The House of Four Seasons: A Fortnight
The direct continuation of A New Life
By Atonia Walpole
(Picture creations also by Atonia)
Part 1
Max and Toni planned to spend a month in the cottage after Rose’s birth. Tuppy was with them to help with Maxi. It was February and Jacky’s birthday was just around the corner. Toni’s body was still trying to put itself back together and she didn’t feel much like making a party for Jacky but Terry said he’d bring him down and Tuppy agreed to bake a cake. Max had taken himself out to do a little shopping. Toni made a list for him of things she needed, things the baby needed and a few things for Jacky and Maxi. Although it was Jacky’s birthday she wanted Maxi to have something, too.
Toni had just finished feeding Rose up in the bedroom, changed her diaper and dressed her in a sweet little outfit. What hair she had was golden blonde and her eyes still in that newborn shade of gray-blue. She was a perfect little baby and Toni was thinking her little ears lay against her head like shells. She wished her father could see her and hold her. She looked up to see Tuppy in the doorway.
“What is it, Tuppy?”
“Well, there is a…gentleman downstairs who wishes to see you.” Her eyes were wide and blinking rapidly.
“Who is it?”
“A Captain Aubrey, ma’am.”
“Oh!” Toni let out a squeal. “Why are you standing there? Send him up!”
Jack, in full dress, stood in her doorway, unable to stop smiling. “Well now, Pet, what have you there?”
“Jack!” Toni’s eyes stung. “Oh, Jack.”
He removed his coat, went over to the bed and leaned over, kissed her and then rested his eyes on the baby in her arms. “Rose...it is, ain’t it?”
“Yes,” Toni smiled. “Rose Aubrey…meet your Papa.” She handed the baby over to him. He sat awkwardly on the bed with her in his arms.
“She’s much too small, only a handful.”
“She’s only two weeks old.”
“Is she?” He looked up, his eyes alight.
“I was just wishing you here.”
“Ah, well, I myself have been wishing it for awhile. Oh ho, she has me!” Rose had her fingers around his. “She is a beauty, an English Rose…skin like a petal.”
“A perfect little baby girl."
“And you, Pet, how did you fare?”
“I did just fine. I’ll be back to normal soon. Terry was in the delivery room with me. He helped.”
“Terry? Umm, you’ve made your peace with him?”
“Yes, at last I have. I’ve forgiven him. I understand his thinking, wrong though it was. I would have forgiven him his lapse and he would have forgiven me mine. He acted too quickly.”
“And Max? Where is he?”
“I’ve sent him shopping. I think he was quite happy to go. Nothing but babies and nannies, nappies around here,” she grinned.
“I can understand that. I was never much use at home with babies myself.”
“How is your family?”
“I shall soon find out. I came by coach to the end of the road out front and stepped over to see you and the babe.”
“Tell me it’s not waiting for you?” She couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving. He’d only just arrived.
“No, it will be along again in a fortnight. I hope that will not be inconvenient for you?”
“Of course not. We’ve plenty of room. You’ll be here for Jacky’s third birthday.”
“Right, I will. How is he?”
“Changing rapidly. Terry and I have worked out a sharing of him, one month with me and one with him.”
“Seems a shame to divide the boy that way. He should be with you until he’s older. He’s too young to be separated from you.”
“I feel the same way but there are Terry’s feelings to consider. Jacky is all he has right now and he is a big part of Terry’s life. Did you see Maxi?”
“No, I only saw the woman.…”
“That’s Tuppy, the nanny.”
“She wasn’t going to let me come in and I assured her I was a relative.”
“Probably because you don’t look like one,” she grinned, looking him over.
“I had no opportunity to change into modern attire. How old is Maxi now?”
“Fifteen months. He’s running about now, climbing on everything and fascinated by Rose.”
“So am I.” He looked up at her, eyes very blue. “And her mother as well.”
“And I am and have always been captivated by you.” Toni leaned over and kissed him.
He looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms and touched her cheek with a finger.
Later Max came home and bounded up the stairs. “Oh, it’s you. I was told there was a strange man madam’s room. How are you, Jack?”
“Very well, thank you.”
“What do you think of your daughter?”
“She’s a beauty like her mother.”
“Yes, she is. I think I got everything on your list, love, but you’ll have to come and check behind me. Maxi’s having his dinner with Tuppy.”
“Oh…dinner.”
“I’ll, um, whip something up,” he grinned.
“I’m sorry, darling, I should have thought.…”
“No, spend the time with Jack.” He paused at the door and looked at the three of them on the bed. He was glad to see Jack here with his child.
Max went downstairs to see if he could trade with Tuppy. He’d finish Maxi up if she might help with dinner.
Later they were down in the sitting room. The weather had turned nasty, rain and a cold wind. Max built a fire in the fireplace. Toni was on the sofa with Rose and Jack in the floor playing with Maxi.
Max turned and looked at Toni. “Do you remember when we put this place together about the fire?”
Toni shook her head slightly. “That was nearly a year ago and here we are in front of the fire…together.”
He moved over and leaned against the sofa by her. “I would never have thought this would ever come to be. You and I….” He looked up at her and she kissed him softly.
