, and walked over to the French doors that led out to the balcony. It was still raining but not so hard now. The sea beyond was a dark mass, a dark undulating, living mass. Somewhere out there on that magical sea, Jack.

And on that balcony John had said goodbye to her after his first season here. At that time they never thought to see each other again. She had been devastated. So deeply and hard had she fallen in love with him and it had lasted, lasted up until that last year when he’d walked out and left her. His wife and two boys meant more to him than she did.  She understood, and more so now did she understand now that she had her own children. When he came out of his movie, out into the real world to live as other people, he’d kept to his family and not sought her out. He was that kind of man and that’s why she’d loved him in the first place. Imagine being Donna and knowing him as she did and knowing he had spent his winters with her, if only in magic time. Still that’s a lot of ground to cover. That would be a hard pill to swallow and yet now they were friends. Donna was a better person, she thought. I’m not sure I could have accepted that.

John, so steady and sure and downright respectable, a good man. There was a time she thought he was the perfect man, the only one she could ever love but that was before Jack had come into her life and then Max. Maximus….

She pulled the draperies closed over the doors and turned to find a nightgown across the bed, not one she’d packed but one the House provided for her.

“Why was Maximus trying to reach me in Italy?” she asked the House but no answer was forthcoming. “He was, you know. Twice I felt him near. I never called him back here, not that I couldn’t love him but that I couldn’t hold him. I couldn’t, you know. He belongs to the ages, to something I can only glimpse in passing but nothing I could hold to me and say was mine. He’s like Jack that way, only for brief periods could I ever  have him. Jack…Jack loves me as I love him. I can’t imagine not…well, not seeing him from time to time.

“No, not like that, not anymore…because of Max, because I love Max and would do nothing to hurt him and it would if I went with Jack. It hurt Terry, especially as I became pregnant with his child.” She pulled the gown over her head. “See what love can do, get you in deep trouble.

“Yes, but you see we don’t live here anymore. It’s different now. There are no seasons, no one coming and another going. I live with Max all the time. No, it is not boring. It’s a commitment we made to each other.”

Toni turned down the bed. It was early yet but she was sleepy. It had been a long day and she was still operating partly on English time. “Wish me sweet dreams.” She turned out the light.

Part 2

She felt him in her subconscious and, thinking she was dreaming, gave into him but the feel of his beard on her cheek brought her digging her way out of her sleep. “Oh…!”

“Shhh,” he said against her ear, “it’s okay. It’s all magic, Toni, all magic, sweetheart.”

“No, no, you can’t be here….”

“Why? Don’t you want me here?”

“It’s not that I don’t want you…oh, John!” His mouth closed over hers.

“Um, oh, it’s not winter.”

“Tell that to the weatherman.”

“What?”

“Look outside.” John moved away from her and she rolled out of the bed and padded to the balcony doors, pulling the curtain aside, “No…it was raining when I went to bed.” She turned and looked at him lying on his side in her bed, his clothes on the floor in a pile. “John, what’s happening?”

“Magic. Come back to bed. You’re going to get cold.”

“Magic.” She slid back under the covers and  into his arms. “Is it really? I mean this isn’t really happening, is it?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know what to think. You feel real enough…oh, gosh…oh, do you!” She surrendered to him.

“It was always good for us, wasn’t it?” he asked, running a finger down her face.

“Yes, oh, yes, it was. I loved you so much.”

“Past tense?”

“I don’t know where I am or what’s going on. I do love you.” She kissed him. “It’s been a long time, John.”

“I know. Circumstances beyond our control, at least mine.”

“Rome.”

“Ah, I know. I was a wimp and I am so sorry. I can’t believe I refused you. The opportunity never came again to make it up to you. I’ve never stopped loving you, even though my life has taken a different route. You need to know I wouldn’t change anything. I couldn’t, Toni. I prayed you’d understand after a while though I handled it badly. I’m not good at things like that.”

“I did understand. The love for a child is a strong bond and you had Donna.”

“Still do. Yeah, it is a strong bond. I don’t want you to feel bad about Rome. You were just being Toni and I was being a dork.”

