DIFFICULT DECISIONS

(Direct continuation of A Cottage By the Sea)

By Atonia Walpole

(Picture creations also by Atonia)

Part 1

Terry leaned against the iron railings watching the boys chasing gulls along the walk. Dino gazed at him awhile and then turned looking out over the Battersea Wharf. Dino found him back in London after hearing he had lung cancer and then nothing. He’d been unable to contact him and spent a frantic few days trying to find out where the hell he was. Finally he located the company jet and things began falling into place. He figured he was at the House of Four Seasons. Terry called him once he was home and assured him he was all right.

It was three months later and he made the trip to London to see for himself. Miracles, he thought perhaps he was looking at one. “So what are you going to do?”

Terry glanced back at him. “I don’t know. I’m a desk cowboy now, ya know, mate, slowing down, taking time to smell the roses.”

“You know, Tio, we’ve been in the business for a long time. I’ve been in scrapes and thought I was looking at the end many times but I’ll be damned if I can figure you out. Not a fucking year goes by but you aren’t laid up with something. Who did you piss off?”

Terry grinned, “Dunno but I’m going to try and not do it again. Jacky quit...put it down, son.”

Dino sniffed and turned around. “You’re doin’ a good job there with that boy. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“What? Being a Dad? It’s what I do, man.”

“You’re domesticated.” Dino shook his head.

“Yeah, well, sorry about that. Some of us grow up, you know.”

“You used to be fun.”

Terry grinned and looked back at the boys. Maxi was over for a month and keeping up with a 3 year old and a 4 year old was keeping him on his toes.

“I take it you’re not interested in going back to Bolivia with me.”

“I’ve been to Bolivia.”

“Not the same gig.”

“It’s all the same gig. Different day, same old shite.”

“Are you burnt out? Is that it?”

“I’ve had to step back and take a look at my life. I got a second chance to do that, you know. You said Jacky was a good job. It’s because I’m with him. I’ve got a sixteen year old boy I don’t even know. I go out to see him and we have little to talk about. Not much history there between us. I’m not making that mistake twice.”

“I hear you’ve pretty much turned SI over to Brian. I don’t see your signature very often.”

Terry gave him a side glance. “Don’t believe everything you hear. I’m where I want to be there. See all, hear all…I don’t have to sign the paychecks, ya know.”

“No, I guess you don’t. You own the joint.”

“That bother you? Want a piece of it?”

“Maybe…just a small slice,” Dino grinned and fished out a cigarette.

Terry glanced at it and licked his lips. “I quit.”

“Fags…you’re shittin’ me?”

“Nope and you should, too.”

“Hey, don’t start from the pulpit now. I got stress in my life.”

Terry took a breath. “Thought you broke up with her?”

“Oh, yeah, wel,l I did. It’s other shit. If it bothers you I’ll.…”

“It does.”

“O-kay.” Dino stamped out his smoke. “Jean Paul says you’ve stepped down .”

“Is that what you blokes do, sit around and gossip about me…you need some work?” Terry raised a brow.

“Fuck you.”

“The insurance company won’t let me back in the field for six months but that’s not the only reason. I want to live to see Jacky grow up. I’m snake bit like you said so I’m not taking any chances.”

“You got the shite scared out of you. Now you got cold feet, lost your confidence. I’ve seen it before. You’ll get over it…give it time.”

Terry sighed, “Ya hungry…fish and chips?”

“You’re payin’.”

“Come on, boys…fish and chips.”

Terry scooped up Maxi and took Jacky’s hand as they crossed the street heading back along the waterfront. Dino followed behind, a half smile on his face. He’d always known Terry had that side to him, that tender side. That side threatened to get him in trouble a few times. But then he could slit a man’s throat and pull a trigger without a second thought.

He’d watched him throw himself headfirst into whatever was going after he split with Toni. Like he had a death wish but Death threw him back only to sneak around and assault him from within once he’d found his feet again. Maybe he was right to lay low for awhile. Dino just didn’t want it to become a habit with him, a way of life. He was too valuable to waste it behind a desk.

Later that night after Terry saw the boys through their baths and bedtime he came downstairs where Dino was watching TV in the den and pulled a couple of beers from the fridge, handing one off to Dino.

“I guess the pub’s out?” he asked, opening his beer.

“Can’t leave the boys, can’t take ‘em with me.” Terry flopped down in his recliner. “What the bloody hell are you watching?”

“Is this it? This is what you do now?”

“Pretty much.” Terry took a drink. “What do ya want?”

“Women…there is a distinct absence of women here. Am I wrong?”

“Nope. I don’t bring women here.”

“You do take ‘em somewhere, don’t ya? I mean, you haven’t turned into a wanker?”

Terry regarded his friend sprawled on his sofa drinking his beer. “What if I have?” He grinned and hid it with his beer bottle.

“Get away from me…”

“You want women…I know a few.” He took a drink.

“Whew…you had me worried there. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind it.”

“Have to be tomorrow night. I’ll get Anna to stay over.”

“That’s Max’s boy you’ve got here, right? How’s, ah, how are they, Max and Toni?”

“Good, they’re fine, Dino. We see each other frequently. I’ve got Maxi here for Jacky.  When I was sick Jacky spent three months with them and they’ve both been missing each other so I brought him back with me when I picked up Jacky the first of the month.” Terry chuckled, “He wasn’t quite so sure the first few days but he’s fine now.”

“You and Toni are, ah…?”

“We’re cool.” Terry took a long drink from his beer bottle. “What happened with you and Maria?”

“Ah…I figured something out. A woman goes that long without getting married or hooked up with somebody working up her career, well, there’s a reason for it, you know, there’s a reason she’s still single. I don’t need it so I moved on.”

“Nobody else? Um, are you dating?”

“Every chance I get,” he grinned, “but nobody special, if that’s what you mean. What about you, Tio?”

