FINDING HOME AGAIN

The direct continuation of The Price of Peace

By Atonia Walpole

(Picture creations by Atonia unless otherwise noted)

Part 1

What was it Toni said, ‘look it in the eye’. That’s what Terry was about to do when he unlocked the door to his house. He first went to his office and set his laptop down then went to the hall and flipped the light switches, walking through to the French doors and opening them. It was then he noticed it, the stillness, and the absence of life anywhere in the house except for the clock in the hall chiming out 11:30. He stood quietly for a moment letting it sink in. It was as though the house was waiting…waiting for what to see what he would do. Waiting for life to begin again?

There had always been music playing in the background, sometimes a TV…Jacky’s high pitched voice and…Toni. The house had been closed up since May. It was now mid June. Had it really been that long? But then he’d been gone, gone for the month of April and most of May and June. He thought about what Max had said, describing his homecoming after Connie died. Was he trying to prepare him for what he might not find here? As he looked around the main room nothing had changed, a Jacky toy left on the stack of books on the coffee table. He picked it up. It was a viewfinder.  Dried up flowers adorned the mantle. Toni would have put them there when they were fresh.

He walked along the hall and down the steps to the kitchen. All was spotless and quiet. Nothing had been cooked in here for awhile and there was only the hum of the refrigerators and the soft warmth from the Aga. He opened the back door and went out into the courtyard, noticing potted flowers, some dead, some still blooming. He touched the petals, going on then into the back garden. Jacky’s toys had been left out in the weather, so he picked them up and carried them up on the balcony where a weatherproof bin waited for them. Jacky would be home tomorrow and they would probably be back in the garden but for now he dumped them in and closed the lid.

Back inside, he kept waiting for it. His heart beat had increased, breathing a little ragged, he went up the stairs to their bedroom…his bedroom now. She was here everywhere he looked. Wiggins had tidied up after packing some of her clothes but there just under the bed skirt, peeping out were her white sandals. He held it in, going into their bathroom…his bathroom. Her things were gone from there except her scent. A closet door left open revealed some empty hangers on her side of the walk in closet but most of her clothes were there. She didn’t want them, didn’t want anything from the house.

He found himself on the floor of the closet, sitting with his head on his hands, his face wet.  He looked up, not knowing how he got there, and so he got up and went into the bathroom and washed his face. Glancing at his watch, he saw forty-five minutes had passed since he’d come home. He ran his hand through his now damp hair and came back into the bedroom. It had hit him, knocked him down, but he was back up now, on his feet. He could deal with it. He had to.

There were things he needed to do like call Wiggins and get her back in here. He knew she wasn’t happy with him, wasn’t when she left. Maybe he’d give her a raise. Certainly her duties would increase. Toni wouldn’t be in the kitchen anymore. He went into the nursery. It had been set up for a baby. Maybe it was time to redo the room for Jacky, maybe even move him into a bedroom. There were the two rooms that connected with a bath. That would work for Anna and Jacky. He could do that. Maybe Anna would help choose what to put in there. What would he do with the nursery? There would be no more children. He bit his lip, pushing the thought down. Make it a study…did he need a study? He pulled off his tie and tossed it on his bed. His jacket followed and he went back downstairs.

He’d lit a cigarette and walked out on the balcony when his phone went off.

“Hi, Terry. You’re home?”

“Toni…yeah, about an hour ago.”

“How is it?”

“Quiet…empty.”

“That’s why I always kept the music going when you weren’t there. It’s a big house when you’re there alone.”

“Maybe too big. Maybe I should look for something smaller.”

“Hard to find with a garden, though. That’s why we ended up with that one.”

“I was thinking a moment ago of the day we bought this place.”

“Do you understand why I couldn’t come back there?”

“Yes, luv, I do. It’s the same for me. It’s still full of a life that’s gone. It would be better I think for me to start looking for something else and put this place on the market.”

“I think so, too. You remember when we were at the House of Four Seasons and the magic spirits that were still there. They never left the place. You could feel them all around you sometimes…”

“Yeah, especially when I would first arrive.”

“I don’t want that house to be like that for you. Put it on the market, Terry. Start looking today.”

“Today…”

“Yes. What are you waiting for?”

“Well…nothing, Toni. I can do that. Yeah, that would be a good thing for me to do for the rest of the day. What’s Jacky doing?”

“Max has him in the pool. He has on his water wings. I was just thinking about you going into that house alone and I wanted to…just…”

“I’m glad you did, very glad you did, and, um, I’ll fire up the laptop and see what I can find. Maybe call an agent about this place.”

“You can call me, Terry, anytime you need to. I like talking with you.”

“Okay…I love you, Toni.”

“I love you, too, Terry. Bye.”

He slowly slipped his phone back in his pocket. She’d called just at the right time when he was about to go into a funk. How did she know? The seed was beginning to take root…sell this place. It was too big for two people, too many stairs for Jacky to fall down. He had to think first about him now. He stubbed out his cigarette in a planter full of sand and went inside to his office. Start today…why wait? Nothing was going to change here. His eyes moved to a picture of Toni and Jacky on his desk. He touched it briefly and opened his laptop.

Max brought a dripping Jacky and plopped him in Toni’s lap. “Yours,” he said, trying to rid his ears of water.

Toni wrapped Jacky in towel, drying him.

“Did you get him?” Max asked, picking up a towel.

“Yes, he was there. I think he may put the house on the market.”

