A Little Hell

The direct sequel to Home and Family

By Atonia Walpole

(Picture creations also by Atonia)

 

Part 1

Two weeks had passed since the Thornes and the Skinners had first seen the cottage in Hartley Wintney. Max and Terry completed the transaction and now owned the cottage. Max and Connie had gone back to France but not before Max had accepted the position at the bank. He had two weeks before he was to begin work.

Terry took some more time off and was seeing his psychiatrist twice weekly. However, today he went into the office at SI and it was Toni’s turn to talk to his doctor. She’d been talking with her for about twenty minutes when the doctor made a very surprising statement.

“He realizes he’s not your first love or your last. There’s someone else in your life that is stronger than he is. Do you have a lover, Mrs. Thorne?”

“Well, no, not…no.”  What had Terry told this woman? “Terry is the love of my life. He’s everything to me.” Max? Terry had told her about Max...Jack?

Ten more minutes and she was out of the office walking down to the car park.  So Terry felt inadequate, defenseless? Bullshit! This woman didn’t know her husband. Toni was beginning to get a little angry. What was she feeding into his mind anyway? He wasn’t like other people. You couldn’t use a preconceived pattern for him. He’d been raped, for crying out loud! What did that have to do with Max? She decided she was going to force the issue with Terry, make him talk to her. Nobody knew him better than she did and she loved him. He wasn’t her first love but he was her big love and that was what mattered, didn’t it? She waited at the stop light. Not her last love? What the heck was that about?

By the time she’d got home Terry was there. He’d been to St. Albans and had lunch with Henry.

“I’m so glad you did that, honey. Did you tell him about the house in the country?”

“Yeah, he’s interested in seeing it. Most of his spare time is taken up with the RAF Cadets so you know where his mind is.”

“He’s flying…”

“Actually he is, much to his mother’s displeasure.”

“Do you ever talk to her?”

“Occasionally, to keep up with Henry.”

“I went to see your doctor this morning.” Toni took off her coat, hung it in the closet and followed him back to the lounge. “Where’s Jacky?”

“Wiggins said Anna took him to the park.”

“Okay. Look, um, I’m glad you, um, are seeing this specialist, Terry, if you think it’s going to help you get past that experience in Bolivia, but I have to wonder where she’s going with this. What has Max to do with what happened to you?”

“Max?”

“Yeah. Oh, she didn’t mention his name. I guess you hadn’t told her that. He didn’t seem to be a problem before Bolivia. Why is he now?”

“He’s not. I don’t have a problem with Max.”

“She asked me if I had a lover. I’m not sure this is going in the right direction. My relationship with Max and Jack causes you to jump out of the bed when I touch you? I don’t think so.  It’s that damn animal of a woman in Bolivia who raped you when you were half drugged and unable to stop her."

“Toni…”

“No, Terry, you’re going to talk to me about this. I’m not going to let some woman who doesn’t know your particular circumstances make the call. She’s dredging up everything, how we met, and our sexual relationship…none of her damn business. We never had a problem before Bolivia…did we?”

“No, we didn’t.” Terry sat down on the sofa next to her. “Toni, it’s not a simple thing. I can tell you everything but that doesn’t make it go away. I can’t stop that feeling of…being used.”

“I do use you for my pleasure and you use me, too. I don’t think touching you and arousing you in your sleep is taking advantage of you. You do the same thing to me and have as long as we’ve been together. You used to wake me up that way and take me before I was fully conscious. If I reach for you in the night it’s because I love you and I want you. That monster in Bolivia is never going to touch you again. These are my hands.”

“I know that.” He looked at her hands entwined with his and kissed her fingers. “It’s…not being in control of myself. I lost it in Bolivia. I couldn’t stop it from happening no matter how hard I tried. I climaxed, Toni. How could that happen with that…?”

“It’s physical, not mental, physical reaction. If some bum off the street had me down playing with me I’d feel it, too. Oh, honey, you’re back with me now. She’s gone…you’re mine.”

“I’m still not…I’m not wholly yours. If I can be raped, I can be had, Toni, by anybody. I almost…”

“No you can’t. Nobody is going to tie you down again.”

“They may not have to. There has only been you since I met you. But I can have a physical reaction to someone else.”

“Well, yes, it’s a human condition. You’ve never…you didn’t know this?”

“Whatever happened before I met you wasn’t real. Memories written into a character to make him who he is, but none of it ever actually took place. Like Henry. We know how babies are made, but he wasn’t made that way, was he? Liddy was a character that never appeared in the movie, only mentioned and not by name. I knew who she was because that was part of my character.  When you met her she knew things about me, too. None of it was real, never really happened in flesh and blood. You, by way of magic, made me a real person. The day I came for you at the House of Four Seasons and we left together…that’s when I was born, so to speak.”

“Oh, my God…I never thought…I didn’t know…”

“It’s the same for Max except he found Connie. I had a reaction to Connie.”

“What do you mean…reaction?”

“I kissed her and…I felt…”

“You haven’t shagged her…?” Toni’s eyes widened.

“No…no, but I might have. I could have it was in me to do it. That’s what I mean when I say I’ve lost control.”

“Terry, you’re human.” The thing about Connie bothered her a little. “When was this…reaction to Connie?”

“Um, the day we went to look at the cottage, when I picked her up. She kissed me and…I kissed her back. Luckily my phone rang. It was Max and it brought me back to my senses. I’m not looking at Connie, Toni. I like her but I don’t love her, so don’t go there. There’s nothing going on there.”

