The Most Important Thing In Comedy
The direct continuation of Trouble Down Under
By Atonia Walpole
(Picture creations also by Atonia)
Part 1
Max picked up the phone and called Toni’s house before he left his office at the bank Only Toni wasn’t home, and the nanny informed him she was off with the Captain until tomorrow, possibly the next day. That shocked him into silence. Blubbering something to Anna, he hung up the phone. Off with the Captain and Terry in Australia and Jacky left with the nanny?
This didn’t sound like Toni. He tried her cell phone and got her voice mail. “Call me. This is Max.” He’d made it a point to call her several times a week since Terry left on his training mission, just checking on her to make sure she was okay. He hadn’t expected she’d take off with Jack Aubrey.
He fiddled with his glasses a moment and checked his watch. Time to go. One thing he was not going to do was work past the prescribed hours. Unlike his movie character, he had a life outside the confines of the bank. He just made the train at Charing Cross that would take him to the cottage in Hartley Wintney. He still puzzled over Toni…and who even knew Jack was in town? Gone overnight….with Aubrey? He shifted in his seat and looked out of the window. Nothing to see but the back end of London as the train made its way out of the city. It bothered him that she’d go off with Jack, especially…overnight.
“Hello, darling.” Connie gave him a kiss at the station and handed him Maxi, who was now five months old and becoming aware of the world around him.
Max carried his son to the car and deposited him in his car seat. “Has he had a good day?”
“Yes, he has. Good little boy today. He had a lolly at the market.”
Max smiled at her. She was even picking up the lingo. He’d been so afraid Connie wouldn’t settle at the cottage but so far it seemed to be going well. Once a month they made the flight to Provence for a long weekend so Connie could visit with her father and him with Maxi.
At the cottage he went upstairs to change and came back down to the good smells of dinner keeping warm in the oven. Maxi was in his high chair having his baby pap. Max went into the dining room, made himself a drink and carried it through to the kitchen.
“Have you talked to Toni lately?” he asked, taking a stool at the high counter.
“Let’s see. I spoke to her on Wednesday. She seems to be weathering Terry’s absence well.”
“Not so sure about that. I tried calling her before I left the office and found she’s gone off with Jack…overnight.”
“Oh?” Connie half smiled and spooned another mouthful into the waiting Maxi. “When did he arrive?”
“I have no idea. He didn’t contact me. She’s left Jacky with Anna…overnight.”
“Anna didn’t say where they’d gone?”
“I don’t think she knew. Might be gone two nights she said.” He took a drink from his glass.
“Something important must have come up. She doesn’t usually leave Jacky.”
“Overnight….”
“Shouldn’t worry, Max. You know Jack will take care of her.”
“Yes, I’m sure he will.” He slowly sipped his drink.
The next afternoon he called Toni’s house again. Wiggins answered. Toni was upstairs with Jacky taking a nap. Max checked his watch. It was half past three. Well, at least she was home and without Jack. He finished up in his office at the bank and decided to pop around to check on her.
Anna let him in. Toni was still upstairs. Max hesitated only a moment before going up to her bedroom.
Toni was awake, drowsily lying across her bed, thinking about Jack and his audacious move to come and steal her away for a night. She sat up when her bedroom door opened.
“Max…?”
“Toni, are you okay?”
“Of course I am. What are you doing here?”
“Checking up on you.” He walked over and sat on the side of the bed.
“Well, as you can see, I’m fine.”
“You went off with Jack…overnight.”
“Um, yes, I did.” She stared at him, seeing the disapproval in his eyes. “It was a spur of the moment thing. He, um, came and got me and took me away for the night.”
“Yes, it was rather a surprise. I called yesterday and the nanny told me. I just thought it…well…”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? There’s something about you…different.”
“Now you are imagining things, Max.” Toni swung her legs over the side of the bed.
Max looked into her eyes, letting his trail over her. There was something…he sensed it,but he let it go. “I thought you might want to come to the country for the weekend.”
“Yes, I think I’d like that and I know Jacky would. Thank you.” She smiled up at him and took his hand. “Are you angry with me?”