“Real Estate in that area is booming right now. He shouldn’t have a problem.” Max sat down in a chair beside her. “Was he, um…?” He raised his brows, looking at Jacky.

“I’m sure he wasn’t.”

Max lay back in the chair. “I’m glad you called him.” He looked up through the trees, wishing some of that peace Toni had found would find its way to Terry. He felt for him. He really did.

The next morning Toni and Max helped Anna pack up her car and brought Jacky out. He wanted Toni to come, too.

“No, love, I have to stay here. I have to look after Maxi.” Jacky frowned at Maxi but he got in the car and allowed himself to be buckled in. Toni climbed in the back seat and kissed him. “You be good for Anna. You’re going to see your Daddy soon. Jacky’s going on an airplane to see his Daddy.”

He hugged his mummy and Max opened the door on the other side, giving him Joe. “Look who you were about to forget.” He kissed him and closed the door, waving as they drove off. He looked over at Toni holding Maxi. She was quietly crying.

“Come on, love, let’s go find Ludivine. I think It's Maxi’s time with Nana. I’ve got plans for you.”

Toni wiped her eyes. “Plans?”

“I’m taking you for a ride to Gordes. Didn’t I tell you? I know you’ve been but probably not on the back of my bike.” He smiled down at her, sliding his arm around her and walking her into the house.

Part 2

“It’s beautiful, Max. I see why you love it so.” Toni turned to Max. They’d stopped along the road so she could have a look.

“I do, Toni. I know England has its own attraction and I’m not talking just about around London but out in the country, but this is…I don’t know what it is,” he grinned and slipped his arm around her.

“It’s you. It was your destiny from the time you came out into the real world...to live in the chateau.” She turned back to the view.

“And you were the first one to see it with me. Do you believe in destiny…fate?”

“That’s not an easy question to answer. Was it fate that Jack chose you to be my summer season and all these years later here we are? I don’t know. It’s not been an easy road to this place.”

“No, there have been sacrifices, big ones. I still believe we were fated to be together. My love for you never wavered, Toni…never.”

“I can’t say that, Max, but I’ve loved you so much. You know that.”

“Yes, I do. I know how much you love Terry, too. That won’t go away, Toni. I can put out his fire in your veins but I can’t erase him from your heart.”

“My heart is big enough. I’ve moved him to a different chamber. You, Max, are the center of my life now.” She kissed him and he hugged her tight.

“Well, are we ready to ride? We’ve got a ways to go yet.”

Toni climbed on the back of the bike and held onto his waist. She remembered riding behind him that day at the House of Four Seasons when they’d been to the stream and made love in the water. She’d loved him like no other then…and she did again.

(Pic by Jo)

“We’re going up there?” Toni asked.

“Right to the top. Hang on!" And she did as he wove his way up the narrow twisting streets, some so narrow she swore she could have touched both sides of the walls if she’d stuck her arms out.

While Max and Toni were winding their way to the peak of Gordes, Terry was meeting with an estate agent. He was trying to fit in a viewing before he went to the airport to pick up Jacky and Anna.

“It’s just come on the market and has the advantage of an attached cottage.”

“Has it been updated, renovated?”

“Yes, two years ago the main house went under an extensive renovation.” The agent pulled up in front of a period building and led him through the main entrance and out the back. “It’s just here and that’s the cottage attached.”

Terry didn’t think too much of the outside. His flat had been in a better building. The house was in a nice upcoming section of Battersea. Was he coming down? Had his expectations diminished without Toni? Perhaps he should look at a flat; he really had no idea what to do.

“The white one?”

“Yes, sir. The back patios are joined, which gives a nice outdoor space.”

Terry came in to the place not knowing what he should be looking for. He noticed the original tiled foyer, stairs going up on the left and a lounge room on the right, past that a modern kitchen and large eating area. Storage was pointed out to him and then the back doors were opened and he walked outside. There were trees sheltering part of the terraced patios. Back inside, he went up the stairs to the master bedroom in the back with another bedroom in the front, two baths, more storage, a smaller room off the hallway, which could be a study or another bedroom he was told. Terry was trying to figure out where Jacky would sleep and Anna.

He was taken to the cottage adjoining with its two small bedrooms up and a kitchen and lounge down. It occurred to him Anna could live there, freeing up the front bedroom he might need if he ever had a guest. Why would he have a guest…who would come? He’d make that Jacky’s room and gain a study. He decided he’d get Anna out here to look at it. She may not want to live there full time but he needed her to. That was something he was going to have to talk to her about. She lived with her mother who was not in the best of health and while she was willing to come at a moment’s notice and stay or travel as they had needed, she still maintained her own place. Without Toni he was going to need her full time.

He got in his car heading for the airport. Was he incapable of looking after a two year old overnight by himself? Surely he could do that. He was beginning to realize how much he had depended on Toni. He’d spent a restless night in their bedroom. He still thought of it that way. All the more reason to find another place to live…and soon.

The first thing Jacky said when he saw Terry was that Mummy couldn’t come. He picked him up with Joe and hugged him. “She has to look after Maxi, Jacky, so it’s just us.”

“And Anna,” he replied.

“And Anna.” Terry turned to the nanny and smiled. “I’ve been to look at a residence today. I’m not sure it’s suitable. I wonder if you’d mind having a look with me.”

Anna went with him and after walking through both residences and the back patio area she was unsure what to say to him. “Well, sir, it’s the neighborhood, isn’t it? There’s not a park nearby for Jacky, only narrow walks, not enough room for your morning runs. Not that it isn’t a nice area but there are other things to consider.”