“I seek female company when the need arises,” he laughed.

Dino smiled, “Ah, you’re okay. You had me worried for awhile. It ain’t been a good year for you. It’s time you had a break, had a little fun and I don’t mean ridin’ that damn recliner.” Dino finished off his beer. “My shout.” He took Terry’s empty to the kitchen and reloaded.

Part 2

Terry introduced Dino to Loran and they seemed to be hitting it off. He knew Loran had a flat in the city so if everything worked out…. He turned and smiled at Rachel. He’d met her socially and they’d shared a few drinks, a few dinners, a few nights. He was aware she wanted more of him and he felt a little guilty calling her. If it hadn’t been for Dino, he wouldn’t have bothered. He was using her, taking advantage of her feelings for him. Feelings that were not returned but he was good at the game. He played it well.

“I was, ah, surprised to hear from you. It’s been awhile.” She sipped her drink.

“Yeah, well, I’ve, um, been away.”

“I’m glad you’re back. Your friend is, um, an American?”

Terry smiled a little. “Yes, how did you know? Was it the accent?”

“I’m not that stupid. Just looking for something to say.”

“Why, why do you have to say anything?” He sipped his drink.

“You’re being difficult, aren’t you?”

“Am I? Sorry, I don’t mean to be. You look nice.” He licked his bottom lip.

She smiled, dipping a little toward the table, cleavage on display. “So do you. I’ve missed you.”

“Did you?” He teased her with his eyes and then looked away.

“Do you want to go to my place?”

“No.…”

“You never come home with me.”

“That’s because I don’t want to know where you live.”

“I’d like to know where you live. I know it’s not the slick flat you take me to.”

“Why is it important to know where I live?”

“It says a lot about a man, where he lives. I want to know you better.”

“You know enough.” He slipped a finger down her top, brushing it across the top of her breasts.

“No…no, I don’t. Something tells me you’re married and that’s why.…”

“I am married but I don’t live with my wife.”

“Separated?”

“Yeah, by the English channel. Do you want another drink?”

He paid the cab driver and escorted her up the stairs to the elevators and to Max’s flat. He had a key to the flat as well as Max’s car but he rarely used the car, only took it out for a spin now and again when the weather was nice. The flat he made use of when he had a lady for the evening. It was as close as they ever got to him. He satisfied his needs and theirs and sent them home in a cab the next morning.

He’d had a shower and now nursed his cup of tea on the balcony. He felt bad about Rachel. She was a nice girl, good company and good in bed, but she brought up the  ‘L’ word  and he’d told her he couldn’t see her anymore. It wasn’t the first time he’d pulled away, ended a relationship. He didn’t encourage attachments. They just happened. Still it left a sour taste in his mouth.

He pulled his phone out of Max’s robe he wore loosely tied around his waist. “Hey, Max, how are ya?”

“I’m well. How’s Maxi?”

“He’s good, having a grand time. I’m at the flat.”

Max grinned. “Was it good?”

“Oh, yeah…um, Dino’s in town for a few days and since its Saturday I thought I might take your car for a drive, him, too.”

“Good idea. It needs a good blow out. Oh, I got a note from the caretaker down at the cottage, something about damp. If you get a chance have a ride down and see what he’s on about.”

“Sure thing. Um, give Toni my love and I’ll talk to you later.”

Terry pocketed the phone and finished his tea. He checked his watch. Dino should be up by now…wherever he was.

“An Aston Martin?” Dino’s eyebrows went up.

“Hop in.” Terry reached over and opened the door. He’d picked Dino up in front of Loran’s building. “I’ll take you for a ride.”

“Oh, man, if I could count the times you’ve taken me for a ride. Whose car is this, yours?”

“No, it’s Max’s. One of the last things he acquired before he came out of his movie. Keeps it in a lock up.”

“Nice ride.”

“Anything you want to do today or are you with me?”

“I’m with you as long as we aren’t riding recliners.”

“Road trip, going down to the cottage and check it out. Have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was fun. She’s a great girl. What, ah, happened with you? She got a call this morning from Rachel.”

Terry concentrated on the traffic. “It was getting too involved.”

Dino looked at him a moment. “You don’t get involved?”

“No, I don’t”

“Why is that? Are you afraid?”

“No…not afraid. I’m a married man,” he smiled and glanced at Dino.

“Bullshit! You WERE a married man!”

“I still am inside.”

“You need to get over that. It’s over done, kaput. You ended it yourself.”

“It’s never going to be over.”

“How is it with her?”

“I don’t speak for her. The fire ain’t going out between us. It never will.”

“Must have gone out. She’s with Max. I still say you need to get past it…move on, find somebody else.”

“There isn’t anybody.”

“You won’t let there be…don’t get involved.”

“It works for me. I’m not looking for that kind of relationship. I’ve got Jacky to raise. It’s bad enough without parading a new woman around. That’s why I don’t bring them to the house. He’s a good kid. He doesn’t need that kind of shit in his life. He has a mother. Why confuse him?”

“I’m thinking about you.”

“I’m fine…don’t worry, daddy.”

“What, me worry? I still think you need a steady somebody to look after you. You don’t do such a good job, ya know?”

“If I get in trouble I know where to go. I’ve been at this for awhile, Dino. I know what I’m doing.”

They rode in silence for awhile.

“This thing in Bolivia…you don’t need me.”

“That’s a matter of opinion. You’re still the best. Hurts me to say that, to admit it, but you are. I got good people down there but it ain’t working and you know it.”

“Why aren’t you down there?”

“Cause I’m here.”

“Is that why you’re here? Can’t handle it?”

“I came to see you, asshole.”

“Because you’re a nice guy.”

“Yeah. I wanted to see for myself…make sure you’re healthy.”

“I can’t work in the field. I told you that.”

“It’s a fuck up. We’re gonna lose him.”

“You can do the same thing I can, probably better at it.”