“No, I could never be angry with you, at least not for long,” he smiled and kissed her fingers. “Have you heard from Terry?”
“Not since he left Sydney for the bush. Three more weeks and he’ll be home.”
“Good. He needs to be home.” He looked at her again. “What happened to Jack? Where is he?”
“He was in London today. He brought me home. I’m not sure where he is now. Why?”
“I just thought it odd that he would dash in and out like that, not a word from him.”
“He came for me yesterday around noon.” Toni got off the bed and walked over to her dresser where a book of poetry bulged a little with the rose pressed inside.
“Where did you go?”
Toni turned to him. “Do you really want details, Max?”
“No, I don’t think I do.” He got off the bed and walked toward the door.
“Max, I’m sorry if this upsets you and I know it does. He took me to an inn on the River Thames outside London a ways…in his world.”
“He took you into his world, the son-of-a-bitch! He can’t do that! Who the fuck does he think he is?”
“He’s Jack,” she answered and walked toward him. “Let’s go downstairs… a cup of tea?”
Max stared at her. “No, I don’t want a cup of tea…Toni” He pulled her to him and held her close. “The next time Terry takes off on one of his missions I’m taking you home with me. You can’t be trusted, love. Will you tell him?”
“I may. You think he’s going to be upset with me and he probably will be, but more so with Jack. Don’t you be upset with me, too. This won’t happen again. It won’t.”
Max sighed, “Yes, it will. He’s only to show up and you’re off. I wish I had that power over you.”
“You know why we can’t give in to that. If you used your power we’d lay waste to everything and everyone.”
“I think about it, but that time has come and gone.” He kissed her and opened the door. “Come for the weekend…?”
“I will…thanks, love.” Toni wrapped her arms around herself. Dear Max. She walked back to her bed and sat down, head in hands, giving way to tears. “I don’t want to be me.” Connie’s words came back to her she’d spoken the day they actually became friends. She looked up. The room seemed so empty without Max, without Terry, without Jack. She went into the nursery and found her son with Anna, putting together a puzzle. The dreamlike state she’d been in when Jack brought her home was gone now and in its place was reality.
Part 2
Toni went down to the cottage for the weekend, went back home and packed up clothes for her and Jacky and came back and stayed for three weeks. It was Connie and Max’s idea. Neither of them liked her being on her own and Max secretly was worried Jack would pop back round.
Max had just come in on the train. Connie brought him home and Jacky met him at the door, taking his hand and bringing him through the house.
“What is it Jacky?” he asked, holding Jacky’s hand through to the back door.
“Mummy’s sick,” he said and Max moved a little faster through the door, finding her doubled over in one of the iron chairs, throwing up.
Connie came running out to see and rushed over to Toni.
“Toni, what is it ? Was it the chicken, do you think?”
Toni was embarrassed to be found in such a state. “I don’t think so. You’re okay. I’ll be okay. Just a passing…I was nauseated, dizzy like.
“Max, get her a glass of water,” Connie directed.
“Should I call a doctor?” he asked over his shoulder.
“No, no…I’m feeling better already,” Toni said.
Max brought her a glass of water and she sipped it slowly. Jacky leaned against Max’s leg, thumb in his mouth, looking at his mother. Max picked him up. “Mummy’s fine. See, she was thirsty.” He patted the boy’s back.
“Let’s get you upstairs, have a lie down.” Connie took her arm.
“I’m really okay…”
Connie got her tucked in bed then sat down on the side of it. “What do you think it is, Toni? Stomach virus of some kind?”
Toni looked up at her. “Could be.”
Connie caught her look. “Are you…pregnant?”
“No…I can’t be.”
“On the pill?”
“No…I, uh…no.” Toni fingered the sheet and looked back up at Connie. “Would you do me a favor and go to the pharmacy and get me a pregnancy test? Don’t let Max know. I just…I have to know for sure.”
“Of course I will. I’ll go now. Toni, what’s wrong?”