“No, you were being John, the man I fell in love with. You don’t owe me an apology for Rome or anything else.”

“Well, it’s bothered me, bothered me since I left here that day, left you on your own. It was a shitty thing to do and I know it but I had to get out of here and take what I had before it faded away. I knew  I couldn’t have you. You were already spoken for.” He kissed her forehead. “Think there’s any coffee?”

“I’m sure there’s coffee.”

Downstairs in sweats they poured coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. “I can’t believe there’s snow. It’s only September.”

“Not here it isn’t. Not sure what’s going on either but I found myself at the bottom of the stairs last night and I knew where I was going. Let’s just go with it.”

“Okay but in four days I have to be back in France, back home to meet Max.”

“No problem. Donut?”

“Fattening.”

“Do we care?” He grinned around the donut.

“No,” she grinned and took one.

“Almost like old times. Maybe we’ve been given a second chance to put things right. At least that’s what I’m going to do with you.”

“John, there’s nothing you have to put right.”

“Oh, yeah, there is for my own peace of mind, if not for yours.”

“Remember the first time we sat at this table? I felt so shy with you, thought you were so good looking and loved the sound of your voice telling me some story about hockey sticks.”

“Oh, God, was I boring! Ha, ha! I felt shy with you, too. That’s why I kept running my mouth. We got over that pretty quick, though.”

“Yes ,we did. Not a shy bone left in my body by the end of the day. You melted them all.”

During the day they retraced old steps, walking down to the pond, now frozen over. “You know I haven’t been on skates since that day you were going to teach me to skate.”

“That was a piece of work. Made me feel bad when I saw the bruises.”

“I’ve stood here during other seasons and closed my eyes and heard your skates on the ice. I have had the thought that none of us ever left here. Sometimes I thought I could hear Terry’s running steps along that path over there where he used to run in the mornings. Max in the boat and Jack’s scent in the house. Some essence of us is still here.”

“Well, you know I’ve heard, and I don’t believe in haunted houses, but I’ve heard that strong emotions tend to cling to places.”

“I don’t think of this place as haunted.”

“No, I didn’t mean to say that but there have been some strong emotions here.”

“Yes, joy, love, heartache, anger. I’ve experienced them all here. I never walk out on my balcony without thinking of the day you left here that first season. And yet that was the first place I ever set eyes on Jack, standing in the doors.”

“I guess we all made it out there from time to time.”

“You all shared this space with me and shared love. “

“We shared you. Strange, isn’t it? None of us would put up with that away from here, but here it was just how things were.”

“Max won’t put up with it. Terry did somewhat, not that he wanted to. I know that now. John, I think I’ve made a mess of it all. I was given everything and .…” She turned her head away, fighting tears.

“How have you made a mess of it, sweetheart? I don’t see it.”

“With Terry and Jack and Max.”

“Terry wasn’t your fault. He was all messed up at the time. He’d cheated on you.”

“I cheated on him, too, with Jack. I didn’t have to go with him but I did.”

“At the time I thought what he needed to do was get his head straight and told him as much. He wouldn’t listen to anybody. He was full of guilt. That was what his problem was. Sure, he was pissed at Jack, laid one on his jaw in Max’s apartment. But it was himself he was really pissed with and it just spiraled out of control.”

“I know about the girl in Australia. It surprised me but it wasn’t something I couldn’t have dealt with, forgiven him. My God, look what I’d done! Who was I to say anything? He’s a man, one that didn’t know he could have sex with anyone but me until Bolivia when he was raped. I don’t know how he could have thought that. He certainly wasn’t celibate in his movie life.”

“He didn’t have sex in his movie, wanted to but didn’t. Of course I don’t think he was celibate either. He was divorced. Hell, none of us did in our movies except Max.”

“You had two children so you must have, John.” Toni looked over and raised a brow.

“Yeah, well at least you didn’t see it. Wasn’t none of your business,” he grinned.

“You’re right.” She took his hand and they left the pond area.