“Me either,” she smiled as Maxi came over and climbed on Max to see the baby on the sofa. Tuppy came in to get Maxi ready for bed. He wasn’t happy about having to go up and Max promised to read him a story when he had his jammies on.
“One day, love,” he said getting off the floor, “you and I are going to have an evening with no children…alone.”
Toni smiled, “I’m looking forward to that myself.”
Jack settled in a chair after Maxi went upstairs. “I wish there was more that I could do for you, Max. I know it’s asking a lot for you to take on my child.”
Max smiled a little. “It isn’t, really. It isn’t the children at all. We all have them now. You know I’ll take care of her. She’ll never want for anything, Jack.”
“I know that, Max. I think perhaps you would like some time with Toni. You haven’t had that have you since you came together, just the two of you?”
“We had two weeks in the South of France alone. Well, we weren’t really alone. She was pregnant with Rose.”
“We’ve decided, Jack, there aren’t going to be any more children. I wanted to have one with Max but he said no, he couldn’t stand to see me go through that again.”
“There are three now and that’s enough,” Max said, moving toward the stairs. “And one I have to put to bed with a book.”
Jack got up and poked at the fire. Toni looked at his broad back, his blond hair caught at the nape of his neck. He turned slightly and looked back at her and for a long time their eyes held. He set the poker back in its place, came over and took the baby from her and kissed her, his eyes saying more than he was willing to.
“Jack,” she said softly and he shook his head slightly, walking around the room with his child.
Toni folded the baby blanket she had on her lap. It would never be over with Jack…not ever. Two years, ten years, two months…if he came for her she would go and he knew it. She wondered what that said about her…that she loved him, that he held a special place in her heart and always had. That she had once recklessly abandoned everything for him and he carried the results in his arms. A child…a special child conceived in 1808 and born more than 200 years later.
Part 2
Terry came down on Friday afternoon with Jacky. He was glad to see Jack had made it and congratulated him on a beautiful daughter.
“Thank you, Terry. I believe she has the look of her mother.”
Terry peering over his shoulder at the baby, agreed, “I think she does, too. Amazing how fast they change. I was there when she was born.”
“Yes, I know. Toni told me you coached her through the birth. Considering the circumstances, I am in your debt.”
“There are no circumstances any more, Jack. We’re all in this together, you know. She was mine for awhile, she’d been yours and now she’s Max’s.”
“She’s very content with Max.”
“I know. I see Jacky’s found Maxi.” He smiled at his son talking to Maxi, who stared up at him in wonder, another little person to play with. They soon had the toy box emptied and were playing in the lounge. Tuppy found a chair to sit in with her knitting to keep an eye on the boys.
Toni came in to collect Rose for a feeding. “Hello, Terry.” She kissed him. “What do you think of our little Rose?”
“She’s a beauty, like her mother.”
“Jacky had time for a kiss and a hug and I see he’s found Maxi to play with.”
“Maxi’s getting to be a big boy.”
“Yes, he is. I’ll take her now.” Toni took Rose into the sitting room to feed her. Max was in there building up the fire.
“How’s the wood situation?”
“I think we’ll get though the weekend. Did you see Tuppy’s cake?”
“Yes, I think it needs something…frosting perhaps,” Toni smiled.
“I can’t help you there, love.”
“I know. I’ll take care of it before tomorrow.”
“This is too much for you, too many people to cook for.”
Toni smiled, “Who said I was going to cook? I’ve got Rose to feed. I’m sure between the three of you something can be put together.”
“Surely you don’t think Jack cooks? However I do know Terry can when he wants to.”
“Yes, he does a mean barbeque but it’s too wet outside for that. He can manage the broiler. But tomorrow for Jacky’s party…maybe you could go down to the bakery and pick up some pies or something?”
“I can do that. How long is Jack staying?”
“A fortnight. He said the carriage will be by for him. Sorry, I know you’re anxious to get home.”
“It can’t be helped, I suppose.”
“Darling…life will return to normal.”
“Normal?” he grinned and took himself off to the kitchen. Max was standing in the pantry. Normal, what was normal? He didn’t know anymore.
Terry wandered in. “Looking for something?”
“Dinner but it hasn’t appeared yet.”
“Oh, for the days at the House of Four Seasons when we didn’t have to think about it. What can I do to help, Max?”
Max moved a few packets around. “It always amazes me how Toni can come in here and out of a few packets and boxes and tins put together a meal. I’m standing here looking at the same things and …nothing.”
“I can make a stew if we’ve got beef and potatoes and carrots.” Terry moved over behind him.
“Ah…potatoes, onions.” He began pulling out vegetables from a bin.
Terry found meat in the fridge and they started peeling and chopping.
“Your nanny doesn’t cook?”
“No…nothing edible. I asked her to make a cake for Jacky’s birthday and that’s the result over there under that glass. She told me I hired her for Maxi.”
“She does feed him?”
“Yes, but I think he eats a lot of scrambled eggs and toast. Once we’re home Ludivine will be there. You’ve still got Wiggins, I suppose. You should have brought her.”
“I didn’t know you were cookless, Max.”