“Everything….” She started crying. “Connie, I had my period the day Terry left. I should have had another this week.”
“You could still start. You’re not that late.”
“I’m not going to. I just know it and I don’t know how it could be.”
“I’ll go get that test. You may be getting all upset over nothing.” Connie left her and went to her room, got her purse, down the stairs and told Max she would be back in a minute. Just going for some meds at the pharmacy.
Later Connie waited in the bedroom while Toni went to the bathroom. She came out and showed it to Connie. “Oh, Toni!”
“What am I going to do?”
“But you and Terry wanted more children.”
“Connie…it’s not his. It’s Jack’s.”
“But how…he can’t…”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think he could father a child. He hasn’t come out of character. All those years we spent at the House of Four Seasons, we never used anything. They weren’t able to. I never even had my monthly. The first one I had I got pregnant right after with Jacky. Oh, my God…Terry!”
“Do you want me to send Max up?”
“I don’t want him to know.”
“Well, he’ll have to know, Toni.”
“He’ll go after Jack. I know him.”
Connie patted her back. “We won’t let him.” She went down to get Max.
Toni knew right away that Connie hadn’t told him anything.
“How are you feeling now?” He sat down beside her on the bed.
“I feel okay, Max. There’s, um, something you have to know.”
It hit him right then what it was about her that was different. She didn’t have to tell him. “You’re pregnant.”
“Yes, yes, I am, Max.”
“This makes you upset? You didn’t want to be pregnant?”
“Well, not this way. It’s not Terry’s baby.”
“Bloody hell!” He stood up and walked around the room. “Aubrey….”
“Yes.”
“How the…how could he? He hasn’t come out?”
“I don’t know.”
“The bloody bastard!”
“Max, please don’t.”
“I’ll save him for Terry…Toni….”
“I know what you think of me but please don’t go after Jack. He didn’t know.”
“How do you know what he knows? The son of a bitch doesn’t come around often enough to know anything about him! I’ll kill him!”
“No, you won’t,” Connie said from the doorway.
Max brushed by her and went downstairs. He was fuming, pacing around, and summoned Jack. It built in him like a storm, clouds gathering, wind beginning to pick up, and the atmosphere…electric.
Connie entered the lounge where he was. “Max, don’t make it any worse for her than it is. If you go after Jack now that’s not going to solve anything.”
“Just…stay out of it, Connie.”
“No, I won’t. She feels bad enough and she’s got Terry to contend with in three days.”
“What do you expect me to do…nothing? Terry coming home after a month on the other side of the world and to what? Jack promised him after that episode in France this would never happen again. He came and took her into his world and that’s simply not on, Connie. Terry didn’t send him. Hell, the bloke doesn’t know a thing about it!”
“Max, she could have come back. She has that ability. Jack taught it to her in Rome. you told me that yourself. She wanted to be with him. Obviously she had no idea she would get pregnant.”
‘So you’re taking her side?”
“If we’re choosing up, yes. I would expect you to do the same. Leave Jack to Terry.”
“Bollocks!”
“I’m going to feed the children. I’m sure Jacky’s tired of the playpen. You calm down.”
He couldn’t calm down. The clouds were beginning to darken.
Across the pond John Biebe was docking his fishing boat. After tying it up he stood on the dock. Jack had been summoned by Max. He pondered this a minute, knowing Terry was in Australia. Something was up. He left the catch to be divided up by his neighbor, pulled out his phone and called Max.
“Hello?” Max barked into his phone.
“Well, don’t take my damn head off.”
“John…”
Part 3
Max arranged for them all to meet at his flat in London. John arrived that morning and Jack was already in London. Terry came in on the 3:00 flight and Max met him at the airport. John knew what was going on but neither Jack nor Terry knew anything.
“Wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Terry said, exiting the gate at the airport.
“Toni’s down at the cottage.”
Terry started off in the direction to claim his luggage and go through customs. He was beyond tired and sleepy. “Okay, why is she at the cottage and not here at home?”
“It’s rather complicated, Terry, and this is not the place to discuss it. We’ll be going to my flat from here.”