“You don’t know how long you will be here?” she asked, leaning into him as they walked through the snow up to the drive.

“No, didn’t even know I was coming.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Yeah, me too. If nothing else just to let you know I still love you and I still want you, too, but I have to put that outside of me because I can’t have you and there’s Donna and the kids to think about.”

“That’s a part of you that I love as much as any other, your love and devotion to your family. You are a very special man, John Biebe.” She kissed him and he pulled her in for a deeper kiss.

“Here in this magic time I can have you and love you all I want to. Just don’t ever doubt that, Toni. Tomorrow, next week, next month, I’m still the same man standing here today. Are you cold?”

“A little. Yesterday it was fall. Let’s go in. I’ll bet there’s soup and hot bread and butter.”

“Oh, man, that sounds good!” John put his arm around her and walked to the house, stopping on the front steps to remove their snow boots.

Sure enough the House had a familiar aroma of hot vegetable soup and freshly baked bread.

She went into his room with him that night and they made love and she slept with him. But the next morning she woke in her own bed and he was gone.

 Part 3

John wasn’t the only thing gone the next morning. The snow was also gone and in its place daffodils and crocus and hyacinths lined the pathways and spilled out of the garden. She showered and dressed in what was laid out on the bed, a long blue skirt and white sweater. She slipped on the blue and white espadrilles and walked down the hallway. All the bedrooms were open, John’s, Max’s, Terry’s and Jack’s. It was Jack’s room she went into. It was as it always had been, shipshape and sparse. Back in her room she went to the balcony and there down below she saw the sails. Jack.

He met  her on the cliff path. “Toni!” He picked her up and kissed her.

“Is it spring today?”

“It would appear so. How are you, Pet?”

“Better now. I’m always better when you’re here. I’m not sure I know what is going on. Yesterday John was here and it was winter.”

“Ah, the House is having a party.” He took her hand and they walked up to the House.

Toni smiled sideways at him. That old feeling of excitement and awe filled her when she was with him. “It’s a magical party.”

“I should think so. It’s a magical place. How is my daughter?”

“She’s blooming, beautiful baby girl. When do you think you might come and see her?”

“I don’t know, Pet, and that’s the truth. I can’t go into France at the moment.”

“Not even in jeans and a tee shirt?”

“I dare not. Perhaps you might bring her to England to the cottage or to the flat in London. I do get to London quite often these days.”

“I’ll try and do that. Will you know?”

“I always know where you are. There now, not a thing has changed here,” he stopped at the top of the path, “except for us.”

“Yes, we have changed but not that much, I think.”

“You and I have.” He caught her eye and held it for a moment.

She went into his arms. “I know. I don’t admit it even to myself. I can’t.”

“There, Pet, don’t upset yourself.” He held her to him and rubbed her back. “I’ve not had breakfast. Do you think there might be a rasher of bacon left?”

“I’m sure of it!” She stepped back and wiped her eyes. “I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet.”

Their appetites satisfied over a huge breakfast, they left the kitchen and went into the living room. “How do you come to be here, Pet?”

“Max and I parted at the airport in London. I came to Boston to clear out a few things in my Aunt's townhouse and I found myself on the road here. I think I knew I was coming here. Max doesn’t know I’m here. He won’t be happy about it.”

“Why should it bother him?”

“He’s still struggling with insecurity where I’m concerned. I hate that it's that way because he has nothing to worry about. We were in Florence, had ourselves a honeymoon. And while we were there I almost was pulled back to Maximus. He was very near.”

“But you didn’t cross over, you held….”

“Yes, I resisted the pull. But it worries me that he would do that and of course Max became very angry about it, saying there was no where we could go save the moon without something or someone.”

A smile played about his lips. “I can understand his frustration. Are you still torn?”

“Are the scars that visible? You and I…Jack. Oh, I don’t know what’s to become of me! I have sworn to be faithful to Max and you know him. He bought me this wedding ring in Florence. I am married to him much more than I am to you or any of the others. Last night I lay with John and here you are today.”

“And I will have you tonight. We are on magic time here.”