“Toni gets in here but I try and make her rest as much as possible. She’s up and down all night with Rose.”
“It was the same with Jacky when he was born. She breast fed him, too.”
“Maxi wasn’t. Connie tried but there was a problem so she switched him to formula. We are beginning to sound like two old women here, Terry.”
Terry chuckled, “Now we know what they talk about in the kitchen.”
“There you are!” Jack came into the kitchen carrying his violin.
“If you can’t cook get out of the kitchen.” Terry looked up at him.
“He could serenade us, play a little fiddle,” Max said.
“What are you doing?”
“Preparing dinner, Captain. Any special requests tonight?”
Jack had a look at the potatoes and carrots. “I don’t believe so. Looks like you have it well in hand.”
“Who are you going to saw that thing for?” Terry asked.
“Your son. He’s asked for it. I may teach him to play when he’s older.”
“Jacky?”
“Yes. Are you surprised?”
“No, not really. He has drums at home that he beats on and a toy guitar that he beats on. Might as well add a fiddle.”
Toni had moved into the lounge with the children and Jack, who brought his violin in to entertain them for a little while. Jacky watched him play while Maxi danced. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing out loud. Maxi had the biggest smile on his face. He loved music and danced to commercials on TV, her music box or anything to do with music.
Toni looked over at Tuppy, who seemed to be awestruck by Jack. She sat with her knitting in her lap and a rapt expression on her face. Well, who wouldn’t be fascinated by him, a man of many talents. She wondered how Tuppy would react to seeing him with a bloody sword in his hand as she had in Rome. Jack now had Jacky on his knee letting him pass the bow over the strings. Maxi had stopped dancing and found a train to push around.
Part 3
Saturday and it was Jacky’s birthday. Saturday was also Tuppy’s day off. She had Saturdays and Sundays unless something special was in the works, like Toni and Max being out of town. Today Tuppy had taken herself off on a bus tour.
Toni had just finished up Jacky’s cake and placed a big number 3 candle in the center. His presents had been wrapped at two in the morning when she was up with Rose. Max had Maxi duty and he came into the kitchen with Terry.
“Terry’s going to the bakery. Is there anything you need, love?”
“The pies…?” She looked at Terry.
“I know which ones. I’m taking Jacky with me. He’s pretty good about picking things out.”
“You’ve had him there before?”
“Yeah, he likes the jam tarts. The ones with the plastic clown in the center.”
Toni smiled, “I know he used to pick those out. It’s been a long time since we were here.”
“Last summer,” Max said and shifted Maxi in his arms.
“Do you want me to take him?”
“No, he’s too heavy for you. I was looking for his cup.”
Toni filled Maxi’s sippy cup with juice and brought it to him. “He’s happy now.”
Max smiled and took him back to the lounge where Jack was entertaining Jacky.
“Need any bread or anything?”
“Yes, you can pick up a loaf.” Toni met Terry’s eyes and he held hers. She couldn’t look away.
He moved to her and put his hand on her cheek and kissed her softly. “We won’t be long.” He turned and left calling Jacky.
Toni touched her lips with her fingers. She went to the sink and turned on the water…his eyes so full of everything he was. She took a deep breath and began washing up the frosting dish. It had almost been a year now. It didn’t get any better; it didn’t go away. Blindly she put the dish down and went into the pantry, holding the towel to her eyes. Max found her there a few minutes later.
“What is it, darling?” Max took her in his arms.
“I’m just too emotional right now.”
“I think that’s supposed to be normal after the birth of a baby, or so I’ve read.” He turned her around. “Is it Terry?”
She nodded her head. “I’m sorry.”
“He didn’t say anything...?”
“No…no, Max. He just is. I can’t help it. Sometimes I look at him and I almost forget what happened to us but I know…and I wonder if it will ever go away. I should be past this now.” She put her arms around his neck. “I take two steps forward and one back, one forward and two back. I’m not moving on.”
“What can I do to help you, love?”
“Just love me.” She looked up at him, “You have the ability to make me forget everything but you.”
Max kicked the pantry door shut. “I can’t do what I want to with you now, but I’ll do what I can.” He kissed her and she felt herself being lifted up swirled around and in his arms, loved and warm and safe. There was a deep longing inside her for him but it would have to wait until her body was ready to receive him again.
Jacky had his birthday and they all sang and he blew out his candle and opened his gifts. He and Maxi were busy with the new toys. Toni and Max were in the lounge with the boys, Jack and Terry in the sitting room with Rose in her basket.
“Three years. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long,” Jack remarked, throwing a log on the fire in the sitting room.
“I remember it like it was yesterday, and you were there, Jack.”
“Yes, and the hospital room,” he smiled at Terry. “Remember all the roses? I could hardly find her. So much has happened since then,” Jack poked at the logs, “not all of it good.”
“No, but most of it was.”
“It’s not good what you are doing to Jacky. I’m sorry but this is my own opinion. A child that young belongs with his mother. Perhaps when he is older and at school he could live with you but for now he is still a babe, Terry.”