Terry looked at him, taking in the stress on his face. “If it involves Toni, it is.”
“No, it isn’t. Let’s get your gear and get out of here.”
Terry didn’t move. “I talked to her two days ago. What’s happened since then?”
“Nothing since then. She’s…okay, Terry.” That was a half lie. Physically she was okay.
“She said she was coming home. Don’t fuck with me, Max.”
“Believe me, Terry, I wouldn’t. Please let’s move on here.” Max finally got him to the luggage claim area and from there through customs. Terry hadn’t asked anything else until they were in Max’s car and headed out of Heathrow.
“All right, what’s going on with Toni?”
“I wish you’d wait until we’re at the flat.”
“You’ve summoned Jack so I know something is up.”
“John’s here, too.”
“If I wasn’t so fucking exhausted I’d nail you one right here on the motorway. For God’s sake, talk to me mate!”
“It’s a serious situation, Terry, and I don’t want to drive and talk at the same time.”
“Well, shut the fuck up then.” Terry lit a cigarette and cracked the window.
Max sighed. Terry was in the right mood to meet up with Jack right now and Jack was at the flat. John had called him at the airport when he was waiting on Terry’s plane.
Max opened his door and set Terry’s luggage inside. “You want a drink?”
“Am I gonna need one?”
Max picked up the bottle and a glass and carried it down to the living room where John and Jack were seated.
“The gang’s all here.” Terry held his glass while Max poured.
“Hey, Terry, how you doin’?” John asked.
“Tired as hell. It’s a long way from the other side of the world. So what brings you all out?”
“Max summoned me and John’s useless for information,” Jack said.
Terry took a drink and looked at Max. “Spit it out, Max.”
Max took a breath. “While you were gone, Jack here came and spirited Toni away for the night, back into his world and now four weeks later, she’s pregnant. I don’t know how else to say this, but it’s not your child, Terry.”
His breath left him. He stood quietly until it came back.
Jack, too, had stood up, barely breathing. “That’s not possible.”
“I’m afraid it is, Jack.”
“When did you come out?” John asked.
“I…I haven’t.”
“Do you fucking bleed?” Terry moved so fast Jack didn’t see it coming. He caught Jack up side of the head, knocking him back onto the sofa. John grabbed him by the arms and held him tight.
“That ain’t gonna solve anything, Ter. Back off.”
Max stood across the room. He felt a rush when Terry hit Jack. Good show, he thought.
“Don’t…you…ever…touch…her…again!”
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Terry.”
“He bleeds.”
“So we’re all out now. You didn’t bloody well know you were out? I find that hard to believe.”
“No, how would I know? I don’t live in your world. Yes, I bleed. I’m bloodied most battles I fight. I’ve never fought one here.”
John brought him a cloth from the bathroom and dabbed at the blood on his face. “Mostly a bruise. You’ll live.”
Terry had collected himself, walked back around the sofa and picked up his drink. Max freshened it for him. “When did this happen and where?”
“Three weeks ago. I was in London with some time on my hands. It's Spring. I thought of her. I took her to an inn for the night. Jacky was content with Anna, the nurse. I did protect him with what power I have. She was never in any danger. For God’s sakes, Terry! I love her! I would never harm her. I didn’t know I could get her with child.”
“Bollocks! You probably have no idea how many bastards you’ve sired.”
“Watch your mouth, Max,” John said
“I only know of one. He’s a priest. What can I do?”
“You’ve done it, haven’t you?” Terry answered him. Suddenly he was so tired he could hardly stand. This on top of the guilt he was carrying inside over Janet was almost too much, and he felt for a chair and sat down.
“You okay, Terry?” John asked.
“Of course he’s not okay!” Max answered for him.
Jack walked around the sofa and went down on a knee beside Terry’s chair. “I would never consciously do anything to hurt you or Toni or any of them here.” He looked into Terry’s eyes, seeing misery, pain, fatigue. “You’ve had a rough go of late. I apologize for my actions. I am reckless at times. You and I share that trait, Terry. This child she carries, is there no possibility it could be yours?”