“I know but that still doesn’t…when you came to us at the Cottage after Rose was born there was a moment when you looked at me and I knew.”

“I remember that moment silent words passed between us. I don’t want to cause you guilt, Toni. Let us lay it all out here now so we may know what course to take. We have a child and we will see each other and spend time in each other’s company. I want to be a part of her life.”

“Yes, of course you must.”

“I am also a part of yours. That cannot be denied. I love you, Toni, wedding rings aside. We are married for eternity, you and I. We are as much married as you and Max are. Terry, of course, you married twice, one a legal ceremony and one magical. You are bound to him, Toni, whether you want to be or not. I am glad to hear John has stepped up for he is bound to you, too. We all pledged ourselves to you, to love you and care for you forever. That doesn’t stop because Max doesn’t like it. He’s a part of this magical ring as are the rest of us. No more, no less.”

“But he is more he’s.…”

“Is he? Last year you were with Terry. I don’t mean to bring all that back up but d’ye see where I’m speaking from. We all love you. There are circumstances with John and myself that prevent us from taking our rightful place with you.”

“You’re both married.…”

“Yes.”

“I had to take one of you out as my life mate. Those were the rules, the magical rules.”

“Yes, that is true but things have changed. We did not expect to leave our movies to come out into the world as we have. It was Terry’s need that brought us out one by one.”

“Does that mean I wasn’t enough for him?”

“It simply means he needed us and we were there for him as brothers should be. However, we came out with our feelings for you intact. And there lies the problem for you still have those same feelings for us.”

“Yes, I do. I’ve tried not to. Right now Max is the center of my world. I need to pour it all into him and last night I….” She bit her lip.

“As I said, you are on magic time here. Nothing that happens here has any bearing on your life when you leave unless you want it to. We will always love each other, Pet, and trying to deny that or beating yourself up over it is only going to make you miserable and unhappy.”

“I did a lot of that after I went with you in London. I blamed myself for the breakup of my marriage to Terry. The time I spent with you in Paris and then right after that, the day you brought me back I seduced Max. It was like I’d lost complete control of myself. Max was being so.…”

“I know what he was being. I was there. He thought himself better somehow, chaste if you will. You gave him a chance and he went with it. That’s all he needed.  Do you  think Terry didn’t know about that?”

“I know he did. He knew.”

“Lord, Pet, none of us are perfect. Don’t judge yourself by the morals of others. We aren’t like them. We come from a different place. My brothers know this although they may at times try and deny it. You might remind them once in awhile.”

“You think I’m not such a bad person?”

Jack looked at her a moment and drew her to him. “No, I think you are wonderful, beautiful and loving and worrying over something that you should not even consider. Hold your head up, Pet, and look the world in the eye. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I don’t know why I can talk to you this way, tell you things I could never bring myself to say to Max.”

“I don’t judge you, Pet. We are what we are and make no apologies to anyone.” He lifted her chin and kissed her.

“I don’t know what is going on here, if it’s real or not. I only came to spend the night.”

“I’m glad you did. Have we settled you down?”

“Yes,” she smiled a little. “Thank you.” She touched his face, running a finger over his brow. “I do love you and you know it. If things had been different for all of us.…”

“Don’t say it for it isn’t true. I do know how you feel about me and it is returned to you but you know and I know it wouldn’t have worked for us. Long absences, the trials of back and forth in time. No, Pet, it would never have worked. Even now it pains me to be apart from you and our child. I can do nothing about it.”

“I know and I do understand but still…it’s strong what I feel for you. I wonder sometimes if you know how strong my love is.”

“My dear, when I came to myself outside of Paris and you were there, I knew. You saved my life and put your own in peril.”

“Yes. I, um, was in your room earlier this morning. It’s still the same.”

A twinkle came into his blue eyes. “Are you suggesting we go and have a look at it?”

“There’s never enough time with you. There’s been so little but it means so much.” Toni buried her face in his chest.

His fingers were entangled in her hair and he began to finger comb it. “That’s why each time we come together is so special. I tried to make it so the last time to try and make up for Paris.”