“I’ve thought about it and Toni and I have talked about it. He’s all I’ve got, Jack. He’s why I come home from work each day. Weekends we do things he likes. I take him to the zoo, to the airport to watch the planes. He has Anna during the day but at night I look after him and weekends it’s just the two of us. I’ll never be his mother but I’m trying to be as much a part of his life as I can.”
“I don’t fault your efforts or your abilities as a father. Perhaps I am old fashioned in my thinking. I come from a different age but young children need their mothers.”
“She’ll have him next month.”
“He holds a special place in my heart. I think you know this. It is only my concern for him that bade me speak at all.”
“What will you do about Rose? How will she know who you are?”
“A most difficult situation. She will, of course, live with Toni and Max. Max will be her father as far as the world is concerned if, indeed, it concerns itself with her at all. I shall be her Papa and when she is old enough she will be told. I will take her into my world and introduce her to who I am, what I do and how I live.”
“How will you explain that to her?”
“It is by magic that we live at all. A child is more open and ready to accept things that cannot be explained otherwise. A trip into a magical world…should be a treat, I would think.” He cocked a brow and smiled a little.
Terry smiled back but he wondered, too, what affect that would have on a child.
Rose was coming awake so Terry picked her up and held her. “You should go wash your hands. You’ve been handling firewood.”
Jack looked at his hands and at Terry but he left to go wash them.
Rose began rooting around on his chest and he got up with her. “I think you need your Mummy.”
Toni met him in the hall. “Is she awake?”
“Um hm, and hungry, I think.” He handed Rose over to her and she took her up stairs. Terry went into the lounge with Max, who he found lying on the floor with trucks parked across his back.
“Car park?”
“Have you come to save me?”
“No.”
“Then go away.” Max rested his head on his hands.
“What are you doing, Jacky?” Terry squatted down beside him.
“Trucks goin’ up Pennines.”
“Ah, Max you’re the Pennines.”
“See motorway….” Jacky raced a car up Max’s leg.
Terry grinned as Max’s shoulders bunched and Jacky carried on his explanations.
Max mumbled something.
“What was that?” Terry tilted his head.
“I said, why aren’t you down here?”
“Doesn’t appear to be room in here for two mountain ranges. What’s that you’ve got, Maxi?” Maxi brought him a crayon. “Uh oh, where did this come from? He’s writing on the walls.”
Toni finished feeding Rose then changed her diaper. She felt so happy to have the three of them there to help and they did help, cooked and looked after the boys. She knew Jacky was enjoying his birthday. He had Maxi and his uncles to play with. For a moment she thought how it would be if this could continue. All three of them living together with her. A fantasy, something she could never have but there was Max, her anchor in the storm of her emotions. He’d always been there during Terry’s ordeals. He was the first to come to her and support her and love her. She smiled, picked up Rose and went back downstairs.
Terry left with Jacky on a rainy Sunday afternoon. He’d hugged and kissed her along with Jacky, who she didn’t want to let go of. She went upstairs to her bedroom, not wanting to talk to anyone for awhile. She felt raw and emptied. It would have been better, she thought, if she’d never seen Terry again, if when he’d left her that day at the chapel he’d never returned. Not that she wanted anything horrible to have happened to him, but it was painful now for both of them. Like taking a thing that wants to be whole and repeatedly tearing it apart, leaving fresh scars to be healed time and time again.
She cried herself to sleep only to be awakened in less than an hour by Jack, who’d brought Rose to her for feeding.
“Are you not feeling well, Pet?”
“Oh, I’m okay.” She brought the baby to her breast.
“I think you’re tired and need to rest.”
“Yes.”
“That’s not all of it, is it?”
“No.”
Jack looked at her a minute and then looked out of the window where the rain had obscured the garden. It was already growing dark and not yet 4:00. “Perhaps you shouldn’t see him at all.” He turned back to her. “That is the problem, is it not…Terry?”
“You’re very perceptive.” She looked up at him. “I can’t seem to get to that place. I think I am and sometimes I’m okay with him and then comes days like today. Max says it will take time to heal but I think if you keep tearing open a wound it will never heal. He comes to us in Provence and he and Max are back where they used to be…they’re close you know. I’ve forgiven him for what he did to us but.…”
“Have you truly forgiven him? You are not at peace in your heart. He loves you still, I know, and you will never be free of each other. You have a son together and it’s all right to love him but if seeing him and spending time with him causes you such pain then it’s not worth it, Pet. Have the woman bring Jacky to you.”
“I’m trying to be an adult about this, Jack. I’m trying to be strong and.…”
“Forget all that. Protect yourself. Max should not allow this and I shall tell him so.”
“No, please. I don’t want to stir anything up between them. Maybe it’s because I’ve just given birth. I’m feeling a little blue right now. He was there with me when Rose was born, holding my hands, breathing with me, pushing with me…a part of me, Jack.” Tears began down her cheeks. “Oh, God…he saw her before I did! I can’t help it. I still love him. And Max has been so good to me even through his own loss. He’s so patient with me. He knows how I am. He’s my anchor. I am such a mess, Jack, there are times I think I would be better just to step across with you and leave it all behind me.”