Toni decided she’d think about that later. “You must have some interesting conversations with your doctor. You can’t tell her any of this so how can she help you?  I can’t believe this…you didn’t know you could have sex with anyone but me?”

“I never have. I’ve never had the desire to. But I know it can happen whether I want it to or not. I don’t want it to happen, Toni. I love you.”

“I think you can control that, Terry. You may have a desire for someone else but whether you act on it is up to you. You’ve got that power. Nobody took that from you. What happened in Bolivia was out of your control because you were drugged and tied down. Going to sleep at night is not the same thing as being drugged and if you don’t want me to touch you I won’t, but if you touch me then all bets are off.”

“How could I not touch you lying beside me naked in the bed?”

“Well…same here. Maybe we need to stock up on jammies or something.”

“Don’t you dare!” He pulled her to him and kissed her. “I need a cigarette.” He released her slowly and got up, moving to the French doors.

Toni turned on the sofa watching him. He wanted to be by himself and think a moment. She shook her head slowly. Imagine he didn’t know. Of course that opened up all kinds of possibilities now. She’d never worried about him before. What would he do with the knowledge? She turned back on the sofa. Connie…she knew…of course she knew because she had Max. Did she try and take advantage of him? Would he and if he did what would she think about that after all…there was Max. Max wouldn’t like it. No, he wouldn’t. Best if it never happened. Yeah, best because it would piss her off. Yes, it would. Now she knew where to aim her weapons.

 

Part 2

Terry and Toni had been down to the cottage over the weekend now that they had keys and had a look around. It needed painting in places, wallpaper removed and replaced, but Toni liked the lived-in rustic look of the place. It had central heat, radiators that Terry turned on, and they had the power on, gas and electrics. She had an idea about how to decorate the house since Connie had essentially said she hadn’t a clue what to do. Terry suggested hiring a contractor and Toni turned that down, preferring to do it herself, making a project out of it. They worked all day Sunday letting Jacky have the run of the place. Toni planned to come back on Monday and finish painting the kitchen cabinets and leave Jacky with Anna. Terry was going back to work.

Carrying buckets of paint and a supply of new brushes, she unlocked the door and went inside, flipping on overhead lights. Around eleven o’clock she took a break, plugging in the new kettle she’d bought at the local market and making herself a cup of tea. She carried it to the back door and nearly dropped it, seeing a man come from the hedges. Once over her shock, she realized it was Max. How long had he been here?

Opening the back door, she called, “Max, what are you doing here?”

“Hi, Toni, having a look around before coming in. You’ll need to put up a gate back there to keep Jacky from the river.”

“I know. Terry’s going to see about that. When did you get in?”

“Last night,.” He came up to the door and inside, taking her cup and a sip from it. “I came to see what needed doing and I see you’re already at work.”

“We started yesterday and I came back to finish the cabinets. It’s not bad, actually, a little paint here and there…maybe some new wallpaper.”

“You’ve painted the kitchen.”

“Terry did that. Nice job, too. I hope the color suits you and Connie.”

“Yes, it does, but then it would if you chose it.” He smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Toni was glad he was here. Max was comfort food. “I hope you brought work clothes.”

“In the car. I think we need some furniture.”

“I had an idea about that. I noticed in the village a consignment shop, lots of chintzy things, comfy chairs with the arms blown out, dog hair covered rugs.”

“You’re not…”

“I might,” she grinned. “Some good-looking stuff in the window. We don’t want shiny new furniture here. This is a place where kids are going to live with muddy feet…and maybe a dog. Who knows?”

“I’m not a shiny new furniture type anyway, but no rickety old falling-apart chairs, Toni.”

“I’ll let you help choose.”

He stepped away from the counter, checking his sleeve for paint. “I’d better change into more suitable clothes.”

“I’m going to paint that next,” she smiled. “How long are  you here for?”

“A few days. We told Aubrey about the move. He’s not taking it too wel, especially with Penny dividing her time between Paris and Chambord. Connie's gone to stay with him whilst I’m here.”

“Is she excited about the move?”

“Um, I wouldn’t say that. I’m going to change.”

Toni’s heart ached for him but there was nothing she could do about it. Except of course blame herself for pushing them together. What an idiot, she thought of herself. She tied the scarf around her hair and got down on her knees to begin the bottom cabinets.

Max brought in a little canvas bag and changed his clothes in the living room, rolling his slacks and shirt into a ball and sticking them back in the bag. He went around feeling radiators to see if they were all working. He stopped in the kitchen door smiling at the picture Toni presented, bum in the air. He resisted the impulse. She might paint the wrong thing. “Where do I start?”

Toni backed out of the cabinet. “Staircase, the walls need a coat of paint…your choice. It’s in the hallway.”

“I don’t know about colors, Toni,” he called from the hall.

“I trust you, Max.”

An hour later they took a break, throwing on fleece jackets and going to the pub. It was only a short walk from the house down the lane and across the main street. It was full of locals having their pie and chips. Max brought two pints to the table and they ordered lunch.

“Terry gone back to work?” He took a drink from his glass.

“Yeah, full week.”

“How’s his, um...is he still going to the psychiatrist?”