“Paris was not altogether unpleasant, some parts of the trip down the river, but after you were on the mend at the inn it wasn’t bad at all. You had me so worried. In my world you could have been given medicines to help you. All we had was a mustard plaster.”

“But it worked, the plaster.”

“Yes, it did or you were just too stubborn to succumb.”

“I knew in my inner mind that you were there. I had to get well. I don’t know how we’ll manage, Pet, in the years to come but I will tell you this, given the chance I will have you beneath me, Max be damned.”

“Oh, don’t say that!”

“Better to say what is true than to pretend otherwise. I won’t pretend I don’t love you. He must understand that. He can’t wish it away nor can he wish Terry away and neither can you wish him away. You do still love him, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Don’t be afraid of it.”

“I was a little afraid of Maximus when we were in Italy. I don’t know what was going on there.”

“Perhaps he had need of you.”

“And I denied him…?” she frowned.

“He didn’t pick the best of times, did he?”

“No, he didn’t. I never had him back here.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I could no more hold him than you.”

“You’re doing a pretty good job of holding me right now.” He lowered his lips to hers.

Part 4

As before, the next morning he was gone and Toni was in her bed again. She went to the balcony, no sign of a sail. He must have left early, she thought and turned to look at her clock. It was only seven.  She took a shower and went downstairs for coffee. Glancing out of the kitchen window, she noticed the trees. It was autumn again and then she noticed him on the bench by the cliff. She took a breath and held it. Oh, no! She turned away from the window. “Why?” she asked the House but received no answer.

She poured another cup of coffee and opened the back door. He didn’t turn until he was almost to him.

“Hey, honey.” He took the cup from her.

“Terry, you’ve been for a run?” She sat down beside him.

“Yeah, um, found myself on a familiar path.” He took a sip of the coffee and looked at her. “What are we doing here?”

“I’m not sure I know. I came to spend the night after clearing out my Aunt’s townhouse in Boston. You’re my third visitor.”

“Anybody I’m related to?”

“Yes.”

“Max know you’re here?”

“No.”

He cocked a brow and glanced at her.

“I know. How’s Jacky?”

“Doin’ fine when I left him. Anna’s taking him to the zoo with a group of other kids today.”

“She’s really good with him.”

“Yeah.”

“John said he thought maybe the House was giving us a chance to right some wrongs.”

“There’s not enough time in the world to right all our wrongs. There are too many between us. I’ve done a lot of soul searching since our little interlude in Paris. Being with you is a tease, Toni. I think I made myself clear. I want you back…bottom line."

“Yes, I know I know exactly what you mean.  If I was an alcoholic you’d be the drink in front of me. See how my hands shake?”

“Drink me.”

“Don’t.”

“This is the House’s doings. I wouldn’t have come on my own.”

“But you’re here alone with me where it all started.”

“The alpha and omega or in our case the beginning of the end.”

“I’ll never get over you.”

“Don’t try… come back.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Tell the world to go fuck itself and come back to me. We don’t have to stay in England. We can live anywhere, anywhere you won’t run into someone you know.”

“That’s heartless! I could never do that to Max.”

“He’d do it to me. Don’t kid yourself about him.”

“I remember all your warnings about how ruthless he is but you can bet your ass he would never give me away. Never without a word prior to just turn me around and say go to him you’re his now.”

“You hate me for that, don’t you?”

“No, I could never hate you, Terry. I love you and that’s why it hurts so bad, so bad I can hardly think about it, hardly believe it actually happened.”

“I tried to explain….”

“I know you did and I also know you had a moment of insanity, did something stupid and now we have to live with it. Somehow I’ve got to find a way to forgive you. I’ve tried. I’ve even probably said the words and if I did I lied. I haven’t forgiven you, not in here in my heart.”

“You said you still loved me. Was that a lie, too?”

“No, that’s the truth.”

“Then there is hope.”

“Don’t hope that I’ll come back to you.”

“I can hope that you will forgive me.”

She turned and faced him. “There is hope for that. Help me to forgive you.”