“Ah, yes, I see what you mean. So it’s not…it’s not right, then?”

“That would be up to you, sir.”

Right, he thought. He was in way over his head. “Thank you, Anna.” He picked up Jacky and they went back to the car. Max…he would call Max later on tonight. He had advised him to buy the house he had now.

Max was weaving through Gordes to the square where the notaries’ office was.

“Max, is this the same place you were in the movie?”

He turned his head slightly. “Yes, the notaire is just down that street,” he called back.

“I need food, Max.”

Max smiled and began looking around for a café. Feed the woman. He found a place to park his bike and helped her off. “Are you doing okay back here?”

“Um, yes, but I need to walk a little to straighten out my legs.” He took her hand while they walked around and found a place to eat.

Soup, bread, a salad and a bottle of wine later they left the restaurant and walked around the square, Toni slipping in and out of shops, buying only a silk scarf to tie her hair back with under the helmet. Max bought her some chocolate, which they shared walking up the street.

Back on the bike they began the descent to the valley below. Toni had thoroughly enjoyed the ride and the lunch. She thought it was awfully nice of Max to do this today because she’d been upset over Jacky leaving. But then he was very in-tune with her, always seemed to know what she needed.  Terry had been that way, too. She laid her head on Max’s back and hoped Jacky got there okay.

It was late in the day when they got back to La Siroque and Max went to collect Maxi from Ludivine, carrying him on his shoulders through the vineyard. Toni had gone upstairs to take a bath, feeling she needed one after riding around all day on the bike. Oh, but it had been fun. Max was fun.

She sat on the side of the bed, filing her nails and thinking about life with Max. Things should settle down into some kind of routine now. It seemed they’d been going or coming ever since they came together at Connie’s funeral. There were some changes to be made in the chateau with the new baby coming. She stopped her filing and looked up. Jack, she smiled and put her nail file away, wondering where he was and hoping he was safe, warm and dry. She could hear Max coming upstairs with Maxi.

“How’s our little man tonight?” she asked, taking him and giving him a hug and a kiss.

“Bathed, fed, and dry. What more could he want?” Max said and grinned. “He’s too young for anything else.”

“Oh, I bet he wants a cuddle and a rocking chair for awhile and then hopefully sleep.”

“Hmm, that sounds good to me.” He gave her a kiss. “Ludivine is bringing over something to eat, casserole of some sort.”

“That was nice of her after having Maxi most of the day.”

“Well, if you’ve, um, got that in hand I’ll go down and find a bottle of wine.”

Toni smiled as he bounded out of the bedroom.

Part 3

“Max, have you got a minute?”

“Yeah, Terry, what’s up?”

“I’m going to put my house on the market and I realized today after an unsuccessful attempt on my own to find another that I don’t know bloody all about real estate.”

“And you called me for…?”

“Help…well, you did help with this house.”

“Terry, that’s not my field of expertise. Where were you looking to move?”

“Well, that’s it. I don’t know. I went out to Camden but it wasn’t right for us.”

“Have you an agent?”

“Sort of. I saw one today who’s looking for something for me. The thing is the house I looked at seemed fine to me but then some things were pointed out, like no park, narrow walkways…”

“I guess it would depend on what you’re willing to spend. You should get a tidy sum for your house and I doubt it will be on the market long. What are you looking for, a flat or a house?”

“I thought I wanted a house but you know they’re all up and down stairs. That was another thing I forgot today and with Jacky. Maybe I should look for a flat. I was thinking something with a garden.”

“Are you going to plant flowers?”

“Um, no, I don’t think so, Max. I see what you mean and if there’s a park nearby for Jacky.”

“I’d look for a nice flat, Terry, in a decent area. Look at Notting Hill or Mayfair. You’ve got the money for that. You have to think of security, too, especially with you working and gone half the time.”

“True.”

“Sounds like you need to slow down and think this out a little.”

“I guess I do. It’s just that I really don’t want to be here in this house now.”

“I understand that, Terry. There’s the cottage. You can commute and we left Anna’s car in the garage.”

“Well, that’s convenient. I’ll give it a couple of days here and then…yeah, probably the cottage for awhile. Thanks, Max.”

“For what? I don’t think I gave you anything you can use.”

“Yes, you did. Have a good night, Max.”

Max ended the call, looked at his phone for a moment and went back upstairs to take himself a quick shower before dinner.

“Terry called me for real estate advice. He’s trying to move too fast and has no idea which direction to go. I told him to go to the cottage for awhile until he can get it together.”

“What was he doing?”

“Looking at property in Camden.” Max gathered her on his lap. “If you have any advice for him, call him tomorrow. He doesn’t want to stay in the house.”

“I can understand that. I will after I think up some,” she smiled and kissed him for his compassion. “You’re worried about him, aren’t you?”

“He’s a big boy and he can take care of himself, but I know what he’s going through. The difference is I already had you to pick me up when I stumbled. He’s alone.”

Terry walked out on the balcony and lit a cigarette. Anna had stayed until Jacky was asleep and Terry sent her home. Tomorrow they would go and get her car and he would see if he could stay at the cottage. It seemed like a good idea but the cottage was very much Toni. The thought came to him that he was trying to run away from her. Memories followed you everywhere you went. Sure he could sell the house and buy another, rid himself of the furnishings, everything she’d ever touched, but all he had to do was look at Jacky. She was there, a part of him. She was a part of him, too. She’d said as much in Paris, two souls as one engraved on her wedding ring, the magical ring he’d given her. They could never be separated, not really.