“Yes, but I think with a different outlook. I don’t think it’s going to go on much longer. We had a talk, a long talk last week. Max, I didn’t know he didn’t know he could be sexually aroused by someone else. That’s been one of the problems I think he had, thought he’d lost control of himself in Bolivia, that he’d never be the same again. You had no problem, did you?”

“Well, no, but it was different for me. I didn’t have you. If I had I wouldn’t have ever looked anywhere else. You do remember me trying to get a message to you the first time I took Connie out. I wasn’t sure I could. But it turned out I needn’t have worried.”

“I remember and I answered you, too. Not often that kind of thing happens. I think Terry’s going to be all right. He’s getting better, and I can see it. His doctor asked about you, not by name, but she asked if I had lover.”

“Is that what I am, your lover?” He looked over his glass at her.

“You are what came to mind at the time, then Jack.”

“Jack’s the lover. I’m once removed…remember?”

“Hmm, yes. I have such good ideas, don’t I?” She sat back as their food was placed in front of them.

Max narrowed his eyes and looked at her a moment. “Terry told her you had a lover?”

“No, but that he wasn’t my first love or my last. That’s supposed to make him insecure or something.”

“Bollocks! There’s not an insecure bone in his body. Obviously this doctor hasn’t a clue about his history or yours. You don’t think he’d tell her, do you?”

“Are you kidding? They’d commit him somewhere if he did!” Toni chuckled

Max forked a mouthful of food. “So who’s your last love supposed to be?”

“It’s Terry, but why he’d say something like that I don’t know. He didn’t explain that statement to me yet.”

“John was the first, I was the second, or was it Jack?”

“It was Jack but I screwed that up for a few seasons trying for it not to be him. And you and then Terry. So that would make him my last love.”

“Or Jack, depending on how you look at it. He was the last season you had, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, he was, season and a half. Oh, it doesn’t matter! I’m married to Terry and we have a child. He should be thinking about that. I could never leave him.”

They finished up their lunch and walked back toward the house. Max lit a cigarette and was about to say something when a man ran up to them.

“Miz Thorne?”

“Yes?” Toni turned, seeing a man with his cap in his hand.

“I’m to see about a gate?”

“Oh, yes, my husband must have called you.”

“Yes, Ma’am, ‘e did. Name’s Johnson. Where’s it to be?”

“Oh, around the back. There’s a break in the hedge down by the river.”

“I’ll see to it then.” He was off around back of the house.

“Good to know service is that fast around here,” Max said, stopping on the front lawn.

“I love this little village. It’s going to be perfect.” She smiled and unlocked the front door.

Max walked around back to make sure the man knew what he was about.

Toni finished up the cabinets and washed out her brushes. Max was still painting and she walked to the bottom of the steps.

“I beat you!” she said, grinning up at him on the ladder.

“You had a head start. What do you think, love? Will it pass for painted?”

“Um, well, you’ve given it an artistic flair, haven’t you?” She had to smile at his efforts.

“Are you having me on?” He kept a straight face.

“No…no. It’s different, isn’t it?”

Max looked back at his painting. “it doesn’t look bad from here.”

“We’ll use a dim light bulb in the fixture. I’m all through and should be on my way back to London.”

“Wait, don’t go yet.” He swiped his brush a few more times and climbed down. He came down the stairs beside her and looked up, tilting his head, then looked back at her and grinned.

“You’re an artist, Max.”

“I’ve missed my calling. Will you come back tomorrow?”

“I’d planned to. Will you ?”

“I’ll be here maybe the rest of the week.”

“Good. I’ll take you to that shop with the blown-out chairs. Be sure and wash out your brushes.”

“Um, yes, of course…I could drive you home.”

“I don’t want to leave my car here alone. I’ll be fine. You be careful, too.” She kissed him softly and turned to get her bag and go.

Max felt his resolve slowly flow to his feet. He caught her arm. “Toni…I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, meeting his eyes.

 

Part 3

Max and Toni worked diligently at the cottage all week, cleaning and painting and at last cleaning the few carpets that were on the floor. On Friday they went shopping at the consignment store. The house had two lounge rooms. one Toni called a sitting room because it was smaller and the other would do for the whole family.

They had great fun in the store, nearly buying them out, picking up little bits and pieces, laughing and playing about. Afterward while their purchases were being loaded into a van they went up to the pub for lunch and then back to the house to await delivery.

“We have beds but no mattresses,” Toni said, sitting on the front step.

“You couldn’t have possibly wanted the ones from the shop?” He screwed up his face.

“No, I just wish we’d thought about it and ordered them before we got here.”

“We aren’t moving in this weekend.”

“I know…WE aren’t moving in at all.” She looked over at him with a little smile.

“No..WE aren’t.” He sat down beside her. “Too bad.” He looked out over the lawn.

“Pretend WE were. I’d drive you to the station every morning, and you’d catch the 7:20 to Charing Cross. I’d come back to the house with the children and give them their breakfast, do the dishes and then the laundry. Then…I’d go out in the garden with the children while they played. We could put up a swing set in the corner. I’d tend my flower borders. I’d be planning a nice dinner for you when you got home have it warming in the oven when I picked you up from the station…” She turned to him and he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“Toni…”

“Max, don’t let me go on. Stop me now.”

He put his arms around her and held her tightly. “No…I want to hear about how you put the kids to bed and come into our room.”

“No…no.”

He kissed her. “Oh, Toni…we are so…fucked.”

“I know.” She pulled away from him. “Oh, dear, we can’t do this on the front steps. Whatever will the villagers think of us.”