“No, Tio, you’ve got that special touch, silver tongued devil that you are. I need a negotiator, I need the best, I need you. You don’t have to go in the field. If it comes down to that I got people to carry rifles. “

“Four months ago I had my chest ripped open and part of a lung removed. I had some kind of virus I couldn’t shake. Miraculously I was cured. I’m still trying to come to terms with that.”

“How long you reckon it’s gonna take before you come to terms? How long can you sit there in your office and listen to what’s going on and walk away from it? Maybe you don’t listen anymore? Is that it…turned that over to Brian?”

“I listen. Your man is not the only one on fire right now.”

“Right…Jean Paul’s got Renauldo and you’re playing in the park, ridin’ a damn recliner and watching TV.”

“What the fuck do you want, Dino?”

“I want you involved again. You’re beginning to sound like the very people you hated…disconnected…counting out the money. It’s not the money, it’s the lives you save, the ones you put back together.  You’re in danger of losing that human touch.”

Part 3

Terry pulled up in front of the cottage and turned to Dino. “You are one of the very few people who can talk to me like that…and live.” He slid out of the car and walked off down the street to find the caretaker.

Dino grinned and unbuckled his seat belt. He’d never been to the cottage before…another property they owned. He was trying to count up how many homes they owned when he heard Terry talking to someone and looked around. Caretaker, he reckoned.

They lived well, lived big. He shook his head a little. Magic men and so was he but somehow the big time hadn’t rubbed off on him. He was all right but not the CEO level of the brothers. A piece of the pie kept running through his mind. He didn’t have enough put back to buy into it like he’d want to.

Terry was talking drains.

Dino wandered to the back garden through a gate to the river. Nice place. He wondered how often Terry got down here.

Terry finished with the caretaker and looked over the back garden for Dino. “Dino?”

“In the river!” he yelled back.

“I’m making coffee.” Terry opened the back door and went inside. It smelled of dried roses and dust. He put the kettle on and found the instant coffee.

Walking through to the front rooms he let his fingers trail over a table, touch a lampshade, eyes touch a painting. It was warm, worn, cozy, so very Toni. He thought he might bring the boys down here for the weekend. He carried his cup upstairs going to the bedroom he and Toni had shared and then down the hallway. So much life lived here in such a short amount of time. Connie…his lips parted remembering her. Tragedy, pain and sorrow had been lived here, too. Max…Max had suffered here. He touched a door and turned, heading for the stairs.

“Hey, you in here?” Dino was in the hallway.

“Yeah.” Terry came down the stairs.

“Everything okay?”

“Um, there’s a problem on the north end with damp. So we’re going to have a new drain, some new plaster…and whatever.”

“I was just wondering a little while ago how often you get down here?”

“Not nearly often enough. No reason why I couldn’t come for the weekends. It would be good for Jacky to get out of the city.”

Dino looked at him a moment. “Do you ever think what might be good for Terry?”

Terry walked past him to the kitchen and rinsed out his cup, emptied the kettle. “There’s a pub that has a good lunch here.”

“Pubs always have good lunches, a little heavy on the stomach, but good.”’

“Gotta have something to soak up all that washing down liquid.” Terry bit his lip and held the back door open for Dino. He locked up the cottage and walked around to the front. “We can walk. It’s not far.” He led the way down the drive to the street.

Back in London.

After stowing Max’s car in the lock-up they walked the sidewalks for awhile, in and out of a few pubs.

“I need to get home,” Terry remarked, leaving the last pub.

“Why? You’re almost like your old self tonight.”

“Not sure my old self was worth recapturing,” he chuckled. “I need to see Jacky and Maxi.”

“Your old self was an honorable man as I remember, strong, fearless, detail-oriented. Not a bad fella. He could be dangerous, too, somebody you want on your side, somebody I want by my side when in need and I’m in need.”

“I’m in need of a piss. Step in here a moment.” Another corner, another pub. Dino ordered a pint while Terry went to the john.

They were near Max’s flat but Terry didn’t want to go there. He wanted to go home.  Dino was looking at another night on Terry’s den sofa.

“Think you can get home by yourself?” Dino raised his brows.

“Why? Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, to tell ya the truth. Might just hang out for awhile…few more pubs, maybe a nice bar somewhere and look for some upscale company."

“I can get home…get a taxi.”

“You’ve had a lot to drink, my friend. Kids will be asleep by now anyway. Sure you don’t want to come with me?”

“No…don’t want any scaly company.”

Dino tilted his head. “Isn’t that Max’s building over there?”

“Where? Yeah, that’s it.”

“Go sleep it off, Tio.”

“I’m not…I’m not pissed.”

“I think you are. Damn, you used to drink me under the table. You’re getting rusty…becoming an old man…or an old woman.”

“Fuck you, Dino.”

“That’s the spirit!” Dino took his elbow and led him across the street. “Here ya go. Go on up.”

Dino watched him through the glass doors going up the stairs. He shook his head slightly, remembering times they’d drunk for two days and still were upright. Terry had slowed down. Maybe it was a natural progression, and he had kids to think about now. Something else, too…something else was missing…fire.

Terry tossed the keys on the coffee table and sat down. Why did he let himself be pushed around like that? He felt okay…little wobbly but he could have made it home. He lay down on the sofa just for a little while.

A disheveled Terry woke at daybreak and stumbled to the bathroom. He didn’t remember coming here last night. A quick look in the bedroom eased his mind. There wasn’t a woman with him and neither was Dino. He splashed water on his face and cleaned his teeth. Bits of the evening were coming back now along with a headache from hell. He looked in the medicine cabinet and found some aspirin. There were Toni things in there, nail polish, something to take it off again, a small bottle of scent he held to his nose. It wasn’t familiar. He didn’t think she ever worn it. Eye drops and nasal spray…Toni…

In the closet of the bedroom her clothes hung in neat rows. He touched them, smelled them. He caught sight of himself in a full length mirror and backed out of the closet. There were times, times like this he felt the loss so strongly, times when he needed her there with him. She had literally breathed life back into him at the House of Four Seasons and now he found he couldn’t live without her, without hearing her voice. It had only been three weeks since he’d been over there to pick up Jacky and Maxi but the need was strong this morning. He rubbed his face and went to the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee.