He shook his head no. “It’s not mine. Maybe it’s yours…maybe its Max’s. How the fuck would I know.”
“It’s not mine!” Max spoke up. “I swear to you it couldn’t be.”
“I guess you’re the lucky bastard then,” he said and took a drink from the glass.
Jack saw something in Terry he hadn’t seen before and he wasn’t sure he liked it. “Don’t take it out on her.”
“I really don’t have the energy to take it out on anyone right now. I just want to go home.”
“You’re not coming to the cottage?” Max asked.
“No.” He downed the rest of his drink.
“I think, Max, you should call a cab for him and unless he has an objection I shall see him home.”
“Don’t you leave London!” Max looked Jack in the eye.
“I have no intention of leaving. If you will see to the cab?”
Max picked up the phone, called the desk downstairs and asked for a taxi. “What am I going to tell Toni?” he asked Terry.
“Tell her I want my son back.” He got up and walked to the stairs. “Tell her whatever the fuck you want to.”
“Just give him some time, Max,” John said, concerned about Terry’s attitude but understanding it.
Part 4
Terry glanced at Jack when he tossed his luggage in the cab but he didn’t voice any objection to his climbing in the cab with him.
Half way to Battersea he turned to Jack. “How’s your jaw?”
“Sore. You’ve got a good left hook. I deserved it.” He looked out of the window, a part of his mind marveling at the density of housing and people. “ I wanted to see you home. I think we need to talk.”
Terry unlocked his door, walking in dumping his bags at the bottom of the steps and flipping on lights as he went down the hall. He opened the doors to the balcony, picked up Jacky’s ride on train and set it inside the door. He lit a cigarette, staring out at the garden.
“You have a lovely home here, Terry.” Jack came up behind him. “Don’t throw it away.”
Terry was silent, lost in his thoughts.
“It’s too late. It’s already breaking apart. Bits and pieces have already gone. Innocence was the first to go.”
“Innocence…of what… life?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s what it was.” He found himself telling Jack about Bolivia and ended up telling him about Janet Richardson in Australia. He hadn’t meant to. It just came out.
“It’s hard for me to play the outraged husband with what I know.”
“Terry, you and I are both men of the world. Neither of us has lived our lives, whether out here or in character, confined to a specific place as John has and, to a certain point, Max. Long absences from home and family put certain pressures on a man. You weren’t celibate before you met Toni and I suspect you were not so in your first marriage.”
“I’d made up my mind to tell her. We’ve never kept any secrets from each other.”
“None that you know of. Why…why tell her something that will cause her pain? Why plant something in her mind that will grow every time you leave? You are her protector, her husband, her lover. Don’t destroy that.”
Jack walked away from him and, noticing the drinks tray, he went over and examined the bottles, finding something he could drink. He was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Toni was carrying his child and what this would mean for him, for her and Terry…for all of them.
Terry followed him to the tray. “I always considered you to be an honorable man, Jack.”
“And now…what now? I am dishonorable?”
“No. I left that door open for you, calling you to be with her, letting her go to you in Paris. I can’t fault her now for going with you.” He took a drink from his glass. “She loves you.” He looked at Jack for a moment and looked away. “I would expect you’ll do the honorable thing now.” Terry walked to the sofa, thought about sitting down, and knew if he did he’d be asleep.
Jack followed him with his eyes. What did Terry expect him to do? “I think you’d better explain that statement.”
“I’m sure Max will come up with a way to exchange the money so you can support her, or maybe not. Maybe you’ll take her back to your world, set her up somewhere.” He took another drink from his glass. “I’ll make a generous settlement for her.”
“Terry, you’re not thinking straight, man. Do you think she’d leave you for me?”
“She has no choice. What we had, Jack…it’s been kicked around by both of us now. All those vows we made standing on the deck of your ship, they meant nothing to either of us. First it was Max and now you. I’m no better. Don’t tell me we’re not like other people. I just spent a month with other people. Sure they didn’t come from a freaking movie into this life but I live just like they do. That’s the reality, Jack, something you’ve got to face now.”