“They’re probably already wondering. Toni, it’s a nice dream. I share it with you. I do.  I’ve had some of those same thoughts this week.”

“Oh,” she wiped her eyes, “here’s the van coming. We’d better get up and start directing.”

The rest of the afternoon they spent arranging and rearranging the furniture, even hanging some things on the walls and putting out bits and pieces she’d picked up. The village variety store had supplied them with a set of inexpensive dishes and cutlery…to do, she said, until they could find something else. The fridge came with the house and it held a bottle of milk and a block of butter. Coffee, tea and sugar and a loaf of bread were in the cupboard. A few bottles of wine. Max opened one.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Even God rested. Come and have a seat.” He perched on the arm of a chair in the sitting room.

Toni brought her glass in and he filled it. “I won’t be fit to drive home after today.”

“I’ll take you.”

“Where did the flowers come from?”

“I picked them up at the market along with the butter and a loaf. I know how you are about having fresh flowers.”

“That was sweet of you.” He touched her glass with his watching her eyes. “You are sweet.”

“No…no, I’m not,” he said and sipped his wine.

Toni moved over to the sofa and sat looking at the empty fireplace. “We need some wood to burn.”

“When would WE burn it?”

“Max…”

He looked at his watch. “It will be dark soon. What do you want to do?”

She looked into her glass. “I need to go home.”

He turned and slid down into the chair. “We should have bought that yellow tricked out mattress. I’d have you upstairs.” He turned up his glass.

“We can’t do this…we can’t.”

“I know we can’t, love, I know. Doesn’t stop it, though. I should have blown him away when I had the chance. I didn’t because I loved you too much to hurt you. What a hell!” He leaned his head back, “What a little hell we have made for ourselves.”

“It doesn’t get any easier. The more time we spend together, the worse it is. This week has been…it’s been fun, Max…more than that. It’s the first time we’ve spent any time together without there being some crisis involved…or spouses present.  We’ve kind of reconnected I think…almost like it was…but of course we aren’t and…outside of that door is the real world. And in that real world you’re flying back to France tomorrow. There won’t be any more cottage for us.”

Max poured more wine in his glass. “It was never ours, yours and mine.”

“I know…but it was for awhile.” She finished her wine. “You hung the curtains and I put the dishes away. You drove the nails in for the picture hangers and I chose the thing to hang. The silly little things we bought, the little man figure with the bottle.”

“You’re not making this any easier.”

“Well, it’s not easy, is it?”

“No, it’s painful. Do you want the rest of this?” He held up the wine bottle.

“I’m not coming close to you.”

“If I drink it I can’t drive.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“Do you think I’d let you drop me off at the door? Here, I’ll set it in the floor half way. Don’t come any nearer.” He sat back in his chair and looked at her.

Toni looked at him a moment, judging whether she could trust him or not and went over and picked up the bottle of wine and filled her glass again. Back to the sofa.  “We should name the house. Cottages should have a name.”

“Heartbreak Cottage.”

“Max…”

“I love you, Toni.”

“I know…and I love you.”

“What are we going to do about it? I can’t carry this around inside of me the rest of my life."

“There is nothing we can do. We’ve made choices, decisions, babies.” She shook her head. “We’re in too deep. It would destroy everything we have, so we have to carry it inside.”

“A Little Hell…”

“What?”

“A name for the cottage.”

 

Part 4

Terry and Toni came down on Saturday with Jacky so he could see what she and Max had accomplished during the week at the cottage.

“Wow, looks like someone lives here,”  he commented when he came into the main lounge. Bits and pieces everywhere.” He turned and smiled at Toni. “Do the TV’s work?”

“Yeah, we tried them out before we left the store. We’ll have to get a satellite or something.”

“When you said you were getting used furniture I kind of cringed, but this is not bad, not bad at all.”

“I thought with kids in the house, why buy new, and these are all slip-covered so they can be cleaned. The curtains fit the windows with a bit of a stretch and they matched the sofa. You know it’s not a fancy place but we didn’t need that. This is going to be a place to relax and not worry about anything, like if Jacky comes in with a frog or something. Well, I might worry about that,” she smiled.

“Paintings on the walls….”

“These were actually done by a local artist. He sells them at the consignment store.”

“I hope you went half on all this.”

“I did. Caused a bit of a flutter with the lady at the check out.”

Terry moved to the sitting room and turned to her. “Pink?”

“Well…yes,” she grinned. “I thought Connie and I might need a getaway place but you’re more than welcome.” Toni noticed the flowers Max had bought and made a mental note to change the water.

“Nothing in the dining room.”

“No, they really didn’t have anything that we liked. Tables were too small or too big. That can wait. We’re not dining room people anyway.”

“I liked this kitchen. I know it’s not original to the house but it’s big. Odd assortment of chairs in here.”

“I know. Gives it character.”

“Is that what it does? Well, I think you and Max have done a good job. I like the feel of the place. It’s comfortable, homey.”

“That’s what we were going for. It was a lot of fun putting it together.”

Terry glanced at her. “This is a Max and Toni house.”

“No, it isn’t we just furnished it. You can add Terry, Connie, Jacky and Maxi to that list.”

He looked away, walking to the back door and opening it.

“You know you could have been down here the whole week if you wanted to. So could Connie, for that matter, so if it looks like me and Max that’s your own fault.” She walked up beside him.