He had a place to live. He turned and looked through the French doors. Wiggins would be there in the morning…life would resume. This was the only home Jacky had ever really known. All his things were here. He knew where he could play. Why did he want to take this away from him, especially now that his mother wasn’t here? Max had been right. He needed to slow down and think this out. He’d get Wiggins to clear Toni’s things from the bedroom but there was no reason to remove photographs and other things she’d placed in the house. These were familiar things for Jacky and for him as well. Look it in the eye. It was what it was. He had made it so. He walked through the doors, closed them behind him, went over to the stack of CD’s and put one in the player. Music…something to fill an empty space.

He didn’t go for his run the next morning because he didn’t want to leave Jacky asleep alone in the house. He found some instant coffee downstairs and made a cup, bringing it back to the bedroom, and there in the semi-darkness he drank his first cup of coffee of the day. Soon Jacky would be awake and would want to come into the bed with him for a cuddle and a morning romp. His routine would change now…so many changes.

It was nearly ten before he got a chance to run. Wiggins had come in with carrier bags from the grocer and Anna was there with Jacky. He ran to the park where there was a good track around the pond. He’d been around it a few times when he thought he saw a familiar head appear along the path towards the street. Slowing, he began walking toward him.

“G’Day, Jack.”

“Terry, how are you? You look like hell.” Jack looked around for a bench and sat down. He was dressed in jeans, his boots, and a shirt, carrying a leather case Terry had bought him for Christmas.

“What brings you across the big divide?” Terry sat down and wiped his brow.

“I have a few days before I must report for duty and I thought to go across the channel and see Toni because I don’t know when I shall be able to return. You were on my mind this morning so I came to find you.”

“Not much to find right now. I’m kind of scattered, trying to put the pieces back, find a way to live.”

“I think you may be having regrets. I told you as much at Connie’s funeral.”

“Yes, you did but I wasn’t thinking clearly, wasn’t listening.”

“If Toni wasn’t carrying my child would you still be with her?”

Terry looked over at him. “I honestly don’t know, Jack. I think I had already set things in motion.”

“Consciously or unconsciously?”

“I’m not sure. I had a think in Australia before I left to come home about our life together, all the things that have happened and what I had done. I thought I’d give her a choice, let her go if she wanted to.”

“Do you really think she would have left you? She would have forgiven you your Australian and understood. My God, man! If she hadn’t left you before that…something inside you has changed. I don’t know what it is…but something. Have you seen her since…turning her to Max?”

“Yeah, in Paris at Penny’s wedding and then I spent the night at the chateau before coming home. It…was hard, you know?”

“I can imagine it was. How is she?”

“Happy. I knew Max could do that.” He smiled a little. “So now I’ve come home with Jacky. I guess we’re going to share him, back and forth. Toni’s taken Maxi as her own.”

“She would.” Jack stretched his legs out in front of him. “There is no chance of you getting her back. I know Max. He’s got what he always wanted. He won’t let her go.”

“I wouldn’t try. He could have taken her from me any time he wanted to, used his element, but he didn’t. I wouldn’t do that to him. I’ve cut off my right hand. I’ve got to learn to use my left.”

Jack smiled, “It can be done and done well. You’re a realist, Terry. You made a hasty decision and a wrong one. Now you must live with it. Work your life around it and go on. I know you have the inner strength to do so. Toni will always be a part of your life as she is mine, more so now as we will have a child together. I’m glad you’ve seen her. That was the first step in the right direction. As much as you scoffed, you are her season as I am. She will always be there for you and you must be there for her.”

Terry sighed, “I will be. You said you were going across the channel, flying?”

“Yes, I must make my way to the airport.”

“Come home with me. I’ll call you a taxi. Have you got any cash?”

Jack gave him a look.

Terry smiled, “I’ll stake ya. Max needs to set up an account for you at the bank.” He rose from the bench and he and Jack walked back to his house.

Part 4

“Toni…?” Max came downstairs looking for her and found her in the kitchen with Ludivine, trying to learn to use the range.

“Yes, darling, I’m in here.”

“I’m going over to Aubrey’s. There’s a tasting at one of the local vineyards and, um, not sure when I’ll be back.”

Toni looked at her watch. “Little early for tasting, isn’t it?” she grinned.

“Well, evidently there’s  a process I must learn first. I’ll have lunch at Chambord.” He eyed the thing Ludivine had on the counter. “What the devil is that?”

“It’s a monk fish,” Toni said, raising a brow and looking a little skeptical herself.

Max gave her a pitying look and a kiss. “Don’t forget to make that call,” he said over his shoulder as he walked down the hall.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Ludivine, if you’ll excuse me.” She pulled out her phone and went out the back door into the garden.

Toni punched in Terry’s number and took a seat at the table.

“Hi, Toni.”

“Terry, I see you survived the night with Jacky.”

“Oh, yeah, and the morning.”

“Max said you called him last night about going down to the cottage.”

“I’m going later today with Anna so she can collect her car. Not sure about staying, though…we might.”

“You’re looking for property?”

“Well, you know, I thought about that last night. This is the only home Jacky knows.  I hate to disrupt him anymore than he already is. I thought if I cleared out some things I might be able to stay here. I went and looked at a place but it wasn’t suitable.”