Get himself together, get some coffee down…what time was it…yeah, okay…he’d fucked the whole weekend away. Damn, what was wrong with him…Dino shows up and…what the fuck…Dino needed him and what the hell was he doing about it? He wouldn’t commit...what kind of a…ah, bloody hell…

He leaned his head against the cabinet, waiting for the coffee maker to drip.

An hour later he’d showered, helped himself to Max’s underwear and socks, a clean shirt. He combed his hair, patted his pockets, looked around checking out. His headache under control, his mind and body under control. He rode the elevator down and called for a taxi. To all appearances he was a man in complete control. The sunglasses added a nice touch to the picture, no evidence of the near panic attack he’d had earlier. He was completely concealed behind the walls he’d put up.

He found Dino having a late breakfast with Jacky and Maxi. “G’Day.” He gave Jacky and Maxi hugs.

“Have a seat. There’s enough here for you.”

“Looks good. I’m starved.” He sat down to breakfast, listening to the boys chatter. He’d forgotten today was his day to go and have lunch with Henry.

“Why can’t we go?” Jacky wanted to know.

“It’s just a boring old school.”

“I like boring old schools,” he said

“Does he ever go, interact with Henry?” Dino asked.

Terry took a breath. “Not very often…not since…”

“I wanna see Henry,” Jacky persisted.

“You’ve got Maxi here.”

“Maxi wants to see Henry, too, don’t you, Maxi?”

Maxi nodded his dark curls. He didn’t know who Henry was but he wanted to see him, sensing Jacky’s desire.

“I wanna see Henry, too!” Dino imitated Jacky’s whine.

“All right…we’ll all go see Henry.” Terry caved; he really didn’t feel like arguing.

Part 4

Terry was completely unaware Dino was making a studied assessment of him over the three days he spent with him. Dino might not have noticed, might not have made the effort, if he hadn’t genuinely needed him and for the first time in their long history together, Terry didn’t immediately jump on the wagon. He wanted to know why. He was still satisfied with his original take on him but felt there was more than met the eye. Terry was good at concealment. He’d pull that shade down and you had no idea what was going on behind it.

Dino had a plane to catch around five o’clock. He had to make the airport. He’d gone into the office with Terry that morning and being the persona non grata around there he took his cigarettes outside where a flower pot full of sand stood for an ashtray. He pulled out his phone and scrolled down his contacts…Max.

“Dino, old sod, where the hell are you?” Max leaned back in his desk chair.

“London, standing outside SI smoking.”

“Oh, don’t say smoking. I’m trying to quit.”

“You, too? Bunch of fairies. Look, I’m, ah, calling about Terry.”

“Don’t tell me…he’s not sick or lost or dead, is he?”

Dino chuckled, “Not this time but something’s going on with him. I came looking for his help and he won’t respond. First time he’s ever not jumped on it. I’m a little worried about him. I think he’s lost his confidence. He’s hesitant, he’s lost that fire he had and he’s not talking. Got that body shield up.”

Max took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “What do you want? Do we need to come over, kick his arse around a little or what?”

“Will he talk to you?”

“Sometimes…depends what’s the problem. He was over here three weeks ago and seemed okay.”

“Got his mask on, believe me. Max, I wouldn’t call if I didn’t think it needed looking into. I gotta go back to Miami and then onto fuckin’ Bolivia again.”

“Ohh, Bolivia…is that the help you wanted because I can see him not wanting to go back there.”

“It’s not just me. Jean Paul’s got a hot one…the kind of thing Terry would have stepped in without a thought. Now he’s just fuckin’ around here.”

“Say you’re leaving out today?”  Max looked at his watch.

“Yes, got a 7:00 flight out.”

“All right, we may pass in the airport.”

“Thanks, Max.”

Max thought about it a moment. Take Toni or not….Not. He got himself a seat on the 2:00 flight out and went to tell Toni some kind of fabricated story about why he had to suddenly take off for London

“You didn’t have to ride to the airport with me. I’m sure you got better things to do.” Dino looked across the seat at Terry.

“Not a problem. Sorry we didn’t get to…seems like the weekend went by fast.”

“Yeah, it did but three day weekends are just that and I can’t spare anymore time. I gotta get on site.”

“Look…um, I’m sorry I.…”

“Hey…hey, no worries, mate!” Dino reached over and patted his knee. “You got different priorities right now. I see that. Me, I got the same old shit, you know. It’s why I do this job. It ain’t the money, it’s the satisfaction…it’s the knowing your best counts.” He turned and met Terry’s gaze. A lot of emotions turning over in his mind. He could see that in his eyes. “Yeah, well, at least I know you’re behind me, footing the bill, looking out for us guys out in the field. Nobody better equipped than SI…nobody.

“I guess this is me, Terry…ah shit, Tio!” Dino reached over and gave him a man hug. Terry hugged back.

“Take care of yourself, Dino.”

“Yeah…you, too.” Dino stepped out of the company car and waited while the driver unloaded his bag. He saluted the back seat and went into the terminal.

Terry turned in the seat watching him as they drove away. Something inside of him turned over.

Dino checked in and headed for the international area. He was half looking for Max and half looking for his gate. He paused, watching passengers coming down the ramp, no idea what flight Max might be on.

“Hello, old man.”

“Max…good to see ya.”

“Yeah, you, too. So how long have you got?”

“Ah, about forty minutes. Buy you a cuppa?”

“That’s about it. I don’t know what you can do, if anything. Maybe he don’t need help. This might just be the way he’s going now.”