“I’m not complaining, Toni. I like it. We’ll have to get a swing set for Jacky. There’s plenty of room here.”

“Yes, a swing set. Oh, the gate man was here yesterday. I haven’t been out there but Max went with him.”

“Did he do any work yet?”

“I don’t know.”

Terry went out to see and Jacky followed him outside.

“Jacky’s coming, too,” she called out and he stoppe, waiting for his son. She watched them both walk to the back of the garden. She loved that man with all her heart…. How then was there room for Max…but there was. Terry had every right to be jealous of Max but he wasn’t. She wrapped her arms around herself, went over and filled the kettle for a cup of tea. She took out the bread, sliced it and put the butter on the table, a little something. She smiled, loving this old house. But would Connie love it?

Max would be on his way home now. He’d driven her home the night before and kissed her for a long time in front of her house, declining to go inside. Toni had been glad he’d waited to do that until she was home. If he’d kissed her like that at the cottage…the kettle said the water was boiling. She mentally shook herself. Max was gone. It was Terry now just like it used to be at The House of Four Seasons. She went to the fridge to get the milk and leaned against it for a moment. She could do this…she could. How many seasons had she done this and it was worse then because she’d had three months with Max. Only the coming of fall and Terry…Terry.

She spooned tea into a pot, poured the boiling water in and put the lid on. Terry…it had always been Terry. From the first season she’d spent with him she knew he was something special. He was but every time she’d needed someone…when Terry was hurt or missing or…it had been Max who was there for  her…Max. He was still there…oh, God. What had he said…carry it inside. She had to. It couldn’t come outside. She walked to the back door and called out tea was ready.

 

Max was home. He’d taken the earliest fight out he could get, walked into his chateau and called out. It was quiet. No one was home. He looked at his watch. Connie was probably still over with Aubrey. He was early. She wouldn’t have expected him …still. He put his things down in the hall, laying his jacket across the staircase, and went to the kitchen,. He felt empty. Could he possibly fill that emptiness with a cup of tea?

He tried taking his cup into the living room, checking out the windows to see if Connie had come. He sat down on the sofa and thought about the little scenario Toni had said the day before. He smiled a little. He could live that life with her so easily. But it wasn’t easy. There was Connie and Terry and the two boys to think about. He kept coming back to it, though, catching the 7:20 and coming home. Children, she must have meant Jacky and Maxi. It was a dream but one he’d like to hold onto for awhile…like forever. He ran his hand over his face and said aloud, “She could have been here with me. Maxi would have been hers.” His eyes stung and he blinked. This wouldn’t do. He got up, absently wiping his eyes and set his cup down on the hall table. Connie…he needed to call her and let her know he was home. Would she be glad to hear that? Oh fuck…he paced around…cigarette. He went outside on the back patio and lit one. He had to get himself together. She was right. He knew the same thing…too complicated now…too many lives involved. He couldn’t think about it…he just couldn’t.

Connie pulled up in the drive. Max was home. How long had he been here, she wondered. Unstrapping Maxi from his car seat, she picked up his bag and went inside.

Max was just coming in from the patio. He smelled of cigarettes. She went to him. “Hello, darling, when did you get home?”

“Um, long enough to make a cup of tea.” He kissed her and took Maxi. “I was just about to call and let you know I was here. I caught the early flight.”

“Did you get the house sorted out yesterday?”

“Yeah, furnished and everything…mostly. Toni’s going to order some bedding.”

“Dad’s really not happy about this. He was near tears last night talking about losing both his daughters at the same time. I’ll worry about him alone here.”

“I won’t. He’s a man. He can take care of himself. He’s welcome to come and visit anytime.”

“You’re awfully cold about it.”

“I want my family with me, Connie. It’s not that I don’t care about his feelings…but I can’t live his life. I have to live my own and mine includes you and Maxi.” He hugged Maxi and got a smile from the baby.

Connie went over to the fridge and brought out some soup to warm for lunch. She looked around her kitchen. One more week and she would have to leave it and move to England. She sighed. “How’s Terry?”

 

“Okay, I guess. I haven’t seen him. Toni says he’s better.”

“Good, that’s good to hear.”

“We need to, um, pack up anything we want to take from here and get it shipped ahead. Toni and I bought some inexpensive kitchenware but I’m sure you’ll do better once we’re there. London’s only an hour away for shopping. She’ll get the bedrooms sorted this week. We bought two cribs, one for Jacky that makes into a toddler bed and one for Maxi.”

“It sounds like you’ve already done a bit of shopping.” She stirred the soup on the stove.

“There was this really neat place, a consignment shop in the village. We bought them out…almost. And there was a variety store in the village. Long time since I’d been in one of those. It was fun.”

“I’m glad she was able to take the time to help get the place put together. It seemed  overwhelming to me. I wouldn’t have known where to start.”

“Terry came down last weekend with her and Jacky. They got it started with the painting. I hope you’ll like it, Connie. A lot of thought and work went into getting it ready for you.”

“It’s not just for me. They’ll be coming on weekends.”

“Not every weekend, probably when we come back here for a few days.” Max broke off a piece of bread and put a tiny bit in Maxi’s mouth to taste.

“How often do you think we’ll be coming back?”

“I don’t know,Connie. At least once a month, I would think.” 

 

Toni had to go find Terry and Jacky for tea. She stepped through the hedge where the gate would go, noticing the fence posts already set in cement.