“It’s an awfully big house to be rambling around in by yourself.”

“Doesn’t seem so bad in daylight. Wiggins is here and Anna. I sent Anna home last night. I know I won’t always be able to do that but it was okay here with Jacky.”

“He’s going to need you more now that I’m not with him twenty-four hours a day.”

“I know. I’m beginning to learn how much I depended on you. I didn’t get out for a run until after nine this morning and guess who I ran into in the park…Jack”

“Jack’s there?”

“Not now. He’s on his way to you. I sent him along to the airport.”

“Oh, well, it will be good to see him. I still can’t get used to him flying. Do you know what time he’ll get in because someone will have to go to Marseilles to pick him up?”

“I don’t, luv. He’s made his own arrangements.”

“Terry…are you okay?”

“I’m trying to be.”

“If ever you aren’t…let me know.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will, luv. I’m, um, going back to work in a couple of days. Well, after I get things organized here. Laundry still come on Mondays?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll keep in touch with you, Toni. I still need that lifeline.”

“I’m here.”

“I know…and I’m here.”

“What’s Jacky doing?”

“He’s, ah, outside with Anna. He saw Jack briefly so he’s in the wading pool with his boats. I miss you.”

Toni closed her eyes. “I know.”

“Where’s Max?”

“Gone over to Chambord. Aubrey’s taking him to a wine tasting this afternoon. Maxi’s in his jumper chair in the kitchen with Ludivine, who is trying to teach me to use the French range. It’s kinda like the Aga but not. I can hear Duflot’s tractor in the vineyard. Ludivine speaks French to Maxi…Terry….”

“Toni…thanks for calling me.”

“Yeah, well, um, I’d better get back to the range. Bye, Terry.” Toni put her phone in her pocket and walked out in the garden until she could pull herself back together. She couldn’t do this, she just couldn’t. He did it. It was his own fault he was there alone. He gave her away…and now he missed her? She picked up a rock and threw it in the fountain then went back toward the kitchen. She didn’t need this now. She was happy, at peace with Max. She didn’t want his pain. She had enough of her own to bear.

“Max, I’m so glad you’re home!” Toni started toward him.

“Are you?" He gave her a silly grin

“Oh, dear! Where have you been?”

“Wine tasting and then wine drinking. It follows, you know.”

“Jack’s in Marseilles at the airport and needs a ride. I was going to send you for him but…”

“Jack needs to learn to drive.”

“I’ll go.”

“Not without me. Where’s Maxi?”

“Ludivine took him home with her. I’ll call and make sure she can keep him until we get back.”

“Toni…I love you.” Max was feeling amorous and began to play with various parts of her anatomy while she made her call, kissing her neck and cupping her breasts in his hands.

“Max, please!” She grinned over her shoulder

“Let’s leave Jack in Marseilles.” He kissed her neck, biting a little.

“Ludivine, can you keep Maxi until we go to the airport and back? Oh, thanks. Yes, I will.”

“You will what?” He turned her around.

“I’ll let her know when we get back. We have to go.” His hands did feel awfully nice.

Max frowned and followed her to the car. “He should have let us know he was coming.”

“You can tell him that when we see him.”

Max got in the passenger seat and buckled up. “Are you okay to drive?”

Toni looked over at him. “Yes, unlike you, I’m sober.”

“I am, too, after a fashion. Airport…that’s where we’re going…?”

“How ever did you get home, Max?” Toni asked, pulling out of the drive.

“I only drove from Chambord, not out on the motorway.”

He wasn’t that far gone but she knew he liked to play it up and she smiled as she slowed at the crossroads. It would have been nice to go with him upstairs. He was a darling. She wanted days like that with no interruptions, no one pulling this way or that, just time with Max. But now she was on the way to Marseilles and Jack.

Max was thinking the same thing. He’d like some time, too, with her without interruptions. It seemed they’d been on the go since they came together. “Toni, do you think we might get a week somewhere, without children, without ex-husbands and ex-lovers, just the two of us?”

Toni glanced over at him. “I would love that, Max, and we haven’t had the time to just be together.”

“After Jack leaves…you and I and no one else for awhile.”

“That suits me fine, Max,” Toni smiled. “We’ll lock the doors.”

“We’ll go to the Riviera.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heartbeat, love.” He placed his hand on her thigh

It seemed right his hand should be there. She was his in more ways than one. She put a hand over his and smiled at him.

Jack was standing on the sidewalk outside of the airport, people watching while he waited for Max and Toni to show up. He saw Max’s car and picked up his bag as it pulled to the curb.

“Hello, Max, Toni.”

“Hi, Jack,” Toni smiled

“You’re driving?”

“Yes, she is.” Max opened the back door and took Jack’s bag to the trunk. “How are you, Jack?”

“I’m well.” He slid into the back seat.

Toni looked over the seat. It always amazed her seeing him in modern dress. “You look well.”

He looked up at her, eyes sparkling. “I’m glad to see you.”

Toni felt that flutter in her chest she always felt around him. Ex-lover Max had described him. Well, she supposed he was, but, ohhh. Max got in the car, felt around for his seat belt and glanced at her.

“What brings you around, Jack, or should I already know the answer to that?”

“I’ve my orders and a few days before I’m to sail so I thought to see Toni before I left. I’m looking to be gone for quite some time.”

“What kind of time are you talking about, Jack?” Toni asked.

“Perhaps as much as a year. I really do not know.”

“Oh…then you won’t be here for the birth?”