“Hmm, well, I do know this. His illness and subsequent cancer discovery shook him to the cellar. He realized how vulnerable he is, how easy it would be to slip out of this life. Quite frankly, it scared him shitless. Obviously he hasn’t gotten over it.”

“Okay, I can buy a little of that, but Bolivia comes to mind.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t him who thought he was dying or dead, it was us. He was still fighting the fight.”

Dino sighed, “Somebody needs to light his fuse again. I wish…well, I was going to say I wish he’d find a woman and let himself love again. He won’t…doesn’t want involvement, he says.”

“No…he’s still very much in love with Toni.” Max sipped his tea.

“I was with him right after he and Toni split. If I didn’t know him better I’d have thought he was trying to get himself killed. He took risks a man in his position and with his intelligence shouldn’t have taken. But he was charmed, he made it out. He threw himself into it. He fuckin’ loves it, Max, just like I do. It’s in his blood. You can watch him when we’re planning something, watch the excitement building inside of him. I know the feeling…he’s careful but he’s bold. He ain’t bold now. I sent him to your place Saturday night before he passed out. You ever known him like that?”

“No…no, he can hold a drink. I’ll spend some time with him and see what I can do. If nothing else, I can manage to piss him off enough the shutters will open.” Max smiled and finished his tea.

“I leave him in your hands then. I’d better get to my gate. Thanks for coming over like this. If it turns out to be nothing then that’s great but let me know what to expect from him. I’d much rather have him breathing fire down my neck than a limp handshake.”

“Right…take care of yourself, Dino. I’ll be in touch.” Max gave him a firm handshake and picked up his little bag. Find a taxi…

Part 5

Terry took one last look at his computer screen and then rolled his chair away from his desk. He checked his watch. Might just see the boys before bath time. His cell phone went off in his pocket.

“Max, what’s up? Maxi’s fine.”

“Hello, Terry. That’s good to hear. So he’s settled down now. I may leave him with you.”

“He’s a good kid.”

“Are you still in the city?”

“Yeah…where are you?”

“Cavanaugh’s.” Max picked up his drink from the bar.

“Ah…are you buying me a drink?”

“I will when you get here.” Max folded his phone.

Terry entered the bar and looked around, hoping to see Toni but Max occupied a seat at the bar alone. He eyed him as he approached. “What are you doing over here?”

“I own property here, do a little banking here and still own a British passport. How are you, Terry?”

“Good and you?”

“I’m well enough. Did you get down to the cottage?”

Terry ordered a drink and leaned on the bar. “Yeah, um, Dino and I went down Saturday morning. I saw Grady and he’s going to do a French drain along the north wall.”

Max smiled, “You’d think they’d come up with an English drain. Well, good that’s taken care of. I suppose everything else was in order and you’re keeping my flat up?” He sipped his drink, keeping his eyes on Terry.

“The flat, yeah, well, I use it on occasion but I’m tidy. I, uh, made use of your wardrobe, ya know…knickers and socks.” He took his drink from the bartender.

“You what?”

“Don’t worry though. I left you mine.”

Max made a face. “I don’t want them back…left them where?”

“In the hamper.” Terry’s eyes twinkled.

“How long have they been lying there…in the hamper?”

“Um, about 36 hours now,” Terry grinned. “I like the ones you wear. Where do you get them?”

“Armani makes them.”

“Not three to a pack then over to Marks and Spencers?”

“Don’t be silly! I’ll order you a case of them.”

“Well…now we’ve got the underwear question out of the way.”

Max smiled a little. “I’m never good at this sort of thing. I had a call from Dino. He’s worried about you, enough to ask me to come and have a go with you.” He watched Terry’s eyes darken.

Terry picked up his glass. “People really should tend to their own business.”

“Are you telling me to fuck off?”

He took a drink from his glass. “No, Max, I’m not but there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Well, I told him if it was Bolivia help he wanted I could see why  you would be reluctant.”

“I think…I think I just need some time away from it. You know how things can get. I was consumed by work. It was my first priority when I woke in the mornings. I’ve had a look through the tunnel…Jacky is my first priority now.  You did the same thing when you left London. Work did it for you at one time.”

“Work…I don’t work anymore…I play at it.” Max looked up. “I have enough balls in the air and that allows me to do as I please. It could be the same for you. Hire a CEO and contact him from your yacht from time to time.”

“That’s your answer for it?”

“What was the question?” Max held his gaze.

“You’re wrong. You’re very good at this.”

“Do you want to talk here or go to the flat? It’s a bit more private. We may get loud.”

Terry tossed back his drink and looked at Max. They went to the flat.

Max pulled out a bottle of scotch and added it to the tray, nuts, cognac, glasses a bottle of water. “Here we are. I’ve done my bit.” He set the tray on the coffee table in front of Terry.

“Times like this I wish I hadn’t stopped smoking.” Terry poured out a little scotch in a glass.

“I could have made a pot of tea.” Max poured out his cognac.

“Bullshit! You and I don’t’ drink tea together.”

“I have a confession to make. I haven’t stopped…at least not completely stopped smoking. I haven’t bought any but there were these packs I had hidden around and I keep coming up on them. And then there are the cigars. I, uh…”

“You arsehole! At least I thought I had a comrade in arms, somebody going at this with me.”

“Yes, well…there it is.” Max sat back in the chair with a slight smile.

“Does Toni know?”

“I’m sure she does. You can’t fake the smell, you know, but she hasn’t caught me at it…yet. I take it you’ve quit completely.”

“Yes, I have. It’s not been easy but then maybe I had more of a reason to quit than you.” He glanced at Max. He was getting comfortable, kicked off his shoes, tie across the back of the chair, shirttail out.

“They almost killed you…or you almost killed you. What have you been trying to do to yourself anyway?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. Were you consciously trying for death or how was it exactly? Do you think she’ll love you more if you’re dead?”