“There you are. I have tea made.”

“It’s not deep here and Jacky’s found some fishes.” Terry turned and smiled.

“Oh, fishes.” Toni squatted down by her son, kneeling on the river bank.

“Even so I’m glad to see fence posts up already. Knowing him, he’d be upriver in no time.”

“That’s true, Terry. He’s adventurous like someone else I know.”

Terry grinned a little. “You must mean Max, the adventurous uncle.”

“Exactly. Who else would I be thinking of?” Toni smiled up at him and got up off her knees.

They had their tea and Jacky was let down from the table to explore.

“There’s not anything he can hurt here, Terry,” she said when Terry got up to  follow him.

“Stairs.”

“We’ll buy a child’s gate. I have to go into town to a bed and bath store anyway to take care of the beds and linens we’ll need.”

“You mean Connie and Max will need. They’ll be living here.”

“I know but we’ll be down, too, for the odd weekend. I suppose it’s easier for me to do this since I’m here.”

“It could have been done online.” Terry listened for Jacky, who was playing with the few toys they’d brought for him in the lounge room.

“Yes, it could be done online if someone was interested enough to take the time to do it.” She gave him a little smile and cleared the table.

“You don’t think it’s going to work out for them to live here, do you?”

“I’ll give them three months. That’s about how long I think it will last.” Toni started filling the sink with water and suds to do the dishes.

“I hope you’re wrong, Toni.”

“With all my heart, so do I.”

 

Part 5

They moved in mid-week to give them time to get settled before he was off to London to work. Connie liked the decorating and the things Max and Toni had furnished the house with. She proclaimed it a getaway place, perfect little hideaway, she said.

“Hideaway from what? We’re going to live here.”

“Oh, well…but not permanently. This is not our home.”

“It is while we’re here,” Max said, opening the crates that had come from France. “This is not some whim, Connie. I start work on Monday.” Max felt like she was humoring him by moving here. That was the impression he had but he intended to fight it down to the nail. Everything had gone smoothly so far but he knew, deep down he knew, how she really felt about it all.

Max took her into London one day to do some shopping. There were things she wanted for the kitchen, special soaps and such for the bathrooms. He made sure she paid attention to the roads so she could get herself back and forth. He was going to have to get another vehicle for her to drive, one with a real backseat for Maxi’s car seat. He took care of that while in London, too, leasing a car for Connie. In the village he took her around to the shops he and Toni had found, the market and the pub for lunch. He was trying to introduce her to the life they would lead there. He bought her a bike with a little tag-a-long for Maxi. Monday morning he went to work on the 7:20.

At 11:00 she was visited by Hettie Brown, a widow who lived down the lane. She brought her a basket of cuttings for her garden and a welcome to the village. Connie offered tea and thus made her first friend in Hartley Wintney. She was settling in, getting to know a few of the people in the shops. It was a friendly village and everyone was curious about the new residents. She began riding her bike daily with Maxi in the tag-a-long, weather permitting ,of course. Spring was around the corner and occasionally sent a teaser of a day.

They had been in the house for two weeks when she called Toni and invited them down for the weekend.

“We’ve been invited to the country for the weekend,” Toni told Terry one afternoon.

“Max called?”

“No, Connie did,. She sounds like she’s liking the place. I was worried. You know when you do up something for someone else you never know whether they will like it or not.”

“She’d be the odd man out if she didn’t. You want to go?”

“Yeah, unless you’ve got plans.”

“No plans. I’d like to see what Max has done to the place.”

“I doubt seriously if he’s done anything but I imagine Connie has. Jacky will love it.”

“We can go down Friday.” He stretched his arms and leaned back on the sofa. “I’m getting used to a four day work week.”

Toni smiled, “And I’m glad. You’re more relaxed. I can tell.”

“Meaning?” he half smiled.

“You’re on for tonight after what you did to me this morning.”

Terry grinned, “I’m ready for you.”

He’d stopped going to the psychiatrist. She was probing where he couldn’t go and he felt he’d gotten over the fear he had after Bolivia. He’d been talking to Toni about it. They’d had several conversations and her love and understanding had finally sunk in. He was a normal male, after all. He’d gone back to the gym, working out three times a week and still running daily around the park track. He felt good physically and now his mental works were back on track, too.

“It’s working out all right for ya?” Terry asked Max.

“So far so good. That’ s all I can say. The job is…a cinch.” Max opened the fridge and brought out two bottles of beer and opened them, handing off one to Terry. “You’re looking good, Terry. Everything obviously good for you.”

“Yeah, I can’t complain. Ta, Max.” He took the beer and a drink from the bottle.

“I can’t either, really. Connie seems to have settled here, for now anyway.”

“You don’t think she’ll stick?”

“I don’t know. I’ve done everything I possibly can to make it easy for her to live here. I mean, she’s planted a few flowers, met some neighbors, so who knows?” He took a drink.

“None of my business, but you don’t sound happy, Max. What’s bothering you?”

Max looked at him a moment. No way he could say it. “Ah, Terry, it’s different for me. I’m as happy as I can be. I take it day at a time. Work’s good. I like being back doing what I do well, a few kudos here and there.”

“You need that, don’t ya?”

“Maybe…it’s nice being appreciated at least in one area of my life. I take that back.” He smiled slightly. “Maxi appreciates me.”

“Connie doesn’t?”

“I wouldn’t know, would I?” He took a drink from his bottle.