“Most likely not, Pet.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t spending this time with Sophie and your children,” Max said, looking over the back seat.

“I’ve just come from Ashgrove and would already be at sea except for delays in obtaining the correct guns for my ship.”

“Is it the Surprise?”

“Yes, it is.”

Toni entered the highway, remembering being on the Surprise sailing from Norfolk, VA to the House of Four Seasons. Jack’s home away from home…the night he’d almost but hadn’t and sent Max to her.

Max was sobering up and had a slight headache now. He rubbed his temples and rested his head on the back of the seat. “Wake me when we get there,” he mumbled and closed his eyes. He followed their conversation for a while and drifted off to sleep, wondering just how accommodating he might be with Jack.  Toni carried his child. Could he trust him?

Part 5

Back at La Siroque Max left to get Maxi from the Duflot’s and Toni went into the kitchen to see what she could put together for dinner. The monk fish hadn’t turned out very well. Jack went up to his bedroom and changed his clothes, feeling more comfortable in his own rather than the tight jeans. He came back downstairs and found her filling a pot of water for pasta.

Jack slid his arms around her waist, placing his hands on her baby mound. “Ah…!”

“You felt it?” Toni turned quickly. The baby had moved. “That’s the first time I’ve felt it move.”

“I did feel something. It is a babe after all.”

“Yes, it is. We haven’t talked much about the baby, Jack, and now you’re not going to be here for the birth.”

“That is true but I was not at the birth of my other children. What would you like to talk about?” He leaned on the counter while she set the pot to boil.

“Well…a name for starters. I’ll find out on my next visit to the doctor what sex it will be. It’s going to need a name.”

“If it be a boy…John, and if a girl, I will leave that to you.”

“John Aubrey…”

“You will give it my name?”

“Yes…unless you object?”

“Not at all,” he smiled.

“If it’s a girl I’m thinking about Rose.” She looked up at him. Would he remember?”

Jack looked at her a moment and touched her face. Yes, he did remember the rose on the pillow he’d left for her. “That is a lovely name. I have only one request and that is you will give birth in England. I shouldn’t like to think my child was born on French soil.”

“But…I can do that for you, Jack. I will be at the cottage afterward for a little while. I don’t think Max would object to that.” She could hear Max coming through the garden singing to Maxi.

“Your life mate comes.” Jack moved to the back door and turned to her. “He is, you know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, say something that day at the House of Four Seasons when you summoned him?”

“It was not my place to influence you and your heart was afire with Terry. He took a hit that day but he has come back stronger than ever. Max, your son has changed much since I saw him last.”

Max handed him to Jack. “hHe’s getting to be quite the young man. Ludivine says he pulled himself up today.”

“Oh, did he? It won’t be long now he’ll find his feet,” Toni smiled, remembering Jacky’s first steps. Jacky, how she missed him. She bit her lip as she chopped a few vegetables.

Terry was at the cottage. He’d sent Anna home once she had her car and thought he could handle Jacky here without her help. He walked through the familiar, comfortable rooms. Yes, Toni was here, very much here, but so was Max. He thought about what he’d said to her that this was a Toni and Max house and she’d answered that was his own fault for not taking the time to come down and help. Had she and Max? But it didn’t matter now, did it…it didn’t matter. Jacky found his toy box and was busy emptying it in the corner. Terry left him and went into the kitchen. He’d have to go to the market if they were to stay. Was he going to stay? He walked up the stairs to what had been their bedroom and took a breath.

The last time he’d been with her was here in this bed. He ran his hand over the coverlet, walked to the window and looked out. Hearing a loud, “Daddy!” he went down the stairs. Jacky was on the bottom step and he picked him up.

“What do you think, Jacky? Shall we stay the night? Walk down the market for some food and drinks?”

“Yah, on the bike.”

“On the bike? Um, well, I’m not sure about that. We’ll go walkabout.”

“Yah, walkabout,” he nodded his head, ready to go.

Terry went through the market, picking up a few things then stopped in at the bakery and bought some sausage rolls, bread, and a meat pie he’d share with Jacky. Jacky found some things in the glass-fronted counter he wanted. Terry smiled and bought them. ‘Treats’ he’d called them.

By the time they got back to the cottage he was carrying Jacky and all the packages. A long walk for such a little boy, he thought, and fed him and took him upstairs. There was the diaper issue to deal with but he’d become an old hand at that and explained to Jacky what big boys did in the bathroom.

Once Jacky was down for his nap in the crib he went back downstairs and made himself a cup of tea, taking it out in the garden. It wasn’t so bad here. He looked around at the flowers blooming. He and Toni had never lived here, only visited, so there weren’t a lot of memories stored in the corners and the last one he’d rather not recall, when he’d left angry. He sipped his tea. Jack had stood right over there telling him what he didn’t want to hear, but he’d been right. He’d been right this morning, too. There was something inside him that was different.

He could trace it back to Bolivia when he’d gone off the cliff, shot and looking at his death below. He could die and it had only been a miracle that he hadn’t. Sometimes he thought it would have been better if he had, especially after what happened to him afterwards. He was vulnerable. He could die and he’d only lived for a little over three years, really lived. And then there was the girl he shagged in Australia. He still didn’t know why he’d done it except she was there and the opportunity came for it to happen. He ran his hand over his face. He’d been right, though. She wouldn’t be the last. He’d had another in Mexico. He was vulnerable…

“He wants you to go to England to have the baby?”