He set his cup down on the ground and turned to her, a little wary at first, then he took her in his arms, burying his face in her hair. “Toni.…”

 They parted after awhile. “It's okay for me to love you...still. We’re bound together, Terry.”

“In more ways than you know.”

“I know all the ways that you’re a part of me and I’m a part of you. Two souls as one…remember?”

“I remember.”

“I wondered after…I wondered how one could live without the other. How could I know which one had ceased to be? I thought it was mine.”

“No, I lost mine.  When you came to Paris to meet me I had hope for us again but when you left I knew I would never have you back.”

“Never is a long time.”

“Yes, it is…eternity.”

“We’ve tried so many different approaches, tried to get past this elephant that’s always in the room. The elephant’s not going away.”

“No, it‘s not going away. The simple fact is I love you beyond reason, Toni. How I could hurt you, I don’t know. Maybe I was insane. It seems a good answer for lack of another. We had it all, luv, and I trashed it.”

“It wasn’t all you. I helped. I’ve been doing a little soul searching myself lately. I’m not going to apologize for Jack. I love Jack but no more than you, no more than John or Max.  I had it all right here at this House. I should have left it alone and stayed here but I didn’t. When I walked out of this place I never thought to see any of them again. Jack told me once in trying to explain how things worked, that one would rise above the rest and I would know. I pushed it and you made sure you were going to rise. You did all the right things and said all the right things. You knew exactly what buttons to push.”

“I loved you, Toni. It had to be me. I couldn’t let anyone else have you.”

“You put your fire in me and kept it stoked.”

“Damn right I did and you liked it! You liked that edge.”

“You’re an addiction.”

“You’re still hooked.”

“I should have stayed here. I didn’t give it enough time.” She looked down. When had he taken her hand in his, laced his fingers with hers?

“We’re here now.”

“I want to forgive you. I want to get rid of this big lump in my throat so I can live because if I don’t get rid of it, it’s going to choke me to death one day.”

“Oh, luv, what can I do? I’ll do anything for you.”

“I don’t know…know how to fix it.” She began to cry. “It’s gotten too big, gone too far. There’s Max and the children, Rose and Maxi. Maxi is mine, too. There is no easy fix. If there was I would have found it.”

He leaned his head against hers. “No easy way out. All the exits are blocked. Let me love you.”

“I can’t stop you.” He was too close and she didn’t stop him. He kissed her for a long time.

“Are you hungry?” she asked when they finally parted.

“For you.”

“For breakfast.” She stood up and he pulled her to him, leaning on her breast. “Jack said we’re on magic time here, that what happens doesn’t touch our lives outside of this place unless we want it to.”

“You believed him?”

“Yes…you know what magic time is.”

“What stays in Vegas…?”

“There’s a lot that needs to stay in Vegas.”

“I won’t tell him.”

“We’re all connected, Terry, all of us. You always knew. What makes you think he won’t?”

“Why are you here? Why didn’t you get on a plane and go home from Boston?”

“I don’t really know. I had to come.”

“The House wanted you here for a reason. That reason probably wasn’t to sleep with all of us.”

“Maybe it was. Maybe it was to remind us who we are and where we came from and that we are all bound together. Nothing has changed and everything has changed.”

“We tried to break the circle. The House don’t like that.”

“Could be. Are you hungry?”

“For you.”

Toni cooked his breakfast the way she used to do when he was at the House. He ate pretty much in silence, glancing up at her now and again. Toni nibbled on toast and pushed eggs around in her plate.

“We aren’t fun, are we?” she finally said.

“Sorry?”

“I know you have a wicked sense of humor but together…we aren’t fun. Do you feel it in the air between us, tension? We’re too intense together, too aware of each other.” She looked away from him.

He twirled his fork around in his plate. “Sexual tension.”

“Yes, all my senses are alive right now with you sitting here across from me calmly eating your breakfast.”

“You think I’m calm…I’m about to jump out of my skin.”