“I thought at one time it might be less painful all around. It was only when I realized that could actually happen and not with a blaze of glory but with a insidious disease that I began to take stock. I owe my life to her.”

“So do we all. If she hadn’t chosen us at the House of Four Seasons  we’d still be in our movies. I know it’s fresh in your mind, the illness and her special healing power over you, but we are all in her debt.”

“It’s different with me. I think the least I can do is to try and take care of myself from here on out. You’re right, I was trying to…I threw myself at fate. I didn’t care for a long time. I do now. It’s not easy…it’s hard for me sometimes. I’m on my own with no one to share my feeling with. I don’t always know if I’m on the right track or not. I try very hard to stay away from self pity. I brought this on myself so I’ve no one else to blame.”

“Why don’t you let it go?”

“Let it go…all the pain and frustration, guilt and self-flagellation I’ve inflicted on myself for the past year…just let it go? It won’t go…it won’t!”

“Yes, it will. You don’t want to let go of it. You want to hold on until it hurts. If  you let go then you have to move on and that’s what you can’t bring yourself to do. Do you think it’s being disloyal to her? Is that it? It would make her happy to see you with someone.”

“Do you really believe that last statement?”

Max frowned, “It would make me happy. Of course it would. She doesn’t want you  unhappy and miserable. And if you think I’m going to feel sorry for you…”

“No, I at least know that. You and I know exactly where we are with each other.”

“Why couldn’t you talk to Dino?”

Terry sighed, “Dino belongs to a different life. Right now I’m not there…not there where he needs me to be.”

“You’ve known Dino longer than you’ve known me. I’ve wondered many times if I made a mistake. I saw you going into SI, going to work and I thought there is no need for him to be the one dangling on the end of the rope when he could be the one in the cockpit. I thought I’d helped you into a safe place where you could sit back and rake in the money, enjoy life as it should be lived.”

“I felt a bit overwhelmed…still do at times. It’s not just Dino’s guy in trouble, it’s Jean Paul’s and there are others out there. I could deal with one at a time but I don’t need the pressure. Everybody’s life depends on me. I know he was disappointed. I felt guilty and that doesn’t sit right with me. You know Dino and I were going to start up our own shop at the end of Proof of Life. You’re kind of left with the feeling that we did but there isn’t anything to show that we did. It went off into limbo."

“Well, you know where I found him and that would indicate to me that you didn’t or you would have known where he was.”

“I didn’t know anything, Max. The company was gone. The only thing I had here in London was my flat.”

“Should I not have brought him out for you?”

Terry looked wearily at Max. “I’m glad you did because at the time I needed him badly.”

 Max finished his drink and looked out toward the River Thames, lit up now in the evening. “You would have been quite happy if I’d left you alone, left you to the end of the rope, the end without the responsibility.”

“Responsibility is what I take with me on a job. I have a client in trouble and it’s my responsibility to get him or her to safety. I’ve never failed anyone.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean it like that, Terry. What I meant was you’d have been quite happy being a soldier and not the general on the hill.”

“Probably…yeah, as long as he kept to his horse and let me do what I needed to do.”

“Maybe you should consider taking on a partner, not a silent partner but a loud one that might allow you to be silent if that’s what you want to do. It’s not written that you must continue on with SI. You have the funds, the means to walk tomorrow. You don’t have to work at all.”

“I’m not sure I could follow in your footsteps.”

“I’m not idle. I’m a full time winemaker now and I’m building something for Maxi and Rose.”

Terry sat back on the sofa. “You’re doing a good job of it, too…you are. I know I don’t ever acknowledge what you do. It seems like I’m always the one in trouble, looking for help…and damn it, there you are.”

“Let’s get you out of trouble and keep you out for awhile. Frankly, I’m tired of wiping your arse.”

Terry grinned.

Part 7

“Do you want to come home with me, see the boys?”

Max raised a brow. “The ‘boys’ will be on my doorstep soon enough.  You can’t imagine how quiet it’s been with just Rose about, besides if Maxi sees me then it’s all over. We’ve given Tuppy a month off to help make up for the three months she had three children under her care. Actually it’s been quite nice although …I miss him. Not sure I want to make a habit of this.”

“He and Jacky aren’t a problem together, at least not yet. As they get older I foresee some mischief.”

“They can still find things to get into they shouldn’t.” Max went to the door and paid for the Chinese take-out he’d ordered. “Gosh, this stuff is smelly!” He carried it to the table and began unloading the box. “I can take them back with me, save you a trip. They’ve only got  a little over a week left.”

“No…that’s, um, okay. I’ll bring them back.”

Max smiled to himself, pulling out plates and utensils. He knew why. “Did I tell you Jack popped in one day and spirited Toni and Rose away?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“He’s bought a cottage, a place he can take Rose as she grows up.” He placed the roll of paper napkins on the table that came in the box. “No doubt he’ll take Toni there, too,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Where is this place?”

“It doesn’t officially exist…at least not in our time.”

“He’s taking them back then? I don’t like that, ya know. What if something happened, some little glitch and she can’t get back?”

“Does Jack have a glitch? I don’t like it either, Terry. This new-found magical power he has that sends him where he wants to go is not a proven means of transportation as far as I’m concerned. I still remember him trying to get to Marseilles when you were in hospital there. He ended up in someone’s back garden on the other side of Bonnieux. Aubrey Duncan had to go and get him. The next time I see him I’m going to ask for coordinates so I can pinpoint where this cottage is just as a precaution.”

“It’s dangerous, fooling around with magic. Believe me I know.”

Max looked up from his sesame chicken. “You haven’t gotten past that, have you?”

“No, not sure I ever will.  I think it was a miracle Toni was able to heal me, otherwise…”

“But she did and you are healthy now.”