“Yes. Do you think that will be a problem?” Toni asked, pulling a soft nightgown over her head.

“I suppose not. We could go over end of January. You’ll have to find a doctor in London.”

“I have one already. He’s not seen me for a while.”

“We could stay at the flat until the baby comes.”

“What about Maxi?”

“I hope to have a nanny by then. You’re going to need one, love. We might leave him here. He’ll be walking and too much for you to run after with a new one.”

“Would you leave him that long?”

“Just until you give birth. She can bring him over to the cottage.”

“We’ve never talked about having children…”

“Good God, woman! We’re going to have three!” Max pulled the blankets down on the bed.

“I know, but would you want me to have your child?”

“Maybe someday, Toni, but I want to see you strong and healthy and not pregnant for a while.” He kissed her softly, pulling her toward the bed. "We need some time, you and I. I’ve waited so long for you.”

“I know…too long.” She met his lips for a long and loving kiss.

“Waste of time, this,” Max pulled her gown over her head and let his hands slide down her body.

“This, too.” She pushed his pajama pants over his hips.

Max grinned and pulled her down on the bed with him for some Max and Toni time.

“How was he when you saw him?”

“Max, he’s trying to find himself again, put his life together so he can live it.”

“I care about him, you know? I was the beneficiary of his meltdown, but…still…I think about him and what he’s going through.”

Max and Jack were in the library of the chateau. Lunch was over and Toni had taken Maxi upstairs for a nap. Jack had found a violin and played with it a little.

“He’ll find his feet.” Jack plucked a few strings. “Terry is a complicated man. He keeps too much inside. Better to let it blow once in awhile.” He tightened a string. “Of course it’s good to keep your head about you when you do.”

“He lost it, completely blew it, demanding things of Toni she couldn’t do, like give up her seasons.” Max picked up his Uncle Henry’s guitar and began tuning it.

“Are you going to make the same request of her?”

“No, I’m not, but there is a limit to what I will allow.” He looked up at Jack and smiled. “No more children.”

Jack met his eyes for a moment and smiled a little. “I understand completely.” He drew his bow across the strings. “What about Terry? He has a legal right to her.” He set the violin on his shoulder and began to play.

Max found the note and strummed the guitar. “He’s given up that right and he should know that.”

“But will it stop him?”

“I will stop him if he forgets.” Max followed Jack’s lead and accompanied him.

Toni was rocking Maxi and the sound of their playing together reached her ears. She got out of the rocking chair, holding a sleeping Maxi, and laid him in his crib. Instead of going down and joining them, she sat on the top stair and listened to them. She hadn’t known Max could play. She was finding  out a lot of things she hadn’t known about him. He made wonderful salad dressings and oils for bread dipping. They’d come a long way from the coffee press at the House of Four Seasons. Life mate. She wondered how Jack had come up with that. But he was…her mate for life.

Part 6

“Good morning, Pet. You’re out early.”

“I saw you through the kitchen door. I’m always up early for Maxi. Are you leaving today?”

“Yes, a flight back to London and then I shall be away…”

“It’s an awfully long time for you to be away, Jack…a year?”

“Perhaps not quite, but, yes, months and months. I’ll have thoughts of you to keep me company.”

“I’m going to miss you. It seems I’m always missing you. Strange, isn’t it, that we live in different worlds more than two hundred years apart and yet you are so…so now.”

“People aren’t that much different, you know.” He began to walk with her. “Perhaps dress and mores have changed but people are still the same.”

“Would you have had me two hundred years ago?”

“Had I known you, yes. You would have been my mistress,” he grinned.

“Ah, a mistress! I like that. I feel rather exotic being a mistress. I would have had your child. How will it know you, Jack?”

“As I am. I shall be Papa as I am to my other children.”

“But…will you take it into your world to really know you…know you as I do? I’ve been with you there and here.”

“If you will allow it…yes, I would like to when it is of an age to know.”

“What a special child it will be…and Maxi. It’s going to be difficult. Max is his father and I am now his mother, but this child...what will Max be to it?”

“Well, he is an uncle, but I see your point. If it calls him father I have no problem with that as long as I am recognized by the child as its Papa.”

“You will be, and a very special Papa you will be.” She stopped a moment and took his hand. “It will know that I loved its Papa very much.”

Jack took her in his arms, kissed her deeply and brushed her hair back from her face. “You know I love you, but I’m afraid your days of mistress are over.”

“Yes, I know, but I will never forget and I will love you always.” He took her hand and kissed it then held it as they walked around the garden.

“What will you do about Terry?”

“I don’t know. I still love him as I always did but there’s a…hurt there and I don’t know if it will ever go away. When I saw him in Paris my first instinct was to run to him, but I didn’t. I won’t. I want some distance there. Part of me wants to comfort him and part of me wants to slap him for what he did so…distance until I can come to terms with it. I’m talking to him on the phone and we have Jacky together so I will see him.”

“You’re still married to him. Do you think that wise?”

“He didn’t want a divorce. I don’t know why. Max once said he wouldn’t let him divorce me, too many marriages…but no one has asked me except you. Sometimes I feel like a package handed around without any control at all. Here, you have her. Well, that’s come to an end. I’m where I want to be and will stay. I would have a divorce. He shouldn’t have that legal claim on me. He gave me away.”

“You should talk to Max about that, perhaps hire an attorney. There is no reason for you to stay married to him. You have that magical marriage, that bond that will always be there, but legalities have a way of complicating things.”