“It was always like that, wasn’t it, that complete awareness of each other. I know it was here, when we were here. Even when we were arguing in London…that awareness, that knowing, was always there. It’s as though you’re the other half of my body. I can feel you.”

He lay his knife and fork down. “In our case two halves don’t make a whole.”

“What do they make? Why didn’t it work for us? All the garbage aside…just you and me… why?”

“Maybe we’re too much alike. We eat each other up.”

“Jack once told me I was the sun and you are fire.”

“That’s about it. I think he was right. We’re too close. We can’t even be in the same room together without sparks flying.”

“Like now.…”

“Like now.”

“We were always on a high, burning…like a comet racing across the sky…racing to its end.”

“Putting all the garbage aside, and it was/is garbage, Toni; I still love you and, yes, we might burn each other when we come together but it doesn’t stop me from wanting that heat, from needing that heat. We haven’t burnt out.”

“No, the fire is still there. We’re just burning separately now.”

He looked down and then up, meeting her eyes. “What if a wildfire breaks out, uncontrollable wildfire, lit by the sun and fueled by desire…can you take it?”

“…to the edge and back.”

His eyes softened. “I’ll take you there.”

She didn’t know who had moved first but they were in each other’s arms in the middle of the kitchen, his kisses fueling the fire in her veins. They made it to the living room sofa.

Throughout the day they came together and talked and loved. It was late in the evening; they’d been outside until the cold wind drove them back into the library by the fire. That’s when she noticed it was gone, the lump in her throat. She could love him but they both understood now how it was between them.

“You’ve forgiven me, haven’t you?”

“Yes, somewhere along the way today that ice cube melted in my throat. I don’t know why it took me so long. I had to be with you…we’ve talked more today than we have in the past three years. What will you do?”

“Go back to work, pick up Jacky and take him to the corner store, maybe pick up a beef burger for him. He likes MacDonald’s.”

Toni smiled, “Everyday stuff. You’ll be gone in the morning. That’s the way it seems to work.”

“Yeah. I’m glad we’ve had this time, magic time or whatever it is. We needed it to clear the air.”

“I can look at you now without wanting to cry.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yes, it is. I can love you now. I couldn’t before because of the big lump in my throat, the hurt. You’ve healed it.”

“Wasn’t me. I don’t have any special powers. I can love you, too, and one day maybe I’ll be able to leave you alone but not today, not today.” He caressed her breast and left a trail of kisses down her neck.

Sometime in the night he slipped away and left her arms empty.

Part 5

The wind had been fighting her French doors for some time and with one big gust they burst open, blowing rain into her bedroom. She lay on her back a moment and then got up and closed the doors. It was morning but with the rain her room was still darkened. She tried to see the trees. What season could this be? But the rain was coming down so hard she couldn’t see the cliff from her windows. A real nor’easter was in progress.

After a shower and still dressed in her robe she found a tray with coffee in her room. “Thanks,” she spoke to the House.

Later she dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and came downstairs. The House was empty but she knew he would be gone. “I should leave today.” She walked to the front windows and looked out. The drive was awash. “After it quits raining, of course.” Her purse sat on the hall table with her cell phone but it was useless here. She couldn’t call Max unless she left the property.

In the kitchen hot oatmeal and cinnamon toast awaited her. “Just what I wanted,” but the House was strangely quiet.

All morning the rain and wind battered the house. Toni cozied up in the library and tried to read. She put on some music but she was discontented and couldn’t settle. The events of the past two days: John coming to peace with himself, Jack laying it out for her, and Terry all crowded her mind.  Forgiveness…the hardest gift to give but she had forgiven him and a certain peace had settled within her spirit.

After awhile it was the absence of rain that caught her attention but still the wind blew in hard from the coast, the sea full of foam. Chocolate chip cookies appeared and she absently nibbled as she walked through the house up the stairs and into the bedrooms, touching things, breathing in clothes hanging in the closets and wardrobes. They were still here, she thought, somewhere just out of sight. Back in her own room she went to the jewelry box and opened it. There were the three rings she’d left. Terry’s ring was at home at the Chateau in a music box he’d given her. She took them out and slipped them on her fingers next to the rings she already wore. “Gaudy, aren’t I?” She laughed a little and then put them in a little box to take with her. Max would…Max…the longing for him was something physical, tangible. It filled her and she went into his room.