Part 4
Jack had been waiting for Max to come downstairs the next morning, hoping to catch him before he left for London. Despite what Toni had asked him not to do, he decided to talk to Max about Terry. Maxi was up and had his breakfast and had joined him in the sitting room while Tuppy cleaned up the dishes. Toni had gone back to sleep when Max quietly left the bedroom and went downstairs.
“Good morning, Jack. I hate to leave you with it today but I’ve got banking to do.” He picked up Maxi and hugged him.
“I wonder if you might have a minute?”
“Of course.” He set Maxi down. “What’s on your mind?”
“I’m sure you’re aware how upset Toni has been these last two days.”
“Yes, I am aware.…” Max looked at him.
“You must know the cause of her distress…Terry.”
Max sighed, “I know he’s part of it, Jack. She’s going through something called postpartum depression. It happens often after the birth of a child.”
“I know nothing of such things but I do know that spending time in his presence greatly upsets her. She was in tears yesterday after he left. I found her so when I took Rose up to her to be fed. Have you thought about stopping him from coming?”
“No, I haven’t. She’s not the only one who suffers, so does he.”
“But he is a man. I cannot see where these visits do either one of them any good. Surely you can have the woman bring Jacky to her or bring him yourself. There is no good reason to keep bleeding when you can stop the flow.”
“I had hoped she could make her peace with him. I thought she had there for awhile but, yes, I know how it is with her. I think Rose’s birth has opened up something else. He was with her, you know, as he was with Jacky.”
“Yes, I know. She told me last night. She also said she’d thought about stepping over into my world and leaving it all behind. I won’t allow her to do that as much as I would love to have her there. Added to her pain with Terry is Jacky. It’s not a good situation, Max. I don’t think you can let things continue as they are. It’s not fair to her. It’s not a situation of her making. He caused it and it’s time he accepted the consequences.”
“I’ll have a talk with him, maybe tonight. I can stay over in London. At least for the time being I know she doesn’t need to see him. Later when she settles down a bit we’ll try again. I found her in the pantry on Saturday crying over him. It hurts me, too, you know. I can’t give him to her. I will never do that. She knows it and so does he. Honestly, she doesn’t want that now but she still loves him. I understand that. It’s going to take some time, Jack.”
“His constant presence in her life will not aid that healing. I know you have the ability to do that for her. Tell him…I think he will understand. He might not like it but there it is.”
Max looked at his watch. “I’m glad you talked to me about this. I’ll do what I can to stop the bleeding.”
“That’s all one can ask,” he smiled. “Are you going by train?”
“No, I’m going to drive and I must be off.” Max stood up, mussed Maxi’s hair and told him good bye. “Tell Toni I’ll call her later today. I’ll let her know I’m staying in London.”
Max backed his car from the garage, thinking about what Jack had said. He was right, of course. Now was not the time for Terry to be coming around Toni. She was not in a good place at present. But he hated to have to tell him that and he wasn’t sure how Terry would react. He was probably going to be hurt and he’d go quiet or he would be hurt and go angry. Either way, it was not going to be pleasant.
Toni had been fine at La Siroque and he wondered if possibly the cottage had something to do with her present state. He thought he might question her about that and if it was so, then he would take steps to get her back to France, Jack could come with them or stay behind and wait for his carriage. The cottage held bad memories for all of them. It would suit him to sell it and be done with it but he knew Terry used it. He brought Jacky down for weekends. He thought back to a year ago when they’d come down on the rainy Sunday afternoon and decided to buy the cottage. He’d been trying to find a way to get Connie to come to England and live so that he could work in London. After she died he’d lost interest in the cottage, in London and everything in general except for Toni and Maxi. She was his grounding point and had saved him in more ways than one. Now it was his turn to save her…again. His phone rang.
“Max, Jacky left Joe at the cottage. I thought I might run down and pick him up tonight.”
“No!” Oh, bollocks! That had come out too quickly, Max winced. “I’m actually on my way to London now. I wish you’d called earlier. I could have brought it with me.”
“I only just remembered.”
“Toni can overnight it to you. I’ll be by to see you tonight if you’re going to be in.”
“Yeah, I’ll be there. What’s up?”
“Banking today but I wanted to talk to you.”
“Sure, come on by.” Terry ended the call and looked across his office. Something was up.
Tuppy came out of the lounge room with Joe and brought him to Jack. “This has to be overnighted to Mr. Thorne.”
Jack stared at her and she turned and went back into Maxi. He looked down at the well-worn stuffed monkey. How did one ‘overnight’ a thing to Terry? Toni hadn’t been down yet so he went up. She was in bed with Rose but she was awake.
He went over and kissed her. “Good morning, Pet. Did you sleep a little?”
“A little, yes. Oh, Jacky left Joe behind.”
“Yes, Tuppy says he’s to be overnighted. I have no idea what she means.”
“Overnight mail.” She looked up at Jack. There was nothing for it. She would have to get up and go into the village. He’d never manage.
Jack sat down on the bed and moved a blanket from Rose’s hands. “How is our daughter this morning?”
Toni smiled, “She’s a doll. Just eats and sleeps.” She liked that he’d said our daughter. “Did Max get off okay?”
“Yes, he did. He’s going to call you later today. I believe he plans to stay in London tonight.”