“Sorry, Max. It shouldn’t be that way for you”

“I guess maybe I expect too much or the wrong things. I don’t know. She’s good but she’s not…”

“She’s not Toni.”

“No…well, there’s only one, isn’t there?”

“I thought you’d gotten past that.”

“You thought wrong. I know now it will never go away, Terry. Oh, not the losing bit. I have gotten past that. It’s just knowing what might have been and never will be. So I take it day at a time, glean what I can from it. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, I do.” He took a drink from his bottle. “I don’t feel sorry for you. If I did, I’d say 'here she is.' Don’t hold your breath.”

Max grinned, “I’m not. I’m glad you’ve come down for the weekend. It’s good to talk to you.”

“We waited patiently for the invite to come in the post. Postman must have lost it.”

“We had to settle first. I think we are the house works well for us and I like that you can walk anywhere you want to in the village. Like over to the pub. You up for that?”

“Are you buying?”

“You furnished the dining room. I like this.” Toni entered the room and looked around.

“Yes, the furniture had just come in…the little consignment shop where you bought the other things.”

“Really? Hmm, I may have to check that place out again. I do love poking around places like that. You find the most unique things.” She went over and looked at the plates on the wall.

“I know we probably won’t use it much but I hated to see an empty room.”

“You never know. We might get all dressed up and have a fancy dinner one night. Do you like living here, Connie…really?”

“I like the house, Toni, and I’m getting used to the village shops. After what we had in Provence…you know it’s not the same. I don’t know if I could ever call it home. But I don’t mind it and we’ll be going back home in another week for a few days.”

“You’re an American, just like me. Why isn’t that home…California?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve lived there, nine years to be exact. I know Dad goes back from time to time to visit my uncle but I’ve not had the desire to go back. What is it you call them – expatriates? I guess that’s me.”

“But you only lived in France for a couple of years before you met Max, England before that.”

“True, but I fell in love with the Luberon Valley and the lifestyle there. I never fell for England.”

“I did, or maybe it was the man that brought me here. You know, I thought we’d be living in Virginia at my home place and we did for awhile but when I came over with Terry one time I realized this was home for him. He was more comfortable here, familiar with it in a way he wasn’t at home. I told him then that I would live here with him because I wanted to. I’ve made it my home, too…our home. My place is with him no matter what country we live in.”

“Are you trying to tell me something, Toni?” Connie smiled a little smile.

“If you truly fall in love with the man then you take what he is, what he needs, and you put that somewhere up here above yourself and what you think you need. You stand with him, by his side, and there is nothing in the world he won’t do for you. At least that’s been my experience.”

“Max has tried so very hard to make this move as pleasant for me as he could.”

“Is that what you’ve done for him, too? I don’t mean to preach at you, Connie, but I don’t think you realize what you have in Max. It’s not all about you and what you want, where you want to live.”  Toni felt she’d said too much. She hadn’t meant to go off like that. It just came out.

“But you know, don’t you? You know Max and what he needs. I stand in your shadow and I don’t fill the space. No matter what I do I will never measure up to you. He couldn’t have you so he married me.  And you pushed it, didn’t you…” Connie raised her voice.

“Now wait just a minute! He asked you to marry him, I didn’t. Yes, I do know what he needs .I lived with him and loved him and I’m not a yardstick, Connie. Nobody measures up to me. Be your own person, for crying out loud! Be good to him, love him because I can’t…” Toni burst into tears.

“Toni…oh, my God…I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s nothing to do with you. I should never have said…I apologize if I’ve hurt you.”

“No, you haven’t. You’re still in love with him.”

“Well…yes, I am.” Toni took the tissue Connie handed to her. “I’m sorry. I had no right.”

“But…Terry? You and Terry are so in love. How…?”

“I thought all that was explained to you a long time ago.”

“It was. Terry…”She remembered the trip to Bonnieux with Terry and looked away. “Well, but all that…you’re not still sleeping with him, are you?”

“No…we aren’t …no. I won’t stand by and see him hurt, Connie.” Toni met her gaze. “I don’t care if you get mad at me for saying what I did. He doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.”

“Mummy.” Jacky pulled at her skirt.

“Yes, sweetie. What is it?”

“Mummy crying. Did you hurt?”

Toni picked him up. “No, mummy’s okay…mummy’s just fine.” She carried him out of the back door, leaving Connie in the dining room.

Connie sat down in one of the chairs and cried herself, cried for all of them. She went into the kitchen and splashed water on her face. Looking out of the window she could see Toni out in the garden with Jacky. They couldn’t fight each other. They were sisters in this family. She went and found Maxi in his jumper chair, took a bottle of wine from the rack and two glasses, balanced the baby on her hip and went outside to join her.

“Peace,” she said, placing the bottle on the iron table.

Toni looked up. “There isn’t any.”

“By the time we get to the bottom of this bottle there will be,” she said.

Part 6

“Bollocks!” He said it plainly and with just the right intensity.

“What did you say, Jacky?” Max jumped from the bench.

Terry dropped his head. “My fault. I said it in his presence one day.”

Jacky had a twig wedged in the wheel of his bulldozer and was trying to see why it wouldn’t roll.

Max went down on his knees and freed the wheel. “Don’t say that again,” he said and moved back to his bench. “Odd he’d remember that. Has he said it before?”
 