“He said he would never marry again.”

“He says that now…and what of Max?”

“Max and I married at The House of Four Seasons and we have agreed that is enough for us. Jack, do you not trust Terry?”

“I would trust him with my life and have done so, but with you…no.”

Toni stopped and met his eyes. “I see…”

“Just a little warning, Pet, and pray it never comes to anything. Max will not allow it.”

“I would not allow it.”

Jack smiled and hugged her to him.

(Pic by Jo)

Mid morning and the light rain that was falling when he woke in the cottage had moved on. It was still wet and cloudy as he walked out in the garden with Jacky. He’d slept soundly for the first time in a long time. Jacky picked some flowers off the azalea bushes for Mummy and brought them to Terry, who stood with them in his hand. Mummy was far away he told him but he put them in a little cup of water to save them for her.

He was going back to London today and in some ways he regretted leaving the cottage. But his life wasn’t here, it was in London.  This place was a holiday, a getaway, and a good place for Jacky to roam about on his own. He was thinking again about the house. He didn’t need it and couldn’t see himself in the garden with anything but Jacky and Jacky could play in a park. Four flights of stairs were too many for a two year old and, knowing Jacky, he’d be up them given a chance.

“Jacky, are ya ready to ride?”

“Yah, on the bike.”

Terry smiled, “In the car. We can’t ride a bike to London.”

Once back in Battersea he checked his email, finding a notice from the estate agent. Would he consider a flat in Battersea opposite the park? He looked over at Jacky climbing in a chair and smiled. Would he!

The building was not new but well maintained, and the flat was on the second floor with only one flight of stairs to the front door. Terry liked it. There were only a few steps inside down to the kitchen and storage areas, laundry room and what could be a den or playroom for Jacky. Three bedrooms, two baths, nice view of the park and the Thames. He put in an offer. He’d had Jacky with him when he looked at it and told him they were going to live there. His house was now on the market and he spent the next few evenings with a decorator the agent had hooked him up with. He was moving ahead with Jacky, trying to include him with everything he was doing.

Anna only came during the day when he was at work. He’d taken over the nighttime duty himself. Wiggins, after viewing the property he’d bought, agreed to continue but shed a few tears over the Aga she would be leaving behind. Terry took nothing from the house except his clothes and the framed photographs, Jacky’s things, TVs , music, and his office furniture and computers. He set one of the bedrooms up as his office. Jacky was fascinated by the ‘real’ bed he had. The crib was given to charity. Going to the park was a matter of crossing the street, easier on Anna, who no longer had to push the stroller to the park every day.

Terry toyed with the idea of calling Toni and letting her know what he was doing but he waited until they were moved in before he made the call.

“Hi, Toni, how are you?”

“Terry, I’m good. Just back from two weeks at the Rivera. I’m spoiled.”

Terry smiled, “I’ll bet you are. I’ve been busy myself. I’ve, um, sold the house and moved. Do you remember that building across from the park, the block of flats?”

“The tall brick one, yeah. You’ve moved?”

“Yeah, we did. Been in here for two days now.”

“What brought this on? I thought you’d decided to stay in the house?”

“I went down to the cottage and spent a night there with Jacky and did a lot of thinking. This was waiting for me when I got back and I thought it was the right thing to do, Toni. It’s a place for me and Jacky and, um, I had a decorator to do it up. Jacky picked out his bedroom things.”

“Wow, what kind of place is it?” Toni was very surprised he’d done this on his own and a little proud of him.

“Three bedrooms, one I took as an office, um, lounge and a dining area, kitchen and a den-playroom. Put all his toys there. It, ah, looks nice and there’s a great view of the park and the Thames out the front windows. Wiggins still comes daily and Anna, too, but it’s a day job for her now. I’ve, uh, taken over the nights.”

“Terry, I don’t know what to say, but it’s good. It sounds good. I’m impressed. I really am. Are you back at work now?”

“Oh, yeah, trying to get a routine going now.  I feel good about it, the move.”

“I’m happy for you, Terry.”

“So, um, you’ve had some fun in the sun?”

“I have. It was a nice holiday. We needed the break, but speaking of routines, I think it’s time we settled into one, too. It’s been go-go since…and then Jack was here so I think things should settle down for us now.”

“I wanted to talk to you about Jacky. I’m sure you’re probably about ready for him again but I thought if I could keep him through August, unless something comes up work wise.”

“Another month? I do miss him awfully.”

 “I’m sure you do. He’s here if you want to come and see him.”

“It might be upsetting for him if I came…there. I’ll be in London in January and will stay until the baby is born. Jack requested that it be born in England and I’m going to honor that. I don’t know how much traveling we’re going to do before then. You could send him here, or bring him. I think that would be best for Jacky.”

“I’ll bring him. Well, I just wanted to let you know what’s been happening here. I thought….”

“I’m glad you called and it all sounds positive. You’re doing the right thing, Terry.”

“How are you doing? Getting on all right?”

“Yes, I’m doing very well…getting fat.”

Terry smiled, “Baby fat.”

“That, too,” she laughed a little. “I’m happy, Terry.”

“That’s good. I want you to be.”

“And you?”

“Better, every day, ya know. I think the move helped. Ah shit! Toni, I still…I’m okay.”

“Good.” Toni shifted her feet in Max’s lap. “Stay that way. Love you, Terry.”

“I love you, too.” Terry set his phone down and stared at it, touching it lightly.

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