“This is madness! You need to go to bed and sleep for awhile. Perhaps your senses will return upon a good rest.” Jack knocked back his drink and set his glass down on the tray. “I would advise you to think long and hard about this, Terry. What of your son?”
“I intend to keep him.”
“You would take him from his mother?” Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“He’s my son, the only real thing I have in this life.”
Jack walked over to him. “You have a wife who loves you. Don’t forget about that.” He turned, picked up his coat and slammed out the front door.
Jack set out on foot. He was angry with Terry and needed to walk it off.
After Terry and Jack left Max’s flat he picked up the bottle from the floor and turned to find a glass for himself.
“I don’t think he meant what he said, Max.” John sat back on the sofa. “Terry ain’t gonna give up Toni. He’s just mad right now.”
“I don’t know, John. I’ve never seen him quite like this before. He asked for Jacky…not Toni.”
“She won’t send him. She might bring him.”
“I’d hoped to spare her the initial fisticuffs by telling Terry here, give him time to cool down and digest it a little before he sees her. Maybe it was a mistake….”
“I agreed with you so it’s on me, too. I still think it was the best thing to do since Terry decked Jack.”
“He had it coming.”
“Yeah, he did. That’s why he didn’t try to defend himself. Shit, Max, how’d everything get so fucked up over here?”
“It’s more complicated…over here.” Max felt around for a cigarette and walked out on his balcony. “Just when things begin to work out for me…”
John walked out, too, and leaned on the railing looking down at The Thames. “Maybe if you all stuck to your own patch things would be different. Leave Toni alone.”
“Easy for you to say. You see her once or twice a year.”
“That’s true,” he mused. “I’ll never forget her at Christmas, though.
“Multiply that, John."
John looked over at Max. “I know how it is for you, Max, but you got your life goin’, Connie and Maxi and now a house in the country over here, working, for Christ’s sake.”
“Yeah.” Max took a drink.
John saw straight through him. “It’s not enough, is it?” Max didn’t answer him. “You’re right. It is complicated over here. And now Jack’s out. I wonder what he’ll do with that?”
“I doubt much changes for him except now he’s got a child on the way.” Max thought how difficult that was going to be for Jack. “We might see a little more of him now that Toni’s pregnant with his child.” Would Terry take it as his own to bring up with Jacky? He thought if it were him he would. What else could you do?
“Sounds like Jack is going to be torn between his worlds. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes right now. He’s got a wife and three kids and now Toni having another for him. Yeah, it’s a fucked up place over here.”
Jack convinced the taxi driver, who'd driven him the last half of the way to Max's, to wait while he went inside and called up to the flat.
“Would you mind coming down and paying the taxi driver?”
“Fuck, Jack!”
“Sorry, Max, I have no money on me for him.”
John went down, paid the driver and came back up with Jack. “See you’re still in one piece.”
“Looks can be deceiving, John.”
Jack relayed what had taken place at Terry’s and sat wearily down on the sofa. Watching Max he said, “I wouldn’t advise going over there right now. I assume he is getting some much needed sleep.”
“He can’t do this,” Max said.
“It remains to be seen what he will do. Right now I believe he’s exhausted mentally and physically. Leave him for awhile.”
“If he thinks I’m going back to the cottage and tell Toni she has to send Jacky to him, he’s crazy! He’s crazy anyway for even thinking this way!” Max paced about.
“Well, it ain’t like you and Toni haven’t slept together before. What’s so special about this time except that she’s pregnant?”
“I don’t know, John. I think he regrets letting that happen at all and Max, too. He even called me to stay with her. He knew what would happen then.”
“We came to an understanding about that. Toni and I haven’t…not since I married.” Max looked down into his empty glass.
“In all honesty, I knew he would be upset but I never thought it would go to such lengths. It’s not just him. It’s Toni, who is carrying my child, who I will not be able to be with. If he is serious about not staying with her then something must be done for her.”
ON TO CHAPTER 5
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