“No, not that I know of. I guess he’s been saving it for the right moment.” Terry lifted his head and looked over his shoulder. Toni and Connie were still at the iron table finishing their bottle of wine. Something had happened there. He could sense it but he didn’t know what it was. They were laughing now but he’d noticed their eyes when he and Max came back from the pub. Both had been crying.

Max had noticed it, too, but since they were both smiling whatever it was must be over. At least he hoped it was. The last thing he wanted was for Toni and Connie to have a falling out. They were too close as couples for that to work for any of them. “I’m beginning to think about food and it doesn’t appear the girls are.”

“I noticed that. Any place that will deliver?”

“We’re not in London, Terry. There’s a chippie. Fancy fish and chips?”

“It’s been awhile. Yeah, how far is it?”

“Just down the end of High Street. We could take Jacky in his stroller.”

“Ripper,” Terry grinned and scooped Jacky up, creating a giggle from his tow headed son. “Ya can walkabout, can’t ya, Jacky?”

“Walkabout.” Jacky nodded his head. “I’m goin’ walkabout.”

“You have a Yank English Aussie there, Terry. He’ll be the laughingstock of his school.”

“It’ll toughen him up.” He walked over to the girls. “We’re going for fish and chips. Want some?”

Toni and Connie looked at each other and declined.

“Just us blokes then.” Terry gave Toni a half grin.

“You’re taking Jacky?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s goin’ walkabout.”

Max found his wallet and shoes and they set off down the lane.

Connie poured out a little more wine. “Since we’re baring our souls today I should tell you I’m a little in love with your Terry.”

“You can’t have him,” Toni grinned.

“No,” she smiled, “I don’t want your claws in my back. But he is lovely, Toni, inside and out.”

“I know. I thought so the first time I ever saw him, the outside that is. It took a little work to get to the inside and I still haven’t got to the bottom of him. I don’t think I ever will.” She sipped her wine.

“And Jack, since I’m confessing, I had a rather flirtatious encounter with him at the chateau once. I was largely pregnant at the time but the thought of him…”

Toni smiled, “He flirts nicely but he has a sense of honor about him. He would never, at least I don’t think he would, take one of his brother’s wives.”

“Except for you.”

“Ah, well, that was…with Terry’s permission. You see what I mean about never getting to the bottom of Terry. None of his brothers would contemplate such a thing. In fact once in London before you and Max were married and we were…well, he said to me that if it were the other way around, he wouldn’t allow it. And John, well, he’s married up to his eyeballs.”

“You haven’t…with John since you left the House?”

“No…there have been opportunities but…no.”

“I like John and Donna, too, of course.”

“So do I…like Donna. John I love.”

Connie turned her glass in her hand. “I’ve wasted a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t have all of Max, and I knew that when we married. I used to envy you his love and Jack’s and Terry’s. I don’t think I do anymore. It’s not easy, is it?”
 

“No, it’s not. I never thought I’d see any of them again after I left the House of Four Seasons with Terry. It came as a shock, especially when I found I still had the same feelings for all of them that I had. Especially…Max. I’ll always love him. Sorry but you’ll have to live with that one.”

“I think I can handle it.” She looked down at Maxi asleep on the blanket she’d brought out and put on the grass. “We have something very special together.”

“Yes, you do. Enjoy it, live it and don’t worry about me. I would never take him from you. I have Terry and he has me. He really has me.”

“The Drippy Chippy,” Terry turned and laughed when they approached the fish and chip shop.

“There’s a reason for that. Get plenty of napkins.” Max breathed in the time honored smell as he got in line, malt vinegar and frying oil.

“Let’s take it over to the green.” Terry picked up Jacky and they crossed the street and up a ways to the greenspace in the middle of the village. They ate their fish and chips on a bench, Jacky coming in for a bite and running around playing.

“I like this place," Terry said, relaxing with a cigarette.

“Yeah, I do, too. It’s quiet but it’s not isolated like the chateau where you have to get in the car to get anywhere.” Max looked up through the trees at the sky. “Turned out to be a nice day. The clouds have cleared.”

Terry looked up, too. “I’ve got a trip coming up.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Nope, it’s not a rescue, a meeting and training session.”

“Where the hell are you going now?”

“Australia. Back to the land of my birth except I was never born.” He looked at Max, “Ever think of that…?”

“I have thought of it. Dug around a little and found nothing. Strange feeling. sometimes I have distinct memories of school, of my parents, but they officially never existed.”

“I’m going to do the same when I get to Australia. I have a passport with a birthplace so…something to look for.”

“I am assuming you’ve told Toni you’re about to hit the airports again?”

“Um…no,” he grinned. “I’ll be leaving in a couple of weeks. No need to drag out the worry time.”

“You really are an arsehole.”

“Yeah, but I have to work at it. For some people it comes natural.”

Max raised a brow and bummed a cigarette off him.

Maxi was awake now and hungry. Connie took him inside for his bottle and Toni poured out the last drop of wine in her glass. The sun was out and warming her back. She felt better about Connie now. Smiling to herself, she thought of how actually a bit of a temper had risen to the surface. Good. She was human after all. She’d dropped that control for awhile.

She sat back in her chair and looked over the garden, fingers itching to dig and plant. It was nearly spring, after all. A little hell or a little bit of heaven or something in between. She guessed the little hell was something carried inside like her love for Max, but heaven…she looked up toward the sky and smiled…love had to be a glimpse of it.

ON TO STOLEN SPRING

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