“Really? Okay, that’s unusual for him.”
Jack didn’t comment. “How does one overnight, um, Joe to Terry?”
“We’ll have to take him down to the post and mail him off. They’ll package him for us. Poor Jacky. I bet he had a bad night last night. Nothing takes the place of Joe.” She took the battered monkey and smelled him. Her son’s scent. It caught in her throat like a hard knot she couldn’t swallow. She lay the monkey on the bed and moved her legs to the floor. She’d get up and shower and go to the post. That was something she could do. She kept her face averted. Jack was so in tune with her and she didn’t want him to know. “I’ll just get ready.”
“Should I leave?”
“No, no, stay with Rose.”
A rather gray-looking sun was up, but at least it wasn’t raining. They put Maxi in his stroller and left Rose with Tuppy. Toni carried Joe as if he were a baby down the drive to the street. Once at the post office Maxi thought it was funny Joe was in a box and he helped lighten the mood Toni had been in. She paid the postage and they walked down the main street of the village, stopping by the bakery for more bread and some muffins for tea. Toni picked up a few other goodies, too. It felt good to be out and about. This was the first time she’d been anywhere except to take Rose back for her check up at the doctor’s office in London.
“How are you faring, my dear? Should we start back?”
“I think so. It’s been good to get out and go somewhere.”
“The fresh air will do you good, put the roses back in your cheeks.”
Toni smiled up at him. “Jack, if I ever wanted to go to you, how would I go about it? I never know where you are.”
Jack looked down at her as they walked along. “It would be difficult, Pet. It’s best I come to you because I never know where I shall be. If you crossed over it might be six months or more before I would find you. And I wouldn’t want you to do that.”
Toni walked along for a minute. “It’s all so difficult, isn’t it? Our lives, what a mess we’ve made of it all.”
“We are a complicated lot but there is hope for you and Max.”
“I know.” She stopped at the curb. “Will you ever come for me again?”
“Truly I cannot answer that.”
“If you did…?”
He placed a finger on her lips. “Don’t say it. I know you would come with me. It’s that I must weigh against what that would mean for you and Max. He has let me know how he feels about that. He carries a lot of responsibility with you and the children. He handles it well as he always has handled himself very well. I would not disrupt his family, Pet.”
“No…no, I couldn’t possibly go through that again.” She stepped off the curb and waited while Jack got the stroller going again.
“I’m not saying Max would do what Terry did. I don’t believe he would but he would be hurt and he doesn’t deserve to be.”
“I think you’ve answered my question.”
Part 5
“Hey, Max, come in. I just opened a bottle of wine. Come down to the kitchen.”
“Thanks, Terry. Where’s Jacky?”
“In the den watching a video.”
“Well, Joe’s on his way. Toni and Jack went into the village and posted him this morning.”
“Good. He’s really attached to Joe.”
“I know and he leaves him in the oddest places and, of course, doesn’t remember so you have to go mucking about looking for him.” Max accepted a glass of wine and took a sip.
“Banking again? I thought they’d kicked you out.”
“I left of my own free will. No, this was personal business.”
“You said you wanted to talk about something?” Terry took a drink from his glass.
“Yes…well, this is not easy, Terry, so I’m just going to lay it out first. I believe Toni is going through something called post partum depression. She cries a lot and is easily upset.”
“She did some of that after Jacky was born.”
“Well then, you know…but perhaps you don’t know that seeing you is making it worse. I found her in the pantry on Saturday. Jack found her upstairs…she’s having a hard time with it right now. Being separated from Jacky and you is tearing her apart. This not only affects her it does me, too. I don’t want to see her like that. I’m constantly telling her that time will heal everything but so far it hasn’t.”
“I thought we’d gotten past that.”
“Perhaps you have but she obviously has not. Sometimes she’s fine, like last fall she seemed to be okay. I suspect now she was hiding her feelings.”
“So what are you saying, that I can’t see her anymore…is that it?”
“I think for the present time it would be best for her if you didn’t.”
“What the bloody hell! She’s the mother of my son…she’s my wife, for God’s sake!”
“I beg your pardon. You gave up the right to call her your wife last May when you literally gave her to me. I know you’re not doing anything, Terry, to cause her to be upset. It’s just the fact that you are who you are. She still loves you. I thought it might be the cottage contributing to her misery. There are some bad memories there and you know how sensitive she can be to things like that.”
“Take her home then.”
“I intend to but there’s Jack here for a fortnight. I hate to disrupt his time with Rose. God knows there won’t be much of that. If time is what it takes then she needs that time…time away from you. I thought we might work something out about Jacky. I could pop over for him or you can send him with Anna.”
“No…that’s the only time he spends with his mum and dad in the same place, if only for a day or two.”
“Are you sure that’s for Jacky’s sake or your own?”
“Maybe for both our sakes. I need it, too.”
“Are we going to talk about what you need or what’s best for Toni right now? I’m not saying this is permanent that you can’t ever see her again, but for the next few months. Let her get past May, for bloody sake.”
“May…I know what I did, Max. I did give her to you. Maybe that’s not permanent either. She’s still legally my wife.”