“Yeah, I’ve been through a battery of tests since I got home. No cancer, no traces of it or the operation, which my doctor finds impossible to believe. I feel like I should have a scar somewhere to prove it happened.”

“Maybe you do. It just doesn’t show. Are you back running again, working out, exercising?”

“Not on a regular basis. I keep finding excuses. How about you. I thought you were going to start something up?”

“I’ve been running…some. Toni watches what I eat and I’ve been in for a physical and passed.”

“Congrats.”

“There is nothing physically wrong with you?”

“No.” Terry looked up.

“Dino thinks you’ve lost confidence in yourself.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that. I don’t think so, Max. I’ve just come to a place in my life where I want to pull back, hold on to what I have…Jacky, and figure out where I want to go next. I look at him and think of the places I go, that virus I picked up.I could bring something like that home to him, ya know, a little innocent kid. I’m confident enough in myself I can get a job done. I just don’t have the desire to go out there right now. And I don’t have to. That’s why I employ the people I do. Sure, I was involved in every aspect of the business, in the field, in the line of fire, on the radio but that was because I wanted to, not because I had to. Dino doesn’t understand that. He’s still boots on the ground.”

“You think you’ve moved beyond that?”

“I don’t know. Something may come up again that I have to get involved with and I will. This thing in Bolivia…it’s something he should be able to handle on his own. I understand  why he came to me…but it ain’t old times anymore.”

Max pushed his plate away. “You’ve moved your horse up on the hill…and that’s okay…nothing wrong with that. It's where you should be.”

“It doesn’t feel good though, ya know?”

“Lonely at the top? Think about a partner…seriously.”

“The only guy I’d trust completely is Dino. I know Brian’s honest and true and he’s come through when he needed to but he’s not…”

“Offer a partnership to Dino. Solves that problem.”

“Just like that? You make everything so simple.”

“How complicated do you want it to be?” Max began clearing off the table.

Terry made a pot of coffee. “I need to get home. Anna’s spent the weekend there and I’d gotten away from that. She only comes during the day while I’m at work. Now it’s Monday night.”

“So what do you do, go home and babysit until time to go to bed?”

“Isn’t that what you do?”

“Mostly but I’ve got Toni and Tuppy for backup.”

“I’ve got Anna if I need her.”

“I suppose your private life is just that and none of my business , however, I think you should find somebody to share your life with. I know what you’ve said about keeping them away from Jacky and that’s okay but for you, Terry…for you.”

“I’m not celibate…but inside in here where it counts, I’m still married to Toni. Sorry, I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true.” Terry looked at Max for a minute. “You understand how that is.”

Max sighed, “All too well.”

“How long did you plan on staying?”

“As long as it takes. That all depends on you.”

“I’m not sure what else.” Terry shook his head slightly.

“We’ll have another go tomorrow, “ Max smiled. “This is good. It’s good that you talk to me.”

“What is it you want to know? Just lay it out there, Max.”

Max raised his brows. “I don’t know what it is I want to know but once I hear it then I’ll know. Whenever you decide to tell me what the thing is.” He shrugged at Terry’s incomprehensive look.

Max undressed and found some pajama pants. He couldn’t leave a mess so went back to the kitchen and cleaned up, got the coffee pot ready for the morning. He walked over to the glassed wall, remembered something and went to the hall closet. There in the pocket of his overcoat he pulled out his prize and took the cigarettes and lighter to the balcony outside. Sinful pleasures. He inhaled deeply.

His mind wandered back over the evening and Terry. What had he not said? They’d gotten through the job and it looked like Terry was ready for the next step there. There was Jacky, taking his fatherhood a little more seriously, a good step. That left his private life and Max really didn’t want to know how many women he shagged in his flat. He took a long drag from the cigarette and contemplated the burning end of it. Toni…well…

“Hello, darling. What are you doing right now?”

“Max, I’m lying in bed reading…noticing how empty the other side is. How long is this business going to take?”

“Umm, probably one more night. It’s cool and chilly here, more like February there.”

“English weather. You’re under English skies.”

“And you under French skies…too far away. Look for me on Wednesday. I,um, saw Terry tonight. He sends his love.”

“Did you? How is he?”

“Uh, physically he’s fine. Something’s bothering him. He won’t say what. We’re running the list so something will pop out.”

“Have you seen the boys? Maxi?”

“Good heavens, no! That’s coming up soon enough. How’s Rose?”

“Asleep in the dressing room cot.”

Max smiled, “I love you, Toni.”

“Me, too, you. Here’s a kiss.”

“Gosh, got it! G’night, love.”

Part 8

Terry took the afternoon off, went home, had tea with the boys and spent some time at the park with them. He really felt guilty for spending his evenings away although they were perfectly content with Anna, who played games with them and read stories.

He picked up a pizza on the way to Max’s, unsure of what he was doing going there in the first place. He sensed Max wasn’t sure what he was doing there either, so…what the fuck?

“Pizza delivery!” He banged on Max’s door.

Max spent the day going through his liquor cabinet and out to the off license to replenish what needed replenishing. He’d been in the back storage closet bringing out some wine he’d shipped over and putting it in the wine cooler. He’d sent off laundry, been down to the market and picked up a few consumables, all in all a busy day. He hadn’t really given much thought to Terry and his problems.

Max opened the door. “Hope you forgot the anchovies.”

“Ah, bloody hell! Sorry, take it out of my tip.”

“I’ve got a tip for you…”

“Never mind, mate, I’ve heard your tips.” He stopped and looked around and back at Max who’d taken the pizza box and headed down to the kitchen with it. The son of a bitch had been smoking. His sense of smell was sharp, especially for smoke.

“What have you been doing today?” Terry noticed some boxes pushed to the side.

“Oh, bit of house work. You know how it is. I don’t get over that often anymore. Since you’re making use of it, you might have a look ‘round now and again. I pay a cleaning service but there are things in boxes and such…beer or wine or...?”