He found her there three hours later asleep, hugging his old bathrobe. He walked to the window and looked out. Sky might clear before night, possibly get a flight out tomorrow. She made a little sound and he went over and carefully sat down on the side of the bed.

“Who’s that imaginary fellow you have there?”

She came awake instantly. “Max…oh Max!” She struggled up and threw her arms around him. “Where have you come from?”

“It’s a long story and a long flight. Couldn’t land in Boston. I had to go to Bangor and get a puddle jumper and, believe me it was, then I rented a vehicle in Portsmouth and drove down in the worst storm I’ve ever driven in.”

“You’re not here on magic time?”

“I’m lucky to be here at all! Eastern Standard Time, I think.” He kissed her and had a look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m glad you’re here. How did you know?”

“Um, well, I was in Marseilles and suddenly I honed in on all things Toni and I knew you weren’t at the Chateau. I know we said four days but still there was some little lurggy in the back of my brain and I fished it out. I knew you were here.”

“I was going to leave today but with the weather.…”

“The airports are backed up for two days at least in missed and delayed flights. Logan was closed.”

“What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

“Oh, but I’ve been here for four days.”

“No, you haven’t. Only three.”

She shook her head. “I’ve been on magic time here.”

“I know.”

“You’re not angry with me for coming here?”

“No, it didn’t surprise me at all. It’s good to be back here. Too bad the weather’s not nice.”

“It’s not summer…?”

“No, a very wet autumn day.”

“I’ve had visitors.” She looked up at him, wide-eyed.

“I thought maybe you had. It’s okay. I’ve come to take you home, you and all your God damned baggage, which includes my three brothers,” he grinned.

“Max.…”

“They have each communicated with me in their own way. There are no secrets, love.”

“No…not between us. Well then, I guess you know how much I love and appreciate you, how glad I am to see you.”

“I assumed you do but you did not call me.” He touched her nose.

“I’m sorry it’s been.…”

“Magic time?”

“Um hm.  I thought about it this morning but I couldn’t get out. I’m so glad you’re here.”

He laid her back on the bed and kissed her. “Can we, um, get rid of him?” He tossed his old bathrobe on the floor.

“He was very comforting.”

“But now you’ve got the real thing…unless, of course, his limp arms are more to….”

“No,” she grinned and hugged him, “I want the real thing and I have it in you.”

Making love with Max was different. There was passion but also humor, sweetness and love in its purest form. His wind fanned her fires until it consumed them both.

Early the next morning they got up and walked on the beach to see what the storm had washed up, hugging each other in the stiff breeze, stopping for a kiss or to inspect something, Max tried to hand her something but she giggled and ran from him. They played for over an hour until he said it was time to go and get ready to leave. He had reservations out of Portsmouth and they had a drive ahead of them.

“I’m taking the rings,” she said, throwing things in a bag.

“May I see them?” Max took the little box over to the balcony doors. He held Jack’s ring up to the light. “This is really lovely. I suppose he just….” He snapped his fingers.

“Yes, he did, and we were out at sea away from the House.”

“You should wear it.” He met her eyes. “Put the other one away you have on.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Toni slipped off the ring Jack had bought her in Virginia and put his wedding ring on her finger, the large square-cut aquamarine that danced in the sun and reflected the colors of the sea.

“You have his child.”

Her eyes filled. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Are we about ready to roll?”

“I think so,” she sniffed and moved to her bag but he caught her and held her close.

“I know I’ve been an ass sometimes. I can’t help it. Just try and overlook me when I start braying.”

“I love you, Max.”

“I know you do. It’s all in here. I just had to get it up to my brain. I don’t own you. I’m allowed to love you and make you part of my life as I am yours. We’re okay, Toni, you and I…we’re okay.” He kissed her and then picked up her bag, giving her bum a pat. “Let’s go.”

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