“I can fix that. Oh, I can do that. We can drag it through the courts and fix that. We had an agreement, you and I, and you damn well understood it. I…I know it hurts, Terry, but don’t get angry with me for something you did and now regret. I’m still picking up the pieces.”
Terry turned away from him, leaning on the counter. “Will you let her decide?”
“No, because she’s not capable right now. Later, a few months down the road when hopefully she’s feeling more like herself…how long did it take with Jacky?”
“About a month.”
“With Connie it was about two weeks and then it was over. I’m trying to deal with it, trying to be there for her and you’re not helping. It brings everything to the surface she’s been trying to get over and get past.”
“All right, I’ll try to stay away. What about phone calls?”
“I don’t care if you call her, as long as you’re not having phone sex.”
Terry turned back around and refilled their glasses. “I’m not sure I’ve ever had phone sex.”
“Neither have I. Can’t think it would be very satisfying.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“Not straight away. It will come up eventually and I’ll explain then. If it becomes too much for you, let me know. Will you do that?”
“Sure, I’ll let you know.” Terry looked at him and took a drink from his glass. “Are you driving back tonight?”
“No, I’m staying at the flat.”
“Had dinner yet?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“We’d have to take Jacky.”
“Limits it, doesn’t it?”
“A place with booths.”
“Pub’s out.”
“Yes.”
“We could go slumming back to your old neighborhood.”
“The Italian place?”
“I’m up for it. You’ll have to take your car. I’ve no back seat to speak of for a car seat.”
“Jac-kay!” Terry called out.
“Uncle Max!” Jacky came running over to Max and he picked him up.
“Would you like to eat Italian tonight?”
“Fish fingers.”
“No Italian fingers. Italians don’t have fish for fingers. They have breadsticks.”
Jacky giggled and Terry went in to switch off the TV. He paused a moment in the den, switching off lights. Yes, he understood where Max was coming from. He loved Toni and wanted to protect her. As for himself, he just wanted her…wanted her back. He sighed and went to join his brother and his son for a night out.
Jack noticed Toni had been unusually quiet throughout the afternoon. She’d taken a nap with Rose, they’d had dinner and Maxi was off to bed. She went up and read him a story before tucking him in for the night. Tuppy was in her room with the TV on and the door open between her room and the nursery. After feeding Rose again, she brought her downstairs to the sitting room. Jack had been reading a book Max had left on the end table.
“All settled in for the night?” he smiled as she sat down on the sofa.
“Yes, he’s a good boy about going to bed. He likes a story. Sometimes I think he dreams them.”
“Hmm, could be it’s the sound of your voice or Max’s that puts him safely asleep. What do you do when Jacky is here?”
“Same thing” she chuckled, “but Jacky wants explanations of things. He hasn’t quite got the concept of fairy tales yet.”
“He’s like his father, a realist, I believe.”
“I’m afraid he is very much like his father. Terry spends a lot of time with him. I’m glad he only has Anna for days. I worried he would more or less turn to her for Jacky but he hasn’t. Jacky talks about her, though. He’s very attached to her, but then she’s been with him since he was a little baby.”
“I wish I knew how to right things for you, Pet, but I’m afraid I can do nothing.”
Toni smiled a little. “You do a lot just by being here.” She lay Rose in the basket by the sofa and leaned into his arms. “Not very often we have any time like this, is it?”
“No, hardly ever. You know what you asked me this morning and you said you thought you had your answer…should ever the opportunity arise, I should be very discreet with you, very discreet indeed.”
Toni looked up at him and he kissed her lovingly, holding her closely for a minute. “I worry about myself sometimes, that I’m not a very good person. I cheated on Terry with Max and with you and would have with John in Rome but he wouldn’t let me. What does that say about me, Jack? Nothing very good, I’m thinking. It’s just that I’ve loved you each and every one equally so long and so well.”
“We each have a history, a marriage with you. Don’t try and measure yourself against someone else. You are unique as are our circumstances. I don’t know how you can call it cheating when you are as much married to me and to Max as you ever were to Terry, despite what he may have thought about the matter. That piece of paper he wanted so badly meant little to either of you. It is the magic bond that is stronger. We all share your love and our love of you and that makes us all family and the children an extension of that. I think of Jacky and Maxi as my own as much as Rose is truly my own child.”
Toni lay her head on his shoulder. “You always make things better for me…always.”
“That’s because I love you.” He kissed the top of her head.
Part 6
The next morning before heading back to the cottage, Max went shopping for Toni. He’d heard her complaining about having nothing that fit. She was still wearing her stretched-out maternity pants and loose tops. With the back seat loaded with boxes and bags from one of her favorite shops he stopped again for chocolates and a large bouquet of roses. It was Valentine’s Day and she hadn’t mentioned wanting to do anything special. He decided to load her up with goodies.
He found her in the kitchen when he arrived, taking a roast chicken from the oven. He’d smelled it when he opened the front door and smiled, thinking she must be feeling better.
Max came into the kitchen with the flowers clutched behind him. “Hello, love. Something smells good.”
“Darling, I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back! It’s chicken.” She kissed him.
“It's roses.” He handed her the bouquet.