“I’ll take a beer. I took the afternoon off and spent it with Jacky and Maxi. Maxi’s got a shiner. He’s okay but…”

“What? A black eye? Oh, good Lord…how did that happen?”

“Just a bruise under his eye. No damage other than to his pride. I understand that was taken care of later. He and Jacky got into it, fists flying. They both ended up crying and after Anna patched them up she sent them both to time out chairs.”

Max chuckled, “Toni will have a fit. Oh dear, I can see it down the through the years now. Hmm, perhaps I should take him back with me? I’ve never known them to actually fight before.”

“Maxi is nearly as big as Jacky now and he no longer lets Jacky push him around. It’s been good for Jacky to have Maxi here, you know. Except for when he’s at his mother’s he doesn’t interact with many children.”

“Maxi’s never really been alone. There was Jacky, of course, and then Rose. He’s always had to share attention and everything else. Well...heh, heh, that’s a first…their first fight.” Max chuckled again.

“Ah, they’re fine now. I had tea with them.”

Max looked at him and smiled slightly. “So…what’s on the agenda for tonight?”

“I have no idea. You’re the one who called this meeting.”

“At the bequest of your Dino, if you will recall. We’ve settled the work thing…make Dino a partner and take a hiatus.  Ah, let’s see…medically you’re fine…”

“He may not want a partnership. I’ve never even brought it up the subject with him.”

“You won’t know until you ask. Okay…the only thing we have not discussed…”

Terry pushed the pizza away and picked up his beer. He knew what Max was referring to. “I don’t really have anything to say.”

“Ah, well ,that’s a start;  nothing to say because you’ve moved on…or because it’s too private to discuss with me.”

“It has nothing to do with you.”

“If it has to do with Toni, it does.”

Terry rose from the chair and walked to the balcony. Max had left the door open and a good breeze was blowing in from the River Thames. It wasn’t long before Max joined him.

“Sometimes it gets to be too much…the loss of her, the life we had together. There’s me and Jacky out here…without her. There are times I want so badly to talk to her, sit down and have a conversation, times I…want her with me. You said physically I was fine…I’m not. I feel like a part of me is missing, a part I need. I find myself just blowing in the wind sometimes, no fuckin’ clue.”

“Terry, there’s nothing to stop you from talking with her or seeing her, for that matter. You know where she lives. I know it’s not the same thing as living with her but that’s not possible…it never will be possible again. We…both you and I, gave her a choice and she made it.

“You can’t live the rest of your life in mourning for a marriage you gave up, for a life you gave up. You’ve got to move on. I keep saying those words but they don’t penetrate. Find yourself a woman you can enjoy and for God’s sake enjoy her. I understand you not wanting to take her home but build something for yourself away from home.”

“What if it was you and I said those words to you? How would you…”

“It was me at one time…and I found Connie. I began building a life with her. We had Maxi. It wasn’t always good with us but it was enough because Toni was with you. So don’t think you’re telling me something I don’t know about.”

“I’m sorry, Max. You’ve been through it twice. I forget you lost at the House of Four Seasons and you lost Connie.”

“Yes…and as much as I love Toni it took us a while to find our footing with each other. Our life together was born out of tragedy on both sides. So forgive me if I don’t feel like I owe you Toni. I know you suffer a loss but you cut the body part off with your own knife. I don’t feel sorry for you.” Max went back inside and took another beer from the fridge. He flashed a look toward the balcony.

Terry was pissed with himself for talking to Max. Whatever gave him the idea if he voiced his feelings they would act as a balm, help him in any way? Max could give a rip. He had it all going for him…fucker.

Max stared at a point on the wall above the fridge. He was just tired of it, tired of Terry crying about Toni, tired of Terry being sick, hurt, dead, tired of the whole poor me Terry. Did he think he was the only one who  ever hurt? Look at fucking Jack out there…no…don’t. He turned. Terry had come inside and closed the door.

“I’m going. Thanks for the beer.”

Max stared at him a moment. “So what am I supposed to tell Dino?”

“I don’t give a flying fuck.”

“Oh, we’re mad now, are we? Bollocks!”

“Yeah, back at ya, arsehole! You get me up here to spill my damned guts for what?” Terry moved in on him.

“It wasn’t my idea! I could give a flip! It was only because Dino was worried about you, thought you’d turned limp-wristed or something.”

“Limp-wristed? You bastard!”

“I didn’t look closely at the knickers in the hamper before sending it off to the laundry, didn’t check for lace at the hem.”  Max ducked and Terry hit the fridge door. “That’ll cost you! Look at that! You’ve bashed my fridge.”

“It should have been your fuckin’ head.” Terry was in his face, ready with a handful of his shirt.

It bubbled up in Max and he couldn’t help it. “Time out chair!” he said quickly.

Terry blinked. “What…?”

“Time…out…chair.” Max chanced a glace to the side for weapon…pizza box was at hand. He had no doubt but that Terry could tear him apart if he wanted to.

“Ahh hah!” Terry was eye to eye with Max.

Max saw the fire in his eye and he grinned. Terry released him and pushed him back against the kitchen counter. Max straightened his shirt and looked sideways at Terry.

Terry cocked his head to the side, his eyes still flashing. “You set me up.”

“I didn’t. I personally hadn’t noticed any change in you. I try not to notice you,” he sniffed, “but Dino did and asked me to see what I could find out, if there was something for him to worry about or if you’d just gone off soft now.”

Terry frowned and shook his head a little. He walked back to the living room and moved around, glancing at Max now and again. He pulled out his phone and called Toni.

“Hello, luv. I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be sending your Max and his son home on the first flight out in the morning, bullies both of them. Max tried to start a fight with me tonight. I have no idea, luv. We were having a pizza. And… Maxi jumped Jacky and he had to defend himself. Oh yeah, got a good right hook in. Maxi has a black eye. I missed Max or they’d be a matching set….”

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