“Max…oh…Max!” Toni put her arms around him and kissed him again. “Oh, how absolutely lovely!”
“There’s more but you’ll have to come and help me carry it all in.”
“What have you been up to, Max Skinner?”
Max grinned, “Treating my lovely.” He put his arm around her and they walked out to the car.
He opened the back door and handed her out the bags, taking the boxes himself. “Close your mouth, love. The neighbors will think I never buy you anything.”
“What have you done?”
“Just bought you a few things. I know you’re tired of maternity wear.”
“You are the most wonderful man! Oh, what fun! I can’t wait to see.” She carried her bags into the lounge and began pulling things out. He left her oohing and ahhing in the lounge and found Jack in the sitting room with Maxi.
“Hello, tyke.” He picked Maxi up for a hug and a kiss. “Jack….”
“Did you have a good trip?”
“Yes, I had dinner with Terry and Jacky last night. I told him about my concerns and made the request of him. I think he was angry, perhaps hurt, but he manned up. I’m spoiling Toni today. She has new clothes, roses and chocolates.”
Jack grinned, “You’re a good man, Max, just what she needs.”
Max carried Maxi back to the lounge and stood watching her pulling out the clothes.
“Max, you’ve outdone yourself! I’ll be able to wear all of this.” She was all smiles. “And I’ve only made you a chicken!”
“I like chicken,” he smiled. “Any chance of a bite sometime soon?”
“Oh…the potatoes!” Toni ran out of the room.
Jack came in and surveyed the pile on the sofa. He picked up a heart-shaped box. “Chocolates for your valentine. I have something for her. I was going to give it to her before I left but as it’s Valentine’s Day. Would you mind if I give her a sailor’s valentine?”
“What’s a sailor’s valentine?”
“It’s a wooden box and it’s decorated inside with shells, bits of coral. It’s quite pretty. My coxswain made it for his lady but, alas, she has found another. He gave it to me for Sophie but I’ve given her several of the same sort of thing. I don’t think it would carry much weight with her but Toni might enjoy it.”
“Of course. I’m sure it’s something that she will treasure."
Jack gave her the Valentine after dinner.
“I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s beautiful! Who made it?”
“Bonden. You know him, I believe.”
“Yes, he’s quite an artist.” She smiled up at him then got up and gave him a hug and a kiss.
Toni went upstairs to bathe Rose and feed her before putting her in her bassinet. She got ready for bed, pulled out her journal and wrote:
I am truly blessed to have the love of such wonderful men. It’s hard for me to put into words what I feel for Jack. To say that I love him doesn’t seem to be enough. There should be more words but they don’t come to me right now. He is my port in the storm that is my life, my shelter. He puts my world right and has done so many times. I can’t imagine my life without him.
Max, the center of my life, my anchor, my love. He is so gentle and patient with me and just bowls me over sometimes with his thoughtfulness. I know our fates were cast many years ago at the House of Four Seasons. We are there now where we should be and only a few more weeks and I can take him into my arms and love him as I want to now and can’t. We will be free then to love without constraint. I’ve brought two of the lovely roses he bought me today upstairs in a vase and two chocolates. I’ll save one for him because I love him so.
I’m not going to say much about Terry tonight. Today was Valentine’s Day and I did not hear from him. I know he only left two days ago, but still. There is pain there and I don’t want to go there tonight. But along with that pain of separation is love, a deep lingering love. He was my fire, my husband, the father of our son. He still is and always will be my fire.
I got a lovely valentine from John. I miss him so. I wish he didn’t live so far away but he says they will come to see us in the summer. They want to meet Rose. I want to see him.
Jack set his bag down in the hallway and stepped into Toni’s bedroom. She had just finished with Rose and changed her diaper. Jack took her up and kissed her, looking at her for a long time.
“Jack, when will we see you again?” Toni asked.
“I cannot say, Pet. I’ll come to you when I can.” He lay Rose back on the bed beside Toni, sat down and took her in his arms, kissing her. “I’ve enjoyed this time here with you and Rose and Max. I believe he is ready to take you home to France.”
“I know he is. Rose will grow up there and will probably be quite French one day, Ludivine will speak French to her as she does Maxi but Max will do what he can to keep the English alive in her.”
Jack smiled, “There is nothing wrong with a French lass. I hope to come to see you this year but I can’t say when or for how long. Lean on Max, Pet. He is strong enough and confident enough in himself to weather anything. Take care, my love. I must go and await the carriage.” He kissed her again and stood up.
“Safe journey, Jack, until I see you again.” She blew him a kiss and he left her room, taking his bag downstairs. Max walked with him down the drive to the road and up to where the carriage would meet him.
“When will you be leaving, Max?”
“In a few days. We’ve got to close the house out, clean up after ourselves. You know I’d sell it except for Terry. He wants to keep it. He and Jacky come down.”
“It’s a good place for a boy.”
“So is La Siroque and you’re welcome to come anytime you can and stay for as long as you wish.”
Jack shook his hand. “Take care of her, love her for me.”
Max smiled and Jack stepped through the magic portal and disappeared. He stood there for awhile then slipped his hands in his pockets and walked back to the house and the woman he loved.
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